When it comes to talking about teens and risky behavior,
What I've learned over time is how we talk about risk is a really,
Really important factor in terms of how teens handle the risks that they have available to them.
I think so often it is easy as adults to feel very scared about the fact that teenagers do risky things,
They can do risky things,
We can't necessarily stop them,
Right,
We can't keep them in the house all the time.
And I think sometimes in our fear,
We come at teenagers in a kind of hard or harsh way,
Thinking of ourselves almost like we can stand between them and risk,
Right,
There's the teenager,
There's the risk,
And we're going to get between them,
And we're going to keep that kid safe.
When we do that,
We sometimes say things like,
Don't let me catch you doing,
You know,
Fill in the blank.
Or,
You know,
If I catch you doing this,
Or it's against the law,
And you shouldn't do it,
Or it's immoral,
And you shouldn't do it,
You know,
Trying to give them reasons like that,
That will hopefully block them from considering the risky thing.
Now,
All of these things may be true.
What I have found is they tend not to really keep teens particularly safe,
Or tend not to convince them to avoid risky behavior.
I think especially given that teenagers are teenagers,
And they are wonderful,
They also have certain strategies that they are likely to go to.
So if we say to a kid,
Don't let me catch you doing this thing,
The nature of the adolescent brain is that they're going to think,
Okay,
How do I not get caught?
Okay,
This is not what we want.
What I have learned over years works so much better is to try to be shoulder to shoulder with teens,
To think about the fact that there are risks out there that they're going to encounter.
We won't almost ever be present when those come up,
But that we are the teen's partner in safety.
And we want to talk about risks in that way,
And we want to put a really heavy emphasis on the word safety,
Right?
The reason we don't want kids messing around with risky things,
Whether it's drugs or drinking or driving in a dangerous way,
Isn't necessarily because it's illegal,
Though they may well be,
But because those things are unsafe.
And what is great about safety is it goes with a teenager everywhere they go.
And so this worksheet has a series of phrases that you can say to tweens and teenagers about risky behavior that really helps to bring across that way of thinking and talking about risk.
The top one,
I think for me,
Is at the very beginning of the worksheet,
Kind of captures the whole spirit of it.
And I've often said this to teenagers.
I'll say,
Look,
Don't focus on whether or not you're going to get caught.
You're not going to get caught in all likelihood.
Focus on whether you or someone else could get hurt.
That's the stance we want to take.
And that is the stance that you will see all through the suggested phrases on this worksheet.
