You put something into the world.
A free resource,
A creative idea,
A professional offering,
Something generous.
And then,
Bam,
Out of nowhere comes the uninvited comment.
Sometimes it's thinly veiled,
Other times it's straight up aggressive,
Dismissive,
Cutting,
From someone who has no real idea what they are talking about,
But just enough ego to push their opinion into your space.
Sound familiar?
If it does,
Then this episode is for you.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I support individuals who happen in abusive relationships and creatives.
Today we are diving deep into how you can deal with unsolicited criticism,
Especially when it's laced with dominance or entitlement.
We'll be also looking at the psychology of creativity under pressure and how you can turn attack into insight.
We'll be talking about the importance of recognizing emotional patterns,
Especially if your childhood taught you to feel invisible,
Small,
Or dismissed.
And how to access a very specific inner part of you,
One that can take that pain and not only process it,
But transform it into clarity,
Creativity,
And something that serves not just you,
But others too.
And I hope that by the end of this episode,
You will understand why certain dismissive or aggressive comments activate such a deep emotional response,
Especially for people who are sensitive,
Empathic,
Or creative.
And I also hope that you will learn how your free child ego state,
As described in Transaction Analysis TA,
Which I practice amongst other things,
Holds the key to creative resilience.
I want you to be able to recognize patterns,
Both in yourself and others,
That help you tell the difference between meaningful feedback and ego-driven noise.
And you will also have a strategy to turn triggering encounters into clarity,
Into content,
And into creative momentum.
And most importantly,
I want you to walk away feeling grounded in the knowledge that your work,
Your creation,
Is worth protecting,
That you are worth protecting,
And that there is power in how you chose to respond.
So,
Let's look at TA,
Short for Transaction Analysis,
For a moment.
In TA,
We talk about three ego states,
Parent,
Adult,
And child.
Now,
Under stress,
Many people flip into what we call the adapted child,
The inner child that either freezes and appeases,
Or lushes out and rebels.
We all know that space,
Right?
That voice of,
I will just apologize to keep the peace.
Or,
Who do they think they are?
I will show them.
But there's another ego state,
One that holds a very different kind of power,
And that is called the free child.
The free child isn't reckless.
Instead,
It is spontaneous,
Deeply alive.
It's the voice in you that says,
Okay,
Let me make something out of this.
And when you are able to pause to feel your feelings without being consumed by them,
You can often find your way to that free child.
And in that space,
That's where you create.
And that might be a post,
A podcast,
A new resource,
A product,
A painting,
A course,
A poem,
A curriculum,
A rant that turns into a revelation.
And yes,
Please don't misunderstand this.
This is not some kind of spiritual bypassing or gaslighting yourself.
It's not,
Look on the bright side.
This is actually a transmutation.
It's what post-traumatic growth looks like.
Here's what many people miss.
Sometimes the sharpest pain doesn't come from the words said now.
It comes actually from what they touch in us.
And if you grew up with parents who didn't see your creativity,
Who ignored your efforts,
Who withheld praise or worse,
Mocked it,
Then someone publicly dismissing your work now may feel exactly painful.
It's not because you're not resilient enough or anything like that.
It's because it is pressing on a neural scar.
And when that happens,
It's very easy to fall into shame or self-doubt,
To silence yourself,
To think,
Uh,
Maybe I shouldn't have shared that.
But here's the thing.
If something is shared with care and clarity and it gets under someone else's skin,
That tells us actually more about them than about you.
And sometimes that's all it is,
A projection,
An attack,
A dominance move.
It's not about the quality of what you have created or your work,
For example.
It's about someone else's inability to meet it with grace.
Let me tell you this again.
It's about someone else's inability to meet it in grace or with grace.
And you know what?
Research actually backs this stuff up.
It shows that creativity and contribution are two key responses to adversity.
People often make meaning by creating something useful from what hurt them.
And another study shows actually that creative expression is a central pathway for processing difficult emotions,
Especially for people who have experienced early invalidation or trauma.
And let's face it,
Early invalidation,
It is a form of trauma.
So this is why art therapy can be so powerful.
And neurologically,
Creativity activates a default mode network,
A part of the brain involved in introspection,
Problem solving,
And imagination.
So what we are talking about here is not some fluff.
It actually is regulation and healing.
This is your brain integrating experience in an extremely creative,
Powerful way.
Let me bring it back to something very personal.
Not long ago,
I shared a free resource I created for coaches.
Tools centered on inner work,
Alignment,
And authenticity.
And the response was wonderful.
It was overwhelmingly positive.
I was so happy.
But of course,
There was one person.
There's always one,
Isn't there?
Man,
Older,
Self-proclaimed expert.
The kind of man who thinks that constructive means cutting.
His response?
No,
It was not curiosity.
It was not reflection.
It was a jab.
He said,
Oh,
There's absolutely nothing in here about marketing.
Coaching is a business.
No hello,
No context.
Just dominance disguised as expertise.
Now I felt that punch in the gut.
I felt it physically.
And for a second,
I wanted to rage.
Then that little voice came in,
That free child.
And I thought,
Okay,
I'm not going to waste energy defending something that wasn't even an invitation for critique.
I'm going to create something else.
Something for coaches,
Especially women,
Trauma-informed practitioners,
Who have had enough of hustle culture,
Ego-driven coaching spaces.
And within hours,
Ideas came flooding in.
A whole course,
A toolkit for clients,
A podcast episode.
This one.
Why?
Because I refused to let someone else's dismissal define me.
Instead,
I let it refine me.
And let me tell you,
I'm okay with criticism.
That was not it.
In German,
There's a saying,
Aus jedem Kack wächst eine Blume.
Out of every pile of poop,
A flower can grow.
And I believe that.
But only if we choose to plant something in it.
So next time someone throws unsolicited criticism at you,
Ask yourself,
What can I plant here?
Because you're not just allowed to have boundaries,
You're allowed to have creative boundaries,
To let someone's contempt become your compost.
Let me ask you,
When was the last time you were criticized unfairly?
And what did that moment touch in you?
Was it an old memory?
A familiar wound?
And how did you respond?
And can you find that child in you that says,
What do I want to do with this moment?
What could you create instead of collapsing?
Let me give you a few tips.
Especially when something like that happens to you.
First of all,
Name the emotion first.
Oof,
That hurt.
Oh,
That peed me off.
Because naming regulates.
Then wait.
Don't reply,
If at all,
Until you are no longer emotionally hijacked.
Ask yourself,
Is this person giving feedback or a certain dominance?
Channel the emotion into a constructive outlet,
Even if it's just journaling at first.
Share your ideas with people who get it.
We create better in resonance and not resistance.
But if you are someone who frequently finds yourself being dismissed,
Interrupted,
Or talked down to,
Especially by people in positions of power or with unchecked ego,
Then I want to say this.
It's not about becoming tougher.
It's about becoming clearer,
More boundary,
More self-honoring,
And more deliberate with your energy.
You don't need to argue with every so-and-so on the internet.
You don't need to prove your worth.
You need to protect your voice,
Because your voice is sacred.
Your creativity is sacred.
And your contribution to this world is sacred.
And let's face it,
Sometimes,
Or some people,
They throw shade because they're just allergic to your light.
Don't you agree?
Yeah.
We can't control whether somebody dumps something,
But we can control whether we compost it.
So to you,
Maybe you're a coach,
A creative,
A carer,
To you,
The one who shares your work,
When they try to shut you down,
Diminish you,
Ignore you,
Or derail you,
Let that be the sign not to stop,
But to start.
To plant,
To build,
And to create.
Because remember,
Out of every cack,
A flower can grow.
And you,
My friend,
You are a bloody good gardener.
And if this episode resonated with you,
Or if you know someone who's been dismissed,
Talked down to,
Or had their work diminished,
Please share this podcast with them.
Let it be a moment of recognition,
Reclaiming,
Or a reminder.
Because yes,
We are many,
And we are rising,
And we are turning compost into creativity.
Until next time.
