Fear_2

Fear is an indication that something is valuable to pay attention to. It's one of the important functions to protect us and the desire for protection and the instinct for it is a very important part of human life. Sometimes that desire for protection is healthy and important and some of it maybe doesn't serve us and it’s even harmful for us. So to be able to stop and take a look at fear and see what's here.

Transcript

So this is the second talk this week on working with and respecting our fear.

And fear is an indication that something is valuable to pay attention to.

So it's one of the important functions to protect us.

The desire for protection and the instinct for that is really important.

It's an important part of human life.

And sometimes that desire for protection is healthy and sometimes it maybe doesn't serve us.

It can be even harmful.

So to be able to stop and take a look at fear and see what's here,

This is an important part of our practice.

So there have been many times in my life when it's been appropriate to be afraid.

When I was in a physical situation that was dangerous and I kind of learned that fear was my friend.

You know it was there to protect me in situations.

It was allowed to be there.

So it kind of accompanied me as a friend but it didn't limit me.

I did what I had to do with a little more caution than I normally would have.

So fear was a good thing.

And other times,

Other times I've been fearful or anxious and worried and it didn't serve me.

It limited me.

You know it contracted or shut me off from myself and the life around me,

The people around me.

So this idea of stopping and looking and seeing what's happening here.

So it's important that we find a way to look and be present when that's not like look in a way that's not harsh or demeaning.

It's not a problem when we are afraid.

It's not a problem when there is fear.

Whenever fear,

Like whatever fear we have inside,

It does really well when we meet it with a friendly attitude.

You know that's how it is.

And then we begin to find out well you know how can I be with this?

Do it with friendliness.

You know look at ourselves and see okay so this I have fear right now.

And create the space in your body for it to be safe.

It's okay to have it.

So what we do when we create our,

When we make our fear safe,

The relationship with fear becomes simpler,

More accepting and more allowing.

And an interesting thing to explore is not so much about fear as what is it that's being threatened.

What is it that's being threatened?

This is an important question.

What is it that our fear is protecting?

Like what is it that's threatened inside of us?

This is a good question to ask if you can even write it down.

What is it that's being threatened when there's fear?

I can reveal all kinds of interesting things because it's that deeper layer of you know it's underneath the fear of what we think is being threatened.

And it can reveal whether it's helpful,

It's a healthy fear or it's not helpful.

So an example,

I can think of a time when I was skiing.

I live in the mountains and this is what we do a lot of the time.

And I was skiing some difficult terrain with some very skilled skiers.

And I was about to follow this group and I had to do kind of a,

It was almost like a cliff,

I had to jump,

I do a jump turn into the area where we were skiing.

And I just froze up.

I was afraid.

And I had the ability and I knew I could make it down the side of the mountain.

But what was being threatened,

This is interesting,

Was not the terrain but how I would be seen by this group.

I wanted to be seen as a competent and graceful skier with skills instead of kind of sliding down the mountain and maybe looking a little bit awkward.

What was being threatened was my self-image,

The way I was perceived by others.

I was afraid of being rejected and excluded from this group of expert skiers.

I wanted to look good.

So that's what was deeper inside the fear.

And this is actually,

This has been one of my patterns,

The perception of others.

It's uncomfortable to look at that,

To see that.

What was threatened was my self-definition,

How I wanted to be projecting myself in the world so that people would see me in a certain way.

I wasn't so much attached to an identity as the identity of how I wanted others,

What I wanted the identity for others to have of me.

So it's not so much about I am this expert skier,

I wanted to be perceived that way,

To try to get people to see me the way I wanted to be seen.

And if any of you have this experience of that energy that you put forward to be perceived a particular way,

You'll know that it's pretty exhausting to always propping up the ego,

Propping up the self-concept.

It's counterproductive to keep on propping up this identity.

But it's important to see.

Because from that seeing,

I could get through to a place in my practice that's not threatened,

That's very accepting.

So to turn and look to see what is being threatened here and then questioning it,

This is useful.

This is an important thing.

What is being threatened?

What am I trying to protect?

Is this wise what I'm trying to protect or is it not?

So sometimes what we need to do is to dive down right into it.

You know,

Right into the fear,

What is being threatened.

And allow the fear to grow and become strong in order to see what's really going on.

And hopefully through practice you know that practice is done from care,

From love to really wanting the best for ourselves.

What we don't need is a relationship to fear that is kind of driven by anxiety or hostility towards having it.

Like we're not good enough or if we're afraid we're somehow less than.

Or if there's fear you know we have to be different,

Stronger.

All these ways in which we make it harder for ourselves.

In order,

You know the goal of mindfulness,

This practice is to learn how to be simple with these emotions that can be kind of afflicting.

Be simple,

You know when we just let it be there in a simple way it can reveal itself to us.

We're not so identified with it.

You know if we can simplify the relationship then sometimes we can just let fear exist in a very simple way.

And what happens often when it can be there is that it resolves itself.

You know fear has the wisdom,

It can be self-liberating when we can get very simple with it.

It's not easy but with all of our emotions we become simpler with each of them and we learn to listen more deeply.

Sometimes fear is healthy and wholesome,

Sometimes it's not.

But to live a life without any fear whatsoever it's probably not a human life.

You know if I'm walking along a mountain trail and then the trail gets really narrow and steep and maybe one side of it drops off there can be some very simple fear,

You know some concern and some caution.

And in that moment I can gather myself together and bring my attention together and focus.

I have to be careful and then that trail opens up again and that caution,

That little bit of fear that was there,

It's not needed anymore.

It was needed in order to make it go well but now it's not needed.

So there are all kinds of situations where that fear exists,

Where fear is there to protect us and take care of us and that's where fear can kind of be our friend.

When we really learn to be with fear and sometimes it takes years to learn to be with this in a simple way,

Then you can start to ask that question,

You know what feels threatened here?

And keep asking what feels threatened here?

And get below that line.

What is it that feels threatened?

And that's one way to sort of eradicate it in a way.

The ability to listen to the fear,

To stop and to look,

Be pretty simple about it.

See when fear is useful,

When it's good and when it's not.

And in a sense all fear is useful because it's a messenger.

It's a messenger for us to look deeper and to listen to what's going on here.

So I hope these days on fear have supported your willingness to look.

To look at fear and anxiety and worry and that you have an ability to look from a different perspective and question it maybe.

Maybe it helps cultivate more wisdom around fear.

Reviews

Thank you. This was helpful in every way. Insightful, and offered in a calming voice. It is easy to connect with.