Letting Go 2

So for this second talk on letting go. Sometimes people hear teachings on letting go and they hold it up idealistically, they hold it up as something that we're supposed to do with everything; let go of everything.

What this talk explores is the to let go of that drivenness, the compulsion. That's what we let go of. Letting go is not letting go of things, but letting go of clinging to things.
So to bring wisdom to it.

Transcript

So good morning everyone.

Good morning.

So for this second talk on this week is on letting go.

And it's interesting as I was preparing for it,

There's a phrase in the 12-step language that I think Sandy would know this,

Progress not perfection.

Sometimes people hear teachings on letting go and they hold it up idealistically.

They hold it up as something that we're supposed to do with everything,

Like let go of everything.

There can be letting go of things which are perfectly fine to have but there's an attitude that maybe they're wrong or bad or there's some idea that letting go is better.

So to bring wisdom to letting go,

This phrase progress not perfection,

That seems wise to me.

There are kind of two general areas of wisdom in terms of letting go.

One is to really understand something about what we're letting go of,

The nature of it.

And the second is what we're letting go into,

Like what we're allowing by letting go.

So to understand the nature of what we're letting go of is to understand to some degree the danger of clinging,

Of holding on.

And danger may feel like a strong word but I'm thinking of a particular example,

Like there's a strong addiction to almost anything but a strong addiction,

Let's say to alcohol.

If you keep acting on that addiction it can be extremely hard and damaging not only to yourself who's the alcoholic but also to the family members,

To the people around the alcoholic.

And one of the common themes that I've experienced with practitioners over these years,

What's been shared is that it's really hard to grow up in a family where one of the members is an alcoholic.

It's really hard.

The behavior that comes out of alcoholism,

It touches everybody.

It damages the person who is the alcoholic and it damages others and it's that clinging to the alcohol which on the surface is really difficult.

So in my own experience the wisest thing to do was to let go of the alcohol,

To let go of the object of the addiction,

Remove myself from it and remove it from me.

So that's sort of like looking at clinging and illustrating clinging as a dangerous thing.

When we see wisely it's like oh this is damaging,

This is painful,

There's a wisdom that comes and understanding that this behavior is not healthy and we let it go.

The other kind of letting go is to understand that the actual act of clinging to anything,

Clinging itself,

Is a kind of suffering.

And in practice,

In meditation practice,

When you become lost in thought,

When we become lost in thought and then come back,

At first it's quite subtle to notice that there is a loss of freedom when we're entangled in our thinking.

We can feel it on the level of the body as a sort of a contraction.

So whatever we're clinging to there's clearly a loss of freedom,

There's a contraction and there's some anxiety.

There's some sort of inner pain that comes from clinging and as your meditation practice strengthens you start to really see the connection between repetitive or ruminating thought,

Pappancha,

This rumination of thinking and the effects on the body,

The contraction in the body,

The anxiety that's there.

So it's not necessary to let go of things in our lives,

Thoughts and wantings,

But rather letting go of the clinging.

So asking that question,

How am I holding this,

How am I holding this?

You could cling to something that's really beneficial in itself that's good for you.

Someone could cling to having good nutrition,

Eating a healthy diet,

But clinging to and grasping,

Holding on to dear life that I must eat a clean diet,

I must have these particular foods and eat this particular way.

I've seen people who are really consumed with almost like an addiction to having healthy food,

To eating a particular way.

So even if it's beneficial it's not serving them well.

So what needs to be let go of is not the healthy food but to that drivenness,

That compulsivity for it.

That's what we let go of.

So some Buddhist teachers will say that letting go is not letting go of things but letting go of the clinging to things.

So for example,

I'm holding up a bell striker,

This is what I strike the bell with.

There are two ways of letting go of the striker.

I could just let it drop and then it might fall and hit my ankle or hit my knees and it could hurt a little bit.

But the other way of letting go is I can let go of the grasping of the striker and it ends up like this.

I still have the striker but I'm holding it gently,

Openly in my palm and not clinging to it,

Not clinging to it.

So when I'm grasping I'm limited.

When I'm holding it with an open palm there's more that I can do including putting it down.

So the wisdom of understanding is that there's some contraction to clinging.

The contraction happens,

The closing down and ultimately it can be as significant as letting go of alcohol,

The example of the dangers of clinging or as simple as the way we hold the striker.

So that's one form of wisdom,

Understanding clinging itself and how it limits us and causes pain.

And when we start to really understand like,

Oh,

You know,

I need to let go,

I have to let go,

This is important to let go.

But even with that kind of wisdom we find it hard to let go because there's fear there.

There's fear.

It's like holding on is a habit that we know.

Letting go is,

Feels like groundlessness.

I don't know what to do with that.

So the other understanding of letting go with wisdom is to understand the benefits of it.

That letting go means we let go into something.

When the hand is open,

There's greater sensitivity.

I'm able to feel and be more in contact with the world in a much richer and deeper way.

If my hand is always clenched,

That's not possible.

We're contracted.

So when we let go,

We're letting go into a deeper connection with ourselves.

We're letting go into the present moment,

What's happening in the present moment.

We let go into the feeling that here I am sitting in this body.

We can let go into a more contented place that here I am.

There's some well-being.

When we're fully present,

We let go into a kind of a sense of rightness.

Like this feels true.

Everything else is made up and this sitting here is true.

And in doing so,

Then it's really possible to feel all that arises,

To feel our sadness,

To feel our grief.

Even if it's painful,

There's a rightness in feeling everything that's arising.

It's like letting go into the trueness of our experience,

Of what's actually here.

And that allows us to find our way.

It's a different orientation.

One example of this that I can share that's very recent.

So as many of you know,

I lost my mom.

It'll be a year on October 10th.

And I miss her.

And I think of her every day.

And I can't hold her and I can't call her and I can't love her.

Oh,

I can love her,

But I can't.

There's no physical contact.

There's no conversation.

But what I can do,

What I can do is when I think of her,

I can love whoever is in front of me.

I can give them the love that I need to give her.

That's the kind of trueness of letting go.

That's the different orientation that I'm talking about.

I can't bring her back,

But the love that I need to give her,

I can give to another.

The hug that I want to give her,

I can hug Oliver,

My son or my husband.

So that's the orientation that I'm trying to bring to you in my fumbling way.

We can also let go into having greater clarity,

Just that awareness,

Clinging to anything.

It's like putting blinders on.

We can't see.

But when we have this practice where we can step back,

We can actually see more clearly what's happening.

So taking the time to look and see when we're clinging,

When we're holding,

When the mind is fixated,

What is this?

What's actually here?

Where am I clinging?

And by taking the time to look and engage with whatever it is that we're clinging to,

There's a natural opening,

A natural release that occurs.

When we learn to let go,

We're not diminishing ourselves,

But actually enhancing our experience.

In a way,

I feel like the more that I let go,

The more I'm enhancing my goodness,

Enhancing the beauty and the strength of my inner life.

So this development of wisdom around letting go,

There's a mindfulness practice that is just,

It's just the way to be mindful.

Mindful letting go is synonymous with wise letting go.

So if you think that there's something in your life that you want to put down,

That you want to let go of,

Or if someone asks you to let go of something,

You maybe ask yourself,

Is it wise?

What's wise?

Let's first become wise about our letting go.

And then maybe it'll be easier to open that palm,

Open that hand.

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