Let's Talk About Death

Sogyal Rinpoche the author of the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying wrote, “What is born will die, What has been gathered will be dispersed, What has been accumulated will be exhausted, What has been built up will collapse, And what has been high will be brought low.” These series of talks looks at this inevitable truth that we are all trying to sneak around.

Transcript

So today we will begin a new series of talks that seem fitting for this time of year.

The winter has arrived and with it we're losing daylight and it's getting darker and darker as we approach the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere,

The heart of darkness.

So it seems like a good time to talk about death.

And what spurred me to revisit this topic that the Buddha recommended we contemplate every day,

Every minute,

Was we were just visiting with my husband Seth's family on the East Coast and his uncle who is 80 and three years ago had triple bypass surgery now has a new age-related ailment and it's uncertain what it is and it's really slowing him down.

And in fact the main reason we got on the plane during what is you know known and as coined as the busiest travel season of the year is we didn't want to wait.

We didn't want to wait.

The last FaceTime conversation we had with him he didn't look well.

He looked like he was aging rapidly and moving towards dying.

So we got on a plane and we went.

The Tibetan teacher Sogal Rinpoche and the author of the Tibetan book of living and dying wrote what is born will die.

What has been gathered will disperse.

What has been accumulated will be exhausted.

What has been built up will collapse and what has been high will be brought low.

And we all know this right?

We know in some conceptual far-off way that this is the trajectory that we're all on.

Yet we go about our life hoping to avoid death to sneak around it somehow.

You know we can run from it and talk our way around it but it's an inevitable reality.

And what I have experienced with death and dying is that all ritual all spiritual practice in one way or another is a preparation for death.

And the other thing that I've noticed is if we don't have a spiritual practice or some rituals that we do then it looks a lot harder.

It looks a lot harder for some people when there's no spiritual practice.

I got to see that when we were away.

There's no spiritual practice for Seth's aging uncle.

And so he's holding on angry.

You know someone like that?

Seth's uncle is an incredibly bright man.

Really lovely.

And his intellect and has traveled the world.

He's a patron of the arts in New York and in Philadelphia.

You know he owns homes and collects beautiful things that our culture really values.

And all of this he will lose.

All of it he will lose.

Just in this short time that I've been speaking eight minutes eight hundred people have died eight hundred people have passed over every day around the world 56 million people die.

And the journey hopefully goes something like this you know hopefully many many years from now hopefully peacefully surrounded by family surrounded by friends.

But when you pass on absolutely everything you know every one you've ever known everyone you've ever loved everything you've ever earned or accumulated all of it will be left behind.

Just breathe that in for a minute.

Just breathe that in.

And now relax let yourself relax with that.

Let yourself relax with that.

We don't get to take the house the cars everything we've built the artwork we've collected all the stuff the clothes the jewelry the laptop the cell phone there will be messages that we haven't responded to there will be mail in our inbox there will be stuff for us to respond to that we will never ever respond to.

And then there are the people at the moment of death you've spoken every word that you will ever speak to your son or your daughter or your partner or your brother or your cousin or your friend.

If you're a parent like me you will not get to know what the rest of your kids story is how this life turns out for them.

You won't know what happens on the global scale you won't know what will happen with climate change or what the map of the world will look like in a hundred years.

Everything that we think about all the issues of the world all of our opinions and views they're going to disappear.

All of our perceptions gone.

Who you were what you called yourself man woman they them Jew Buddhist white black straight queer all those ways that we self identify all those labels gone all gone.

And I share this maybe this is very uncomfortable for you to hear but I share this because in one famous passage known as the Mara marana sati marana sati sukta this is in the Buddhist text it's in the four foundations of mindfulness the Buddha said just as the elephant footprint is the biggest footprint in the jungle so the most important meditation to do is the reflection on death the most important meditation to do.

So among the monastic communities in Asia the monks and nuns will often go spend time in the charnel grounds with a corpse in order to do this contemplation on death and dying to contemplate that at some point they'll be like this and to really look death straight in the face.

So I offer this for your reflection how will we meet it how will we meet it when it comes we'll look at this together over this week and maybe next because this happens to everyone everyone on this call everyone that you know the mortality rate is 100% so how will we meet it I have a strong feeling that we won't remember any of our social media posts right we won't remember all the arguments we won't remember all the running around that we've done all the errands I have a feeling we won't remember sitting in traffic or all the meals that we've had and taken photographs of for some of you all the dog walks and all the hikes or all those decisions that seemed really big at the moment of death it may just feel like a dream that was over in the blink of an eye you know maybe we'll remember the light at sunset on the mountains or the way that an infant's whole hand wraps around your finger or the gaze of your partner on your wedding day maybe maybe it'll come that I could have been more present or I wish I didn't worry so much or as Seth's father said before he died I wish I ate more junk food what will we regret what will we hold on to until the very end when death comes will we tighten around it or will we soften into it so this contemplation it's a little uncomfortable right so my intention is will ease our way into it our Western culture avoids this topic you know it's everywhere we eat plant based diets we exercise and we take supplements and we meet with our trainers and our Pilates instructors and our herbalists all of this in an effort to avoid death but in some cultures some cultures it's much more present Indian sadhus living right in the cremation grounds naked without any possessions covered in ash living right on the edge of death so death in many traditions is not something to run from not something to simply acknowledge but to actively prepare for so that's what we're going to do together so that when death comes maybe we can meet it without fear without anxiety without bristling or bracing against it I'll read this poem as a possibility for us some of you may recognize it when death comes like the hungry bear and autumn when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me and snap the purse shut when death comes like the measles pox when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades I want to step through the door full of curiosity wondering what is it going to be like that cottage of darkness and therefore I look upon everything as brotherhood and sisterhood I look upon time as no more than an idea and I consider eternity as another possibility and I think of each life as a flower as common as a field daisy and as singular and each name a comfortable music in the mouth tending as all music does towards silence and each body a lion of courage and something precious to the earth when it's over I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms when it's over I don't want to wonder if I have made my life something particular and real I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument I don't want to end up simply having visited this world this is possible and we'll explore it

Reviews

Just what I needed, thank you 🙏

A helpful talk. Many thanks 🙏

Stark but beautiful. Thank you very much for sharing this 🌟

Lovely practice♾️⚘️☄️
Thank you kindly♾️🥀
Namaste🙏🏼✨️🖤🪔