All right,
This worksheet about how to manage a meltdown is probably one of my favorite things that I've ever written,
And I've written a lot of stuff,
But this one seems to be especially helpful.
So here's how it came about.
When we are faced with somebody who's having a meltdown,
Whether it's our kid or frankly it could be a spouse,
It could be a partner,
It could be an employee of yours,
It's often a pretty overwhelming experience and we're often trying to get through it ourselves and don't always know what to do or how to be most helpful.
So I thought it would probably be handy if there were a system,
If there were,
You know,
Several steps that you could just follow really,
Really,
You know,
Kind of faithfully and have things work out for you and also work out really well,
Ideally,
For the person you're trying to help through the meltdown.
Now the steps I came up with are all laid out on the worksheet,
But the most important instruction is right at the top,
Which is pause between each step to see if it worked and only if it hasn't move on to the next step.
Now most of the time you never get past like the second or third step.
Most of the time listening,
Empathizing,
Validating,
Give people everything they need,
But sometimes people are so upset that even after you've done those things and done them really thoughtfully,
They're still having a hard time.
One thing I want to point out about this worksheet is that at step four,
It switches in terms of how we support people.
For steps one,
Two,
And three,
We're supporting expressing,
Supporting people as they get their feelings out,
Find ways to express what's on their mind.
But by the time we get to step four,
It switches to helping people tame their emotions.
Now this is an important point because expressing and taming are equally valuable,
And taming is especially valuable if there's a possibility that somebody's starting to ruminate.
So rumination is where we are just going round and round and round on something,
And the more we think about it,
The worse we feel.
And it's kind of a gross metaphor,
But it's a really helpful metaphor.
It's a lot like picking at an emotional wound.
You know,
It doesn't get better and it usually makes it worse.
So the way this worksheet works is that by the time you get to step three,
If the person is still upset,
You switch gears and you move towards taming,
Helping them cope,
Giving them confidence,
Maybe then offering suggestions about what might be helpful.
But your job and their job in that moment is to help bring the feelings back down to size.
Now again,
You usually don't get past the second or third step.
Usually empathy and validation is all people are really hoping for or wanting or needing,
But if you find that that's not working as well as it usually does,
Then you have five more steps to go.
Actually,
No,
Six more steps to go altogether that help to get things exactly where they need to be and will help that person get to a place where they feel better.
