Breaking The Chain Of Generational Trauma

What if the struggles you face today aren’t just yours—but echoes of past generations? What if the patterns of emotional suppression, fear, or scarcity weren’t born with you but were passed down, unspoken, from those who came before? In this talk, I dive deep into the hidden inheritance of generational trauma and, more importantly, how to break free. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying weight that isn’t yours, this is for you.

Transcript

I want to dive into a topic here that might bring up a lot for you.

It has the power to transform not just your life,

But the lives of your children and generations to come.

And I'm talking about unburdening generational trauma,

The big T word.

And I don't use that word lightly.

I really respect that word because there's so much more than we typically think about when we talk about trauma.

And what I'm talking about here is breaking the chains that have been passed down to us epigenetically.

And that way we don't unconsciously hand them to our kids.

If you've ever felt like you are carrying weight that isn't yours,

Whether it's emotional patterns,

Fears,

Or reactions that seem bad,

You're not alone.

So what I'm going to cover today is how to recognize the generational trauma you may carry,

How to release what no longer serves you,

And how to rewrite the pattern so your children don't inherit them.

So take a deep breath in,

Breathe your roots deeper into the ground beneath your feet,

And let's dive in.

Let's start with recognition because you can't change what you don't see.

Let me say that again.

You can't change what you're not aware of,

What you don't see.

Generational trauma isn't just what happened to you,

It's what happened to your parents,

Grandparents,

And those before them.

And more importantly,

It's how they react to what happened around them.

It's the silent inheritance of fear,

Shame,

And unprocessed pain that gets passed down through behaviors,

Beliefs,

And epigenetically through our nervous system.

So think about it.

If your father never expressed emotions,

Maybe you struggled to connect with your own.

That would make sense.

You want the model of how to do that.

If your family avoided conflict,

Like 99% of modern families do,

Maybe you struggle to assert yourself,

Whether it's at home or at work as well.

I see this time and time again with executives that are very successful,

Yet struggle to navigate conflict.

They are conflict avoidant,

And at a certain point in their career,

It is inevitable that they have to learn how to better navigate conflict.

One of the things I often share when I'm running workshops at companies is,

If you don't believe you have conflict,

It means that you're unaware of where your conflict is.

A healthy relationship,

Whether in work or in life,

Has a healthy amount of conflict.

Learning the tools to navigate conflict,

The deeper transformation,

Is the way through.

Whether it's for a better relationship at home or a better relationship at work as well with your co-workers.

Another thing I often hear is,

If money was always a source of stress for your family,

There's likely that you're going to carry around some guilt around earning money or any success that you've experienced in your life,

Especially if it transcends the limits that your father was able to make in his career.

These patterns weren't consciously chosen.

They were absorbed,

Like sponges as kids.

Science backs this up.

Studies on epigenetics show that trauma can literally alter gene expression,

Meaning we can inherit stress responses from past generations.

Here's the thing.

Awareness disrupts the cycle.

This is what I call unburdening the past.

The moment you recognize these patterns,

You stop being a passive carrier of them.

I'm not saying that's easy.

There's work to do,

But I invite you into a quick reflection here.

What is one pattern in your life that feels bigger than you?

Where do you see echoes of your parents or grandparents in the way you react,

You parent,

Or you lead?

Hold that thought because the next step is learning how to release it.

Releasing generational trauma is not about blame.

It's about liberation.

The men I work with often feel guilt or resistance at this stage.

They'll often say things like,

But my parents did the best they could,

Which is true.

That's great.

I get that.

They'll often say as well,

This is just the way I am,

Or I don't want to dig up the past.

And I get that.

It makes sense.

But healing isn't about dwelling on the past.

It's about freeing up your future.

Healing isn't about dwelling on the past.

It's about freeing your future.

So how do we begin to release what no longer serves us?

We start by naming it.

When we name something,

We begin to loosen its grip.

Instead of,

I have anger issues,

Try this.

I carry unprocessed rage from generations before me.

Instead of,

I can't express emotions,

Try,

I was never shown how to safely express what I feel.

By shifting the language,

We remove shame and replace it with understanding.

In my family,

We have a saying that says,

Feel it to heal it.

And I'll always remember a powerful moment when my son had hurt his foot and he was really upset.

And afterwards,

He said,

You need to feel it to heal it.

And so as a family,

We said that,

I don't know,

About 20 times and we just started laughing.

And it was a really beautiful moment that came out of,

You know,

A really scary moment for my son when he hurt his foot.

So trauma isn't just stored in our minds,

It's held in our bodies.

That's why logical awareness alone isn't enough.

We can't think ourselves through these things.

One powerful practice is breathwork.

That's why it's quite popular these days.

So try this with me.

Take a deep breath in through your nose,

Hold it.

When you exhale out your mouth,

Let out a deep ahhhhhh.

Feel free to pause this audio and do that a few times.

When emotions rise,

Instead of suppressing them,

Let them move through you,

Whether that's through breath,

Movement,

Or even primal sounds.

So let's go a bit deeper here then.

One of my favorite practices is writing a letter to the ancestor or the parent that you feel most impacted by.

What did they pass you?

What do you now choose to release?

And what do you choose to keep?

This isn't so much about sending the letter.

I want to be clear about that.

This is inner work.

It's about putting language to what was once unspoken.

And if it feels right for you,

I invite you to call in the elements.

A powerful grief ritual is to take what you write down here,

Read it aloud,

And then release it into a fire.

Because what we don't release,

We repeat.

And our children feel it,

Even if we never say a word.

So let's rewrite the story for your children.

Once we've released and we've released,

The final step is rewriting the story.

Choosing a new legacy for the next generation and the generation to come after them.

So ask yourself,

If my child or child never have to carry this burden,

What would that look like?

And then how do I model the story for my children?

How do I model this different way of being?

One of the most powerful ways to break the cycle is not through some big,

Grandiose effort.

It's actually through small,

Intentional acts of fathering differently.

In fact,

That's how we change ourselves.

That's how we change our personality.

It's through small,

Intentional acts.

Give your child what you never had.

If you longed for emotional presence as a kid,

Be present for your child.

And do the work to be able to be present for your child and be present with the entire emotional experience.

If you grew up in a home of criticism,

Lead with encouragement.

And if you were never allowed to express anger,

Teach your child how to feel anger safely.

You don't need to be perfect.

That's certainly not what we're talking about here.

And God knows I am not perfect at all.

So I'm definitely not one to talk here.

You just need to be cautious.

You need to be aware.

And you need to take discerning,

Small steps forward with an open heart and an open mind and a heck of a lot of support behind you.

So as we wrap up here,

I want you to think about creating a new family culture.

What is one new tradition that you can start with your children?

And what's one phrase you wish your father had said to you that you can now say to your kids?

Children don't just listen to what we say.

They absorb who we are.

So if you want your child to grow up without the weight of your wounds,

Show them what healing looks like.

Because when you change,

They don't have to carry what you carried.

I like this phrase.

I often say,

You are the chain breaker.

You are the chain breaker.

By doing this work,

You're not just changing your life.

You're shifting the course of generations.

And this is what real,

Daring leadership looks like.

It's not easy.

It often doesn't come with a reward.

It's looking in the mirror and becoming the kind of man who frees his children from the burdens he once carried.

And it all starts with making the choice.

Will you choose to break the chain?

Take a breath.

Let it sink in.

And when you're ready,

Take the first step.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for doing this work and for choosing a new path for yourself and your family.

If this resonates with you,

Share it with another father,

Someone who needs to hear this today.

I'll see you next time.