In the past,
You stayed.
You stayed through chaos,
Confusion,
Longing.
You held on,
Even when your needs weren't met,
Because the idea of being alone felt more terrifying than being unseen.
But this time it's different.
This time you're in a relationship that isn't explosive,
But it isn't aligned either.
And after trying,
After hoping,
After being honest,
You choose to leave.
My name is Martha Curtis.
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I specialize in supporting creatives and individuals who recover from abusive and narcissistic relationships.
And in this episode,
We are talking about people who have done the work,
Who have gone to therapy,
Sat with the hardshots,
Broken all patterns,
And who now find themselves facing a new kind of heartbreak,
Walking away from a relationship that isn't abusive or dramatic,
But simply not right.
Let's talk about what that means,
Why it matters,
And how it marks one of the clearest signs that you are healing.
If you've experienced early emotional neglect,
Inconsistency or trauma,
Chances are your relationships used to look like this.
Clinging through disconnection,
Mistaking chaos for chemistry,
Over-functioning to feel worthy,
And staying in pain because,
Well,
At least it felt like something.
This often ties into an anxious attachment style,
Which research shows is rooted in early caregiving experiences where love felt unpredictable or conditional.
People with an anxious attachment often stay in relationships longer than they should,
Not because it's good,
But because leaving feels like losing themselves.
But healing is possible.
Attachment styles are not destiny,
And with therapy,
Self-work,
And new experiences,
People can move toward earned secure attachment,
Where connection comes with boundaries and love is chosen and not clung to.
And then one day,
Something changes.
You've done the work.
You're more aware of your patterns.
You know what love is and what it isn't.
And now you're in a relationship that's calm.
You're not screaming,
They're not screaming,
There's no cruelty,
But something still doesn't feel right.
Maybe you don't feel fully seen or heard,
And your partner shuts down when deeper emotional needs are expressed.
Maybe a core value is misaligned around growth,
Family,
Lifestyle,
Emotional availability,
And you try to talk about it.
But they don't really respond.
Or they dismiss it entirely.
And after trying not once,
Not in a reactive moment,
But really trying,
You begin to feel it.
This isn't the person I want to build a life with.
Let's be very clear.
This isn't walking away at the first sign of difference.
And this isn't about chasing perfection.
It's also not about leaving when someone simply annoys you.
It's about discernment.
It's about recognizing that,
Yes,
Conflict is a normal,
Healthy part of any relationship.
That growth often happens through discomfort.
That love,
Real and mature love,
Is a process of choosing each other again and again.
And maybe you did choose again and again.
You gave it space.
You had honest conversations.
You opened up,
Tried repair,
Looked inward.
You tried to make it work.
Not because you were desperate,
But because you respected what it means when two people come together.
But eventually,
Something didn't shift.
Maybe they weren't interested in growing with you.
Or maybe they didn't hear you.
Maybe your needs kept brushing up against their limitations.
And you realized,
I am not meant to shrink for this to feel okay.
So what happens when it's not bad,
But it's still not right?
This is one of the most tender spaces in your healing journey,
Because it doesn't come with easy answers.
It's when there's no big drama and you feel some affection,
Even some comfort,
But your deeper emotional needs go unmet.
Or something vital like your values,
Your vision,
Your sense of safety is quietly compromised.
And these aren't small issues.
These are relational fault lines.
When they're met with openness and effort,
They can be worked through.
But when they're met with silence or defensiveness or detachment,
Then they grow.
And you begin to realize that this isn't what I want to keep investing in.
So why is this kind of leaving a marker of growth?
Because you're no longer waiting for collapse.
Because you're not confusing calm with compatibility.
Because you're not needing chaos to feel alive.
Because now you know that you are worthy of being met.
So this decision really marks self-trust over self-sacrifice and discernment over desperation.
It also marks alignment over ambiguity and clarity over clinging.
You're walking away,
Not from love,
But toward the kind of love that sees you,
Hears you,
And is willing to grow with you.
It's important that you honor what you gave and what you chose.
Please don't minimize what you did here.
You tried,
You gave your heart honestly,
You didn't run,
You reflected,
You saw what was missing,
And you didn't abandon yourself this time.
This isn't a failure.
It's emotional maturity.
And this is also your nervous system learning that not all endings are abandonment.
Some endings are acts of self-respect.
So let me ask you this.
What made you stay in past relationships that hurt you?
And how did you show up differently this time?
Did you make space for honest dialogue before making your decision?
Or are you walking away from love or toward a fuller version of it?
And lastly,
What evidence do you have that you are now making decisions from strength?
It's not that the relationship was good enough.
It's simply not aligned.
And this time you didn't abandon yourself to make it work.
You stayed long enough to know.
You tried from a place of self-awareness.
And then when your truth was clear,
You left kindly,
Bravely,
Rooted in your worth.
And this,
This is not just growth.
That is actually freedom.
And if this episode spoke to where you are or where you have been or are about to go,
Please share it with someone who's quietly facing the same crossroads.
And if you've made this kind of brave choice recently,
I would love to hear what it taught you about your growth.
Until next time.
