This practice is about exploring how we mask.
Neurodivergent people tend to cover up their neurodivergent traits or have the habit of people-pleasing and what I call morphing ourselves in order to feel safe and to feel like we belong.
And this is a natural protective mechanism.
Just because we mask does not mean something is wrong,
Does not mean we need to stop masking right away or that we're bad or should be ashamed of ourselves for masking.
I invite you to pause wherever you are and just sit in a place that's comfortable directing your attention inward.
Some people find it helpful to close the eyes,
Otherwise just gaze downward or somewhere that's not distracting to you.
I like to put my hand on my heart as a way to begin to be more in touch with my body.
And here,
With your presence,
You can scan the body to see if there's anywhere that you feel like you're performing,
Anywhere you feel like you're holding up a wall,
Putting up a front,
Any habitual ways that your body is morphing in a protective way,
Trying to help you feel safe in your environment.
If it feels hard for you to connect with the body,
Please don't worry too much.
This is easier for some people than others.
Just simply see what comes to mind here,
Whether it's thoughts or images of a place where you recently masked yourself in public,
An encounter where you felt like you had to cover up who you are,
A physical sensation of bracing,
Of denying yourself the ease of wanting to move,
Wanting to fidget,
Wanting to express yourself or to speak,
And feeling like you needed to shut down the impulse.
And if something comes to mind for you,
I invite you to simply just sit with this one example,
Letting everything else fall away.
You don't need to keep thinking about masking and how you do it.
Even if there's just a inkling,
A hint of a feeling of masking,
Stay with it.
It could simply be a feeling of your spine curving forward as if you're blocking out sensory input in a protective shell.
It could be a feeling of rising anger,
Of your throat constricting.
We're practicing awareness because these things do happen all the time.
And of course,
They happen.
If you feel like it's helpful,
You could tell yourself this with your voice in your own head.
Of course,
I'm doing this.
Of course,
I feel like I need to hide myself.
This is scary.
You don't have to agree that this is the strategy you want to use.
But if we can begin here by appreciating our masking,
Can soften the edges around it so that we can be more aware when it's happening.
Letting masking be here.
Appreciating the impulse to protect yourself.
Just sitting with yourself kindly,
Watching how masking happens,
What it does for you.
You may also notice how it feels constricting to you.
Although we may appreciate what it's doing and why it's here,
We may also see the effect it has on the body,
On other parts of ourselves.
Take note of any negative effects the masking does have in your system.
Don't try to change the pattern.
Try not to fall into judgment or fear about the negative side of masking.
See if you can hold it with awareness,
Kind and gentle,
Because you're learning about it.
If you can be curious about masking,
You can learn more about how it functions in your system.
Tara Brock,
A Buddhist meditation teacher,
Tells a story that I'm going to read to you now.
It's called the Golden Buddha.
Remembering our true nature.
One of the stories I've always loved took place in Asia.
There's a huge statue of the Buddha.
It was a plaster and clay statue,
Not a handsome statue,
But people loved it for its staying power.
A number of years ago,
There was a long,
Dry period and a crack appeared in the statue.
So the monks brought their little pen flashlights to look inside the crack,
Just thought they might find out something about the infrastructure.
When they shined the light in,
What shined out was a flash of gold.
And every crack they looked into,
They saw that same shining.
So they dismantled the plaster and clay,
Which turned out to be just a covering and found that it was the largest pure gold,
Solid gold statue of the Buddha in Asia.
The monks believed that the statue had been covered with plaster and clay to protect it through difficult years,
Much in the same way that we put on that space suit to protect ourselves from injury and hurt.
What's sad is that we forget the gold,
And we start believing we're the covering,
The egoic,
Defensive,
Managing self.
We forget who is here.
So you might think of the essence of the spiritual path as a remembering,
Reconnecting with the gold,
The essential mystery of awareness.
Slowly,
Gently coming to a close of this meditation practice with an intention to be curious about the gold and about the plaster coating,
About the covering up and masking.
