Black Lives Matter Too

In this episode, Dr. Gina explains why people are getting caught up in the semantics of Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter. It’s about the injustices & racism people of colour have endured for centuries. She speaks of society's self-absorption, lack of empathy and compassion. We have been too busy talking at the expense of really listening. This talk is about semantics, not politics.

Transcript

Welcome to Living Simply,

A guide to mindful living and mindful parenting with your host,

Dr.

Gina.

Hey,

Everybody.

Welcome to Living Simply with Dr.

Gina.

Here is your host,

Dr.

Gina Madrigrano.

Gina,

How are you today?

Feeling a bit hyper today,

But good.

Awesome.

And I'd like to also introduce you to our other producer on the show,

Crystal Tubbs.

Hey,

Crystal.

How's it going,

Everybody?

Wonderful.

So today we are talking about the idea that it's not about you.

Never is.

Yeah.

So there,

Yeah,

Gina,

Do you want to just describe what your thoughts were on this and why you wanted to talk about this today?

Oh,

Yeah.

I did a 180 because today I wanted originally to talk about the benefits of minimalism,

But something nudged me in the shower and I changing the topic is we're seeing a lot of people standing up for their rights right now around the world for Black Lives Matter.

And I've been seeing comments on social media that were really bugging me.

And I wanted to talk about that today.

So it's not about politics.

It's about semantics.

And I wanted to link it to parenting.

So that's why I wanted to bring it up today.

Okay.

It's not about politics.

It's about semantics.

I really like that.

I do.

I really like the way that you phrased that.

So what do you mean by it's not about politics,

It's about semantics?

So I assume that what you're saying is basically there is a lot of,

Right now the big thing is Black Lives Matter and the three of us are all in agreeance.

They absolutely do.

And we're all fine and comfortable saying that as we have said publicly.

But the retort of All Lives Matter is a part of this conversation that you were talking about being about semantics and about an underlying feeling of false equality and spotlight sharing.

And can you just go into what it is that you're talking about here?

Yeah.

So if I can start with an analogy.

I'll give you two.

When it was about the Women's March,

I would hear some people say,

Well,

Men should have a Men's March.

And it's like when we have the Women's March,

The Black Lives Matter,

Some people perceive it as if it's excluding other people,

That if we have a Women's March,

It meant men don't matter.

If we say Black Lives Matter,

People assume we're saying other lives don't matter.

And that's why I said it's about semantics.

Well,

It's not about that.

But the issue that's in the spotlight right now,

Before it was the Me Too movement still going on,

But now it's the Black Lives Matter and that's what has the spotlight and that's the issue that's around the world right now,

Just like COVID.

And people have a hard time sharing the spotlight and we see it at the level of parenting now.

I don't know the states,

But we see now in competitions among children.

So I don't know,

Probably not older kids,

But now even the losers get trophies.

The losers get medals.

Everyone gets a star.

Like,

OK,

We don't want to hurt or offend anybody.

Everyone has to have the spotlight.

And I think there's a problem with that because how can we develop empathy for what's going on for another person if we make everyone the same?

You know,

Right now it's your birthday party.

You're the one who gets the gifts.

It's not fair that the other kids don't get gifts right now.

The spotlight on the birthday kid.

And I find this is what's happening now on a bigger scale.

Obviously,

It's not the majority who think that way,

But a lot of people show that voice.

All lives matter.

Yes,

They do.

But right now we talk about black lives and we this is the spotlight right now.

And it's OK if we don't not all of us are in the spotlight.

And there's a reason why.

I mean,

Like,

So the it's sort of the opposite of a positivity of the analogy of,

You know,

It's the kid's birthday.

And so they get the presents.

This is this is the the house on fire analogy.

You know,

That that has been said over and over and over again of,

You know,

The house that's on fire is what we're looking at right now.

And and it's burning down and we need to do something about it.

And we don't need to spend time arguing about the fact that every house in the world matters.

Of course they do.

But,

You know,

Let's let's fix this problem because it's a catastrophe.

And so,

Crystal,

You wanted to point something out as well.

Can you give us your take on on that and sort of the phrasing,

The semantics,

As Gina said?

Right.

I was reading this really great discussion on Black Lives Matter and the hashtags between Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter.

And I thought it was really interesting that people might assume that there's an implied only at the beginning of Black Lives Matter.

So they think that it's,

You know,

Only Black Lives Matter when in reality it's Black Lives Matter,

Too.

There's an implied two at the end of that.

And what it is,

You know,

I think there's a lot of signs.

I've seen a lot of people have this is black or not.

All lives matter until Black Lives Matter.

You know,

And it's the same kind of thing is if all lives mattered,

Then we wouldn't be having this problem.

You know,

We wouldn't have people marching and rioting because not yet.

You know,

Black lives don't matter,

Too.

They matter for whatever reason.

You know,

It's like they matter less.

So it's it's,

You know,

Leaving out that one word.

Not that they need to add it to the movement,

But apparently people just don't aren't quite getting that that implied two.

They're thinking it's an implied only.

And that's what we're talking about.

So so realistically,

I mean,

Gina and Crystal and I are not going to come up with the answers to to the situation,

You know,

Amongst the three of us.

And it's not even I mean,

The whole the point the whole point of what Gina is saying right now is that it's not our it's not our time to to,

You know,

It's it's to listen and the if not everything is your time in the spotlight.

So my question is,

Why do we need to have the conversation?

Why is there even a need to have a conversation that it means to not only that is insanely stupid to me.

The like the situation is so clear and present and obvious and something that everyone has known for many,

Many years.

And yet there's a situation wrapped up in semantics,

But it's more than that.

Of entitlement.

Yes.

So what is the deal with the entitlement of,

You know,

We can't focus on this issue or we can't allow for this fight for equality to happen?

Like we need to be hung up on the semantics of it.

Why?

Why the distraction?

Why the need to why the need for,

You know,

Why do people do that?

People.

Yeah.

To to to do those like why?

Why is it not just an easy fix?

I think we've become a very self-centered,

Narcissistic society.

There's such a good word in French.

It's called non-brileism,

Which I don't know if it's a phrase in English,

But it's like belly button gazing.

It's all about me.

What do I need?

It's about materialism.

It's about the bigger car,

The bigger house,

The the bigger job.

It's all about me.

Look at the disaster in the environment.

We're a society that's become so selfish and not looking at the bigger picture,

Whether it's the impact on the environment,

The animals,

Children.

This whole thing paradoxically is showing us with the virus as well how we are all connected.

What you do to one,

You do to the whole.

And the virus and racism has no boundaries.

It doesn't stop at the border of countries.

It's contagious like the virus.

And we need to change at the micro level.

So each person needs to change to impact the bigger at the micro level.

But we keep looking outside and delegating to someone else will do it.

We're so selfish and self-centered.

If it's too much work,

We don't want to do it.

I think it comes down to that.

We've become a society that is so selfish and self-centered that we forget to look outside.

And the impact of our behaviors on others.

And I think it even starts in the schools and parenting.

You know,

We overprotect our kids.

We make our kids like,

Yes,

All our you know,

We all think our child is special and unique,

But all children are special.

So when we raise our kids,

Go,

Oh,

You're so special.

We we raise entitlement.

We're all special.

So we we need to change the semantics to I love you to the moon and back.

There's so much love for you.

I'm going to explode.

It's that doesn't breed entitlement.

That breeds love.

But the semantics we use,

The words we use have a lot of power so they can do a lot of good,

But they can do a lot of harm as well.

So,

You know,

We've raised entitled people and I think that's where it comes from.

We're an entitled society.

I mean,

I completely agree with you,

But I also think it's almost like we it's not our problem.

Yeah,

If that makes sense.

Like,

You know,

We are three white people talking about Black Lives Matter.

And,

You know,

I've talked to,

You know,

Other white people and it's like,

Well,

Was that racism or,

You know,

Why do they have to have that?

It's like since it's not affecting you,

You know,

Maybe say coronavirus as well,

Since it's not affecting you,

Then you don't believe that it's a problem.

But when someone,

You know,

Is pointing at it and saying,

No,

No,

No,

This is actually a problem.

Can you please help us fix this?

You know,

I think we need to be also open and willing to listen and have that dialogue.

And I think that's also kind of part of the problem,

Because it's going to fundamentally change the way people see the world.

And that's hard.

You know,

I mean,

That's hard.

And we need to collaborate.

You know,

This theory of survival of the fittest has been disproved.

We're a society of collaboration and that's what will make us strong,

Not oppress the weak,

Oppress the poor,

Oppress the powerless.

We can't survive as a species or our planet if we keep having this dualistic view of life.

We are responsible for our lives,

Yes,

But we're responsible for people around us.

Like you said with the mask,

Right?

Maybe I'm healthy and I won't get sick.

But what if I have no symptoms,

But I have the virus and I infect someone who's immune compromised?

Well,

I'm literally hurting someone else by not wearing a mask or doing what it takes to protect people around me.

If I make someone sick and they die,

I'm not just hurting the person who dies,

I'm hurting their spouse,

Their kids,

Their family.

I'm probably potentially hurting 20 people.

And yeah,

We need to collaborate together and be more empathic and open minded.

How do we do that?

How do you do that?

And how do you do that?

So the three of us having this conversation are all people that think similarly in regards to the value of what's happening in all of these situations.

So how do you talk to a family member or a friend that disagrees with you on this standpoint and wants to argue semantics or worse?

Well,

On the flip side,

I have hope because if we look at what's happening around the globe,

There's more people that agree that it's a problem,

I think,

Than people that disagree.

So I think some people are stubborn and will never convince them,

But where we can make a change is by instead of hiding,

By living out our beliefs and our values and standing up when there's a need to and not being so scared what people will say.

I've been in a position of supervising staff and we were all white and I asked one of my staff to do something and she told me,

I'm not your n-word.

And I said,

Excuse me,

That's so racist and inappropriate.

And she laughed and she goes,

Come on,

It's just a joke.

We're all white here.

No one.

I said,

I don't care.

It's racist and it's inappropriate.

I didn't care what she thought about my comment or if I would look aggressive around other people.

I spoke up for the black person who's not in the room.

And I think we have a duty to do that and be a role model and hope that will affect more people in a positive way.

I don't think if we shove our opinion down people's throat that they'll listen because no one does.

But I think if we act when we can and speak out and stick together and educate ourselves,

Right?

Not just look for the confirmation bias,

Meaning just the opinion that proves I'm right to be open to look at the other side and open a dialogue.

But also we have to accept we won't convince everybody,

But we should have faith in humankind that overall,

If we look at covid and black lives,

More people are for wearing masks and social distancing than those who complain their rights are being abused.

And the same was right for women.

So the more we will come together peacefully,

The more we're likely to create change at the micro level from how we raise our kids to the macro level who we vote for,

Who we associate with and the kind of information we consume.

Do you think,

Maybe easy isn't the right word,

But maybe a simple way to open a dialogue if you know someone who maybe doesn't understand why saying all lives matter is hurtful or any of the topics that we've talked about today?

Well,

I think if we go about it with validation and empathy of the other person,

So if someone complains about their rights,

Where I would go first would be,

What are you scared of?

What is scaring you about this?

What are you worried about versus you're wrong.

Right.

So I would intuitively try to sense what's underneath their wanting to take a stand.

What are they really scared of?

Because underneath all that is fear,

Whether it's fear of the unknown.

Fear of being oppressed,

Fear of losing something underneath that there is fear.

So it's like,

Let's try and find out what that fear is and maybe appease their fear as opposed to attack them because us attacking them will just make them dig their heels.

That's the way I would go about it.

I think that's a great way to start that conversation.

Is there a point that you walk away from the conversation?

Yeah,

If the person is close minded,

They start screaming or being aggressive or putting you down and not respecting you at some point,

You're like,

OK,

I'm walking away.

I'm being respectful towards you.

I'm hearing you out.

I want to hear your side.

Why don't you want to hear my side?

Like any conversation at some point,

There's a time where you walk away.

That's my take.

All right.

Crystal,

Do you have any more questions about the topic?

Well,

I think I do want to say one thing,

Kind of bouncing off of something you said earlier,

Gina,

Is we,

Well,

Actually,

I'm going to say two things.

I'm going to take that back.

I was in a really great interview with Michael Beckwith on the Lewis Howes show.

And it was really interesting.

They're talking about the movement and racism.

And Michael Beckwith said something that I don't think I really realized before.

But people of color aren't going to change the system.

It's going to be the people in charge,

Which is us white people.

And I think you said something really important earlier,

Too,

That I just wanted to emphasize is that when someone says something racist,

And even if there's not a person of color in the room,

We need to speak up and stand for them because we are in these places that people of color are not.

And it's so important that we don't stay in silence if we want to be allies in this fight for equality and equity.

It's our responsibility because usually it's the white people who are in charge and perpetuating this oppression.

It's up to us to push things.

We have a change in the world.

Sorry,

Ben.

Go ahead.

So we always try to end with a moment of gratitude and just to take stock for a minute every day and to talk about what we're grateful for.

Gina,

Before we get into that,

Can you just reiterate why we stop and take a moment of gratitude at the end of every show?

Yeah,

Because in my sense,

If we can live in gratitude and see how lucky we are,

A lot less things will bother us and stress us.

And we live a better life if we're grateful.

And I think it's important to be grateful.

Thanks.

All right,

Crystal,

Can you start us off?

Yeah,

I'm going to do kind of maybe a weird one.

I'm going to be thankful for the whole virus situation today.

It's given me an opportunity to learn how to sew during this and making masks,

Which I thought was really fun.

You know,

I've gotten to be a little closer with my family and just kind of help more people and see a little more deeply inside myself and cultivate a little more stillness.

I don't know,

I just I want to,

You know,

The whole virus thing,

I don't want it to be all negative.

I think there's also a lot of good that has come from it,

At least for me.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Thanks.

So I will say,

So we're like,

We are,

Is it June 15th?

So we are six months since both of my parents at the beginning of the year had ridiculous health scares.

And both of them ended up in the hospital for a really long time and then in the nursing home for a really long time and then locked down because of coronavirus in the nursing home.

So even though they were in the same place,

They were in different wings and they couldn't see each other for the last three months.

And today they got moved to the same room.

So I'm grateful for that.

Nice.

Sheena.

Well,

I'm so grateful for my friend Richard,

Who we had on the show once,

And his wife Julie,

Who every week go get groceries for myself and my daughter,

Beatrice.

And not only do they get my groceries,

They even shop for the cheapest place,

Make sure I get the best price.

I never asked them to do that,

But they still do it.

And I think that's just amazing.

It's unbelievable.

So I want to thank Richard and Julie for their support.

That's incredible.

All right.

So,

Crystal,

Where can people find you if they want more information on you?

Crystal.

Crystal is frozen.

So I'm just going to tell everybody to check out braveandboldrider.

Com if they want more info on Crystal.

Dr.

Gina,

If people want help with this subject or any other subject that they might be dealing with,

How can they get a hold of you?

Dr.

Madrigrenaud.

Com and our course,

Peace in the Pandemic,

Is still available.

You can find it there.

Awesome.

Thank you very much.

And that's it for today.

Thank you,

Guys.

If you are listening to this afterwards or watching it afterwards,

You can catch the show live every Monday at 6 p.

M.

Eastern time on Facebook.

You can follow Dr.

Gina on Facebook or LinkedIn or YouTube or anything like that,

Instagram,

For all of those updates.

And yeah,

Check out drmadrigrenaud.

Com.

Thank you,

Gina.

Thank you,

Ben.

And for Crystal.

Have a good day,

Guys.

Thank you.

Bye.

For more information or to book an appointment with Dr.

Gina,

Go to drmadrigrenaud.

Com or click the link in the description of this episode.

Reviews

I listened to this the day after Daunte Wright (20) was shot and killed in Minneapolis. My heart has been so heavy but Gina‘s talk gave me hope. This talk was impactful for me and I wish everyone could hear the points she raised. Thank you Gina for an amazing lecture. Your perspective on what’s needed today for Black Lives Matter and coronavirus should be essential listening.

I love that you talked about this topic today. Thank you so much!

Glad this was your topic. It would have been nice if a black persone was included unless I’m mistaken. I thought when you said ‘it’s not about you’ that perhaps the person answering was black bc she sai ‘it never is. Whatever the color, it is about us and the change that needs to take place . Keep the conversation going. There’s work to be done. Thank you!