The Power Of Metta

So Metta is the Pali word for loving kindness or friendliness. You could say that Metta practice is a way of opening the heart or unbinding the heart. The mindfulness is often taught in such a way where it’s a personal individual practice but the Metta practices are very much about our relationships; with our family, our friends and society. We are all in this together. Metta is really an exploration of the heart.

Transcript

As some of you know,

I have been on a silent meditation retreat at the Insight Retreat Center in Santa Cruz,

In the Santa Cruz mountains of California for the past 15 days.

And most spiritual traditions,

They have something like retreats,

Like you know,

Some go off into the desert for 40 days or there's vision quests in the wilderness where you go off by yourself for a while.

So going on retreat is an ancient thing in Buddhism.

Stepping out of your life as you normally live it,

You get a better look at things.

In some ways it's like the Mary Oliver poem that I just read at the end of the meditation.

To be idle and blessed.

To stroll through the fields which I have been doing all day.

So on retreat we spend longer periods of time meditating and by meditating longer through the day it allows the mind to settle more and more and to let go more of the everyday concerns that often keep us preoccupied.

And one of the ways that we do that is mindfulness of breathing which we have explored in depth here.

And another way of concentration and to settle the mind is through the practice of loving kindness.

So I thought I'd talk a little bit about this today.

So the word metta is the Pali word from the language of the Buddha.

Meta is the word for loving kindness or friendliness.

And you could say that the metta practice is a way of opening the heart or unbinding the heart.

The mindfulness is often taught in such a way where it's a personal and individual experience.

But the metta practice is very much about relationships.

With our family,

With our friends,

With our society.

We are all in this together.

So take a minute and maybe turn on your video and look around and see who's here with you.

Who's here with you?

Just take a look.

We're all in this together.

All of us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want to start by saying that I'm going to share some of my own experience as a way of possible understanding for others around the metta practice.

So I'm still learning so much about practice and the metta practices in particular are really right for me at this time.

So it kind of begs the question,

Who's the student and who's the teacher then,

Right?

I don't think there should be too much of a distinction between teacher and student.

I certainly am not an expert in these things.

And I don't know anyone that can call themselves an expert.

But this metta practice is something that we do together.

It's something that we can explore together.

So when I first came to practice,

I was a Zen student.

And most of my teachers didn't teach on loving kindness or equanimity or joy.

It was mostly mindfulness practice and a fierce practice.

You know,

My practice was mostly solitary.

I was isolated and it was single focused.

The breath,

The posture,

That's it.

I didn't get from my teachers in the beginning that loving kindness was an integral part of the path.

It was,

In Zen,

It was more of like the samurai spirit,

You know,

You kind of tough it out.

So it was on a vipassana retreat that I was first introduced to loving kindness practice.

And vipassana for those that don't know,

Means insight.

So at first it was like,

What is this?

It seems too artificial,

Too sugary.

So mostly what I did was I tuned out my teacher.

So I just want to let you know that you're welcome to tune out this teaching on metta.

I expect some of you won't want to do it because I didn't want to do it.

So for many years I rejected it.

The four foundations of mindfulness and the four noble truths felt like all that I needed.

I just wanted to see the truth and to be free.

And in part,

Self-love felt like a doubtful love for me.

I do the traditional phrases,

Which I'll get to,

But the rejection of them was pretty continuous and the numbness of them was strong.

The heart was kind of blocked,

But still I would do them habitually.

Excuse me.

So metta.

Metta is really an exploration of our heart and when we start to do practice,

Sometimes we find that the secret belief or the conditioning or the tendency of our heart is to protect it,

To keep it close and to keep it closed.

So we really are getting a chance to know the heart and to get to know it very well.

And so if what we see in the heart is not metta,

Is not loving kindness,

If what we see is ill will or some kind of attached love,

Great.

We're learning.

And what I did,

What I learned after some time was that I had to forgive myself for the harm that I had caused and I had to forgive the harm that was caused to me.

So the forgiveness practice for me was the predecessor to the metta practice,

The loving kindness practice.

And so the heart became free through understanding that forgiveness had to come first.

So at one point during the retreat that I was just on,

I was having some difficulty with practice.

I was striving.

I was striving to get concentrated.

You know the story was I had come all this way from Colorado to the Santa Cruz mountains and I was determined to get something out of it.

So my practice is deeply rooted in mindfulness of breathing.

And so this is what I was doing.

Breathing in,

Aware of breathing in,

Breathing out,

Aware of breathing out.

Feeling the breath just at the nostrils,

This is where I focus my attention as it comes in and goes out.

And you know whatever ideas come and thoughts come,

I would catch myself and redirect back to that breath.

But because I was clinging to the breath,

Wanting to be concentrated,

Guess what happened?

It kept evading me.

And I saw this.

Mindfulness you know it doesn't discriminate what it's aware of.

Awareness doesn't have a preference.

It just sees.

Always remembering and forgetting.

So I saw that ah,

I'm clinging.

So the next practice period I decided to change it up.

Usually Metta is described as supportive for our Insight practice.

It can kind of break down the separation between ourselves and other people.

Between ourselves and our life.

Between ourselves and all things.

So the progression is in the Metta practice is we start with ourselves and extend those feelings of goodwill and friendliness to our benefactors.

Someone we already feel good will towards or deep love towards.

And then the practice moves from the benefactor to our friends.

To all of you.

To neutral people.

And then to difficult people.

And going into the area of difficult people that's where we start to push our edges a little bit.

And then it extends even further to include all beings.

Not just our little home here.

But just extending out,

Out,

Out the entire world.

So in practicing friendliness we can see it's a very simple feeling.

We may not have glorious feelings of love for everybody.

But we can be kind.

We can be friendly.

Just to recognize the simplicity of that feeling.

One aspect of the practice is using certain phrases to express friendly wishes.

And that becomes kind of like a mantra of well wishing.

So my phrases are simple.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy.

May I be safe.

May I live with ease.

Just very simple basic wish.

And sometimes people find it more effective to reframe it.

Find the way that resonates for you.

Find the words that are most meaningful to you.

That you most wish for yourself.

And you may find that the words that you use for your benefactor,

For your close relationships is very different than for the difficult person.

So you tweak it.

You know it's not a static experience.

Just change it up.

Feel free to adjust the phrases.

There's a lot of flexibility in this practice.

And the repetition.

Just using these phrases and repeating them are one aspect of the practice.

Another aspect is to imagine or visualize the person you're sending the friendly wishes to.

So there's actually a sense of that person in your mind.

So a place where the words can land.

So having an image can be helpful in stabilizing concentration.

And for some people,

They can visualize pretty easily.

Holding the image can be easy.

For others,

They don't visualize very easily.

It doesn't have to be a picture.

Maybe you just call that person to mind and the image of that person just may be a flash for a moment and then falls away.

But it's long enough to connect with that person.

And so one thing that's very helpful as we explore this practice is to understand that the practice is very flexible.

It's not some rigid,

Like formulaic practice that we're doing.

There are many angles,

Many perspectives that we can play with,

Explore.

There's this poem by David Ladinsky that I feel expresses metta beautifully.

He writes,

Even after all this time,

The sun never says to the earth,

You owe me.

Look what happens to a love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

So metta is like that,

Like the sun shining,

Not expecting anything in return.

It's not dependent on external conditions.

It's not dependent on people behaving a particular way.

If you're like this,

Then maybe I'll love you.

Meta is just an offering like the sun.

And because it's not dependent,

It doesn't turn into ill will or jealousy.

And it's not limited to the people closest to us.

And now we don't really feel close to every person on the planet.

But metta has the power to express without distinction.

Because it's very simple.

May you live happily,

May you live at peace.

We can include all beings in this wish.

So for this reason,

It's considered,

Metta is considered one of the boundless states because it can just embrace all.

So we're going to practice this.

And today we'll start with ourselves.

Traditionally we start with ourselves because it's supposed to be easy.

But for many people starting with ourselves is like starting with the difficult person.

But we want to start with ourselves because it's as if we're bearing witness.

Just as I want to be happy,

So may you be happy.

This is the transition for wishing it for others.

So for many years I did this practice in a very traditional way using very traditional phrases.

May I be filled with loving kindness.

May I be well.

May I be peaceful and at ease.

May I be happy.

And it wasn't until about 10 years ago that I started to tweak the phrases to really work with me.

So just take a moment and think to yourself,

Ask the question,

What do I need right now?

What do I need right now?

What would be helpful for me right now?

You know it might be something like,

May I rest in the way things are.

May I have patience with this moment,

With myself.

So just consider that.

There is a line in the,

I think it's an anonymous samurai poem.

It's I make my mind my friend.

I make my mind my friend.

It expresses in some way all of the spiritual path.

I make my mind my friend.

So one of the ways that may be helpful for some people when we receive metta for ourselves is to receive it from some being who sees the best in us or sees the goodness in us or delights in us.

So who is that being for you?

It might be a grandparent or a teacher or a pet.

It could be a grandchild or a niece or nephew.

Or it could be somebody iconic like the Dalai Lama.

I mean he's a pretty safe bet.

He just loves everybody.

It could be Mother Mary or Jesus or the Buddha,

Kuan Yin,

Mother Teresa.

Whoever would be helpful.

So when we get to the meditation we'll be receiving these phrases from this being.

So I invite you now just to collect yourself.

Close your eyes.

Come back into your breath.

Wherever you feel the breath most strongly.

And using the exhalation to settle into your body.

And just breathing normally.

Just feel your body right now.

The way your body is right now.

Down through the body and if there's any muscles that can soften and relax,

Just soften them.

Maybe it's the forehead or the eyes.

The jaw.

Perhaps relaxing the shoulders,

Allowing them just to fall away.

Relaxing the stomach and the abdomen.

And sitting here just feeling the stillness of the body.

Become aware of the breath.

For just a little while maintain a connection between your awareness and your breathing.

Allow your breath to move into your awareness.

Maybe gently letting go of thoughts,

Concerns or plans.

And maintain a connection between your awareness and your breathing.

Do you feel the breath deeply in the body or more surface?

Just to know there's no right or wrong way.

Just to know.

Are you more connected to the breathing in or the breathing out?

Or are you evenly connected to both?

Now letting go of the connection to the breath and bring to mind some time in your life when you felt particularly happy.

Happy and content.

Perhaps it's a particular event,

A place or a time.

Maybe in your mind's eye remember the situation or the place.

Happy and content.

Recall the people who might have been there or perhaps you were alone.

Maybe there was a smell or you can recall how you felt.

Perhaps you can remember how your body felt.

See if you can allow some of those feelings to abide in your body now,

In your heart.

Simply feel into your body.

Feel how it is right now.

Gently letting go of the memory and just attending to the area around your heart.

Feeling yourself as someone who is capable of feeling happiness.

Of someone who has a right to feel happiness.

Then feelings of kindness and well wishing to yourself.

Perhaps allowing the breath to move in and out through the heart.

Repeating silently to yourself the following phrases of loving kindness.

May I be happy.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy in body and in mind.

May I be safe from inner and outer harm.

May I be at ease in this body.

May I be at ease in this mind.

May I be free of worry and anxiety.

May I live with peace.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy in body and mind.

May I be safe from inner and outer harm.

May I be at ease in this body.

May I be at ease in this mind.

May I be free of worry and anxiety.

May I live with peace.

Breathing in loving kindness.

Breathing out calmness.