Healing Mama

Motherhood is an indescribable journey of awakening and healing; so often as we parent our children, we become aware of our own wounds that are yet to be soothed and healed. With impossible standards and expectations upon Mothers, it's so very easy to slip into feelings of unworthiness and failure; the fear that we are somehow falling short and letting our little ones down. Turning inward with compassion at times of struggle is medicine, both for us, and those we love most. This recording begins with a short talk, then I will guide you into a meditative experience of nourishing self-compassion.

Transcript

Hello, My friend, Welcome. My name is Mar, And I welcome you here with an open, Non-judgmental heart. This is your time, My love, Your space, And it's okay to rest here a while. Motherhood is such an intense, Powerful, Beautiful, Confusing, Exquisite, All-encompassing, Indescribable journey. It's so, So much. In the process of guiding and parenting our little ones, We are so often awakened to how much guiding and parenting we need to offer ourselves. As we witness how we relate to our children, Especially in moments of heightened conflict or challenge, We see all these unhealed, Wounded child parts of our own being shouting out for our loving attention. Our children become these little holy spotlights shining on all the areas within us that are yet to be soothed and healed. Because of the modeling many of us received of not tending to our own needs, Of sacrificing self in order to give to our loved ones, And in finding our worth in how well we care for others, It's no wonder so many amazing, Loving mothers fall habitually into the trap of unworthiness, Of feeling like we are falling short, Failing, Letting our kids down, Doing it wrong, Messing it all up. I know those thoughts and feelings so intimately. Becoming a mom was such a catalyst for my deepest, Darkest fears of not being enough to surface and become a looming shadow nipping at my heels, Always ready to highlight all the ways I was falling short and letting my babies down. Cultivating compassion is like turning on a great big flashlight and pouring it directly onto them saying, I see you, I hear your insults, But I choose love. I choose to meet my pain and unworthiness with deep, Nurturing self-compassion. And in doing so I not only transform my own inner world, But I model to my little ones how it is to care for yourself in your darkest, Most shameful moments. Instead of buying into the historical conditioning that dictates that as a mother I should be suffering in some way, I should be offering myself as a martyr, I choose to break that cycle of self-depreciation and self-annihilation and meet myself with loving kindness and acceptance. When we transform our relationship to ourselves, We transform our relationship to our children and their relationship with themselves. This work is profoundly important, The ripple effect of which is infinite. Imagine a world where when humans found themselves in a place of suffering, Rather than acting in through self-criticism and shame-based self-attack or through acting out on others, They instead were able to pause and meet the pain with loving compassion. This begins with each of us individually, And as mamas we are in an incredible position to pioneer this transformation. And so my love, I invite you to now arrive in a position that feels comforting, Nurturing, And safe for your body today. Gently asking of yourself, What way does my body need to be right now? And honoring what comes, That may be seated, Lying down in shavasana, It may be curled up under a blanket. As you begin to arrive and settle, Reminding yourself that everything else is secondary to you being here right now. All other plans, Chores, Other people's needs, It can all be tended to later. Gently but firmly setting a boundary around you and within you, Knowing and trusting that it's okay to be here, That this is your sacred time and space. Scanning gently to notice what's here for you in this moment, Moving slowly through the physical body, With kindness, With curiosity, Just noticing how the body is physically feeling today, Making no part of your experience wrong, Allowing what is, Just to be. Calling awareness onto the emotional landscape now, Again, Without any judgment or internal commentary, Simply noticing, Discovering, Maybe silently naming whatever emotions are detectable right now. It's safe to be here, And all of you, All your emotions are so welcome here. Calling awareness onto the breath now, And releasing thoughts about breathing, But instead connecting deeply with the felt sense of breathing, Watching and feeling the arrival of this new breath, This new moment, Tracing that breath, That flow of life, The very subtle movement of the chest, The belly, Rising, Falling, Expanding, Contracting, Feeling, Witnessing, Welcoming, Taking a few deeper breaths now, Breathing in and sending the breath deep down into the lower belly, Pausing a moment here, And then a long, Slow, Steady exhale, Fully emptying the lungs, Bringing awareness into your heart space now, This powerhouse of love and emotion, The place from where so much of our tenderness pours, Either placing a hand on your physical heart, Or just feeling into the space energetically, Feeling and knowing the warmth, The compassion, Love that is so very alive here, So much love, And while it's beautiful that you extend so much of that love outward every day, In countless ways and moments, Seeing if it's at all possible to begin to allow some of that love inward toward your own being, You, Too, Are wholly deserving of your own love, You, Too, Are wanting so much, So much to be seen, Seen, Understood, Validated, And cared for in the world, You, Too, Carry within you many pockets of pain and wounding, Of littler versions of you who felt abandoned and hurt by the world and by other humans, They are all welcome here now, All of you is welcome, All of you is enough, Allowing that warmth and compassion to begin to spread throughout your physical being, From the very top of your head, Down through your face, The back of your head, Your ears, Jaw, Down into the throat, Neck, Warmth, Love, Compassion, Flowing into every cell of your body, Down through your shoulders, Your chest, Your arms, Hands, Fingers, Filling all of your torso, The whole of your back, Abdomen, Pelvis, Filling with this warmth, Compassion, Flowing down into your groin, Thighs, Down through the legs, And all the way out to the feet, The whole of your physical being bathing in gentleness, In warmth, In love, All of your being bathing in this loving energy, This is big, Big work you're doing on earth, My darling, In any given moment, You are showing up with the tools and the skills and capacity you have specific to that snapshot in time, And that is enough, Shaming yourself is taking you one step further away, Not closer to healing and connection, By offering yourself compassion and tenderness, You soften the voice of harshness and criticism, And what a gift that is for your little ones, What beautiful modeling it is for them to know that it's not only okay to be imperfect, To stumble and fall, But that we can then meet that with self-acceptance and compassion, Knowing that to turn on yourself is a disservice to your little ones, Both the external ones you guide in the outside world, And the many little ones you carry within your own being, What a fierce act of mama bear energy it is to stand up and claim no more, No more needless pain and suffering, No more harshness, No more feeding the shame and unworthiness, I am and always will be enough, With every fiber of my being I love and care for these little ones, I am doing the best I can, And that is enough, Thank you for being with me today, Go gently and with love.

Reviews

So beautiful! I did the best I could… 🙏🏻

dearest Mar- i am so grateful to have “stumbled” upon your meditations. you have become one of my most relied-upon voices of kindness and compassion in these Uncertain Times. thank you so much for the depth and motherly love which pours through every word. may you be blessed with more grace and joy and reciprocity than you can imagine. thank you. thank you. with love, ayreAnna. 🙏🏽♥️🕊️

This track has been saved for a while with the intention to ask my mom if she would be open to listen. I am not a mother. I’ve always told her, I will never truly understand the kind of love that a mother feels. I am vulnerable, sensitive and love my mom deeply. We have had a difficult time the past few years, as I have been in a dark, painful and immobilized place. She does not understand it. At times I realize her inner child and deep wounds are where her anger, or hostility towards me come from….not that she doesn’t love me. As an adult child, with a mom who is turning 90 this year, I am beyond blessed to still have her here, thriving more than most, and yet…any day that could end.
For her or me.
My deepest wish is to heal from where I am, back to a place of “aliveness”, living aligned to my values, with abundant peace, joy, passion and love. I had found that, even in a life with many obstacles which resilience and deep connections helped me thrive through. That is what my mother has seen, and we both are struggling in different ways that I have not just struggled, but have lost my sense of self as well. Painful for us each.
In my wish to heal for myself is also for my mom to “see me” again, as a better, more true version of myself before it is too late. I can only heal myself, I can’t expect or force others to.
I “see” my mom, her wounds and shadows, that she has not faced, or even have awareness of…. I also still see her love, beauty, kindness.
It would be a blessing for my beautiful, loving, compassionate, mother, who is a warrior for her child can leave this earth feeling our true bond, with peace , and joy between us again. Today I’m seeing her, I listened to 2 of your poems that lhelped me this morning. I decided to listen to this meditation myself before asking her if she would be open to it. The words at the beginning, from a child’s point were so powerful, important and part of what I also want and need from myself, and from my mother. If she is open to it, I plan to be near her yet give her space to connect to her special, true place within herself. She deserves to feel self love, and compassion for all she has sacrificed for her children to become. Thank you for creating a practice that I feel I too can use to better understand both myself and my amazing mother. 🙏🏼

Always, your arrow flies through to my heart. I appreciate your wise counsel. Blessings, Mar. 🙏🏼✨💫💞

Thank you! I'm doing the best I can, and that is enough. ❤️🙏🏻