Preparing for a job interview can be nerve-wracking.
For anyone.
But if you are carrying the invisible weight of complex PTSD or narcissistic abuse,
It can feel overwhelming.
You might find yourself questioning your worth,
Doubting your abilities,
Imposter syndrome,
Or anticipating rejection before you even begin.
Sounds familiar?
You're not alone.
And today I want to speak directly to that experience and help you step into your next interview with more clarity,
Grounding,
And confidence.
My name is Martha Curtis.
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I specialize in recovery from narcissistic abuse.
And I hope that by the end of this talk you will have a much better understanding of how trauma can show up in interviews.
And I want to teach you some practical ways to support your nervous system and mindset.
And also give you a powerful question you can ask in the interview to help the employer envision you in the role.
My hope is that you'll walk away feeling more equipped and more empowered to step into the next version of yourself.
So,
Why do interviews feel so hard after trauma?
They can feel hard anyway,
But especially so after trauma.
Because if you survived narcissistic abuse or live with complex PTSD,
Interviews can stir up more than just nerves.
They can awaken those old survival strategies.
You might shrink,
Over-explain,
Over-apologize,
Or go blank altogether.
And that's not weakness.
That is simply your nervous system doing what it learned to do when being seen felt unsafe.
So,
Let's name a few common experiences.
The first one,
Yes,
That's fear of rejection.
Because rejection used to mean emotional abandonment or punishment,
Not just a missed opportunity.
I mentioned it earlier,
Imposter syndrome.
Even with years of experience,
You might feel like a fraud because you were taught your value was never enough.
You might struggle to advocate for yourself.
Talking about your achievements can feel like boasting when you were trained to make yourself smaller.
Heard of hyperattunement?
Reading every micro-expression on the interviewer's face,
Constantly scanning for signs you're doing something wrong.
These responses aren't flaws,
They're adaptations.
But now it's time to slowly shift the story.
Before you even walk into the interview,
The most powerful thing you can do is reconnect with yourself.
Not the role you're playing,
Not the performance,
But you.
You can do a few simple grounding practices.
You need to breathe with intention.
Try 4-4-6.
Inhale for 4,
Hold for 4,
Exhale for 6 to calm your nervous system.
And then,
Or even now,
Or even email me those if you want,
Name three things you're proud of.
These don't have to be career milestones,
They can be acts of courage,
Consistency,
Your creativity.
It's also good to affirm your right to be there.
And it may sound like this.
I am not here to beg.
I am here to see if we are a fit.
And this is a conversation,
Not a test.
Because yes,
You also assess.
That new,
Potential new workplace.
You are interviewing them,
Too,
By visualizing your belonging.
Imagine yourself walking into a space where you are wanted,
Where your voice is welcomed,
Where your skills are seen.
And then in the interview,
Try to compare what you visualized with what you have experienced in that interview.
Are those aligned?
Good.
Are they not aligned?
Maybe time to think about whether you want to work there.
And yes,
I am absolutely aware sometimes we just have to take a job because we need to pay the bills,
Not because we want it.
Fully aware of that.
Let's reframe this power dynamic that you might experience in interviews.
People with complex PTSD or a history of abuse often enter interviews in survival mode.
You might be hyper-focused on impressing,
Pleasing,
Approving.
But the truth is,
This is a two-way conversation.
You are not just hoping to be chosen,
You are choosing to.
Just like I said earlier.
So,
I want to offer you a question to ask in the interview that shifts the dynamic.
Invites connection and helps the employer envision you in the role right there and then.
OK,
Are you ready?
The game-changing interview question is.
Let's imagine you decide to hire me.
What would you want me to help you with straight away?
Or,
If I joined your team next month,
What would success in the first three weeks look like to you?
You know why this question works?
Because it creates a future-facing picture where you're already in that role.
It also shows your initiative and your confidence and it helps you understand their priorities and how you can add value.
It also humanizes that conversation,
Becomes collaborative,
Not just performative.
Let's face it,
You have survived hard things.
You have adapted,
You have grown,
Persevered.
So,
Please do not underestimate the soft skills that came out of that,
Such as resilience and empathy,
Emotional intelligence,
Problem-solving under pressure.
Those things don't always go on CV,
But they show up when you're in a team under stress or leading others.
Please ask yourself,
What have you overcome that demonstrates your strengths?
And give yourself some time after this talk to really ponder about it,
Maybe note it down,
Really connect with your strengths.
What do you bring to a team that can't be taught in a textbook?
And where have you already shown the kind of resourcefulness this job might need?
Okay,
So,
There's never a guarantee whether you get a job or not.
And maybe the answer you receive after the interview is not the one you were hoping for.
So,
What to do if you don't get the role?
And this part,
Yeah,
That's tender.
And it can feel deeply personal when you don't get the role.
But remember,
Rejection in an interview is not a statement about your worth,
It is redirection.
Yep,
It might not feel like it right away,
But every no gets you closer to a place that actually fits you.
I know it sounds cheesy,
But it is true.
And when you have trauma in your past,
Every time you show up,
Every time you go for something,
You are breaking old patterns.
And that alone is worth celebrating.
Job interviews after narcissistic abuse or complex trauma aren't just about resumes and cover letters.
They are actually opportunities for you to reclaim parts of yourself,
To speak your truth,
To show up as your whole self,
To remember that you are capable,
Worthy,
And more than enough.
Yes,
Prepare,
Yes,
Practice.
But don't forget to bring your truth,
Your strength,
Your light into the room.
Because that's what makes you memorable,
That's what makes you so magnetic.
And if this talk has helped you reframe your experience or feel more grounded for your next interview,
I would love for you to share it with someone else who might be walking the same path.
And as always,
I would love to hear from you,
Questions,
Feedback,
Thoughts,
Or your own experiences navigating interviews after trauma,
Because your voice matters.
And I truly love hearing from you.
