Something that I am very aware of and tuned into is the way in which we are working with uncomfortable situations and feelings associated with them.
You know,
There are times when the task of mindfulness practice is to notice how we're uncomfortable.
And the cultural norm is often about avoiding discomfort,
Numbing grief,
Distracting ourselves,
Not allowing sadness or grief.
Like if we were to allow for the difficulty,
It would drag us down and we would be stuck in it.
There is some cultural fear that emotions that are evoked with difficult times are somehow not okay.
They're not allowed.
Like somehow they're permanent and we must avoid them.
In mindfulness practice,
The pivot really is we're going right into the difficulty.
We're not avoiding.
You know,
With this intention,
We learn how to be comfortable and how to have ease right in the midst of discomfort.
The task of becoming comfortable with discomfort is really a process of self-learning.
What I would like to explore with you is your relationship to discomfort.
The attitude that you have towards unpleasant change,
The habit pattern that comes up with unpleasantness.
What happens when you're uncomfortable?
And we all have different strategies.
Avoidance is a big one.
You know,
Also sometime the story that something is wrong and needs to be fixed or that we failed somehow.
If I wasn't a personal failure,
Then I wouldn't be feeling this discomfort in these circumstances.
In myself,
I sometimes have a story that because I teach the Buddha Dharma,
I should meet whatever difficulty I'm facing with ease.
In fact,
All feelings that I have should be met with a balanced mind.
And this is the story that I have.
And it doesn't happen that way.
If I've failed in being balanced in mind,
Then the story continues that I'm a lousy practitioner and I surely shouldn't be teaching.
Like,
That's the story.
And we all have a story that's kind of like that in a way.
Some sort of making wrong our internal experience.
Another strategy some people have when faced with discomfort is blame.
You know,
Someone has to take responsibility for this situation.
Someone has messed it up.
And then the next emotion often is to attack that someone or we attack ourselves or we attack other people.
And sometimes the response can be,
You know,
Just a giving up.
You know,
When we are experiencing discomfort,
It's such a deep discouragement that it's just it's too much.
You know,
I can't handle it.
I'm so uncomfortable.
And then it becomes exhausting.
So the the action is like,
OK,
I'm going to go and get under the covers or binge watch a show and I'm going to put this discomfort in a box because I can't deal with it.
Or I'm just going to put on some happy music and avoid this discomfort and just force myself to change my vibe and put on a happy face.
And maybe maybe I'll deal with the discomfort later or maybe not.
So part of the process of engaging mindfully with discomfort and unpleasant experiences that we we all encounter is to learn what your common reaction and strategies are.
They might just be a combination of everything that I shared,
You know,
And that's OK.
Our learning is to begin to question those responses,
Sort of like,
OK,
So avoidance and like is avoidance appropriate?
Is that the appropriate response?
And where is this coming from?
How much power and significance am I giving this?
When we start to question and wonder where this is coming from or is this true?
Is this really the nature of the universe,
You know,
That I feel uncomfortable and it means that I failed spiritually or personally?
When we start to question,
What begins to happen by questioning is that it starts to lose its grip on us,
The grip of our beliefs around discomfort,
Because there's usually a belief running underneath the surface.
When we avoid feelings,
Especially painful ones,
We are resisting reality.
And avoidance often takes the form of distraction and suppression or numbing.
The way the Buddha described it is as a man is shot with an arrow and rather than removing it,
Turns away from it,
And then the wound festers and deepens.
You know,
Sort of like,
Oh,
That's everything is fine,
Just a little gangrene.
There's a story that a monk once asked the Buddha,
What should I do when painful feelings arise?
I want to shut the door against them.
And the Buddha replied,
Imagine you are at your hut and there is a knock at the door and you open it and see a weary traveler.
They are not beautiful,
They are not pleasant to look at,
And they bring no gift.
They are simply tired and hungry.
If you slam the door in their face,
Will they vanish?
No.
They will pound on the door more loudly and perhaps even break it.
But if you invite them in,
Give them a seat and offer a little food,
They will rest and after time,
They will continue on their way.
So it is with unpleasant feelings.
Welcome them with mindfulness as a guest.
Offer them a seat of awareness.
Do not fear them,
Do not cling to them,
And do not drive them away.
If you host them well,
They will depart when it is time and you will remain free.
So how do we do this exploration?
It is really to become more curious and interested.
To welcome something does not mean you have to like it.
We are welcoming it,
We are meeting it.
Yes,
It is uncomfortable to be with anxiety.
Yes,
It is uncomfortable to be with fear,
To feel grief,
To be lonely,
To experience uncertainty.
Yes,
This is uncomfortable.
And I have been trained to push my discomfort away.
But what if I just welcome it and enter the breath right now?
What else is here with this discomfort?
It can begin,
Well it can be the beginning really of a radical change in our mind.
Because now,
Now we are using the wisdom factor of the mind,
The part of the mind that is not caught in reactivity,
In order to look at and see the part of the mind that is reactive.
And as you get curious and put more effort into investigating,
You might find yourself becoming freer from what you are caught in.
I think the most radical thing in awareness practice is actually learning to be present for something,
Clearly and fully,
And being okay with it.
Like there is a certain okayness with being uncomfortable.
It is the ability not to need to fix or to run away from,
To relate it to my identity like there is something wrong with me.
When an emotion arises,
Not to take it personally,
Not to need to blame it on someone.
It is just having this full presence.
Here I am and I am uncomfortable.
There might be some situation in your life where that is the wisest and the most beneficial thing you can do.
You can't fix the situation.
And so fixing is really not what is called for.
And it doesn't make sense to blame someone or get angry with them.
It doesn't make sense to run away or to close down.
What is required of you is to be present,
To open and relax and be available for a situation that is quite uncomfortable and then to find your way through it with attention and care.
Thank you for your kind attention.
