Holding Space During Dark & Difficult Times

Join us on Inspired Living Radio as Host Marc Lainhart – The Intuitive Prospector™ – talks about the healing power, energy, love, and tips for how to support others during dark and difficult times and “Holding Space” for another.

Transcript

Welcome to Inspired Living with Mark Lanehart,

The Intuitive Prospector.

Every Wednesday,

Mark along with his special guests will explore thought-provoking topics and ideas that promote creativity,

Self-help,

Healing,

Happiness,

And well-being to inspire you on your spiritual journey.

Each week,

Mark will discuss different paths to achieving a more spiritual,

Balanced,

Happy,

And healthy lifestyle.

Topics will elevate consciousness and range from metaphysics to the human and social experience and all things spiritual.

Welcome to an inspired community that offers support,

Encouragement,

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Mark is a tested,

Certified,

And professional spiritual medium,

Metaphysical teacher,

Healer,

And spiritual advisor with a spiritual practice based in Seattle,

Washington.

You are the inspired and the inspiration.

And good morning,

Good afternoon,

Good evening,

Wherever you may be in this beautiful,

Amazing,

Wonderful planet of ours,

This is Inspired Living Radio.

I'm your host,

Mark Lanehart,

The Intuitive Prospector,

Live here in the rainy,

Foggy Seattle,

Washington.

Happy New Year to you if you're just joining the show.

If you're new to the show,

Thanks so much for listening in.

If you're coming back as one of our inspired listeners all around the globe,

I really appreciate you taking your time out of your day to spend the afternoon with me for the next 45 minutes.

As we talk about a subject that's very near and dear to my heart,

Today I'm going to be talking about how holding space for another can really help people in our world.

It can help you,

It can help,

You know,

Maybe it's a family member,

A friend,

A co-worker,

And I'm going to be talking about the healing power,

The energy,

The love,

And tips for how to support others during dark and difficult times and holding space for another and,

You know,

Just something that may help you on your spiritual journey.

So thank you so much.

Grab a cup of tea,

A cup of coffee,

A protein shake,

Or a glass of water.

Throw on some comfortable clothes.

Sit back,

Relax,

And let's just do a little spiritual prospecting for our own spiritual healing transformations and,

Most importantly,

Spiritual gold over the next 45 minutes.

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Washington,

Or the Pacific Northwest,

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Com.

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I want to give you a positive mantra or a positive affirmation that we like to do like I like to do with all of my shows if I can and it's more about what is empathy and empathy is simply listening,

Holding space without judgment,

Emotionally connecting and communicating that incredible healing message of you're not alone and for some of you today you may be listening to this show and you may be feeling alone.

I know that I've had in my my journey I've had some very dark nights of the soul some very lonely nights and that could be also that spiritual awakening that shaking that causes that awakening if you will and it's just you know letting you know even through the sound of my voice that you're not alone and sometimes we do feel that we're alone but empathy is just simply listening holding space without judgment emotionally connecting and communicating that incredible healing message of you are not alone and so I'm going to be taking the next 30 minutes or so to talk about grief talk about what holding space looks like talk about the difference between grieving and mourning I can say that this last month January's always always has been a difficult month for me to get through and if you look at even just the statistics the death rate actually goes up in January it's quite you know kind of makes sense I guess from a psychology standpoint some people try to get through the holidays some people are taking you know the new year on and waiting for the new year to take place but then you know reality sets in whether depending on where you live in the world is not always great sometimes the bills start rolling in for you and you know from the the money that you spent during the holidays and January can be a very difficult year I go I always say January is a difficult year and if we can get through that I can make it through the rest of the year but I've always found January to be very trying even with my own journey as I lost both my brothers in January one to murder one to brain cancer and I've always dealt with that survivor's guilt and then just recently we lost another member of our extended family that had passed over into spirit just just last week so just kind of dealing with that and just kind of understanding that you know difficulties of what January can look like for you but I want you to know that you know I am holding space for you no matter where you're at in the world and and we can do that what what does that mean to hold space for another I'm going to give you some tips today on you know holding space for someone you know it's just really just being there for somebody you know depression comes in many different forms grieving and death and dying comes in in many different ways and you know it's it's just really you know I like to say most of the time all anyone really needs is to feel truly heard received and understood without anyone in attempting to fix them change them or prove them wrong and I have a lot of experience unfortunately you know with when I went when I went through the the death and dying of my my brothers and experiencing the murder trials and coming face to face with my brother's killer and you know then watching my older brother be put into a nursing home with his brain cancer I just really had a hard time with honoring my grief and today as a as a spiritual teacher as a transformational coach that pain can be really turned into healing there's a there's a quote from Rumi that talks about the cure for the pain is the pain and there is a lot of truth to that if we're willing to embrace that if we're willing to face that you know and it doesn't have to be just death and dying it can be you know grieving is an internal process and when we grieve you know everybody is different when it comes to death and dying and everybody grieves differently but one of the things I can remember that when I was going through my trials and tribulations of death and dying and experiencing that people would always come up to me and say you know Mark you know just just ignore it it's it's it's gonna get better time heals you know the pain will go away faster if you ignore it and that's a myth guys that that really is not the truth if you do what I did and I recommend that you don't don't hold it in don't take it with you as a as a as a heavy bag or suitcase that you drag behind you because your past as I always remind people is a life lesson it does not need to be a life sentence and so when somebody tells you you know the pain will go away faster if you ignore it the that's a myth and the fact is trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run and you know for real healing to take root for real healing to take place it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with that and one of the ways that I found by doing that grief like I said is an internal process and one way to honor your grief is to have mourning.

Mourning can come in many different ways singing,

Dancing,

Rituals,

Mantras,

Just letting out a scream of frustration and anger and inventing,

Writing,

Painting,

Songwriting,

Playing an instrument there are many ways to honor your grief by the process of mourning and when you do that some amazing things can start to unfold for you some beautiful inspirations can come into your life some amazing people can start to gravitate towards you if you would have asked me 15 years ago that I'd be on a radio show talking about this some of my personal life out for everybody to hear but you know writing a book doing the work I do as a psychic doing the work as I do as a British trained spiritual medium doing events with people all around the nation and in the country in the world I would have just looked at you with just this glossy stare of what are you even talking about because I didn't know that my experiences then of those traumas tragedies and transformations would lead me to a place to heal within my own journey but to also help people be aware and heal within their own journey as well as well there is no timetable for grieving guys there is no timetable I always you know people would say that to me oh to get better over time mark it'll get better over time and it didn't make any sense to me and I found that the grieving process whatever trauma tragedy whatever shaking that's caused your own awakening that you've gone through it becomes a part of you and you start to grow around that and I can say that you know with the transition of my brothers into spirit my father in law with his ms into spirit all at the young ages all at the same time that became the root the core of who I am today and it is built and I've built around that and I found so much healing and transformation and just communications with other people that are you know maybe suffering that may be going through a tough time and you know I get feedback all the time that mark your story is so inspirational to us now I don't personally feel it's inspirational but it does resonate it does inspire other people and you know it wouldn't be it would be years later that I took my Myers Briggs profile and it actually you know determined that I should be an inspirer I should be out in the world helping others serving the world of spirit and getting other people to you know start living again you know my tagline for what I do in my spiritual practice and it came to me early in my career when I started down the spiritual path was dare to dream dare to explore dare to live now again that was just a tagline that I started sounded good and sounded catchy for my spiritual practice however I didn't know that that would actually become my truth and that was something that the soul adventures that I would have would unlock that door to really dare to dream to you know write a book to do some things if you know I would even thought I would even be streaming through Alexa uh let alone doing a radio show so that's that dare to dream the dare to explore is to explore not only the world around you but the world within it is truly a journey of going within through the power of meditation through the power of qigong yoga tai chi exercise you know there's a there's a whole new world ready to unfold and be discovered I think of Joseph Campbell at the time in his quote when he says the cave you fear to seek holds the treasure you seek and that cave for a lot of us is within ourselves and I you know I equate it to like being you know as a certified diver you know when I drop down below the surface of the water it's like a whole terrestrial world has opened up kind of like when you know if you've ever seen the movie avatar and he's got the flame you know trying to fight off the creatures and then finally the the um the anavi lady takes his torch throws it in the water and says what are you doing and all of a sudden this whole world lights up that's been around him the whole time and that can that can be for you as well um but just know that there is no normal time table for grieving uh grieving is not on a schedule it doesn't follow a calendar and this can you know last with you for the rest of your life like I said it's been 20 plus years but the pain is when people say the pain will go away faster if you ignore it that's a myth and the fact is you will start to have things surface later in your life and that could be through the forms of depression anxiety it could be through even just your health issues your health your organs your brain your heart all of your body faculties can be impacted by grieving and stress and anxiety and worry and so I always recommend you know seek counseling seek professionals uh seek out you know I did biofeedback I've done hypnotherapy I've done acupuncture I've done tons and tons of hours of meditations and working with soma breath if you've never worked with soma breath very very powerful but we're going to get into more details here we've got our first break coming up here if you want to call into the show and have a conversation with me about today's topic please do so I always open up the phone lines usually the second half of the show the number to call is 202 570 7057 that is the ome times radio call in line uh chris my producer will put you in the waiting room until we can bring you on and again if you want to talk about what it is like to hold space for others during dark depressing traumatic times then this would be the show to call in and just share maybe you have some tips that I can learn from I think that you know the old saying you know iron sharpens iron and I'm always a student of life and learning from others and so if you've maybe got a good tip that you'd like to share with a listening audience or myself I welcome you to call in 202 570 7057 and when we come back after the break I'm going to really get into some more details and tips on on how to hold space for another you know looking at empathy you know it's really hold space for yourself so that you can better hold space for others and it really does start with your journey and something that I had to work on myself holding space for myself because I was always really good as a first responder and helping others and being called other people's traumas and tragedies I was really bad at taking care of myself and holding space for myself so when we come back after the break we'll be talking about holding space for self holding space for others I really appreciate you listening in to today's show and like I always like to say be inspired inspire others inspire before we expire we'll be back in two minutes here on inspired living radio the future of internet radio is here own times radio IOM FM host your show on IOM FM the radio network of own times media one of the more recognized brand names in the conscious community and is backed by the extensive marketing reach of own times hosting a show on IOM FM immediately connects you with our extensive dedicated community one planet 7.

3 billion people only one you life offers us many opportunities and learning experiences are you ready to explore and discover this beautiful planet the life and energy all around us the spiritual world and what is unseen along with your own personal soul adventure mark lane heart the intuitive prospector is the spiritual connection you have been prospecting for internationally known as a tested and professional clairvoyant medium and spiritual advisor mark's work as a metaphysical teacher medical instructor radio show host inspirational writer and hiking guide are here to help you on a journey of self-discovery healing inspiration education and a whole lot of spiritual awesomeness dare to dream dare to explore dare to live for more information on mark's spiritual practice in seattle washington please visit mark lainhart.

Com or internet search the intuitive prospector did you know that you have the power to change anything in your life did you know you can do so even with the things that you've already decided are impossible to change come join me venus castlebrook on outside the impossible as i interview people from around the globe that have literally changed the things they thought were impossible to change just by using the amazing tools of access consciousness now airing wednesday's 4 pm eastern 1 pm pacific do you dare to believe that anything really is possible opiates has taken everything and everyone i've ever loved away from me everything i blew my ankle out and i got prescribed pain pills by my doctor if making my detox public is going to help somebody i'm all for it so i just wish i would have had a warning opioid dependence can happen after just five days know the truth spread the truth a message from truth the ad council and ontcp and welcome back to inspired living radio i'm your host mark lainhart the intuitive prospector today we are talking about holding someone's heart to the truth and the truth is the truth is the truth and the truth is the truth is the truth and the truth is the truth today we are talking about holding space we're talking about healing power energy love and some tips that i wanted to share with you on supporting others during dark and difficult times and holding space for another and what that may look like but before the break i wanted to talk about the importance of holding space for yourself first in order to hold space for others that you definitely have to start the healing process and i always refer to that as honoring your grief and grief death and dying.

It can be a divorce or a relationship breakup.

It can be a loss of health.

It could be losing a job.

It could be,

You know,

Maybe you have a loss or a big financial change or the financial stability that you once enjoyed,

You know,

Like having the rug ripped out from underneath you.

That can cause,

You know,

Grief,

Maybe a miscarriage or you're retiring,

Death of a pet.

I know a lot of my clients really,

Especially when it comes to mediumship,

They really miss their pets more than they miss their loved ones and people.

So death of a pet can really cause a lot of grieving energy because it's a loss and,

You know,

Coping with the loss of someone or something that you love is,

In my opinion,

One of life's biggest challenges and you may associate grief to a loss of a loved one.

However,

The intensity of grief can cover the whole gamut,

Like I said,

From divorce,

Health,

Job,

Financial,

Miscarriage,

Retirement,

Pets,

Maybe a loss of a cherished dream,

Something that you've been working on for several years.

I'm trying to think of the,

Was it Thomas Eddon that had failed,

You know,

You may fail 10,

000 times but it just takes that one time to be successful.

So you keep going,

You keep moving forward,

You know,

Whether it's someone that's,

You know,

You lose to suicide,

Which I'm dealing with currently in my reality of,

You know,

Suicide and overdose and addiction and,

You know,

A serious illness and,

You know,

That can lead to loss of friendships,

It can,

You know,

It can happen.

Maybe you're having,

Maybe you've had a traumatic experience and there's a post-traumatic stress that is taking place and you're not even familiar with it.

I know that I wasn't,

I was too,

Maybe I was too arrogant or too cocky or just didn't want to believe in it but,

You know,

It's a real deal and a lot of people don't deal with it in a timely manner and it creeps up and,

You know,

Catches you off guard.

So,

You know,

Selling the family home,

Selling something that you've been,

You know,

Maybe it's a car,

Maybe it's,

I still have my Ford F-150 from 1991,

You know,

I don't want to get rid of it,

It drives nice,

So there could be even a little grieving after I get rid of Big Red at some point,

I'll have to get rid of my truck,

One of my very first trucks I ever owned.

So,

Just,

It's a reminder that,

You know,

Coping with the loss of someone or something that you love is one of life's biggest challenges for,

You know,

Parents that have had to bury children.

I think that's one of the most toughest life-changing experiences that any parent would have to go through.

You know,

Even just experiencing the grieving of somebody that we don't know,

You know,

I didn't know,

I didn't personally know Kobe Bryant or anybody on the helicopter that crashed into the hillside in Calabasas but I still grieved and I mourned by honoring the work that he did and the work that the other folks on the helicopter did and what they did but we can make a connection through television,

We can make a connection through social media and,

You know,

We feel like we know them even though we don't.

Now,

I'll be honest,

I did meet Kobe way back in the day when we lived in Boston and I actually have a rookie autographed card with his number eight on the card so that I will cherish forever but there was a sense of grieving that took place for someone I didn't really know and,

You know,

There's other people throughout history that have come up.

I think of,

You know,

Princess Diana,

John F.

Kennedy,

Martin Luther King Jr.

,

You know,

People that have,

You know,

Impacted our lives and we've,

You know,

Connected with John Lennon.

I'm just trying to think of,

You know,

Different people that have come into the world and have inspired us and got us thinking or maybe,

You know,

Made us look differently at the world and when they pass on,

Mother Teresa comes to mind,

These folks you have a sense of grieving so it doesn't necessarily have to be someone you know,

It's someone,

Something but it's based on what you love and that is one of life's biggest challenges.

So,

It's very important that we hold,

We start to hold space for ourselves.

There's a quote from Thelma Davis that talks about,

When someone is going through a storm,

Your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words and that has always stayed with me when I started to have my shaking that caused the awakening because everybody had a lot of words,

A lot of,

You know,

And it was kind of like at the time,

It was kind of like listening to the Peanuts cartoon,

You know,

When the adults would talk to the children,

It was more of that wah wah wah,

Not to be rude and I'm not tuning them out,

I just couldn't comprehend what they were saying because I was in such a deep grieving state of loss and trauma and sometimes just showing up and there were people,

I reflect back now on this,

These experiences that I went through and there were people,

Strangers,

Some people I didn't even know that would just come and sit and I'd be like,

Okay,

This is weird,

Like why are you sitting with me but you're not seeing anything and sometimes when we're going through that storm,

Just a silent presence,

Whether they're there physically or they're there mentally and what I mean by that,

The thoughts that people,

You know,

There is power in prayer,

There is power and thought and consciousness and I do a lot of distant healing,

I hold space for people that,

You know,

I just today,

A former tutor of mine from the Arthur Finley College in England had requested you know,

Have some distant healing and holding space and I took a few minutes of,

You know,

My life,

My busy life and my time to sit back and just through the power of breath,

Really just hold space for her so that she could feel better and so you don't necessarily always have to be present to hold space for someone but it's important that when you're holding space that you don't try to fix someone and that that silent presence that you are,

Whether you're there physically or in thought,

Is very powerful and it's more powerful than a million empty words which I find so very true but again,

It is the power of holding space for yourself so that you can then in the future,

Like what I do now,

I had to hold space for myself over the last,

I don't know,

Last decade of really working through a lot of stuff on my end so that I can finally move out into the world and hold space for others.

So you may get the myth of it's important to be strong in the face of loss.

I was told that because I,

You know,

I'm one,

I'm a tourist so I'm the steady and true bull and I'm very confident in who I am and what I do as,

You know,

A former lifesaver,

As a former firefighter and so I would be strong for the family.

I'd be strong for my friends and what we were going through from murder,

Brain cancer,

Multiple sclerosis and try to be strong but that's a myth guys.

The fact is feeling sad,

Frightened or lonely,

It's a normal reaction to loss.

Crying does not mean you were weak.

I was actually raised to not cry,

You know,

So that can be a learned behavior.

I say it's important to have the eyes celebrate and to express because that's a form of mourning and honoring your grief is through the power of tears.

Now if you don't believe me,

Let's even bring the science in when you are grieving in the makeup,

The actual makeup of the tears can actually change with sadness,

With laughter.

So when you're laughing so hard that you're crying and you examine that tear under a microscope,

The elements of that tear actually look quite differently than somebody that is crying because they've just lost their loved one of 60 years that they were married to and so the science actually shows that the chemical makeup within our tears actually can change based on the emotions of what we are expressing out into our physical world.

So think about that for a second.

The actual chemical makeup,

The cellular level of our tears from joy,

Happiness,

Sadness,

Grieving,

Loss can change and that's very,

From a metaphysical standpoint to me,

That's very,

Very powerful because it shows the emotions can be measured based on our process of what we're feeling.

So you don't need to be strong in the face of loss.

It's okay to be crying and mourning and letting it out because it doesn't mean you're weak.

It actually means that you're actually strong by showing that emotion,

Expressing that emotion.

You don't need to protect your family or friends by putting on a brave front.

I did this for several years and it cost me in many different ways from relationships to my own health.

Showing your true feelings can help them and you and that's just a reminder,

Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

Now,

You know,

Mindful of my experience,

This is how I was raised,

I was born in the 70s and you know part of how I was raised,

One,

I'm a guy and so guys in today's society,

Not so much today but back in the 70s when I was growing up,

70s and 80s,

You weren't encouraged to show emotion.

It was almost a robotic form of navigating life and if you showed emotion,

You would have different labels of,

You know,

Are you weak,

Are you a coward,

Are you gay,

Just by expressing or being sensitive to how you're feeling within the world and a lot of labels went with that so a lot of people just shut that down.

Sometimes learn behavior from how your parents raised you,

Sometimes what you see in society.

It's even more so now with social media and how connected we are but you know it can be from your religious upbringing.

I was raised as a Catholic,

Catholicism and you know I don't recall a lot of expression of emotion especially from the guy and I'm sure that there is within the the Western biblical standards of the Bible but when I started to have my spiritual awakening and started to become a spiritual prospector in search of my own spiritual gold,

I realized that a lot of religions tell the same truth of love and they all have a very similar story but a lot of the religions that I found also talked about expression and also about feeling and sharing and connecting to something bigger than yourself.

Sometimes what is necessarily not seen but is what is unseen.

So again you don't have to be strong in the face of loss,

That's a myth.

The fact is,

You know,

Feel sad,

Feel frightened or lonely.

It's a normal reaction to loss.

You know I always was told if you don't cry it means you aren't sorry about the loss.

Someone really told me that if you don't cry then it just means you're not sorry about the loss.

You don't,

You know,

There's a judgment of you're not expressing your tears.

That's a myth guys.

The fact is crying is a normal response to sadness.

It's a normal response to sadness.

That's why we have tears.

I'm not sure how many animals off the top of my head scientifically actually cry but not all animals on this on this earth cry but a lot of them do as well and that's because it is a normal response to sadness,

To grieving.

But it's not the only one.

Those who don't cry may feel that the pain just as deeply as others.

So you don't have to express it in the form of tears but they may,

You know,

Maybe they don't cry and they just they can feel it just as deeply as you do and they may just have other ways.

They may simply just show another way of honoring their grief and through the power of mourning.

It doesn't always have to be through tears so don't get caught up in that and you know grieving should last about a year.

I remember somebody saying that to me.

That is a myth.

That it's not,

It'll get better with time Mark.

It'll last about a year and then you'll start to feel better.

Yeah well it's been 20 plus years guys and January still you know the one month if I can get through it.

We're in February now so you know I made it through the year of January and now the rest is macaroni as they say.

But there is no timetable for grieving.

There is,

It's not on the schedule.

It doesn't follow a calendar so again there is no specific time when it comes to grieving.

How long it takes is based on you.

It depends on are you holding space for yourself and are you gonna hold space truly so that you can move into that healing process.

Moving on you know another myth that I like to talk about when it comes to holding space.

Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

Actually quite the opposite.

Moving on means that you've accepted your loss but that's not the same as forgetting guys.

You know it's a you know logical thinking talks about forgiving but not necessarily forgetting and also not holding on to that because again your experiences,

Your soul adventures,

Your traumas,

Your tragedies,

You know everything that's happened in your past is not who you are and it's not a life sentence.

It's a life lesson from your past and you have the choice to really start living if you choose to do so.

You know choice and free will are probably the most powerful gifts that we're given while we're here on the physical earth plane and what time you use is your greatest commodity,

What you want to do with that.

You know I kind of you know the song Hamilton or the play Hamilton comes to my mind I think of Alexander Hamilton who I resonate with a lot from history past.

He was always writing like he was running out of time and I've a long felt that with even my own journey that I'm writing or doing stuff and there's not enough time in the day and people say how do you do what you do with your events and you know I don't even do this full-time.

This is not even my full-time job.

I have a day job that I still work.

You know balancing you know the spiritual work and the work of paying the bills with the day job but it's because I feel like I'm running out of time and time is your greatest commodity.

So moving on means that you've accepted your loss but it's not necessarily forgetting it's just logical thinking it's an intelligent thinking to forgive and to heal but not necessarily forget what's what you've gone through.

You can move on with your life and keep your memory of someone alive or something you lost whether through its pictures whether through it's an altar whether it's going to the grave to actually visit them once a year like they do with the Day of the Dead down in Mexico and the Spanish cultures of honoring the dead.

There's a lot of things that you can do we're not so good at in America in my opinion but I try to honor those that I've lost on a daily basis even just saying good morning to them.

I've got a picture right here my studio that I can look up with the last picture of all the brothers together before Michael and Todd moved into the spirit world but you can find a way to honor and keep talking with them you know as a medium there is such a thing called ABCs after death communications and if you're open to that and you talk to your loved ones they will find many ways to connect with you signs symbols synergy and synchronous sync events won't necessarily be in the form of a voice because they don't have a voice anymore.

So you know when you're open to the the world of spirit connecting with your loved ones through what I call ADCs after death communications or mediumship you would see it on TV as mediumship.

It's very similar to the wind you know I always remind people that when you look out the window and you see the wind move in the tree the tree is swaying back and forth and we say oh look at that but you don't see the actual wind with your physical eye you see the effects of the wind on the tree that's why you see the movement but you don't see the wind in the spirit world is very much that same way it's a spiritual wind if you will that it presses upon you and it moves you in different ways you just don't get to see it.

So moving on with your life means forgetting about loss that's a myth the fact is if you accept it helps you to move on with your loss but you don't necessarily have to forget.

So with that I want to give you some tips too we're gonna be coming up on our next break here in just just a few minutes but you know one of the tips that I would first first and foremost when you want to hold space for someone the first thing you need to do is hold space for yourself and you hold space for yourself by finding and doing the healing work the healing transformations that comes with death and dying grieving and like I pointed out earlier in the show grieving has many different many different experiences and many different definitions from you know the loss of a loved one to retirement to selling a family home to maybe a friendship or a relationship that you've had so it can cover a whole range of that grieving energy but the first and foremost is holding space for yourself is finding a therapist and finding a therapist whether it's you know I did a grieving counseling biofeedback hypnotherapy just a counselor to help you know help you talk out and get a you know a non opinionated response back that's really helpful in creating that space for yourself so find a therapist when we come back from the second break we're gonna be talking about some tips that I've used some things that I've come across including soma breath practicing loving kindness and using deep listening so we'll be back here in two minutes of inspired living radio I appreciate hanging out with me today you the cutting edge of conscious radio own times radio IOM FM have you wondered how to change your love paradigm the secret key is finding a love partnership not just a regular connection how do you find these through conscious relationships ascending hearts dating is a dating site for people like you that believes in second chances and a different type of spiritual connection try ascending hearts for free at ascending hearts calm and change your love paradigm ascending hearts the premier dating community for the spiritually awake my name is Victor Fuhrman some call me the voice I've always been fascinated with human nature spirituality science and the crossroads at which they meet join me Wednesdays at 8 p.

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Com to see some of our amazing dogs who need homes do not breed or buy make adoption your first option and welcome back this is inspired living radio today we are talking about holding space for self while also learning to hold space for others during dark and depressing times and right before the break I was talking about one of the first things that you should do in some of the tips that I found and you know a lot of my shows what I do is just sharing my experiences of what I've gone through and I've learned from others but I you know when I was first going through the traumas the tragedies and the transformations I did not want a counselor I was like I can get through it on my own I you know I look back at that now and if I if my future self could come back in time to my younger self my future self would tell my younger self that yeah get a therapist sit with somebody do the work do the healing do the transformation because you're gonna get ahead of the curve if you do that so find a therapist to create space for yourself the therapist is somebody that's allowing you to hold space for yourself so you can move into that healing modality and then therefore go forward to help others one of the things that I found was loving kindness and this is a term that's been rooted down into the Buddhist tradition and it does appear in other religions and other you know secular traditions as well but it's it's about the present moment it's about cultivating of compassion and love for another living being the earth or self in the present moment so a lot of us get so busy with what's going on especially in today's society with all the different apps the 24-hour news your job your relationship maybe your children and it's important to stop practice the pause take a deep breath in and move into what I call the magic of the moment so as I continue on with these other tips that's what I would like for you to do if you if you would just give me this just a quick minute to help you move into the magic of the moment and again if you think if you're listening today's show thank you so much for hanging out with me I truly appreciate you and if you want to work with me you can find me at marklingheart.

Com or just internet search the intuitive prospector but let's move into the magic of the moment and what we do by doing that is just we pause we pause and we just sit for a second we take a nice deep breath in through our nose we breathe in love hold on to that energy and we exhale gratitude and what I want you to do as you move into the magic of the moment you know the imagination could create a future that's not real or guaranteed and the memories create a past that you can't go back and change but when you move into that Buddhist tradition of the present moment which is cultivating of compassion love especially love for another living being the planet or yourself we can really find true health through our breath and so as you take that breath in through your nose envision that breath circling down around the back of your ear into the pineal gland coming down to your heart and as you exhale exhale that process that stuff you don't want out through the heart and again the pineal gland connects to the the the crown chakra so the connection of energy through the spine if you if you follow science and metaphysics like I do you'll find that there's a lot of energy that can be composed and transmitted through the power of breath so again breathe true breathe deep breathing in love hold on to that energy that prana that love that compassion and just breathe that out going through the pineal gland down through the heart and releasing what you don't one more deep breath breathe in love exhale gratitude and what is that doing that's practicing loving kindness for yourself and you do that by moving into the magic of the moment I know I've done episodes either through metaphysical mocha Mondays on practicing the pause it's actually something one of my members in my spiritual group came up with and she's actually taught the group on that so practicing the pause moving into what I call the magic of the moment and that's also an ability to practice loving kindness loving kindness for others loving kindness for the planet and most importantly loving kindness for yourself and what you're doing in that process is you are creating a space to allow yourself to heal if you move into you know getting a therapist and you start to hold space for yourself and heal and then you start to move out and holding space for others because you know the the one thing that we're all doing together is we're walking each other home with the you know the mindset that we're all going to transition and pass and die at some point in this journey so you can do what I used today is just use deep listening the younger me wanted to try to fix things the older me you know like I said if the older me would go back in time until the younger me the younger me would the elder me would tell the younger me listen more talk less that's why we have two ears in one mouth so practicing deep listening is just the ability to deep listening not just to hear but to understand and this practice goes beyond any kind of hearing that can be done with the ears it is also listening with the heart taking that vibration and that energy of listening with your ears but also the compassion like we just did the magic of the moment of opening the heart you know those are just two of the biggest steps that I would say that helps to hold space for yourself and hold space for others sit with what it would sit with what is I find that this you know in my journey has been one of the most difficult essentials essential elements for especially those of us that live in the Western culture sitting with what is means simply being with the person for whom you're holding space do not try to change anything and resist the urge to do anything you are only creating a safe space for the other person to express and feel their feelings sit with them even in the hard stuff and that could be very you know especially with our culture here in the Western culture of social media and people can be really you know great behind a keyboard but I've also found that through social media people can be really mean behind a keyboard so that's one of the things I found because we want to try to fix people when you're holding space for people guys don't try to fix them just sit with what is even if they're venting lashing out frustrated it's not at you it's about them expressing their feelings and sit with that don't take it on don't make it personal don't make it your own but sit with them and that is probably one of the hardest things I found in doing this but over time I've allowed as well as I sit with it I also allow I allow the person to feel whatever they are feeling hold them if they they need to be held if you want to cry with them you can do that it's just simply sitting with what is allowing and of course the power breath the power of breath is so very very important I always like to remind people stop holding on to things that don't want to be held you can use that time space energy for the things that you that want you and you know it's a little bit different when we're doing that for our journey but then when we sit with somebody else and hold space for them it really is about all about them and not about us and just holding that space and allowing what is to unfold in that space and time is very powerful in holding space for others you know one of the things I wanted to bring up in this show is the stages of grief and some of the misnomers and some of the things that you think have to take place when it comes to stages of grief now back in 1969 psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced to society to the world what became known as the five stages of grief and you know these these stages that she researched and went through based on her studies and you know feeling people's pain patients that were terminally ill sitting and allowing to sit with what is and record and document and how she came up with this research that is used very much today you know people you know of course generalize them to other types of negative life changes you know and losses such as death of a loved one or a breakup of course but this five stages of grief like I said grief covers many different modalities and it may not necessarily be have anything to do with death and dying it may be you know a relationship change could be like I said the cell the you know selling the home that you've lived in for you know 60 years I look at the house behind me out my studio and there was a married couple as we moved in four years ago that had lived in the house since the 1950s and he moved into spirit and she went into a community care but I can only imagine the grief they felt with the house that they bought in 1950s lived there their whole lives and then you know life changes because that's the one thing consistent life has changed and the grieving they probably felt when they had to leave their house so the first stage is denial this can't be happening to me this is exactly what I said when I heard my brother was murdered I said this can't be happening to us this can't be happening to me it can't be having the family why would my why would Michael be murdered that makes no sense it was a robber gone bad it was you know a wrong place wrong time doing you know some of the stuff that he shouldn't have been involved with but didn't warrant his murder but it was you know how is this even possible this can't be happening and that's that first stage of denial then we get into that right after that we move into that stage of anger why is this happening and who is to blame who is the SOB that shot my brother I want to know and I want to talk to him now just for the sake of the show I won't get into more words that I was actually saying but you're with me so denial anger then we start to you know look at bargaining this happens with you know those that are have a you know a chronic illness or terminal illness is well make this not happen and I will return I will in return I will do this so it's that bargaining and I know my brother with his brain cancer went through this we talked about this in several discussions before he passed into spirit and he you know he said you know I know that I can't change this but if I could and I could return to this normal state of my mind I would do this and that's a sense of bargaining and then of course you move into the fourth stage which is that depression I'm just too sad to do anything I can't cope with this I can't deal with and I in this this is exactly what happened to me guys when you know I don't know if there was anybody at my time holding space I imagine there was I know there was a lot of people thinking on us and praying for us and but I went into a severe depression I was just too sad to function I couldn't function at my job I couldn't I couldn't make just simple decisions because the the grief was so strong because it happened all within the same week Michael was shot on a murder on us on a Sunday Todd was diagnosed and went into emergency brain surgery on Wednesday and then I went from the funeral of loading my little brother up in the in the hearse Thursday afternoon out to the hospital find out my brother was terminal I had four months to live so I just couldn't function I was really in that depression stage and you know this is for people that are going to the grieving process you will go through that depression stage but then you move into the acceptance and you find peace at what has happened what has transpired and I can honestly say today I found peace I forgiven I've actually talked with my brother's killer I forget I've forgiven him which was a big milestone for me but once you move into that acceptance you find peace with what is happening so you know but just remember if you're going through the five stages if you're having any of these stages just remember that you don't have to go through each stage in order you may have depression you may have denial they may bounce around you know in fact some people you know resolve their grief without going through any of these stages and if you do go through the stages of grief you're probably won't experience them in a neat subsequent in an order fashion I guess so you know don't worry about you know what the should be feeling in which stage you're supposed to be in just recognize them because you know kuber offs she never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework if you will it applies to everyone who mourns but the the the goal is honor your grief by mourning in which way fits you because you will experience all these different things of going through the different you know modalities of grieving and death and dying and relationship changes but most importantly when you start to heal and you hold space for yourself that's most importantly because you matter you're not alone and when you start to venture out and feel like you can hold space for others and you feel comfortable with that and you've accepted everything that you've gone through and you start to show up again allow you know sit with what it is allow it breathe you know be present with yourself is very important and you know you practice non-judgment it's very important when you're holding space to practice non-judgment this goes for yourself when you're going through the healing process and holding space yourself watch that inner critic watch that self-sabotage listening more and being really good at being an active deep listener that's very very important so just some tips to help you on the journey today about holding space for self I found that you know often the hardest thing about holding space is that it can feel like you're doing nothing and I just want to remind people that you know for me I always felt like I'm just sitting here I'm not saying anything I don't feel I feel like I'm not doing anything for this person and you'll find that that is actually not true by sitting there and holding space and listening and and you know holding that space for them it can you know it could be a difficult practice because it's very intimate as well and it requires a minimal amount of distance there is really no distance for holding space for space and time just let the other person be themselves grow and develop emotionally and allow them to heal in which way that is right for them and I hope that you're holding space for yourself today I hope that you're holding space for our planet for our society for our culture for our leaders because it'd be that's something that we need to do as well in this day and age and hold hold space for peace and hold space most importantly for yourself and when someone is going through a storm your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words I see you I acknowledge you I hold space for you today thank you so much for tuning in to today's show I'll be back here in two weeks for another episode of inspired living radio you can catch us here over on the own times radio network you can also go to youtube itunes soundcloud podbean look for inspired living radio and I hope that you have a fantastic week and until our next soul adventure together be kind caring compassionate and most importantly dare to dream dare to explore dare to live namaste you