So we are going through the eight path factors that are practices and ways of being that contribute to living a life where we're in the flow with the way things are.
And the squeeze on the heart that is caused by pain and dissatisfaction,
They lessen in this as we practice the path factors and sometimes they disappear entirely,
That squeeze.
So today we are on the third factor of wise speech and this is the beginning of the path factor that has to they have to do with action in the world,
The action of speech.
So the first two,
Right view and right intention establish wisdom.
So the orientation is you know that we are wisdom is established through understanding the three characteristics of existence,
That there is difficulty,
There is change and it's impersonal,
It's everyone.
And this orientation,
This view allows us to consider well then how are we going to live in the world,
Our intentions,
Which Brian brought to us last week in a very beautiful way in the inquiry of you know how what kind of motivated us to come to practice,
What's our motivation.
So the next three factors on the path are very much about what we do,
How we manifest and express the wisdom in our lives.
And what defines right speech in part is the second factor of intention or resolve or skillfulness as Brian pointed out.
If we resolve to be compassionate and kind,
That's the resolve,
Then the expression of that is in our speech,
Which is compassionate and kind.
If we resolve in letting go,
Then our speech is an expression of letting go.
I think one of the most dramatic forms of letting go in speech is asking for forgiveness or offering an apology,
Saying thank you or I love you.
How we speak expresses what goes on in our inner life.
An unhealed pain,
Rage,
Trauma,
You know trauma from childhood,
Abuse,
Abandonment,
These are powerful unconscious forces in our lives and if we haven't met the unhealed pain within us,
It often comes out as speech that lacks openness,
That lacks understanding.
And it's with this understanding of unhealed pain that I deviate a little bit from the traditional teachings and consider that speaking in a way that brings harmony and perhaps reconciliation is also part of the way in which we learn to speak wisely.
We need to bring our awareness and our understanding to our old wounds because when we haven't met the unhealed pain within us,
We express it outwardly in how we communicate with others.
So healing speech,
You know we all understand or have experienced that healing is necessary as we mature on the spiritual path.
It requires that we discover the depths of our wounds and that can be really challenging for people,
You know,
Mainly because we're an ascension culture,
You know,
We love rising but we fear going down.
The poet Cahil Gibran said,
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
The more joy you can contain.
So to embody spiritual life fully,
We have to bring healing to those broken parts of ourselves.
Healing is really just a simple movement towards our wholeness.
It's a direction,
It's not really a destination,
Like point A is what needs to be healed and point B is the cure.
It doesn't work that way.
It's possible to be healed and not be cured.
So what we say,
How we say it,
Can really be a window to understand what motivates us.
Are we motivated from this broken part of ourselves,
This unhealed wound?
What's in the background within us for what we're going to say?
And can we recognize what's in the background before we open our mouth?
Sometimes,
Sometimes.
The Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says that when we speak,
What we're trying to do is tell the truth about our suffering.
So for example,
If I'm sharing my truth about how a comment that somebody made landed for me,
This may be difficult to share with that person.
It may be difficult for the person to hear.
I want to speak in a way that helps them recognize the suffering inside of me and to be skillful enough with my words so that they're not causing the wrong perception of what I'm saying.
As soon as I open my mouth,
There's a perception that the other person is being informed by.
So mindfulness and skillfulness,
You know,
This doesn't always happen in speaking.
They say that speech is one of the easiest places not to be mindful,
And this has been true in my experience.
It's easy to get involved and not be so careful.
If we're angry,
We're much more likely to speak in an angry way.
If we're greedy,
You know,
Some people will speak in more manipulative ways to get what they want.
So our conditioning also informs our speech.
If you're in the habit of being a victim,
Then your speech is reinforcing that position.
So to be careful in our speech,
You know,
Not only for ourselves,
But so that we don't cause harm in the world.
The idea of not causing harm is so important in this path of practice.
Thich Nhat Hanh also said that enlightenment is always enlightenment about something.
If you begin to understand the nature and the root of your suffering,
That's a kind of enlightenment.
So that comment brings us back to healing.
True healing means opening ourselves to the truth of our lives.
And as we open to our suffering,
How we are speaking to it,
Like how do we speak to ourselves?
You know,
As you start to see the wounds,
Are we critical?
Is there berating?
You know,
How do you speak to yourself?
Are you kind and loving?
By training ourselves to speak to ourselves with some care,
Some compassion,
It's much more likely that we'll stop blaming ourselves and blaming others and be able to speak and listen in an authentic loving way.
So the Buddhist teachings offer five criteria of speaking that I'd like to offer to you.
The first criteria is,
You know,
Is your speech truthful?
Like being honest,
Speaking truthfully to ourselves and to others without exaggeration.
We tend towards embellishment for the sake of a dramatic story.
The second criteria is,
Is to use speech that's kind.
You know,
The way that we talk to ourselves.
Boy,
That can be really,
Like people can be cruel.
And then the way that we talk to others,
We're in a culture now where cruelty and speech that is just harmful is so common.
So when we're cruel in our speech to ourselves and we then talk to others,
That is a reflection of how we are talking to ourselves.
That judgmental and harsh view,
Demanding.
You know,
Noticing the tone of voice is important.
Noticing the tone is an important area to bring awareness to.
So is it truthful?
Is it kind?
The third is,
Is it useful?
Useful.
You know,
You could be speaking truthfully and kind with the intent to kind of come together.
But if it's not useful,
Why are you speaking?
For some people,
We can say the truth and they're not going to change or they're not going to hear it.
They might not even be listening,
You know.
So then there's no purpose to keep speaking to it.
Why exhaust yourself?
Why keep trying?
And it's upsetting.
It can be painful,
You know.
It can be upsetting when something is true and kind and not received.
That happens.
That just happens.
The fourth is,
Does it bring people together?
So bringing concord.
This criteria I've really been considering and bringing attention to in my own experience because we're in very polarizing political times,
Very uncomfortable times.
How to bring people together?
And that's a discussion that I intend to go into more fully at a later time.
And then the fifth criteria is,
Is it timely?
It comes at the end of this list,
But I think it should be first.
You know,
You may find that it's truthful and it's kind and it's an intention to be useful and unite people,
But it is just the wrong time.
The compulsion to speak sometimes is so strong that we don't take into account that it might not be the right time.
So to be careful with the timing of it,
You know,
Considering when is the best time to effectively communicate with somebody.
Just because you feel compelled to speak doesn't mean that it's going to be effective communication.
I find myself working with this one quite often.
So just to repeat,
Is it truthful?
Is it kind?
Is it useful?
Does it bring people together?
And is it timely?
So rather than taking these as rules,
How do these five guidelines relate to your inner life?
This is the first place to look.
Keep relating it back to the quality of your inner life.
You're the only authority of the quality of your inner life.
So we practice and we watch the way in which we speak to ourselves.
This is important.
If your internal dialogue is harsh and critical,
Or you make yourself wrong all the time,
Or you're comparing yourself to others a lot,
This is where we begin.
We have to go into the dark a little bit.
Seeing and bringing healing to these voices that we've been avoiding.
Healing speech is part of the movement towards wholeness.
So this is what I have to offer today on wise speech,
And I thank you for your consideration.
