Walking Through The Fire – A Guide To Spiritual Emergency

Have you ever felt like your world was unraveling, like everything you knew was slipping away? This isn’t just confusion—it’s an initiation. A spiritual emergency can feel like madness before it becomes wisdom. In this talk, we’ll explore the difference between breakdown and breakthrough, the dangers of suppressing awakening, and how to navigate fear, uncertainty, and transformation.

I’ll also share my personal journey—one that began at 2 a.m., hands shaking, believing I was losing my mind—only to discover I was waking up. You are not alone. You are being called.

Transcript

There was a moment in my life when everything that I thought I knew came undone.

I don't mean that I had a bad week.

I mean the foundation of my reality of my personality cracked.

My sense of self,

My place in the world,

It all collapsed.

I didn't know at this point in time if I was losing my mind or I was waking up to something bigger than myself.

And if you're here,

You're listening to this,

It's likely that you understand what I'm talking about.

Maybe you felt it.

The weight pressing down on your chest at 3 a.

M.

The feeling that you are molting,

You are unraveling,

You are unfurling.

That something is trying to break through but you don't know how.

You don't know what it's gonna look like and that feels scary.

Maybe it started with a dream.

The dream was so vivid that it shook you to your core.

Or maybe you had a crisis so big that it knocked the wind out of your soul.

Or maybe life just doesn't make sense the way it used to.

And no one,

No one around seems to understand you.

So I want you to hear me here.

You are not crazy.

You are not broken.

You are likely being initiated.

So here's the problem that I want to break down here today and want to explore with you all.

And there's a lot of nuance here.

Our culture has completely forgotten what this is.

We have no language for it.

We have no rituals.

There are no elders waiting at the edge of the village watching us to guide us through this level of experience.

So when the ground beneath us starts to shake,

To quake,

We panic.

We think something's wrong because those are the signals that we're receiving that something's wrong with us.

We label it.

We try to push it away.

But in ancient cultures,

In the language of our ancestors,

This was a rite of passage.

Experienced by one group,

We're called crazy and locked up.

Experienced by an entirely different group,

One rooted in ancient wisdom,

We're honored.

We are respected for the rite of passage that is occurring.

Christina Groff talks about this a lot.

She calls it a spiritual emergency.

There's a great book on this topic by the same title.

It's a moment when the self as you know it begins to dissolve and something bigger wants to emerge.

But here's the paradox.

This moment can be a breakdown.

It's not sexy.

But it's also a breakthrough.

The difference between whether it feels more like a breakdown or a breakthrough is how you move through it.

Think about a caterpillar.

I know this is an often used metaphor,

But it works.

We love to talk about the butterfly.

We love transformation.

But do you know what actually happens inside the chrysalis or the cocoon?

The caterpillar doesn't just grow wings.

It dissolves.

It turns into a pile of cells.

It turns into goop.

It becomes unrecognizable.

It thinks it's dying.

And what does our culture tell us to do the moment that we begin to dissolve?

Stitch ourselves back together as fast as possible and get back to work.

Be normal.

But what if you're not meant to go back?

What if you're meant to become something that you've never been before?

Something that challenges your family dynamic.

Something that challenges the cultural norm.

So for me,

It was 2am and I found myself at the kitchen table.

My hands were shaking and I was staring at a blank sheet of paper.

I had woken up in a panic.

My heart was pounding,

My mind racing.

And as I sat there in the dark,

I began to write a letter to my wife.

And it started off like this.

If I don't come back from this,

Dot dot dot.

I didn't know what was happening to me.

It was really scary.

I just knew that I was losing my grip on reality.

The world had started to unravel in ways I couldn't explain.

And this is a bit scary to share this publicly here.

But here were the things that I was experiencing in that moment.

I could hear intelligence.

It was like a presence whispering to me.

I wasn't just thinking about how everything is connected.

I felt it as if my body and the universe were one and the same.

Sounds had color,

I was experiencing synesthesia.

Time stretched and it collapsed and I was not under the influence of anything.

My senses overlapped in ways that made it nearly impossible to function.

And this was really scary.

It sounds poetic when I say it out loud now,

But in the moment,

It was terrifying.

I wasn't sure if I was waking up or if I was losing my mind and I should be thrown into a psychotic ward.

So I started in that moment looking up numbers for psychiatric care.

I was really concerned.

Because what else do you do when reality itself starts to slip through your fingers?

And right in that moment when I was looking up psychiatric care,

I was looking up signs of psychosis and what one should do if they're experiencing psychosis.

And all of a sudden I came across a story by a man named Paul Levy.

And I encourage you all to look up his work.

It's brilliant work.

I read about Paul's own experience.

How he too had felt like he was disintegrating.

How doctors had misdiagnosed his awakening as pathology.

How instead of breaking down,

He broke through.

And for the first time in months,

Because of Paul's story,

I considered the possibility that what I was going through wasn't a crisis.

It was an initiation.

I was experiencing a spiritual emergence.

It would be nearly six months before I felt grounded in my body again.

But that moment at 2 a.

M.

,

It changed everything for me.

Because I stopped resisting,

I stopped trying to force myself back into my old understanding of the world.

And I started listening.

I started learning how to walk through the fire instead of trying to put it out.

And that's why I'm talking about this with you today.

Because if you're here,

If you're still listening to this,

You already know something about what I'm saying.

Maybe you've had your own dark night or nights.

Maybe you're in one right now.

The ground beneath you is shaking.

Years of meditation practice that felt blissful are now feeling terrifying.

The things that used to make sense no longer do.

And maybe you feel like you're standing at the edge of something vast,

Something powerful.

A kundalini awakening that shook you quite a bit.

Something you don't understand.

And you're wondering if you'll ever make it back.

And I want you to hear this.

You are not alone.

This is not the end of you.

This is actually the beginning.

Because we are in a moment of collective awakening right now.

Institutions are crumbling.

Old belief systems are collapsing.

People are searching for something real,

Something deep,

Something true.

And this has always been the way.

The ones who survive the fire,

Who walk through the storm,

Who make it through to the other side,

They become the guides.

But you have the choice.

Do you let the fire destroy you?

Or do you let it forge you?

Now if you're a parent,

There's another layer to this journey that I want to explore here.

Because maybe it's not just you walking through the fire.

Maybe it's your child.

And that's a different kind of challenge,

Isn't it?

Because when you're the one unraveling,

You can struggle through it.

You can wrestle with it.

You can find your way.

But when it's your child,

The person you love more than anything,

Watching them go through something that you don't understand,

That's terrifying.

Children and teenagers experience spiritual emergence different than adults.

They don't always have the words for it.

Instead they express it through intense dreams,

Sudden existential questioning,

Or in almost unbearable sensitivity to the world around them.

Maybe your child has always been connected to nature,

To animals,

To unseen energies.

Maybe they've suddenly withdrawn,

Spending hours staring at the sky,

Or feeling overwhelmed in places that never used to bother them.

Or maybe they've stopped being able to take advantage of everyday life the way that they used to.

And this is where we as parents,

We have a choice.

We become aware.

We're looking for the signals.

Because our society doesn't always know how to handle these experiences.

Too often,

Deep spiritual awakenings are mistaken for pathology.

Mystical experiences are labeled as disorders.

The very sensitivity that could be a gift is seen as something that needs to be fixed.

So before we react,

Before we rush to label,

We have to slow down.

We have to become aware.

We have to ask ourselves,

Is my child in distress or are they transforming?

Are they losing themselves or are they beginning to awaken?

The most important thing you could offer your child is a space where they don't feel alone or like they're going crazy.

Share your story with them.

Instead of saying that's just your imagination,

Try telling them what you're feeling.

Share more about your story and let them know I'm here to listen.

Instead of rationalizing it away like what will probably happen in the schools or most systems that they're in,

Try something like this.

Hey,

That sounds like a really powerful experience.

You're not crazy and you're not alone.

Many wise people throughout history have gone through this.

Would you like to hear some of their stories?

Your child's inner world is real.

It is valid and the more we validate their experience,

The safer they will feel in their own skin.

We all need to stay connected to our bodies and kids especially when they're going through a spiritual emergence,

They need to stay connected to their body.

So let them walk barefoot on the earth.

Let them play in the clay and the sand and the grass.

Let them touch textured objects,

Wrap themselves in a warm blanket,

A weighted blanket can help here as well.

Let them feel their bodies as solid,

A real presence.

And in that,

We need to avoid overstimulation because a spiritual emergence is a re-sensitizing to the more-than-human world.

It's a very stimulating experience.

So be sensitive to too much screen time,

Too much noise,

Too much chaos.

Consider that their nervous system is already working overtime.

So give them quiet,

Give them space as much as you can.

Children need stories to make sense of their experience and I mentioned earlier sharing more about your own experience.

And in ancient culture,

This is where myth lived.

These stories existed.

The hero's journey,

The myths of our ancestors,

Indigenous rites of passage.

These stories teach children that they are not alone,

That what they are experiencing is not strange,

But it's part of a bigger story that has been told for thousands of years.

So tell them your soul is growing in a way that most people don't understand.

This is something not to be afraid of.

Perhaps the most important thing here as a parent is to know that your presence is the answer.

You don't have to have all the solutions,

Especially if you can't completely relate to their story.

So just be there with them.

Hold them steady while their world shifts.

Be their anchor for them and trust the process so that they can trust it too.

A spiritual emergence can feel like being thrown into the deep end of existence.

Your sense of self dissolves,

Reality bends,

And suddenly the world isn't what you thought it was.

And this can feel really overwhelming,

Disorienting,

Terrifying.

But with the right approach,

It can also be profoundly transformative.

And it's my belief that this is what our world needs more,

Is people transforming through these processes instead of having them shunned or stunted away.

So here are five key insights to help you move through this process with greater awareness,

Greater stability,

Whether it's for yourself or for your kids.

And I'm pulling directly here from the wisdom of one of a great teacher that I deeply respect,

And that's Paul Levy's work,

Particularly on his work on something called Wetiko and the power of integrating the shadow.

One of the hardest parts of a spiritual emergence is that it can feel like you're losing your mind.

And,

You know,

If you've listened to Alan Watts' lectures on Out of Your Mind,

It can,

Again,

Sound really fun,

But it's not when you're actually experiencing it.

But what if you're not really breaking down?

What if you're breaking through?

Paul Levy teaches that naming an experience is a powerful way to reclaim agency over it.

If you don't have a framework for what's happening,

It's easy to fall into fear,

To think that something is wrong if you don't have models that have shown you that what you're going through is okay.

But spiritual awakening,

This has been a part of the spiritual human experience for millennia.

So instead of resisting,

Recognize that this is a process.

Find people that help reinforce that belief,

One that many before you have walked before.

Learn about spiritual emergencies from Christina Groff,

Stanislav Groff,

And learn about mystical awakenings in different traditions.

And write down your experience.

Give them language,

Shape,

Draw them,

Make them out of clay,

And you can even use a voice memo to record what you are experiencing,

And remind yourself that you're not alone.

You're not broken.

And this is part of a great unfolding.

Paul Levy's concept of wetecho,

What he also calls a kind of mind virus that distorts perception,

It warns about the danger of projecting inner turmoil outward.

So when going through a deep awakening,

Unresolved fears and unintegrated aspects of the psyche,

They often show up as external enemies.

And we could begin to see the world as hostile,

As deceptive,

Or even deeply conspiratorial.

So here's what to do during that experience.

Pause before assuming external forces are the real problem.

Check in on what's happening inside of you.

This is what we call shadow work.

Ask,

What am I projecting onto the world right now?

And oftentimes you're not even aware of it,

So we have to go through a shadow work process,

Which I have a few meditations on that,

And there's some great resources out there that teach how to do it.

And often it's helpful to do that with a trained therapist or coach.

Instead of blaming or fearing what's outside,

Turn toward your inner experience.

The world is not attacking you.

It's actually reflecting something to you,

Something that is a door for you to walk through.

It's a key to see with clear eyes.

As I talked about in my own story,

One of the most common struggles during a spiritual emergence is feeling ungrounded,

Untethered to the physical experience.

It almost feels like you're floating,

Like you're dissolving,

Or you're unable to function in daily life.

And this is why grounding practices are essential.

Christina Groff talks about this in her book Spiritual Emergencies.

She says,

In her point of view,

Since most young adults weren't given the space to properly experience a spiritual emergence,

When we have them later in our adult years,

It could be really challenging to manage all of the things that we need to manage as adults.

Mortgages,

Paying the bills,

Being a parent,

And other responsibilities that we have.

So what she envisioned was actually some sort of retreat center that would be available,

Sometimes for a couple of years,

So that as an adult goes through a spiritual emergence,

They're able to have their basic needs met.

Now most of us can't do that,

Myself included.

So here are some other options to help you stay connected to this reality.

One is to move the body,

And embodiment practice is so critical.

Like I mentioned when we're helping our kids through this type of experience,

Walk barefoot on the earth,

Stretch.

My personal practice is a yoga practice.

Practice yoga or martial arts.

This is where cautious breathing comes in.

Try deep belly breathing or alternate nostril breathing to really calm your nervous system.

The more we're able to bring ourselves back into a parasympathetic nervous state,

The more we're able to really stay connected to this reality.

And water could be really powerful here.

Ever bringing the elements in is often a good idea,

And water could be a really good reset here.

So this is where cold showers,

Cold plunges,

Going for a swim,

Soaking in a bath,

An Epsom salt bath,

To anchor yourself in the physical sensation,

Really feeling yourself in the body.

This could be really helpful.

This is one of the reasons why I still maintain a strong physical practice.

You know,

People will wonder sometimes why I will go to the gym and bench press or squat.

Not only does it feel good and I like doing it,

But it also helps me really stay connected to the body because my muscles get really sore.

And I'm able to say,

Oh yeah,

Hey body,

Thanks for keeping me connected here.

I appreciate it.

When the mind is in the clouds,

The goal is to bring your awareness back to your breath,

To your feet,

To your senses.

And this helps you show up better too in your business if you run a business as well.

Paul Levy warns,

Let's get a little more serious here.

Paul Levy warns that modern culture often misunderstands spiritual awakening as pathology.

And this is definitely true in his story where he was put into psychiatric wards as a kid.

And what this does is this leads to a suppression through medication or fear-driven diagnosis.

At the same time,

It's really important to discern whether additional support is needed.

So here's what to do.

Find someone who understands the difference between a true crisis and an awakening process.

And if seeking professional help,

Look for practitioners who recognize the intersection of psychology and spirituality.

So trained Jungian therapists,

Transpersonal psychologists,

Integral coaches,

Spiritual counselors that are certified.

And avoid suppressing the experience out of fear.

Fear is often a portal transformation.

But what people can often do,

Men in particular that I see in my line of work,

Is we isolate ourselves.

So don't isolate yourself if you're struggling.

This is actually the time to really reach out and really ask for help.

And this could start by picking up a book,

Listening to other stories,

Listening to stories like mine here,

Other podcasts that are talking about it,

And other books that are talking about similar stories.

Not all intense experiences are breakdowns.

Some are breakthroughs.

In fact,

Most are if we have the support to get through them.

But having the right guidance and having the right support is key.

Last thing here,

And this perhaps is one of the most beautiful aspects of a spiritual emergence,

Yet it can be intense.

And that is a spiritual emergence,

It unleashes a flood of energy.

You're gonna receive visions,

Insights,

Synchronicities.

But this energy sometimes has nowhere to go.

And if that happens,

It could become chaotic and it can be destructive.

So Levy,

In his work,

He emphasizes the importance of creativity as an alchemical force.

And this allows you to integrate what's happening in a way that doesn't overwhelm you.

So what I'm talking about here is write,

Paint,

Create something each day.

And even if it doesn't make sense,

Just let it move through you.

Some of my greatest teachers have these drawings that the world has never seen.

And Jung,

In his Red Book,

Did the same thing as well.

Then he didn't even let people see it.

It wasn't until early 2000s that the world became aware that he even had these wild drawings that he kept hidden.

Dr.

Seuss did the same thing too.

If you ever take a look at his work when he passed away,

He allowed some paintings of the depressive times that he had to come through.

And it was his way to,

From my perspective,

To really alchemize the darker moments that he had and an emergence that I believe he experienced.

So write,

Paint,

Create something each day.

And it doesn't need to make sense.

Just let it move through you.

The next is to speak it out loud.

Talk to someone who understands.

Record voice notes to process your thoughts.

Leverage AI to have a conversation on this.

Move your body rhythmically as well.

This is one of my favorites.

So this is where dancing,

Drumming,

Chanting,

You know,

My neighbors likely think that I'm crazy and I'm okay with that.

Expression through rhythm,

It is an ancient way of integrating powerful experience.

One of my favorite dream practices is to actually act out my dreams on wild land.

And this is what I'm talking about here.

So whatever,

What's happening to you is is not just for you.

I want you to remember that.

It may be something that,

When integrated,

And I believe it certainly is,

It becomes a gift for others.

And I would say it becomes your soul gift.

It becomes the unique thread that you weave into the tapestry of this whole human experience.

So a few last notes here before we wrap up.

A spiritual emergence,

It's not neat,

It's not linear,

And it's definitely not easy.

The greatest initiations often feel like death because,

In a way,

They are.

They're a psycho-spiritual death.

The small self,

The old identity,

The conditioned ways of thinking,

They're gonna dissolve.

They're gonna make space for something greater to emerge.

The challenge here is not to panic and grasp,

Not to grab on to the old,

But to trust that what is unfolding is leading you somewhere deeper,

Somewhere truer,

Somewhere more alive than ever before.

So when the fear rises,

And it will,

When the uncertainty shakes you,

And it will,

Remind yourself you are not being destroyed.

You are being transformed.

Reviews

Really appreciated the validation of the experience I am just learning now that I am going through. To be able to name it, contextualise it and not feel like something is wrong is a huge relief.

Thank you for speaking on this often ignored subject ✨💜💫

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It feels like every time I have a really high fever I experience a bit of this. The key for me is not to “get back to normal” like everyone wants me to. I see very clearly when I’m taken out like that how society wants me to just be a productive member of society. Thank you 🙏

Thank you for sharing this Mark. It is so important to know we are not alone when we experience this, and that we are not going crazy. By sharing your story, it is a way of creating societies that guide and welcome souls as they emerge. Inspiring and a great reminder, very grateful.