So this is the first of several talks I'll be offering on compassion,
Self compassion,
And compassion for others.
And I want to introduce it by looking at how most of us have a particular way of seeing and understanding ourselves.
You know there are many ways we understand ourselves.
An interesting question is with what eyes,
With what understanding do I tend to see myself?
Many times the understanding or how we understand ourselves can be a tremendous source of suffering.
So there are other ways of understanding ourselves,
Ways of seeing ourselves that don't cause suffering.
Ways that may bring up a sense of ease or satisfaction.
Ways that are meaningful.
Maybe a more useful question would be like what would it be like if I were seeing through the eyes of a Buddha?
How might it be different from how I usually see myself?
Many of us have been seen by someone else and the felt sense was that they were relating to you very differently than how you relate to yourself.
You know there's I think this we see this a lot in family members.
There's a tendency that they may relate to who you are today from who you were when you were 13 or 10 or 12 and they can't move past this is who you are.
This person of many many many years ago.
And so there's a deep misunderstanding and it sometimes feels like you can't connect because they're relating to you from a place that where you're no longer that person.
And some people are very mean to themselves or very self-critical or just feeling guilty without any cause or there's a sense of inadequacy.
You know the phrase in the mind is something like if people saw who I am they're not going to like me.
They're going to reject me.
And then we have our spiritual friends or people in our lives where they look at you and they see you.
Perhaps they see that you have this story of inadequacy or they see how hard you are on yourself.
They see it but they don't believe it because they see you in a very different light.
They see you as a whole person.
Maybe they see you as a beautiful person.
They see you with respect and kindness.
So how do you normally go around seeing yourself?
This is the question.
What I'd like to suggest to you is to experiment with and assume that you are whole.
See yourself as fully whole.
Nothing broken.
Nothing to fix.
Fully whole.
What happens if you see yourself as whole?
All of you is welcome.
Many people are divided against themselves.
They have parts of themselves that they don't like.
Parts they want to push away or hide.
Want to pretend that they're not there.
And so in this way people are divided against themselves or they feel that they're not whole because of some inability or inadequacy.
Something's wrong with them.
This is the storyline.
So the idea of being whole implies that there's nothing wrong.
It's also a very respectful way to see ourselves.
To see someone else.
To see someone else as whole.
As a person with a degree of maturity or autonomy.
Worthy of our respect.
So what would it mean for you in your mind if you saw yourself as being whole?
You're already whole.
As opposed to being messed up or an embarrassment in some way to the human race.
So rather than seeing yourself as somehow less than other people.
Seeing yourself as whole.
For me it feels like there's no longer need to compare myself to anybody else.
There's really no need to compare myself at all.
Comparisons are about not being adequate.
Not seeing yourself as whole.
To see ourselves as whole implies a whole kind of acceptance.
Who you are.
How you are as a person is deeply enough.
It's great.
It really is.
You don't have to be different.
If you're not a very smart person then you're a whole person who's not that smart.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
If you're a person with a handicap or a disability.
You know sometimes in our society somehow that you're being treated as not being a full citizen or a whole person.
But you are.
You're still a whole person.
A whole person with a disability.
So how we're looking at ourselves.
This is really the doorway to self compassion.
With what eyes do you see yourself?
Are those eyes kind?
Are they generous?
Compassionate and wise?
Or are they not?
And what I'm offering is to experiment with the idea that you're already whole.
See what it's like to walk around the world with this idea.
That you're enough.
You're already fine.
You're already perfect.
What happens then when that's the case?
One reason these questions are important is that they orientate us towards self compassion.
You know we have all we all have challenges.
And many of us have distress and difficulties.
But what's so important is not to layer self-criticism or shame on top of it.
Even if we truly don't feel whole.
Compassion can be directed towards ourselves.
We can even ask,
You know,
Can I hold this with the kind of peaceful presence that a friend might offer if we were sitting and having tea?
Just being present and listening to what is alive right now in our experience.
It's so meaningful to have someone in our life who's just there and not reactive and attentive and peaceful.
Not asserting themselves.
Not trying to fix you.
Not treating you as someone that needs help.
But treating you with respect.
And serving you with their presence and attention.
And so in a way we need to be able to do that for ourselves.
So I offer this for your consideration and I thank you for your kind attention.
