Heal Heartbreak

The 5 Universal Truths to be aware of in order to currently heal and prevent further relationship heartbreak. In this podcast, we cover, the emotional benefits of being experiential in romantic relationships versus outcome-driven.

Provided is a new lens on how to view pain as an embraced and necessary part of the transformative relationship process. Finally, utilizing heartbreak into a healing medium which enables the utmost personal growth and future relationship success.

Transcript

So today we're going to be discussing heartbreak.

My name is Zara.

I'm a clinical mental health counselor and a yoga instructor.

And my name is London La Ed.

I am a psychotherapist and empowerment life coach.

So we just wanted to talk today about healing heartbreak,

Which in and of itself is I believe its own pandemic.

You know,

I think that a lot of people,

When they have a broken heart,

Z,

They don't know where to start.

They just feel this element of being lost.

Absolutely.

It's a pain that you can't describe,

Right?

Right.

It's like when you have a scar on your arm,

You can say,

This hurts,

It's right here.

But with heartbreak,

It's hidden.

It's hidden.

And there's really nothing that you can do,

But allow yourself to heal with time and do the work.

Do the work.

You know,

A lot of people,

And I love that you said that,

Because a lot of people talk about just give your heart time.

Time heals everything.

I agree that that is a semi-truth,

Because time alone doesn't heal.

It's about what you do with that time.

Right.

And so I love that you highlighted doing the work.

Absolutely.

I think that'll be a great segue for us to actually jump into what the work looks like.

Absolutely.

Let's get started.

Okay,

So I honestly believe that knowledge is a great foundation to start when it comes to working on things in general.

Self-help,

In this realm,

Healing heartbreak.

And I think that there are some universal truths as a foundational core that if people were to understand,

They wouldn't feel like their heartbreak is this blind-sighting ton of bricks that they've just been hit by.

Yeah.

Right?

And I actually think that it really starts with this number one universal relationship truth that,

And this one hurts me,

Because I am such a control freak.

Yeah,

I guess.

Honestly.

Right?

But there are no guarantees that relationships will work out in the long term.

Thank God.

Can you believe,

Can you just imagine?

We,

Thank God,

Really?

Yeah,

The first person that you've ever had a crush on that you loved,

You know,

You being that 15-year-old,

Or maybe someone,

You know,

In your early college life or early 20s,

Can you really see yourself being with that person right now?

And at that moment,

You fantasize so heavily on this is the person that I wanna be with,

And this is the person that I wanna have kids with,

And they're so perfect,

They align so well in this and that.

You fantasize so strongly,

You create this world for yourself.

But now,

The older version of you looking back,

The more wise and experienced version.

Oh,

You wanna just,

You're filled with gratitude that you're not with that person.

You know what?

I think what you're saying is absolutely correct,

And I think 98% of the time,

That's correct.

For the people that ended up with their high school sweethearts and feel content and happy,

I'm very,

Very happy for those people,

Right?

Oh yeah,

You're very lucky.

Right?

But I feel like the majority of people,

You're right,

If they actually got into a relationship based off of the knowledge they had at that time,

And they chose to really go full force with those feelings,

I don't think they'd be really in an ideal situation.

Absolutely not.

Okay,

So number one,

Just to repeat,

There are no guarantees that relationships will work out in the long term,

And this is not a bad thing.

Absolutely not.

You wanna be more experiential in relationships.

You wanna get to know other people.

You wanna go out there and date and pick and choose what you like.

Wow.

You know?

Don't be rigid.

You're right.

Don't find the truth and happiness in just one person.

You know,

And I think it's funny,

Because it's almost like,

If I think the dating phase is so elemental,

And not just other,

It's not for other people,

It's for yourself,

You're actually getting to know yourself when you date.

And so many times you think you know what you want or what you like,

But then you meet somebody else,

This is obviously if you're an avid dater,

Then you learn this through experience,

Right?

Yeah.

Then you realize,

Oh my god,

There are,

I actually,

There is someone who exists that has all these qualities that I didn't even know I wanted.

You're right,

And it's like,

I think if you're not experiential,

Which you so brilliantly said,

It's almost like you're focusing on the end of a book,

Instead of reading all of the chapters leading up to the end of it.

Yes.

And what's dangerous about that,

I think you were saying earlier,

Is.

Yeah,

That you're not really getting a wide variety of options out there,

Right?

You're not able to learn about what it is that you really like,

Because you're just limiting yourself.

You know what,

Zara,

You're right,

And I'll tell you this,

It also is scary,

Because typically for people that really want relationships,

They have a predisposition to projecting fantasies onto people.

So I think with that gap,

You know,

Of just focusing on the outcome versus being experiential,

That allows too much of a space for a person to allow their imagination of who the person is in front of them to get too creative for their own good,

Almost.

So there you go,

Filling in that gap with fantasies of who that person's potential partner is without actually taking the time to get to know them or to read the chapters,

So to speak,

Like you said,

Getting out there and dating and getting to know people.

Absolutely,

And the quicker you accept that there are no guarantees to the outcome of the relationship,

The closer you are to healing,

Not only your current heartbreak,

But your potential future heartbreaks as well.

So just remember that.

You're right,

And I just wanna expand on that,

Because that touches on the second point that you made,

When you said be more experiential and not so much outcome-driven,

And also the first point I made,

Which there are no guarantees,

Because I think if you really,

Really want a relationship so bad,

Which everybody has the right to their desires,

If you don't have these elemental truths,

You're gonna continue getting extremely hurt every time a relationship doesn't work,

Instead of just understand that that is part of the process of getting into relationship or being in relationship,

Which actually leads me to the next point,

And the next universal truth of relationships is,

Oh,

And I don't like this one,

But it's so true,

Pain is actually part of being in a relationship just as much as pleasure is.

They- Let's sit with that a little.

Let's sit with that,

Thank you.

Give me your zen yoga voice,

Please.

Man,

Pain is part of being in a relationship just as pleasure is.

I think that without pain,

You are not able to personally grow.

If you reflect back on your past relationships- Huge point.

And you really search for the meaning,

Right?

You really search for the awareness that you received,

Not just about yourself,

But about what you like and you don't like.

Oh my God,

Yeah,

Yeah.

It gives you so much to work with for the person that you're really meant to be with.

I really think so.

It's all about perception,

It's all about finding meaning,

And yeah,

I wanna give it back to you and help you,

You know?

Yeah,

I appreciate you saying that because I'll tell you this as a therapist,

And I know you get this,

Right?

So many clients are terrified of pain.

Oh,

Yeah.

They run from it.

They run from it through substance,

They run from it through relationships that are not for them and just avoiding the truth and the red flags,

Right?

And I think that,

You know,

Unfortunately the harshest truth I've had to learn about life,

Not even put relationships aside for a second,

Is that some of my greatest life lessons were catalysted by pain,

By painful life experiences.

I'm not saying you can't grow through love and beauty and all of that,

Of course you can,

But a lot of the times it's the painful experiences that really open our eyes to what the universal truths are for our highest wellbeing,

Whether that be in relationship,

Whether that be in your career form,

Whether that be in life in general.

You know,

I have so many clients,

As I'm sure you know,

And you do too,

Zara,

They wanna get into relationship,

But they don't wanna get hurt.

So it's like- They're running from it.

They're running from the lessons that they could learn.

Yeah,

But you know what I say to them though?

I say so much,

The idea of wanting,

It's almost like wanting to win a boxing match,

But not being willing to step into the ring.

Like- Oh,

That was so beautifully said.

Thank you,

So beautifully received.

Thank you.

I love that voice.

It's so soothing.

All of our listeners are gonna really enjoy that.

You know,

They're probably gonna be in downward facing dog position at this moment and say,

Wow,

I am so in zen,

Thank you,

Zara.

Aww.

You know?

But really,

They want the relationship without the pain.

And I think once you're willing to accept that as part of the territory,

Then you're not afraid of the personal growth that's at the end of that relationship,

Either working out or not working out.

Because at the end,

Whether a relationship is going to be for the long term or not,

There is going to be pain along the way.

Absolutely.

I mean,

And this is going a little bit off topic,

But I think it's relevant.

If you think about some of the best music albums out there,

Right?

Oh,

I love this.

If you think about some of the art that's been created Wow.

Through pain and heartbreak,

I mean,

It moves you.

You're out there.

Even from love and relationships really shifts you into another world.

You're not wrong.

You're so right.

And I think relationship pain is a huge catalyst for some of the greatest song albums.

You're absolutely huge,

Right?

You don't hear people like writing song albums about their broken careers or their failed businesses or anything like that.

But even to expand further than love and relationship and music,

Which is so profound in and of itself,

Like you mentioned,

I think disappointment and loss is if viewed correctly with the correct perception that it is inevitable and part of life.

And if you don't take it as a blow to your own personal value,

Instead you take it as a lesson to upgrade and get to a space of higher consciousness and self-acceptance and bigger goals for yourself,

I think it can really work tremendous wonders.

Well said,

London.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

So should we do a recap for today?

Let's do a recap.

You wanna start it off?

Yeah.

So first things first,

There are no guarantees that relationships will work out in the longterm.

And second thing's second,

It's to one's own emotional benefit to be more experiential when in relationship than to be outcome driven.

And the quicker that you accept that there are no guarantees to the outcome of the relationship,

The closer you are to healing,

Not only for your current heartbreak,

But for your potential future heartbreaks,

God forbid.

But I mean,

Like we just said,

And going to the last point.

The last point being pain is part of being in a relationship just as much as pleasure is.

They both come with a territory and excitingly relationship pain is the ultimate catalyst of personal growth.

So it doesn't need to be so scary.

It can be something that one embraces.

Absolutely.

It's all perception here,

Right?

It's not a bad thing.

No,

It's not a bad thing.

No.

We've just been conditioned to believe that it is so then the pain hurts more because of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you all.

Thank you.

And stay tuned for part two.

Part two coming up.

Reviews

Excellent. I had to hear this. Makes so much sense now. Pain is part of the process. And you can grow and improve because of it. Thank you girls. 🌹🙏🤗

Thanks 🙏!