When punishing yourself for failed/missed expectations

You don’t want to just let yourself off the hook. And yet the kind of self-judgment and punishment we often visit on ourselves because of failed or missed expectations is just not healthy or helpful. How do you clear those voices out of your head and heart, and have a healthier relationship with misses?

Transcript

Bismillah, Rahman, Rahim, In the name of the one most compassionate, Most merciful, Most kind. This is Mark Silver with Heart of Business. Welcome to Remembrance. I want to encourage you to take a nice gentle breath. Yeah, Nice gentle breath. I'm just noticing how you feel. Noticing what's true. Just noticing as you take a gentle breath and just noticing how you feel, How much space there is for you to feel exactly how you're feeling. Not needing to change or fix anything. Without needing to be in a different space. One of the things that can come up strongly for us in business is when we're wanting particular outcomes or we're wanting to get certain things done. And we haven't met our own expectations. When we feel bad about that, We beat ourselves up, We judge ourselves worse than anyone else could judge us. And so if that's what resonates for you, Just wanting to encourage you to feel that. What is true? How does that feel? Just giving plenty of time and space for feeling that ache. You weren't able to meet expectations for yourself. Maybe even expectations that others had as well. That doesn't feel good. I'm just noticing what that feels like. For me, I sometimes feel like my stomach's been turned upside down or maybe there's some fear. It can be very intense at times. Just allowing yourself to be with that feeling. What is it like to face that feeling and be with it? I'm just noticing that it's not mortal. It's painful, But it's not deadly to be with that discomfort. And then finally, If you haven't yet, Taking some time to bring in the remembrance, To begin to call the name of the Divine through the open doorway of your heart. Not trying to fix the feeling, Not trying to take it away, Not trying to do anything different. I'm just noticing. And just beginning to ask, What is it that your heart is really needing? What is it that your belly is really needing? And if the first answer is, I needed to do it differently, I needed to do it better, Just say thank you and gently put that answer aside and ask more deeply, What is it that you're really thirsting for? There is a divine quality according to Sufism known as Al-Haleem. And this quality is a quality of forbearance, A divine presence that covers over our faults. Sometimes it's really helpful to see our faults and to work with them and to open them. And sometimes it's not helpful. Sometimes it's just picking at a wound. It's not really letting us heal and be full, Because we make mistakes. And if we had to look at every single mistake we made, We would never be able to enjoy our lives. And so just ask in your heart from a place of willing to be surprised. Is this a place where there was a mistake that really needs to be looked at? Or is this a place where Al-Haleem can just be covered over and there's nothing wrong with that? Maybe it wasn't even a mistake at all. Maybe the only mistake was that you had expectations that weren't realistic. Or someone else had expectations that weren't realistic. So I want you to bow your head and your heart for a place of sincerity, A place of real surrender and asking, What is it that's needed here? Do I need to look at this? Or is this a place that can just be covered over with love? You can just let it flow away in the river of time in your life as yet another thing that just happened and doesn't need any particular attention. Let yourself be willing to be surprised here. Oh Oh Oh Oh just letting yourself receive either insight and love and care into the situation or the divine quality of Al-Haleem and just lets it float away. Oh I was noticing how your heart feels receiving and being with whichever insight you received. Oh And then from whatever your heart's been receiving, Just noticing what feels like it unfolds from this. What unfolds from either the insight and healing from looking into the situation or what unfolds from? Al-Haleem I'm taking a nice gentle breath noticing whatever you might have received any natural or authentic appreciation for today's remembrance. Letting yourself express that appreciation that gratitude to the divine. And another nice gentle breath and if you want to you can continue remembrance or in a state of nourishment you can turn your attention back towards the day and continue on with your life. Thank you for joining me. I wish peace and love to you. Peace.