Some people seem to know how to celebrate.
They mark moments,
They pause,
They let things land,
They allow joy to take up space.
And others don't.
Not because they don't care,
Not because they are ungrateful,
Not because they are incapable of joy,
But because celebration was never something they were taught.
If you have ever felt awkward,
Exposed,
Or strangely empty during moments that were supposed to feel good,
This is for you.
My name is Martha Curtis.
I'm a psychotherapist and coach.
I work with creatives and I support individuals who are or have been in abusive or high-control relationships.
A lot of the people I work with assume they're simply not the celebrating type.
But when we look more closely,
It rarely is about personality,
It's about learning.
In this talk,
We are going to explore why celebration is a skill rather than a personality trait.
We'll look at how early environments shape our capacity to mark milestones,
Receive acknowledgement,
And stay present with positive emotion.
We'll also explore why celebration can feel unsafe,
Undeserved,
Or unfamiliar,
Especially for people who grew up managing others,
Staying alert,
Or minimizing themselves.
And this talk is not about forcing joy.
It is about understanding why it may feel out of reach.
And by the end of this talk,
I hope you will feel less confused about your relationship with celebration.
You may recognize patterns that make sense rather than feel like flaws.
And you may feel steadier in your understanding that difficulty celebrating is not a deficit,
It's just a history.
So how is celebration learned?
It is not instinctive.
It is modeled.
Children learn how to celebrate by watching what happens when something good occurs.
Is it noticed?
Is it shared?
Is it held?
Is it rushed past?
When achievements,
Milestones,
Or joy are ignored,
Downplayed,
Or met with discomfort,
The nervous system learns that positive attention isn't safe or sustainable.
Over time,
Celebration becomes unfamiliar territory.
And for many people,
Celebration triggers unease.
They may feel exposed.
They may fear disappointment.
They may anticipate withdrawal or criticism.
They may worry about being seen as arrogant or demanding.
This is especially common in environments where attention was conditional or unpredictable.
Celebration becomes associated with risk rather than nourishment.
People who learned early to be responsible often struggle most with celebration.
They were praised for coping,
Not for being delighted.
They learned to move on quickly.
They became efficient in managing outcomes rather than inhabiting moments.
Celebration requires a pause.
And pausing can feel unsafe when you've learned to stay alert.
Many people are excellent at celebrating others.
They organize events,
They show up,
They give generously.
But when it comes to themselves,
Something tightens.
This isn't hypocrisy.
It's conditioning.
Celebrating others doesn't expose the self.
Celebrating yourself does.
Celebration often intersects with belief about worth.
If worth has been tied to usefulness,
Productivity or sacrifice,
Then celebration can feel undeserved.
There may be an internal rule that says,
I'll celebrate when it's finished,
When it's earned,
When it doesn't inconvenience anyone.
Those conditions keep moving.
And you might want to pause this recording here when I ask you a few questions so you have some time to reflect.
What happened when I achieved something as a child?
How are milestones marked in my family?
What emotions arise when attention turns toward me?
What feels difficult about staying with something positive?
Because celebration is a skill,
It can be learned.
Not all at once,
Not performatively,
Not by forcing joy.
Learning celebration often starts quietly,
Letting a moment register,
Allowing acknowledgement without deflection.
Staying present for a few seconds longer than usual.
These are nervous system shifts and not mindset changes.
Celebration doesn't have to be public or loud.
It can be private,
It can be contained and meaningful.
What matters is not the form but the permission.
Permission to pause,
Permission to receive,
Permission to let something count.
If celebration feels difficult,
It doesn't mean something is missing in you.
It means something was missing around you.
And skills can be learned.
You are allowed to practice noticing what matters.
And you are allowed to let moments learn.
You are allowed to build a relationship with joy that doesn't overwhelm you.
Celebration is not a personality trait,
It's a capacity.
And if this resonated,
Please consider sharing it with someone who struggles to let good moments register.
Sometimes learning to celebrate begins with understanding why it felt impossible before.
Until next time,
Take good care.
