So today's topic,
The path factor that we're looking at is wise effort.
And as I've been doing with each of these path factors over the weeks is simplifying them and breaking them down in a way which I hope is relatable.
It's said that the Buddha gave 60,
000 different types of meditation strategies and approaches to waking up.
Sort of with the understanding that one size doesn't fit all.
So there are these different ways.
And one of the elements that all of them include is wise effort.
Wise effort.
So I'm going to swing out a little bit here and suggest that wise effort has something to do with cultivating belonging.
A sense of belonging.
It's one of humanity's basic needs.
Having a sense of belonging is so important.
You know,
We're members of families,
Of sports teams,
Of hobbies,
You know,
Hobbyists,
Spiritual groups like this one.
We're members of charities and political parties and towns and countries and nationalities.
Nearly every aspect of our life is organized around belonging to something.
And where we go with it quite often in our culture is we actually equate it to fitting in.
You know the story like,
I want them to like me.
I want to feel like I matter.
But what's so interesting is that fitting in is actually the opposite of belonging.
As soon as we change how we are to get people to like us,
To fit in to some idea or some group,
We abandon ourselves.
This is what the researcher and wisdom teacher Brene Brown has to say about it.
Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.
Because this yearning is so primal,
We often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval,
Which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging,
But often barriers to it.
Because true belonging only happens when we are present and we present our authentic,
Imperfect selves to the world.
Our sense of belonging can never be greater than the level of our self acceptance.
Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance.
So the only true belonging that exists is the sense of belonging to ourselves.
And we've been talking about this a little bit.
Last week we explored the idea of no part,
No part left out,
No part of ourselves left out.
Seeing and accepting all of ourselves.
And it's not easy work.
And the most crucial ingredient to building a sense of belonging is effort.
Wise effort.
We have to be willing to feel and sometimes bear the way we experience not belonging.
The way not belonging feels in our body.
It's uncomfortable.
It brings tears sometimes.
We often feel small.
And when we can do it,
When we can be with this discomfort and we can bring care.
It's the same type of care that we would bring to a child that was hurt.
It's a kind of tender care to our wounded places.
Just by bringing care,
We're living more in our wholeness.
We belong.
All of us.
No part left out.
As Brené Brown points out,
True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are.
It requires you to be who you are.
All of you.
This is from the writer Rami Shapiro.
It's called Do I Matter?
Standing before the one who is all the world,
Can it be that I matter?
Can it be that such a small thing as me has a place in such a grand scheme?
And yet it is so.
I am empty of permanence.
I don't endure.
My days are limited and too few to fulfill the desires of my heart.
I am so small and temporary and yet so important.
This pile of dust speaks.
This bag of skin thinks.
This frail body acts and makes a difference.
I am the only me that has ever been.
I am shaken by the knowledge that I never existed before and will not again.
The source rebirths but never repeats.
Infinite possibility demands infinite diversity.
Whatever I must do,
I must do here and now.
Whatever gift I am to give,
I must give it here and now.
Whatever purpose I am to fulfill,
I must fulfill it here and now.
I am what I am here and now.
I am what I do with who I am.
So this is one view of wise effort.
We all have a kind of wisdom that intuits what's possible.
We wouldn't be here sitting together if we didn't intuit the possibility of living with freedom.
With a peaceful life.
The possibility of loving without holding back.
Without action.
Without receiving approval.
We all have this intuition of the freedom that's possible.
We experience it.
And what happens with that intuition,
It bubbles up into kind of an aspiration.
Kind of a sense of I'm going to go for this.
I'm going to go for it.
Wise effort comes out of that.
That aspiration.
That intuition.
In the moments that you feel the possibility of loving more fully,
There's also the feeling of longing to make it be so.
And then the effort comes out of that and it's pure and sincere and authentic.
But what often happens if we haven't tended to those place that we see is unacceptable,
What happens is we disengage.
Our effort is kind of controlled and it's tense and tight.
And we move in a way where we're trying to prove ourselves and prove our worth and get approval.
Trying to prove our value.
Please our friends and family and loved ones.
Meet everybody's needs.
It's no wonder we disengage.
We're presenting what we want them to see.
And we're not able to mobilize our authentic energy or authentic effort.
We disassociate and we cut off.
So we tend to bringing all pieces of ourselves together.
No part left out.
Belonging.
One hospice nurse described the regrets of those people that were dying.
And she described that one of the most common regrets that people share is that I didn't live life true to myself.
I lived in accordance with the expectations of others.
I lived according to my own list of shoulds.
Not living true to ourselves.
That's the most common regret of the dying.
So our challenge,
Our consideration,
Our practice is to slow down and sense what am I living from?
What am I living from?
Some years ago,
I heard a story about the Bantu people of South Africa.
The story goes that the elders of the tribe would sneak into the rooms of their children and their grandchildren at night as they slept.
And they'd whisper in their ears,
Be who you are.
Be who you are.
Can you imagine how wonderful that must be to have that song sung to your soul as you grow and develop?
Be who you are.
So in a sense,
I'm singing that song to you now so that your soul will hear it and remember.
I'll close with some words from the poet Rilke.
I'll always belong to myself.
Even as many times as I'll try to give myself away.
And as many times as someone else will try and take it.
I will always belong to myself.
And you will always belong to yourself.
Unions are not formed by giving yourself away.
But by coming together.
I don't want to be you.
And I don't want you to be me.
The beauty,
The love comes from our acceptance of each other's souls.
So thank you for your kind attention.
Your consideration of wise effort as belonging.
