If you are living with PTSD,
I want you to know something important right from the start.
You are not broken,
You are not weak,
And most importantly,
You are not alone.
Complex PTSD is a painful and often invisible condition,
But hidden in its shadows is actually strength you've had to develop just to survive.
And today we are going to gather,
Hold both truths,
The pain and the power.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach and I specialize in recovery from narcissistic abuse.
By the end of this talk,
What I hope for you is that you will have a clearer understanding of what complex PTSD is and how it may have shaped the way you see yourself in the world.
But more than that,
You'll begin to see the remarkable strengths you have developed along the way,
The,
If you will,
Superpowers you carry.
I want you to feel validated,
Deeply seen,
And maybe just a little more hopeful about what's possible for you now.
So let's talk about what complex PTSD actually is.
Complex PTSD or CPTSD is a response to long-term,
Repeated relational trauma.
And it's not caused by a single event like general PTSD,
If you will,
But by ongoing emotional injury,
Often in childhood and often at the hands of those who are supposed to protect us.
If you have complex PTSD,
And this is by no means a diagnosis,
So please don't try diagnosing yourself here.
You might be experiencing chronic feelings of shame or worthlessness.
Some people also have a very deep fear of abandonment.
Might also be very difficult for you to trust others or even yourself.
You might be experiencing emotional flashbacks.
You might feel like a child again during stress.
You might also experience hypervigilance,
Perfectionism,
And also people-pleasing.
And most importantly and tragically,
A sense of never feeling truly safe.
And if this resonates with you,
I want you to pause and take a breath.
I want you to know that what you are feeling,
It makes sense.
And it is not your fault.
It is not your fault.
And what you've had to do to survive?
Hey,
That took strength.
People with complex PTSD have had to develop incredible survival strategies,
Things that often go unnoticed or misunderstood.
But what if we looked at these not as flaws,
But as evidence of adaptation,
Of intelligence,
And of resilience?
Because let me tell you something.
Vigilance can become intuition.
Yes,
You learn to read a room in seconds.
You sense those shifts in tone and expression and in energy.
And you also might be calling it overthinking.
But it is also awareness and it's an emotional radar.
And when healed,
When healed,
It becomes a very powerful intuition.
That people-pleasing that you developed?
That comes from deep empathy.
Because you learn to keep the peace to stay safe.
That might have been even your role,
The peacekeeper.
But within this is a gift.
Because you know how to care.
You know how to attune.
You know how to be present with someone else's emotions in ways that many people never ever learn.
Let's talk also about dissociation.
It can become creative imagination.
You might be thinking,
What are you on about?
Dissociation is bad.
Yes.
And you escaped inward because the outer world was just too painful.
But I also know that often those who dissociate also carry a very rich inner world,
A place where creativity and insight thrive.
And maybe,
Maybe you have become a bit of a control seeker.
Okay,
Fair enough.
But you know that when you heal,
This can become mastery and leadership.
You had to control what you could because it felt chaotic.
Life around you felt chaotic.
People around you might have felt chaotic.
But it can also translate into drive,
Ambition,
Meticulous attention to detail,
And an ability to lead under pressure.
It's just the balance that needs adjusting.
I'd like you to think about the following questions.
And I hope that they will help you to reframe your story a little bit and look at it from different perspectives.
There's no pressure to answer right away.
Just let them land.
And you can also write them down and ponder about them after listening to this talk.
So my first question for you is,
What did you have to develop in order to survive?
Really think about what did you have to develop in order to survive?
Next,
What strengths do you use every single day that were born from your pain?
What strengths do you use every single day that were born from your pain?
And if you could see your symptoms as adaptations,
What might they be helping you understand about your needs?
And my final question to you is,
What if healing isn't about erasing the past,
But about transforming it into something new?
What if this can become post-traumatic growth?
And let's be real here.
This isn't a turn your trauma into gold overnight kind of conversation.
Because healing is hard.
Complex PTSD asks a lot of us.
Therapy,
Support,
Regulation practices,
They all matter.
But it's also okay to believe that something beautiful can come out of what nearly broke you.
I will share something that hopefully will make you laugh.
I'm German and we have a saying.
And this saying goes as follows.
What does that mean?
Well,
Maybe you understood.
Maybe if you speak German you will understand.
But basically it means,
Out of every poop grows a flower.
I teach it to my clients and they always laugh.
And yes,
It is true.
Look what we use to fertilize,
Right?
So,
Let me tell you what post-traumatic growth can look like.
Post-traumatic growth can be a fierce way of showing compassion for others.
It's also emotional depth and complexity.
And it's a powerful sense of purpose.
Yes,
Post-traumatic growth can give you a powerful sense of purpose.
And it can help you to set boundaries that are rooted in very deep self-knowledge.
It can also give you the courage to speak truth when you are silenced.
Of course,
You need to do the healing work first.
You are not healing to become someone new,
By the way.
You are healing to become more of who you really are underneath all of that survival armor.
And what's above this survival armor that you had to build?
Well,
It's all those projections that came your way and that stuck.
And it's about decontaminating yourself from those.
Yes,
PTSD,
Especially complex PTSD,
Might be part of your story.
But it's not the full story.
You are allowed to honor your survival without glorifying the suffering.
You are allowed to see your scars as symbols of strength and also seek softness.
Do I wish that you didn't have complex PTSD?
Do I wish that you never had to experience the struggles you have experienced?
Yes,
It's not fair that you had to experience it.
But you are allowed to believe that who you are becoming is someone powerful,
Wise,
With worth and also worthy of love.
And if this talk gave you a new lens to view yourself through,
I would love it if you could share it with someone who needs the same reminder.
And if you are living with complex PTSD,
I want you to know this.
You are not behind.
You're not too broken or broken at all.
And you are absolutely not alone.
You are growing something beautiful out of the soil of your survival.
And that,
That is your superpower.
Until next time,
I'm sending you lots of love.
And as always,
I welcome your emails,
Your questions.
