This talk discusses death and grief.
Please listen when you feel ready and safe.
So we've been exploring change and today we are looking at the change that happens when a loved one dies,
Or the changes that happen as you move towards your own dying process.
We are so fortunate that we can sit here and talk about our dying process.
Sometimes it's not a process.
Sometimes people die in accidents,
Quickly and unexpectedly.
Or their heart goes out.
Or they have a major stroke.
But a lot of us are in the process of dying.
We explored the change that comes with illness a few weeks back.
And illness can be an indicator of how our end will come.
We just don't know.
We just don't really know.
I had a friend whose mom had a bunch of health problems.
She had an irregular heartbeat and gallbladder problems.
And she died recently,
But not from her illness.
She fell down the stairs.
Just like that,
It can happen.
So how are we with dying?
How are we meeting the process that we're in towards one day going to die?
Are we ready to die today?
Have you lived your best life today and are ready to go,
To let go?
For me,
This feels like one of the deepest benefits of practice.
To be able to meet our death with peace and with ease.
So much of our practice is about meeting our experiences.
That's what we do a lot of the time.
Continually,
And often unconsciously,
Just meeting our experiences.
In the same way we interact with our neighbor,
Or the grocery store,
Or the grocery clerk,
Or the postal worker.
The same way we meet emptying the dishwasher or walking to get the mail.
We're just meeting experience.
And when we sit down and breathe,
We meet the breath.
Like,
What is that like,
Meeting the breath?
And we meet the body.
Like,
How is the body?
Thoughts come and emotions.
Perhaps as awareness practice grows,
We don't bother as much with those thoughts and those emotions.
We meet them,
But we don't entertain them.
All experience we are meeting,
And no two experiences are alike.
Every time,
It's new.
So as we explore the change that comes with endings,
We get to look at just how we are meeting the rest of our life.
Our every day.
Because how we meet our every day is how we will meet our last moments.
So if we meet our every day with lots of stress or not liking,
Then we are conditioning the mind in that direction.
Deepening the groove and the habit pattern.
And if we're meeting our life experience with ease and humor and care,
With our heart and our love,
Then we condition the mind in that direction.
The direction of flowing and relaxing.
And meeting everything softly.
So exploring this investigation isn't meant to bring more suffering to us.
In a way,
It's asking what type of life do you want to live in?
Making a choice and choosing it again and again.
So how we meet death is an important part of this practice.
In this Buddhist tradition,
We talk about awareness and mindfulness continuously.
Doing things consciously and mindfully.
And in this way,
What we're doing is we're preparing for our death.
We're not just waiting until the time comes and then taking it as it comes.
But actually preparing for it through this process of meeting our day.
Moment by moment with awareness.
Knowing that we are in the process of living and it moves towards dying.
And it's every one of us.
Like this is the teaching.
There's a dream-like quality to our existence.
Everything is just arising and passing so quickly.
The cycles of the seasons and the rhythm of the day.
So how are we meeting?
Like the broken webpage,
For example.
Or the change of plans or the diagnosis.
How are we meeting those experiences?
As we talk about with the changes of aging and the changes with illness.
And now looking at the changes that come with death.
Most people view death as the most dreadful event imaginable.
For many people,
The ultimate discomfort is the knowledge that death is inevitable.
And it's coming.
There's an anxiousness in the body.
And if you start to look,
You can see it everywhere.
The fear of death.
You can see it in the urgency that we have.
The rushing around that we do.
The accumulation of stuff.
And the need to control as much as you possibly can control.
You can see it all around us.
In the waves of traffic on the road and in the faces of people.
Especially those who spend a lot of time and money trying to look younger.
There is an agitation that it's all going to go away.
And an urgency to try and stop it.
So what we are learning and practicing here.
Is coming to terms with the reality that we're going to die at some point.
Maybe soon.
And the only logical way to live life.
When we recognize the inevitability of death.
Is to be fully,
Utterly in the present moment.
Here.
Now.
This.
Meeting this.
Whatever this is.
Remember that since you're going to die soon.
There just isn't enough time left in your life to rush and hurry.
There isn't enough time to be tense and tight.
There's only enough time to relax.
To be easeful.
To slow down and to savor.
There is this story that I heard about a practitioner.
Who got cancer and she was pretty young.
And it was a serious type of cancer.
And her daughter was little.
Just two years old at the time.
And she wondered.
If she would survive to see her daughter grow.
So she did survive the cancer.
And she's in remission.
But this crisis,
This diagnosis.
When she talked about it.
She talked about how she wouldn't trade it.
Like it was a gift.
It made her realize what mattered.
Which was quality time with her loved ones.
Which is often what people realize.
When faced with similar conditions.
Her life before the diagnosis.
She was speeding around a lot.
Like a lot of us.
And feeling like she didn't have enough time.
Like a lot of us.
And after the diagnosis.
She came up with this mantra.
A mantra that I carry with me.
And I encourage you to carry with you also.
I have no time to rush.
I have no time to rush.
The Dalai Lama when asked what surprised him most.
Responded that it's human beings.
Here is what he said.
They sacrifice their health in order to make money.
Then they sacrifice money to recuperate their health.
And then they're so anxious about the future.
That they don't enjoy the present.
The result being that they don't live in the present or the future.
They live as if they're never going to die.
And then die having never really lived.
It's like we're desperately running around in circles.
Like a dog chasing its tail.
And what's underneath it is not knowing how to be in this moment.
Have you ever noticed how your mind runs in circles?
It's an important thing to notice.
So this practice of meeting our life here and now with ease.
Supports our intention to meet our death with curiosity and with ease.
We have been fed the cultural notion that a fulfilling life is a long life.
Only those who get old live a fulfilling life.
Or the notion that life is about accumulating as many experiences as we can before we die.
Accumulating as many pleasant experiences or spiritual experiences.
So I would like to offer for your reflection a question that is more aligned with our aspiration.
And that is,
What brings fulfillment to your life?
What constitutes a fulfilling life?
And how do we want to live this life right now?
So I'll stop here with this question.
And also a response to this question from the poet Mary Oliver.
From her book,
Devotions.
When death comes,
Like the hungry bear in autumn.
When death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse.
To buy me and snap the purse shut.
When death comes,
Like the measle pox.
When death comes,
Like an iceberg between the shoulder blades.
I want to step through the door full of curiosity.
Wondering,
What is it going to be like,
That cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and sisterhood.
And I look upon time as no more than an idea.
And I consider eternity as another possibility.
And I think of each life as a flower.
As common as a field daisy and as singular.
And each name a comfortable music in the mouth.
Tending,
As all music does,
Towards silence.
And each body a lion of courage and something precious to this earth.
When it's over,
I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms.
When it's over,
I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
I would like to offer again for your reflection this question.
What brings fulfillment to your life?
What constitutes a fulfilling life?
And how do you want to live this life right now?
Thank you for your kind attention.
