Foundation Of Wisdom - Yes! I Am Worthy Part 2

You will continue your journey of reflection into self worth and capacity to meet expectations. In this talk we look at sources of external influence, support and validation and them move onto changing the internal narrative and developing a path to being firmly centrered and confident that Yes! You Are Definitely Worthy.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to part two of this series,

Which I've decided on personal reflection I'm going to call Yes,

I am worthy So in part one,

We've had a look at quite a bit hopefully of self-reflection as to the feelings that we experience the patterns of feelings maybe patterns of behavior and the influences that may affect ourselves of self-worth And it may be as we do this reflection.

It might be worthwhile just journaling not in any particularly too formal way,

But just a series of notes recording your impressions feelings thoughts Conclusions so that you can revisit them get a sense of you know,

What you're thinking and the development over time And I'd also have to add that We in the West back in the 1200s,

If you look at a Jungian interpretation of our theory and legends we actually accepted Individual responsibility for our path for our progress through life not relying on any external Agency and it's possible from say from my point of view that this has gone astray We've gone into personal self-indulgence rather than personal responsibility,

But I'd suggest that the answers lie within ourselves and not outside ourselves So hello again,

My name is Martin Crees Morris just working with you to Develop a sense of as I mentioned.

Yes,

I am worthy And in this session we just look at two Remaining elements of this journey.

One is the external influences in ourselves.

So in the first Recording we looked at internal and then we look at possible solutions and I'd have to say generally in my experience these areas require Constant effort and constant work rather than some moment of blinding self revelation,

But the work is very valuable and It's very very worthwhile So let's look at external validation just What role does external validation?

Play in your life and As part of your reflection just understand explore whether you rely too heavily on external feedback for a sense of your personal worth and achievement And as you do this reflection Maybe ask yourself the question,

You know,

Why do I rely too heavily assuming that you do?

It's the external feedback that you seek Is it reliable has it been reliable in the past just spend some time and reflect on that Is it reliable or is this?

People in our lives who Indulge in a form of power games with us so that they have you dependent on them.

I'm not saying that you are But this is somebody that we go to that we feel we can never move or make a decision without getting An opinion from or approval from this particular individual And as I say ask yourself why Having said that though Particularly in the business world one Very big factor in people leaving their jobs is that they didn't feel valued at all so there's a fine balance between people in Any aspect of your life,

But particularly in the workplace because there's data to back this up People need to feel you know,

Why they are appreciated what do they bring to their job to their division their team their organization and Again you might find in the workplace that Your Line manager,

For example doesn't value you Never expresses it Just gives you another job.

Just takes for granted what you do Maybe though if you look At the chain going beyond your line manager.

Are they valued?

By their line manager and if you look at the top of the organization or the head of the team is Is Expression of Appreciation do they do this apart from the obligatory Christmas?

Messages that heads of organizations can send out,

But do they do this naturally?

Is this an instinctive?

Behavior do they do this every day as a matter of of course Because of it they do it at the top it flows down the behaviors are mimicked but for those of you who You know are in the workplace often people Are themselves in their own image?

So if they are a policy before people type then You know what happens?

They recruit like-minded people and they spend a lot of time just if you like influence implementing Policy being concerned about policy not being concerned particularly about the impact of policy upon people And the other aspect of being valued is a question for you Do you?

Regularly naturally express appreciation for the people that you are responsible for both in your work life And your social life your home life.

Do you do that?

Just because people don't do it for you doesn't mean to say that you cannot do it for others And if you recognize that this is what's going on then ask yourself.

Why wasn't I expressing?

That the fact that I valued an individual Is it just a question of you know somebody's bashing me therefore?

I will bash you I hope not and frankly if you are with all honesty deep in your heart a Person who feels a lot safer with policy than people and there is nothing wrong with that Also be aware that maybe somebody in your team can Express this message For other team members,

So you have a to I see that maybe will do that for you I Only say that because I might again my experience is that people who are not naturally people focused and would not naturally express value for you Suddenly do it and it's so out of character that it rings so falsely that it actually achieves the opposite effect So maybe we've seen people who've had a 360 degree review And this has been pointed out to them,

So they modify their behavior briefly,

But I think as we all know these individuals when they come under pressure and they are personally at risk,

Then they will often revert to natural behavior and So it comes down to a recruitment issue that Okay So do we rely do we have enough?

To be like External validation or are we over reliant on it?

That is the question So the next External element is you know,

What are our support systems like?

Within say the work context are there people that we can talk to openly?

That understand us who will give us Reliable feedback without being getting in,

You know being over influential Our relationships our personal relationships do they give us quality support and We all know that with family we all get a degree of obligation in external relationships so you might not really want to include them in support systems and Then social connections have we got social activities?

That we engage in this is be social this could this could be just Neighborhood get-togethers,

But it could also be maybe you are a member of an art society or a music society or a beer appreciation society But these do these social connections support you.

I mean,

Do you have any?

Support external support systems at all or Is it all a question of obligation that you're expected to turn up and fulfill a function So maybe as part of your reflection this review your personal relationships.

Are they constructive and supportive?

Are your social connections constructive and support?

Can these be changed?

Because again in terms of balancing our lives and you would have seen from the Series of about the blue zones that people who obviously the goal is to live longer But they generally is to change your emotional state.

You know,

Are we engaged in activities which actually?

Really Absorb us that make a real difference to our lives that we look forward to doing or have we constructed a life which is all duty and obligation and Doesn't have any renewing sense of purpose or satisfaction So Connections and support The support that we need Without giving away our power And the third and final element in external influences and Resources is obviously professional support so this can be Obviously a Professional relationship that you pay for So put you in a place in your issue With a professional who will understand it will understand you and help you to work towards a solution maybe it's a Reliable friend who has enough Understanding that you can talk these things through with Because Again,

You may through doing the self-reflection and examination the journaling feel that the problems are maybe too deep-rooted Maybe a guidance You know a pathway out from the situation could be suggested by a professional And maybe just a reliable impartial third party view Reviewing your feelings helping you examine them and examine the causes so Professional help or wise help is invaluable so looking at Finish looking at the external elements So let's look at possible solutions or beginnings of a pathway to solutions And one of them the first one is maybe developing a positive narrative.

So getting yourself to the point when You can observe That negative self-talk that negative dialogue Emerges you become aware of it and Maybe this is Something in terms of reflection you can ask us ask That negative voice,

You know talk to it ask who it is What's it trying to achieve?

What does it want?

And how can you work with it to change the narrative?

But maybe from your internal reflection where you have a sense of whose voice this is of the causes of this voice But ask yourself,

You know,

What does it achieve in your life and Then it's also important to Understand what your strengths and achievements are so Negative self-talk caught possibly causes inaction But if you focus on your strengths and your achievements and it should take an inventory of them Make sure that you know what they are and this may be a growing list changing this but focusing on them and When the voice comes up you question the voice You can challenge the voice by pointing out your strengths and achievements in that way start a dialogue with the negative voice and Understand what it wants to achieve but also then maybe reframing What it wants to achieve so in a way that both of you can win from this so negative self-talk is one thing Also setting realistic goals We have no idea of achievement if we don't have a goal and we don't have milestones on the way to that And we don't have to run our lives like a railway system quite definitely not but It's quite good.

I work often in our professional lives.

We get goals given to us These goals may be realistic and they may not be realistic And if it's not possible to make goals that work realistic,

For example,

We need to consider the consequences of not achieving those girls and Courses of action if it persists Because again just as negative Points of view flow down through an organization people Difficult Over ambitious goals can start at the top and flow down through an organization In a way that's never challenged,

But this might not necessarily be the best for us So if you have an opportunity to influence those girls obviously do say but if you can't then What are the consequence consider the consequences?

Consider your alternative options And also goals in our personal lives and isn't needn't be anything major other than Developing areas of interest for ourselves and developing You know goals for ourselves.

For example,

If you play a musical instrument to learn a new piece of music or To develop a piece of music which you know quite well,

So it's that you know modest performance standards Maybe you paint maybe you draw maybe you're having trouble with perspective in drawing for example Maybe you are interested in a you know An academic topic,

You know,

You like to study history,

You know,

Are you so getting an understanding of you know the topic and Growing an understanding of that topic into a place that you're happy that you you feel that you have some degree of mastery over but if we Have things that we're working towards Personally and professionally and I'd have to say that these two have to be equal.

There's no point in just pursuing work goals If we,

You know can't balance things up by goals that we set for ourselves In our personal lives whatever it might be But again knowing that we're working towards something that we have achieved something and that we will go on to achieve further things And again,

Maybe this is part of your journal for this and then if you like being easy on yourself with listening to the dialogue within yourself and Talk to yourself as though you know You were talking to one of your good friends with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges again a dialogue starting a dialogue with yourself and You know,

Maybe focusing on areas of growth and skills Again back to goals and achievements,

But just treating yourself kindly Don't beat yourself up.

This is an extension of negative self-talk but just take a third person view of yourself and Just As I say talk to yourself as though you were talking to a friend Who's telling you your issues and you then propose solutions?

Or different perspectives Like need not always be about solutions,

But different perspectives What have you looked at this issue from this point of view?

Is it as bad?

Is it a way forward?

It's a different perspective and again around the goals,

But also Maybe celebrating Achievements no matter how small You're keeping a journal part of the journal Recording a dialogue,

But at the back maybe have your personal goals Personal goals professional goals as you move towards just as I say little wins Maybe you've mastered a tune Maybe your drawings improve than the perspectives a lot better.

Maybe it's cooking Whatever it is It's just master getting and this is for you personally And you can think yes This was my goal and I've achieved it and it can be just tiny little things.

But As those of you in the workplace know it's celebrating the small wins acknowledging the small wins that keep It keeps the outlook positive so A series of things and just the final thing Because in many ways I think that If we understand our purpose in life then This really grounds us This really grounds us and again,

This is a voyage of discovery.

Oh You may already know your purpose but Purpose I define it as a what is your gift to the planet?

What is in the room when you're in the room?

What do people?

Value about you This purpose is with us in all areas of your life and again in the workplace sense It's actually quite important to be able to express our purpose Through our work if that's possible.

Sometimes we just have to work to survive.

I totally understand that But are we able to express our purpose?

In our work lives And this really is intensely personal because I think if you started talking about Individual purpose at work you might find people looking at you quite strangely I know certainly I talked to executives about purpose and I get to a quite a let's say a broad spectrum of Responses to this but Purpose is Independent of job and independent of title,

But it knows That says know what we're giving back to the planet to life to people and You it can align all aspects of your life to become aware of your purpose and it can you can create opportunities for it to manifest at work and outside work because if you have a clear idea or a clear idea and this is again is that what the definition of the understanding of however you work around purpose is A work is a work in progress but Achievement of working of demonstrating your purpose gives your own inner measure of your own performance and your own work So what I'm suggesting is a knowledge of your purpose and the manifestation of the purpose of working towards This in your life actually provides a very clear solution And answers the question am I worthy with a very clear?

Yes.

Yes,

You are worthy.

Why?

Because you've been very honest with yourself.

You've done work and understanding Yourself far more deeply and you've put in a lot of effort into understanding what your purpose is and if you're interested in this Area of work I've put up a series of talks on Insight timer called finding your purpose So I hope you found this useful Thank you for listening and I wish you all the best and your journey to To Answering the question am I worthy because the answer is yes,

You are worthy