Hindrances - Restlessness and Agitation

This is a talk given by Lloyd to the Insight Community of Denver, Colorado on one of the hindrances to meditation; restlessness and agitation. In the Buddhist tradition, the five hindrances are identified as mental factors that hinder progress in meditation and in our daily lives. Please note this was recorded live.

Transcript

Our obstacle to concentration is going to be two weeks from this evening.

And the fifth one,

And in some ways the most,

Among the more interesting,

And certainly the most resilient is doubt.

So we're going to spend some time exploring that one together.

But tonight we're looking at the fourth of the five hindrances,

Our obstacles,

And that one is restlessness and worry.

I'm sure no one here is afflicted with that.

Just in case,

Purely on theoretical ground,

Should you ever encounter it in your sitting.

Here's what to look for.

So the simile that was classically used by the Buddha and the teacher since then of each of these hindrances or obstacles of concentration is a clear forest pool that in some way or another has been obscured so you can't see to the bottom of it.

So anger is as if the pool is boiling.

Unrequited or ardent desire is as if brightly colored dyes have been poured into the water.

Sloth and torpor are like it's been overgrown with algae,

You know,

A common mucky and yucky.

The simile for restlessness and worry is as if there is a strong wind or breeze blowing over the surface of the pond and disturbing it.

So it's like energy from external circumstances that's troubling the mind,

Making it not possible to see clearly at the bottom of the pool,

Which is to say to see your environment clearly around you as the Buddha said with eyes unclouded by fear and longing.

But also when that pool is clear and still it allows you to see your own reflection.

So these are obstacles not only to the mind becoming calm and concentrated but also obstacles to being able to practice insight meditation to see more deeply into the nature of the self.

So first off I want to go over a few things that kind of tip you off that the mind is afflicted with a certain amount of nervousness or worry,

Restlessness.

And then certainly have a look at some of the different kinds of it,

Some of the ways to work with it.

And then sometime maybe sharing our own experiences in this realm,

If of course you have any.

So the way the hindrances are usually taught is in settings where people are doing fairly intensive meditation like on a retreat or something of that nature.

So you're in a setting where you're really,

The setting itself is conducive to the mind becoming calm and clear and so you're having an opportunity to look at why it's not in terms of what's going on on the inside.

So one of the ways that you can kind of recognize that you may be in a nervous state of mind is for instance when you first sit down to sit or assume your meditation posture,

Whatever it is,

Especially at the setting meditation.

So somehow or another at the beginning of each set I advise us to check in with the body and spend a little bit of time getting relaxed and letting the different muscle sets come to a place of ease and whatnot.

And mostly if the mind's not afflicted with restlessness,

After a little while you settle down and you feel as if you're somewhat at ease and you can kind of see what's going on.

There's really a lot of restlessness going on.

One of the,

Among the ways it manifests physically is that you feel like you can't quite get it right.

In terms of your posture,

Your arms,

Your legs or you think you got it right and then immediately you realize you haven't and you gotta,

Well I'm gonna try not to move during this set so I'm gonna get it right just now so I don't have to squirm around.

As a result of which of course you spend a lot of time squirming and trying to get it right but you never get it right.

Other ways that you can notice it physically,

Sometimes it feels like there's a little mosquito bite or something happening all over you,

That there's something that you're gonna die if you don't get to scratch that itch,

Right?

Something that happens for me sometimes,

And it's a pretty common one,

Is if there is a certain amount of ambient anxiety going on and you're having any difficulty at all with respiration as I happen to be this evening.

I have spring allergies and the plants don't know they shouldn't be blooming yet.

So a little bit glubby and when I'm sitting sometimes,

Especially when I was sitting early on and I would get that kind of build up,

I would feel like I needed to be clearing my throat all the time.

And that can be sort of a common one and if people are clearing their throat all the time like when they sit quietly it can be kind of annoying.

Sometimes usually in meditation retreats we advise people,

Really important to stay hydrated but please don't spend a bunch of time slugging water during the actual sitting because it's kind of distracting to those around you.

If you feel like you are morally certain you're gonna choke to death during the sitting,

You know,

If you don't either clear your throat or have a drink of water,

Then that can be another sign.

To the best of our knowledge,

No one has ever choked to death while doing insight meditation,

At least not from a build up of sweat on their throat.

So these are ways that you,

Just observing what's going on in the body,

You can come to recognize that there is restlessness going on.

In terms of kind of mental symptoms,

It's like monkey mind gone berserk,

You know,

It's as if you're sitting tied to a chair and watching a television and the controller is in the hands of this chimpanzee on ass that's bouncing off the walls and running around the room and you have absolutely no control over what's going on in the mind.

But the thoughts are coming and going like crazy in here and there and everywhere.

It might be obsessive thoughts about the recent or distant past,

Of,

You know,

That I locked the front door before I left to come to the sitting,

You know,

Something like that.

Oh damn,

I forgot to get a job.

It can be relatively minor stuff like that or it can be relatively major stuff.

It can be some event that took place in which you reacted kind of unskillfully and you have some regret,

Some concern and oh gosh,

I wonder if anything is going to come back at me as a result of that.

I wonder if I said or did the wrong thing.

I wonder if I should be planning to make amends for that in some way after I get through here.

It can be an agitation with regard to the present moment.

I'm never going to get the hang of this practice.

Try as I might,

Every time I sit down the mind goes nuts.

There's no such thing as peace of mind.

I think I've been shucked here,

You know.

To keep preaching this stuff provides one thing and I'm experiencing just the opposite.

So it can lead to a certain amount of doubt or maybe this practice just isn't right for me.

But at any rate,

It's agitation and frustration in the moment with somehow or another what you're experiencing in the moment is not right or it's not satisfactory or it should be different than it is and that you ought to be able to do something to make it different than it is.

It's another symptom of that in terms of mental affliction.

However,

At least for me,

When I find myself in this realm,

The most common form of obsessive thought that happens in the mind is about the future.

The mind is just kind of racing ahead,

Incessantly planning events,

Great and small,

Whether you should stop at the grocery store on the way home or what to do with the rest of your life or whatever.

The mind is just like a fish on a hook.

The mind is constantly being drawn forward out of itself into thoughts about the future,

Either things that you're concerned that might happen to you or one that you don't want to have happen or things that you feel like it's really important for you to plan for in order to keep the unpleasant from happening.

So,

After sorting things out and having a look at the mind when it gets into planning,

It's not too bad enough planning.

Were it not for planning,

We wouldn't all be here right now.

We would have been shown up at 7 o'clock instead of 6 o'clock.

The capability of us to communicate,

To envision future events,

To plan for them and for them to manifest is really neat.

It makes it really possible to do stuff that otherwise we couldn't.

The problem happens when the mind is so obsessively,

Incessantly engaged in planning that it can't stop itself,

That that's the mode that you find yourself always falling into.

It's one that perpetually keeps you from being able to reside in the present moment.

You're always thinking about the future.

So,

Again,

It can come in tremendously,

Very handy when,

For instance,

You're driving a car.

Because when you're driving a car,

You're actually doing two things,

Right?

You are in the present moment,

Sort of managing the vehicle,

But at the same time,

You're projecting your mind into a future cone of possible events,

You know,

About 10 to 30 seconds out in front of your car.

So the mind is doing these amazing things all the time,

Anticipating your intentions and how you plan to get from here to there,

What others might do,

Right?

So,

Tremendously useful when we're driving a car.

Or when you're sitting down planning the rest of your life or whatever.

The problem comes when you can't get out of that mode,

You know,

When your clutch goes out,

You can't get the thing out of gear.

And so that's the kind of incessant or obsessive planning mode that I'm referring to here.

So what are some of the reasons why this happens?

One is just the existence of a highly vigilant or hypervigilant state of mind.

So when we talk about the three personality types,

You know,

The one that is sort of the craving and clinging type,

Okay?

The other,

The second one is the aversive type.

As we talked about aversion in the realm of the hindrances,

We talked about anger as the first of the hindrances,

Right?

So,

Anger is environmental aversion plus outwardly focused aggression.

Whatever it is that's not right with your world is somebody else's fault.

You know,

By God,

You're going to do something about it if you can,

Right?

So,

The anger outwardly focused combined with this,

Generally speaking,

Aversive state of mind,

Restlessness and worry also has the factor of aversion.

But instead of being outwardly expressed and blamed on the other,

Okay,

It's more of a feeling of being kind of at the mercy of fate,

Kind of,

And you need to do everything you can to try to avoid bad things happening and you need to keep going through your mental roloducts from the past to,

You know,

Try to make up for what you did in the back wind that might get you in trouble now.

So,

Just having that hyper-vigilant state of mind or being,

Kind of having that tendency in terms of personality types is kind of a predisposition.

Then,

Of course,

If you have major trauma occur in your life and that gets mixed with that previous tansy,

Among other things,

Is kind of a recipe for post-traumatic stress syndrome,

That you become highly conditioned to try to make sure that something bad that happened to you in the past never happens again in the future and a great deal of your energy and attention is sort of taken up with that,

Okay?

So,

Some of us is just this,

You know,

The predilection or the tendency of our personality.

Secondly,

It can be actually major stress-inducing events in one's life,

You know,

Something having to do with the status of your health or your shelter or your source of income or your physical safety or something that happens that really feels to you like it's imposing or rendering your life in some way or another unsafe,

Right?

That the future becomes shaky and unpredictable and sort of fearful,

Okay?

So,

Major life-stressing events can also make this state of mind come to hang out for a while.

You know,

Again,

It's entirely understandable,

It's highly circumstantial in nature.

So,

What to do about these first ones that I've described.

When sitting and you're aware that the mind is in a state of restlessness and worry,

Okay,

Then using the breathing as an anchor,

It's possible to do kind of an inventory of what's going on in the mind-body process at that moment.

So,

For instance,

If you're feeling the manifestation of these physical symptoms,

It's just a matter of taking some time to be aware of them,

Okay?

What's it feel like?

Is it going on in the body right now?

Do I feel all itchy or ill at ease?

Okay,

What is it that is,

What kind of energy is the body holding right now that seems to be getting in the way of me being able to sit in peace?

You know,

Whether it's difficulty in breathing or maybe pain in one muscle set or another in the body that you really want to go away.

And so,

Of course,

The way it works is that the aversion to the pain,

Of course,

Causes the mind to amplify it and take it on in a big way and take it very personally.

And so,

That you have the chance to watch all that go on.

Sometimes,

If the agitation and the worry and the restlessness is not real strong,

Simply bringing mindfulness to bear on the state of mind,

Whether it's something that's going on in the body or whether you find that the mind is flipping out into planning,

Planning,

Planning,

Or going back to some memory.

Sometimes,

It's for a lot of people on a retreat,

What happens pretty soon when you settle in,

You get a little peaceful and then the mind gets bored,

Is your personal playlist comes up,

Right?

So,

Whatever songs,

Maybe it's something you heard on the radio on the way to the retreat or something like that,

Or a song you're trying to learn or music you've heard recently,

All of a sudden it just comes back again and again and again and again.

It's like an endless loop,

You know,

And that's just sort of where the mind is.

So,

If you note that the mind is just gravitating to any of these places,

Again,

Sometimes just mindfulness in and of itself is enough for it to,

And recognition of what it is,

Is enough for it to simply dispel.

And sometimes,

No.

Let's take just a few moments now and see if there's anything that's come up for anyone about what I've discussed so far,

And then we'll move into this realm a little bit more deeply in terms of some of the kind of classic,

Kind of fundamental existential reasons the Buddha gives for this tape one as well.

So,

Please.

One thing I noticed in my head was I had a sharp pain in my neck,

And when I focused just on the breath alone,

I didn't want to go away.

And other things in meditation in the past,

I would be planning where I'm going to dinner tonight,

And maybe really obsessive about where we're going to go and what I'm going to eat,

Or sometimes if I'm meditating,

And like a group said,

I'm going to be sharing afterwards,

I'm thinking what I'm going to say after this,

I'm planning all this discourse I'm going to give,

And that's just part of it.

So,

It's going to cost us a lot of itching.

Yep.

Yep,

It happens.

When I've been on retreat and I've been,

Have an interview scheduled with one of the teachers,

And it was basically just seeing,

It's not,

You already got the job of meditator,

It's not like you're applying for anything,

It's more like,

It's kind of an interview,

Or it's like just checking in,

Just kind of like consulting,

You know,

About how it's going,

And whether there's any way you can make it less difficult for yourself.

But I would wind up,

You know,

As soon as that interview is scheduled,

I would put a great deal of effort into planning what I was going to say,

You know,

What kind of questions I was going to ask,

And it may have been to some extent things I actually really wanted to know,

You know,

Where I was sort of at with the working edge of my practice,

But oftentimes there is this little edge in there about,

Oh,

What can I say is going to make me come off like a really good yogi?

Really on my game.

Really got it down,

And I'm really further along than maybe this particular teacher thought I was.

Just,

You know,

And sometimes I wouldn't even catch myself doing that until I was right in the middle of asking some kind of strike your stuff question in the interview,

You know,

And then it would kind of,

It would be really embarrassing,

Because usually the teacher,

And by that time I knew most of the teachers pretty well,

I would say,

Don't you actually know the answer to that one?

And then after a while I would notice I would be rehearsing for these interviews,

And began to see the humor in it,

You know,

Because in part it was not trusting whatever was going to happen in the moment when I was sitting with that teacher,

You know.

It was again,

It was trying to plan for a good thing to happen instead of just trusting that whatever happened in the moment when I was with that person would be what was supposed to happen in that moment,

You know.

Basically it comes down to learning how to trust the journal,

You know,

Just trusting what's going on in the moment.

So,

Yeah,

Please.

I find that it's an emotional charge to whatever future thing that I'm concerned about.

And for me sometimes I smear the plan,

How do I get from 1A to 1B?

I don't know,

And I've got to figure that out,

You know,

I've spent a lot of time thinking well,

How am I going to get from 1A to 1B?

But it's the emotional charge that keeps it engaged.

Yes,

Thank you,

Thank you.

The uncertainty,

Yeah,

The not knowing.

Was it Alan Woss who wrote that book,

The Wisdom of Uncertainty?

Yeah,

That's sort of what he was trying to get at.

Sun Sun-in,

Though,

The Korean Zen master was fond of telling the students all the time,

Must develop don't know mind,

Must develop don't know mind.

And everyone was really trying to figure out what he meant.

It was some kind of archaic Korean Buddhist term.

He was saying must develop the mind of don't know.

Must develop don't know mind,

You know.

So if you cling with great certainty,

Either your knowledge of the Dharma or what you think really must or should happen in the future or whatnot,

Then that's really to be let go of.

You know,

Ajahn Chah,

The way he would render the same teaching,

When he said,

When you hear me give a Dharma talk or anyone else give a Dharma talk,

You know,

You read something in the Pali Canon,

Then after you read it,

Reflect on it,

If you see the mind is just clinging to it and say,

Oh,

Well,

The meditation master said that must be true.

Then you become like a true believer.

He said,

What you really need to develop is the mind of not sure.

The mind of maybe.

A real feeling of conditionality,

Provisionality.

Maybe,

Maybe not.

So letting go of that certainty is actually a step toward liberation in that view.

So another kind of fundamental underlying reason for this state of mind,

If you find that it arises a fair amount when you're sitting,

When you're getting into sort of the medulla obligata of intentions and thoughts and getting to the root of things as the Buddha taught them.

He offered a teaching collectively called Samvega,

S-A-M-V-E-G-A.

And Samvega is a collective term for a variety of closely related states of mind,

All having to do with fear of the future.

Samvega is variously translated as urgency,

Sometimes as anxiety.

But it's actually an ambient state of fear about some things happening in the future.

One is the fear of finding,

There's eight of them all together.

One is the fear of finding yourself perpetually stuck in a lower state of consciousness.

If you remember a few weeks ago we were talking about the sort of levels of consciousness in Buddha's psychology and the lower realms,

The hell realm of a state of incessant,

Acute,

Unending suffering.

And then the realm of what's sometimes called the animal realm,

The realm of suffering without understanding why.

The hungry ghost realm of having perpetually unsaved desires.

The realm of perpetual conflict.

And then you get to the human realm.

There's this fear of getting stuck in one of these lower realms and never having it go on for eternity.

So that's one of them.

And then the fear of the arrival of the three messengers.

The fear of aging.

Fear of infirmity.

Fear of death.

And then there are some fears that are related to karma.

And by that I mean simply nothing more or less than the consequences accruing to one's actions.

So one fear is of the future consequences of past actions.

You know you did something really naughty in the past,

And it hasn't come around to bite you yet,

But you're pretty sure it's going to.

So you get anxious or afraid about that.

Another one is the fear of the future effects of future actions.

Pretty sure you're going to blow up the future,

And that you're going to cause a lot of trouble for yourself or somebody else.

And so you're fearful of how unskillful you see yourself to be in the present moment,

And how you're probably going to blow up the future.

And the fear of what's called in the texts,

Fear of loss of nutriment.

And that can be like literally fear of physically starving to death.

Life is kind of an uncertain thing in the Buddha's time.

And the other is a kind of a fear of emotional starvation.

Of being so unnourished emotionally or spiritually as to cease to be.

And this teaching really isn't offered all that much in the West,

Especially with just kind of people starting out in meditation.

It's not a big seller.

People can come in,

They want to have a nice quiet evening of meditation,

And learn a little bit about the Dharma.

And I lay something like that and it goes,

Eeeh.

Felt a lot better when I got here than I do now.

What's all that about?

The Buddha said that these feelings that arise,

And they arise because of the nature of who we are,

They arise because of the fact we're sentient beings,

And we're fearful when we plan for our future existence.

They arise because of the nature of mind,

The discursive mind,

And the mind that creates the self.

All these fears of course are related to a sense of self.

That's what makes them interesting.

What he said is that these fears as they naturally arise,

They create a sense of urgency.

It's like turning up the gas under a pot of water.

And that collectively,

Even though it feels stressful,

And it feels anxious,

That the whole function of this sense of samvega,

Of urgency,

Of wanting to find out why this suffering has occurred,

And what can be done about it,

Why do I feel so antsy,

Why do I sometimes feel lonely or scared for no particular reason that comes to mind.

He said there are very good reasons why.

He just sort of laid them out.

He said the reason that it's really useful to recognize these and to name them is because once you give a name to your concerns and your anxieties,

It's the first step to transforming them.

That they can take that energy and convert it into an impetus for,

Or as an accelerant for,

The cultivation of the Dharma in your life.

And he in fact offered this formula for exactly how to go about doing that.

And it's one that I want to share with you now.

And in order to do that,

I would like for you to take your sitting posture and please close your eyes for just a moment.

Listen carefully to my words as I speak them.

To the extent you wish to do so,

You can repeat these same phrases silently to yourself.

I am of a nature to grow older.

I have not gotten beyond aging.

I am subject to illness and infirmity.

I have not gotten beyond illness and infirmity.

I am of a nature to die.

I have not gotten beyond death.

All that is mine,

Dear and delightful,

Will change and vanish.

I am born of my karma.

I am heir to my karma.

My actions are my relations.

My actions are my protection.

All of my actions,

Both skillful and unskillful,

Wholesome and unwholesome,

Of these I shall become the heir.

My actions are the womb from which I have sprung and the womb from which I will spring in the future.

Ib pi offered him Peticra,

A That teaching is called the five daily recollections.

And the Buddha taught it as the means by which one transforms samvega into what he called pasara.

Pasara means calm,

Bright confidence.

All of the eight features of samvega are associated with the constructed self,

The ego.

Ask yourself,

Who is afraid?

Who is afraid of the future consequences of past actions?

Who is afraid of blowing this sometime in the future?

Who is afraid of dying?

Who is afraid of aging and infirmity?

It's the self.

No self,

No problem,

As I've already said.

So the civil rights worker,

James Baldwin,

Was once asked back in the 1960s,

He was getting death threats against him all the time speaking out in favor of civil rights very early,

Civil rights later,

Early 1960s.

And someone once asked him how you can keep doing this work if everywhere you go you know your life is in danger.

And he said,

Whatever is you're afraid of,

Walk toward it.

Or that Spanish gypsy proverb,

You know,

A life lived in fear is a life half lived.

What the Buddha is teaching in the five daily recollections is these things that have been roosting in the back of your mind that you know were there but you didn't want to bring them into the daylight.

You didn't want to acknowledge aging.

You didn't want to acknowledge infirmity.

You didn't want to acknowledge the fact that we know we're going to die but we don't know the winner under what circumstances.

That we're going to lose everything at some point and all will be lost to us.

Those phrases about karma are particularly interesting,

I think.

I am born of my karma,

Right?

My actions are the womb from which I have sprung.

My actions are my relations.

In other words,

Everything we do winds up having an effect on somebody else.

Everything somebody else does winds up having an effect on us.

What do you think he means by my actions are my protection?

I don't have an answer to that.

Spoken like a true politician.

I'm going to answer another question.

Not the one you asked.

Please.

The connection between those truths over which I have no control,

Aging,

Infirmity,

Death,

It just is.

But then I understand the connection with karma because what karma seems to be saying is I do have some control.

That what I do right now relates to how I am when my state of mind is borrowed.

So what's that got to do with things that are absolutely out of my control,

Except my attitude toward them,

Which I guess can change those facts,

At least the way I've experienced them.

Your question is the answer.

By that I mean,

You know,

People have different reactions to doing the five day day recollections for some people it's like,

You know,

A real,

What a bummer,

You know,

Why'd you have to lay that one on me?

For others there's a genuine sense of relief.

You know,

It's like,

Whoa,

I was taught to think about life one way my whole time,

You know,

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was getting hosed.

You know,

Now finally the Buddha says,

Nope,

This is how it is,

Right?

All these things you've been trying not to acknowledge,

This is how it is.

We're going to age,

We're subject to infirmity,

You know,

It's an injury and illness,

And we're all going to die,

Right?

And we spend so much time trying to pretend that that's not going to happen or to,

You know,

To live in willful ignorance of these truths that in order to overcome that living in delusion,

We're using the mind to go straight at it,

You know.

There's nothing really horrible about,

You know,

Aging,

Infirmity,

And death,

It's just how it is.

Those things are all tremendous insults to the discursive mind,

However,

To the ego,

You know,

Whose job it is to try to keep those things from happening,

But it can't.

And so since it can't,

Just like a doctor not wanting to say,

Sorry dude,

I'm a lot of tricks here,

Have a better look next time.

It's like,

It's finally acknowledging the truth of these things,

Just accepting them for what they are.

You know,

We were born into these bodies,

You know,

As the Buddha was dying,

You know,

He said,

And then after he died,

You know,

The devas and others around him were reminding each other.

In fact,

When someone dies in the ceremony for when someone passes away in Theravada Buddhism in Thailand,

You know,

There's this chant they do,

You know,

Which is repeating the Buddha's word as well,

All compounded things are impermanent.

They arise and they pass away for that is their nature,

You know.

And so all these five daily recollections are,

First it's just reminding ourselves of these facts.

So once we get reminded of them,

It's possible just to let go,

To let go the fear of them.

And having let go,

You know,

Just acknowledging,

Yep,

This seems to be how it is.

Now what am I going to do about it?

And that's what the fifth set of stanzas is about.

You know,

First is just acknowledging,

Yes,

These things are so.

Having that knowledge,

How am I now going to go forth and live my life?

If I'm going to go forth and live my life still anxious about aging,

Infirmity and death,

Still trying to live in the delusion that these things aren't going to happen,

Still trying to live in the delusion that I'm not going to lose all that's dear and delightful to me,

You know,

I'll continue to live in a state of profound distress and dissatisfaction because of my inability or unwillingness to see things as they truly are.

If on the other hand I can see things as they truly are,

Then how I speak and act and conduct myself will take on a completely different nature,

Completely different aspect.

And that's where that line,

My actions are my protections,

Comes into being.

Because when you are speaking and acting and living your life with wholesome intention,

What that essentially does is to provide a cocoon of protection,

An aura of protection.

Not from all pain,

Not from death,

Not from infirmity,

But an aura of protection,

Kind of like a defensive art,

Like Tai Chi,

You know,

Doing ward off emotions and things like that.

What you're doing is you've created an aura that wards off the negative consequences of unskillful actions.

When you're treating yourself and others with integrity and with respect and kindness,

You know,

And compassion,

Then that becomes your protection.

Because that's the way you view the world,

That's the way you interact with the world.

And when you are with others in that way,

As it happens,

Good things tend to come back to you.

Because it draws out in others the desire to treat you the same way.

And it does result in you not doing or saying things that you will experience the negative consequences of in the future.

So that's how in that way our actions do become our protection.

Doesn't mean bad stuff isn't going to happen.

It's just not going to happen as a result of our having created an wholesome karma in the first place.

That's the idea.

Please,

Bill.

If you could screw up,

As I often do,

With the best of intentions,

Saying the wrong thing,

At least you know your intentions were good.

Yes.

I always tell my wife,

My karma is still good.

I hope she buys that.

You know,

One of the things that is one of the fruits of the practice of the Dharma,

Although it doesn't always necessarily feel that way,

Is that when you know you have done or said something really unskillful and you recognize it,

It hurts way more than before you had awareness of the consequences of your actions.

Because the insight is there,

You've got some understanding that you didn't have before of your relationship between cause and effect,

You know,

And the ripple effects of everything that you say and do.

And so one of the things that happens as a result of doing this insight meditation practice is you become increasingly sensitized not only to the consequences of your actions on others,

But the consequences of others' actions on you and your ability to discern what their underlying intent was when they did that.

Your sentience,

The state of your being as a sentient being is heightened.

That's one of the things that happens with spiritual maturation.

It's one of the reasons it's no picnic,

Or at least not always,

Right?

Because you are confronted with the consequences of your actions much more immediately and with much greater clarity because you know how to perceive them in a way that you didn't before.

Which ultimately is a good thing.

And then every time we do love,

Which we surely do,

You know,

By and large,

It's been my experience over 40-some odd years of practicing the Dharma and others that I've come to know in the same way that gradually,

Little bit by little bit,

We learn not to say and do the things that we know in the past have created Dharma.

And it's an incremental transformation,

But it's a transformation nonetheless.

And we do it,

And it's one of the reasons Sangha is so important,

You know,

Is because we do it together.

And so one of the things we do when we're in Sangha is we kind of practice a little bit,

You know?

Well,

You know,

Maybe the Buddha was on a Sangha,

Maybe we should try to be nice to everybody,

Who knows,

Probably no downside.

And sure enough,

Little bit by little bit in your life,

You see that yes,

Yes,

This is different.

It feels different to be in the world than it did.

I was just wondering if there isn't a kind of flip side to acknowledging impermanence.

I mean,

I sort of kind of get the value of sitting with that,

But I've also experienced,

I mean,

I think we all have the value of,

You know,

Just the joy of living.

Yes.

And I was just thinking,

I'm just coming out of a period of infirmity,

I had a real bad fall on the ice about six weeks ago,

And I'm just coming back.

And as so often happens,

I think what was happening up here was worse than the physical challenge.

Yes.

And I was getting really depressed.

Yes.

Just finally got rid of the crutches and was making strides with the cane.

And I was just,

Even though I could feel the physical development,

I just couldn't deal with the depression that way.

So I noticed that I hadn't gotten around to pulling my coffee table back where it was.

And that simple act of saying,

You know,

I'm not that firm that I need to move all my furniture around anymore.

I'll bring back some normalcy.

And it was like,

You know,

Yeah,

I can do it,

But we'll get back tomorrow and we'll be walking the dog for two hours.

It's all going to be okay.

I don't think I would have gotten there if I reminded you,

Because it did.

I mean,

When you have things like that happen,

I just remind you that you're not here forever.

But holding that was this valuable,

I think,

Is.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for bringing that aspect of the teaching more to the front.

This is really powerful medicine,

You know,

And it's not even taught on a lot of retreats,

You know,

Or if it is,

Usually rather sort of late in the game.

I offered this teaching at the Boulder Sangha once a few years ago,

And one of the women who was there was extremely put off by it,

You know.

And she said,

I don't see that that really has any role in the way we do things here in the West,

And it certainly doesn't play any role in my practice.

And I asked what she did,

And she was a chaplain in a hospice.

And I said,

You know,

I think maybe this teaching is not for your patients,

You know.

What they need is some meta,

You know.

Because,

You know,

While this teaching has tremendous value,

There is the potential for taking it the wrong way,

You know,

For it just driving you just exactly like you said.

If you're just dwelling on,

You know,

The fact that we're all going to get old and break things and die,

You know,

That's not,

That doesn't really have a salutary effect on the mind until you understand what it was that the Buddha was trying to do,

What the intention underlying the teaching was.

You know,

The Buddha likened the ego to an egg,

Like this protective case,

You know,

That does its job up to a point as the self develops.

And at some point you grow beyond,

If you are to genuinely awaken spiritually,

You have to grow beyond the confines of the ego,

You have to grow beyond the confines of aversion and attachment and delusion.

And so that's what the function of the five recollections is,

You know,

To dispel the illusion that you're never going to be injured or get sick,

To dispel the illusion that you're not going to age,

To dispel the illusion that you're not going to die,

Okay.

But it's very troubling news,

You know,

When you pull it away.

And like I was saying earlier,

There really are two distinct parts to this.

One is the realization of these truths,

And then having done so,

When we're using that teaching skillfully,

Which is why it's really important,

In fact,

To talk about it like this together,

You know,

And gain a common understanding,

Is that properly understood,

What that can do is have the effect of making this moment in time that much more precious,

You know.

I have knowledge that these things are going to happen,

Therefore why not live this moment of my life in joy and in peace?

Please.

I feel like I've spent the bulk of my life in an unhappy marriage with this hindrance particularly,

Just really have a lot of time spent futurizing and planning.

And of course my practice brings that to light,

Incredibly so.

And I utilize the technique of sort of labeling a lot to remind myself,

Okay,

That's future,

That's planning,

So that I can see how sort of laughable it is,

How frequently it comes up.

But I'm just curious,

And I'm really interested in this some big,

I think you said,

Teaching,

But I'm curious if from a teaching or a practice standpoint,

If there are other techniques or resources that you recommend leaning towards,

If you tend towards this particular hindrance or that particular manifestation of it,

I guess.

Yes,

I think that what's really helpful,

And that's one of the reasons that the guest icon tonight is Konyan,

The Bodhisattva of compassion.

It's impossible to do this work scuffily except within a field of compassion.

You know,

If I'm going to do those recollections,

Oftentimes I'll do some self-compassion practice first,

And then again after,

Right?

There is a tendency,

Because it's a painful state of mind,

To feel aversion to this hindrance,

Right?

And with all the hindrances,

And this one,

I think,

Almost in particular,

As well as with doubt,

It's really helpful to remember that at some level it's well-intended,

You know?

It's the ego trying as hard as it can to do that which it's not capable of doing,

You know?

It's saying,

If I plan,

If I keep thinking about the future,

And I keep thinking about ways I can get in trouble,

And what I can do about it,

Or how I put it,

You know,

Crap-shape the world in,

And how I might get involved in making that better,

You know,

If I just focus enough of my attention into the future,

Then maybe I'll be able to be safer,

That I'll be able,

I'll do better in the world,

And whatnot.

So it's helpful,

I think,

To understand the intention underlying the incessant planning,

The restlessness and the worries about,

It's,

I'm doing my best to take care of myself,

So I don't get hurt in the future,

Right?

Except that in that state of mind,

The discursive mind simply doesn't have the wisdom to know how to go about doing that.

And so when we're able to kind of step out of that and say,

Oh,

Thank you for your effort,

You know,

If you could have some feeling of gratitude for the restlessness and worry,

It's like,

Oh,

I can see what you were trying to do.

Thank you.

Thank you for your efforts.

However,

I think I've maybe found a more skillful way to do the same thing.

Yeah,

These efforts of the mind,

They need to be respected for what they're trying to do,

Even though at some point it becomes apparent they're causing us suffering,

You know.

And the way out of that particular one is to just acknowledge that all we really have is this moment.

And to come to really trust that truth in a way that we perhaps haven't before.

Please.

I've had a recent insight,

And I hope it's not an illusion,

But it's an insight,

Because in the morning I wake up,

I feel down usually when I wake up in the morning.

I feel kind of depressed when I first wake up.

It's pretty common.

But this insight I recently had was that life doesn't want me to be depressed.

Life itself doesn't want me to be depressed.

Life,

The life force,

Wants me to be happy and successful.

So I'm kind of wondering,

Is this just too new-agey?

Is this like an illusion?

Or is it a true insight?

I like it.

I want to keep it.

So as you've probably heard me describe mindfulness a lot,

The answer is yes.

You can keep going.

As you've heard me describe insight a lot in the past,

You know,

It's as if rather than being engulfed in the movie created by the discursive mind,

You have become aware of the fact that you are an observer watching a movie.

And so the more you do insight meditation practice,

The more you do mindfulness practice,

The stronger that observing faculty in the mind becomes.

And it doesn't only occur when you're sitting.

We practice the sitting in order to create that continuity of consciousness throughout every waking moment of the day.

And interestingly enough,

It can be quite fascinating,

If you just described it,

Which is that as one awakens,

What you can see happen is the observing facility is awakening along with the rest of the mind.

And so as you wake up,

You may find yourself feeling a little blue,

But the observing faculty is there and is saying,

Oh,

Depression.

And in that very mechanism at work,

What happens is like some kind of sort of balloon got pumped up around the feeling of depression,

Or if it's like in your movie theater,

And it's like somebody turns on the house lights.

It's like,

Oh,

I'm watching the movie about depression.

So the experience of it is there,

Actually since the mind can only do one thing at a time,

The experience of it is something that mindfulness is observing of you having just experienced.

Oh,

Here I am waking up depressed.

Now I'm mindful of having woken up depressed.

Next minute,

Find yourself depressed again.

Next minute,

Oh,

Here I am in a depressive state of mind again.

But then it becomes not this tar pit that you're stuck in,

But rather this sort of like,

Almost like a little dance between the state of mind and your awareness of the state of mind.

And when you are aware of the fact that you are experiencing an afflictive state of mind like that,

The other thing that starts to happen in partnership with the awareness that is going on is some sense of self-compassion.

Oh,

Here I am experiencing this afflictive state of mind.

May I live with ease.

May I be safe from inner and outer harm.

Likewise,

I'm subject to depressive states of mind from time to time.

So that's a really important phrase in my self-compassion practice.

May I be safe from all inner and outer harm,

Harms I do to myself as well as harms that may befall me.

May I live with ease.

So,

Yes,

Thank you so much.

That's a really important point.

And we've actually run into overtime,

So let's once again take our sitting postures,

Allowing the eyes to gently close.

My actions are the womb from which I have sprung.

Our actions are the womb from which we have sprung.

Our actions are our relations.

Our actions are our protection.

We are born of our actions and we are heir to our actions.

Our actions are the womb from which we have sprung.

All of our actions,

Both wholesome and unwholesome,

Skillful and unskillful,

Of these we shall become the heir.

Have a good week.

Reviews

This « oral transmission » works so much better with me than reading « material ». Thank you for these recording of your teaching sessions. 🙏🏻

Excellent , thank you ☺️

Thank you. An excellent insight into what can be beneath restlessness. 🌻

So much in this talk. It calls me back to listen again, then again. 🙏

Exceptional subject matter. Very insightful. First talk of yours I’ve listened to. Plan to click on the Follow button and listen to your many other talks. 🙏

Thank you Lloyd, I'm grateful for the thoughtful and compassionate way you impart your knowledge. You're a wonderful teacher 💕

Profound—you really make contact, with humor and intelligence and warm compassion. I look forward to learning more from you. 🙏🌈🌱