You are learning how to work through this.
The messy middle,
The crunchy doubts,
The moments where it feels as though nothing is working.
You are learning how to have faith here in the waiting,
In the uncertainty,
In the blindly reaching for the path when you cannot see the next step.
Sometimes things stop growing because we lose sight of our intention.
We forget why we began,
Why we chose to brave this particular thicket of thorns to plant a garden.
Someone asks you a question that reveals your deepest doubts.
Fears surface in the dark,
In the quiet of your midnight thoughts.
You do not know how to go on believing when it appears as though you have put your faith in all the wrong things.
You come to believe it is not safe to trust your intuition.
You are learning how to work through this.
The people who care for you do not usually mean to sow doubt in your mind.
They do not mean to undermine you.
Still,
You perceive what they will not say.
You sense their worries,
The way they clench their fists,
Grasp for some semblance of control over the way you are walking.
They want what's best for you.
They think they know what that is.
They do not know how to trust the way you will walk your path because they do not know how to trust themselves or the divinely unseen forces that move this world.
They do not know what it feels like to inhabit your heart.
They do not know the depths of your knowing.
So you hear their fears,
And you must choose if you will keep going.
You are learning how to work through this.
You feel a silent,
Inexplicable pull towards something,
Someplace,
A person,
A project,
A dream.
It is so clear in your mind,
Yet every time you take a step towards it,
You are met with challenge.
At some point,
It began to feel impossible.
At some point,
It began to feel like you were shouting at a brick wall to move,
And there was no one there to hear you.
Even so,
The pull remains.
You witness your dream come to form through other people,
And your heart yearns for that to be true for you,
Too.
You can nearly taste the pages of the book between your fingers,
Feel the weight of their arms wrapped around you.
Something is screaming within you not to let go,
Yet you don't know how to keep holding on any longer.
You haven't yet figured out how to discern the difference between persistence and stubbornness or sheer force of will.
How do you know when you're being redirected?
How do you know when it's time to move on?
How do you know if you're being challenged to try again and again and again until the yes comes?
You are learning how to work through this.
There is a refined sensitivity to the way you exist in this world,
Honed through years of living in self-study.
The sensitivity is beautiful.
It allows you to absorb the world in all its colors,
To sense what someone needs before they speak it aloud.
It is the reason you so naturally hold space for the aching of another.
Yet it also heightens your sensitivity to your own doubts.
You are learning how to interface between your doubts and your courage,
How to face rejection and criticism and still know that you are good,
You are loved,
That what you do is not the same thing as who you are,
And it's okay if someone doesn't like what you've made.
Their opinion does not mean anything about you.
You are learning how to work through this.
Failed opportunities and rejections make great fertilizer.
They sting,
It hurts,
So you must tend to your heart and hold the hand of your inner child,
The one who had the courage to take the steps towards this dream.
But if you can learn how to take the feedback,
If you can discern what is useful from the spread of words laid out before you and leave what doesn't feel true,
There is room for you to grow.
You are learning how to pick yourself back up after falling.
You are learning how to work through this.
And you will.
Of that,
I have no doubt.
