Coping With Extreme Uncertainty

Our lives have been turned upside down and have come to some sort of standstill. We realize how fragile life is and we feel like we have lost all control. We don’t know how long this pandemic will last and it can be quite unsettling. The next question is then, "How do we cope with all this without sinking in a state of anxiety or depression?" Dr. Gina discusses simple strategies you can implement today to get you started.

Transcript

Welcome to living simply a guide to mindful living and mindful parenting with your host,

Dr.

Gina.

Hey,

Everybody,

Welcome to living simply with Dr.

Gina.

Dr.

Gina,

How are you today?

I'm doing pretty good.

My voice is a bit hoarse because of allergies,

But we'll get through this.

How about you?

I'm doing well.

Also an allergy sufferer this time of year,

But mine hasn't been too bad this year.

So it's been nice.

So today we are talking about focusing on what you can control.

Is that right?

Yes.

How to deal with uncertainty,

Right?

So how do we deal with that?

We focus on what we can control.

I thought it'd be an interesting topic for today because people are getting very anxious,

Not knowing when this will end,

How they're going to cope.

People are wondering,

How am I going to cope with this?

And when anxiety is high,

People kind of forget that they do have the skills because they've been through stresses before.

So I thought it'd be interesting that we bring it back to the basics so people learn how to cope,

Even if times are uncertain.

Yeah.

I think what's really.

.

.

You actually sent me an article on this topic before the live stream and I thought it was really interesting what it kind of pointed out that maybe people don't think about and maybe we can start there.

It's just that life in itself is uncertain.

We don't actually know what's going to happen next in an hour,

In two hours tomorrow,

But we live as if we do.

So how is this kind of bringing,

Like the whole pandemic situation,

Kind of bringing this to the forefront?

Yeah,

Basically the pandemic is forcing us to face reality because we kind of live in our culture a bit in denial of death and denial of things don't last.

And this is so intense and so big that we can't really ignore it.

But really every day of our lives,

Tomorrow's never guaranteed.

Things run smoothly and the next day a big thing can happen.

We notice hurricanes,

Car accidents,

Plane crashes,

Random shootings,

Or someone suddenly being diagnosed with,

It doesn't have to be cancer,

It could simply be diabetes.

Suddenly their life is flipped upside down and basically they're going through what we're going through today.

But you know,

Really nothing is certain on a day to day basis and that's why we need to be reminded that this life is fragile.

It's not a given that we will live till we're 80.

Children die,

Healthy people have accidents.

And I think this is forcing us to review our values and see,

I think it's a bit of a wake up call basically.

Yeah,

I completely agree with you.

I know for a lot of people it's kind of put into perspective what is important and what's really important to keep in our lives.

If you lose your job but you still have your health,

What have you lost or gained and that kind of thing.

I wonder too,

Kind of on the same topic,

How,

Well I guess the topic is our live stream as a whole,

There is a lot of uncertainty in our lives and so what is it we should be focusing on right now as to what we can control or how can we shift our perspective to focus on that instead?

Yeah,

So basically we can't control what happens tomorrow but we can control what's going to happen today.

So one way to regain some sort of control in the middle of chaos is to start with the basics which is create a schedule and a routine and rituals for yourself that are predictable.

So children thrive on routines but so do we and when we're in the middle of chaos,

When we're used to let's say go to work 9 to 5 whether we like our job or not,

It focused our mind,

Okay from 9 to 5 I'm going to work and I come home,

I make dinner and now with people staying home,

Their whole schedules are upside down and you can end up turning in circles and not knowing where to go.

So if you come back and find some sort of routine and schedule for yourself that's going to bring structure to your day and you can control that,

Right?

No one can force a schedule on you,

You get to decide when you're going to get up,

When you're going to work out,

When you're going to eat,

What you're going to do today.

So I would say the first step is to start with creating a schedule and some sort of routine in your life.

Another important thing when we're anxious,

Scared,

Overwhelmed,

We tend to be stuck in our heads so it's to basically get out of our head and back into our bodies whether it's working out,

Taking walks,

Doing yoga,

Just coming back into the physical body brings us back to reality because our body is happening right now,

It's not in the past,

It's not in the future so when we focus on being in our body it forces us to be present and mindful so that's another thing we can control and there's no right or wrong.

Some people during this pandemic have these lists of shoulds,

I should work out more,

I should do this,

Should not do that,

I'd say stop pressuring yourself,

Just move.

So if moving is just walking when you're used to going to the gym four times a week,

It's okay.

As long as you move and you get into your body basically.

So these are two big steps where I would start.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I'm kind of curious maybe on viewers that might be dealing with anxiety,

Like I have friends who per their doctor they're just unable to work because maybe they're immunocompromised or they have some other kind of health issues and I think it's really hard when there's a lot of stress involved too,

Like if you are unable to work in that kind of situation,

Do you have any kind of advice to help people bring that back in to maybe bring some more structure either through,

Maybe they can't go outside so they can only exercise inside or their schedule is really wonky because they can't leave the house,

Do you have anything for that too?

If they're also struggling with anxiety and if they're immunocompromised?

Just kind of that whole situation,

Like they can't,

They're unable to work,

They can't go outside,

They obviously have no physical interaction,

I won't say social interaction,

That's different.

How can they kind of exert more control maybe outside of those two things to help them maybe ground themselves outside of the anxiety and the stress of that situation and help them focus more on control?

So basically I would look at the reality of their situation,

So even if they can't go for a walk,

Most people,

Even if you're in an apartment,

Have either a window or a balcony,

They can still sit outside as long as there's no one around them,

Close to their house,

Take in the sun,

The air,

If they have to of course wear a mask,

You know,

Make sure they're physically safe.

So that part is basic and important because we all need sunlight to be healthy.

So even if it's just cracking open your window and sticking your face in the light,

So physically they can do that.

If they can't exercise,

You can even just do stretches on the floor or in your bed if you're physically struggling,

You can do yoga on a chair,

You can even just do body scan meditation,

So there's a multitude of apps including for example Insight Timer that's free,

Has I think over 20,

000 guided meditations so they can get back into their bodies.

So all these things help with releasing anxiety.

They can do some deep breathing exercises.

One good exercise is the 4-7-8,

So basically you breathe in for 4,

You hold for 7 and you breathe out for 8,

So it calms down the nervous system.

And it doesn't matter what,

Obviously if they're in the hospital it's different,

But even if you're disabled in a wheelchair you can create a schedule for yourself.

You know we've seen tons of disabled people in the Olympics,

So even if your exercise is just paying attention to your body,

Moving your fingers and your toes,

You're still getting anchored in your body.

Also paying attention where your thoughts go if you tend to navigate into the future,

Which is anxiety,

You'll have scary thoughts,

You'll think of the worst case scenario,

The mind tends to imagine negative things,

So it's to realize our mind will catastrophize naturally so we want to resist that if it happens to catch ourselves doing that.

Coming back to the present moment is basically focusing on what's real right now,

So if you're doing nothing literally you can use your five senses to ground yourself in the present,

So noticing what you can see,

Taste,

Smell,

Hear,

And if you're actually doing something is to be fully immersed into what you're doing,

So it doesn't matter if you're knitting,

Painting,

Reading,

Watching TV,

It's to force your mind to come back to this moment and be present to what you're actually doing.

Let me think,

Also a good point whether it's anxiety,

Fear,

Sadness,

Guilt is to pay attention to those feelings when they pop up and not resist them,

So resist the story around those feelings,

But notice,

Be curious if it's anxiety,

Notice how anxiety shows up in your body,

So pay attention,

Does it show up in your stomach,

How's your breathing,

So you're noticing as if you're an observer what's happening in your body,

The same way you'd look at a play or a movie,

And paradoxically by focusing on it,

It'll dissipate and go away and you're going to realize,

Okay,

Past,

And the anxiety will pass and then you can go on to something else whereas resisting it,

Trying to find any frantic way to make the anxiety go away makes it worse because you're constantly having to find a new strategy to control the anxiety and when you let go of that,

That you're not trying to control it and you're like,

Of course I'm anxious,

We're going through tough times and just notice it passes and that dissipates the anxiety.

I was listening to a podcast,

I don't know,

Maybe three weeks ago or something and the host was talking about,

And I forget the name of the monk,

But she was talking about this monk who basically said to say to your mind,

I allow myself to have anxiety or this anxiety attack because when we try to force ourselves into a certain state of mind,

It just makes it worse.

I mean,

Honestly,

Apparently he's touted as the happiest monk in the world or something.

He had a week long anxiety attack and he was like,

Yeah,

I feel better.

If I can think of the name of the monk or find the podcast,

I will link them in the comments after the show.

What do you say for people,

I mean,

On the other side of the spectrum who maybe this has kind of thrown them into a depression?

How can they kind of help lift themselves out of that or shift their perspective on what's going on?

The good thing about the approach I use,

Which is called ACT,

Is it's independent of diagnosis and symptoms because we look at the source.

Whether you're feeling depressed or anxious,

It's the same thing as you're completely fused with your thoughts that either make you anxious or depressed.

I would say the strategies are the same.

Depending on the degree of depression and anxiety and if there's a history of it,

The severity of it,

I always recommend that this person be accompanied by,

Whether it's a coach,

Therapist,

Social worker,

Psychologist,

Doesn't matter,

But that they don't isolate themselves.

So even in normal circumstances where people that like to be connected,

Doesn't matter if we're introverts or extroverts,

We thrive on connection.

So the tendency with depression is people can isolate themselves,

So you don't want to stay isolated.

The strategies I mentioned before to apply,

They're the same,

But you also add,

You know,

Pay attention if your thoughts are dark,

That naturally the mind will go that way,

But you want to bring it back to this moment.

Usually like I said,

Unless you're in the hospital on ventilators,

If you're home and you're safe,

Yeah,

Even if you did lose your job,

You're still healthy and you're not on a hospital bed fighting for your life,

There is reason to have hope basically and focus on that.

If only if you're stuck in a chair in your bed,

Focus on your breath and you're like,

At least I'm breathing.

If we come back to the basics,

Living simply,

Life is not that complicated unless we make it complicated.

So I'd say basically all those tools,

Connection,

And,

You know,

Keep an eye to your mental state,

Get support.

There are hotlines,

There are therapists,

Talk to your family,

But don't stay alone with those depressing thoughts.

Yeah,

I think that's really important.

I mean,

Just in general right now,

Since we're not like physically gathering anymore,

Which is how most people did a lot of their social interaction.

I know I've been trying to reach out to friends,

Just make sure people are doing okay or if they need anything and helping out family and stuff where I can.

On a side note,

You kind of,

I think brought up a topic we haven't touched on yet,

Which is how can people use these strategies if they have a loved one fighting for their lives right now or in the hospital and they can't go and see them and they're just,

You know,

Worried about that or,

You know,

Maybe they have had a loved one who died from the pandemic already.

Yeah.

So one,

It's to allow themselves to be sad or scared.

It's normal to have feelings.

We're supposed to have feelings,

We're human beings.

So if you have someone in the hospital and especially now we're not even allowed to be with our loved ones in the hospital,

It's very difficult.

So we don't want to pretend that,

Oh,

It's okay,

I don't mind.

But what you can do though,

What you can control is allow yourself,

Make a date with yourself.

You know,

Example,

At one o'clock,

I'm going to allow myself to cry it all out,

Be frustrated,

Angry,

That I can't be there with them.

Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling,

But remain in the initial primary emotion,

Which is whether grief,

Sadness,

Fear.

Don't go into the story because the story is what will make us suffer,

Right?

So let's say we have someone struggling in the hospital.

The primary thing is you feel sad,

You feel helpless,

You're confused,

You can't be there,

You worry,

Oh,

They're alone,

Are they okay without me?

Feel the emotion that comes with that.

But the minute you start going,

It's not fair,

It shouldn't be this way.

Now you're down another path,

Which leads to a secondary emotion,

Which will make it a lot harder.

So you want to come back to feeling the initial feeling.

And like I was saying earlier,

Learn to tolerate it because it will pass.

And then you'll get away again,

And then you do it again.

Just don't resist it because if you resist it,

It's going to last all day,

All the time.

So even if you've lost a loved one,

For having lost my dad,

Not to this,

You're not sad,

Intensely sad 24 seven.

It comes in waves,

Right?

So you feel this intense sadness,

The person's gone,

You cry it out,

And then you can't cry anymore.

And you're back to being numb or neutral.

And sometimes you can even laugh.

And then you're like,

Oh,

Yeah,

My dad's not here.

And then he gets sad again.

You let it pass,

Right?

You let the wave come in and out.

So there's no way around it.

Whether you're grieving or someone's in the hospital,

It is difficult.

So one is to feel that feeling.

The other step is once you've allowed yourself,

Is to not live there.

So our mind can easily picture our loved one in the hospital bed and go into the story,

Right?

Oh,

They're alone.

They must be freaking out.

I'm not there.

What if they need something and no one's there for them?

What if they die alone?

If we go there in our head,

It's crazy making.

And there's no point in doing that.

Because one,

It's not going to help them.

It's not going to help us.

And it's not going to give us more control over the situation.

So it doesn't even matter if our thoughts are true or not.

They're just not useful.

So it's just to remind ourselves of that is it's not useful for me to dwell there.

So you come back to this moment and trust that as during this pandemic,

I've heard that the nurses,

Doctors are so kind and empathic to the families and the patients because they know they can't be supported by their loved ones.

And they do step up and they are there and they don't abandon the patient.

So you got to trust in humankind and that these doctors and nurses and who,

I don't know if there's volunteers,

But if whoever's there,

They're working really hard to be with these families and to trust that and just to remain with that thought that they're going to be okay.

And that right now they're being taken care of and to resist that temptation to listen to that story in our head,

Simply because it's not helpful.

It's really,

It won't bring any control or relief into our lives or even help us hope with what's happening right now.

Yeah,

No,

I totally agree.

What you said reminds me of a Murakami quote,

Which is pain is inevitable,

Suffering is optional.

Yeah.

Yeah,

That's how painful it is.

Stop creating my own suffering.

It's easy as that.

Actually,

Let's rephrase it.

It's super simple,

But not easy because we're creatures of habit.

But if we remind ourselves that it is simple,

Then it's doable.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I mean,

Was there anything else that you kind of wanted to touch on before we let everyone go about their day?

Yeah,

One last thing.

In normal circumstances,

We have huge to-do lists.

And when we're not in a crisis,

They say ideally we shouldn't have more than three or four things on our to-do list.

So it's not because it's a pandemic and you have all this free time that your to-do list should become 20 things because it'll overwhelm you.

And try to accept that maybe in these difficult times,

It's okay to just have one thing on your to-do list.

I think that's really good advice because when we have more time,

I think we put more pressure on ourselves to do more,

Even if we don't actually want to do more.

Totally.

Well,

I mean,

I guess last thing last,

Where can people find you?

At drmadrigrano.

Com.

And you can also find on our site,

Glenn Ambrose and I created a new course.

It's very,

Very inexpensive right now to help a lot of people going through the pandemic and you'll find a link there to our new course.

And can you do like a brief overview of what the course is?

Yeah,

There are eight video lessons.

I think in total,

We have about four hours worth of interventions,

Helping people cope with anxiety,

Helping support their kids through this,

Managing fear,

How to keep hope and faith through these times and basically how to get through this whole situation as best as we can.

And we've added additional bonuses,

Even meditations for children to help them get through this and help with sleep.

And the awesome thing about this course too is all the strategies there apply even later on.

It doesn't have to be a pandemic.

The strategies apply for any crisis or any difficulties you're going through.

That sounds really great and really needed in this time.

And then if you are interested in finding me,

You can find me at braveandboldwriter.

Com.

I'm helping businesses move online if you want to start a podcast or live stream,

If you want to do a blog,

You want to start a email list,

I can help you out.

Thank you.

Have a great one.

You too.

For more information or to book an appointment with Dr.

Gina,

Go to drmandragrano.

Com or click the link in the description of this episode.