What Happened To You Matters

In this episode, Lisa A. Romano discusses the consequences of growing up in a toxic childhood home and what you can do to help heal your life, raise your consciousness and detach from the stories and vibrations of the past. Ignoring the past only helps to recreate it in the future. Becoming the witness of the past can help you find the space to heal from the past.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

So today we're going to be talking about the after effects of growing up in an alcoholic family.

So I received a letter from a YouTube viewer and I wanted to read it to you and see if we could pull it apart and break it down and hopefully it might resonate with some people who are listening and some people who need to feel understood,

Some people who need to feel validated,

And some people who need to know that there's help.

So the viewer writes,

Lisa,

I love you.

You have saved my life.

I listen to your videos and your podcasts all the time.

I had an alcoholic mother and father.

My family was abandoned by my parents when I was about five years old.

My mother became pregnant then and sent us in a taxi to my aunt's house.

We were all separated from then on.

I was abused in all different types of ways by a foster mother.

I watched her hold my brother's head underwater and keep him in the basement of her home.

We attended a Catholic school and no one helped us.

We eventually moved in with our mother again and turns out she was highly narcissistic and extremely abusive.

I have tried to move on from my past,

But I always end up with narcissists.

Please help us.

I love you.

And so of course,

An email like this pulls at your heartstrings.

You know,

I'm just getting goosebumps.

You want to find a way to find this person and wrap your arms around her and tell her that it's not her fault and tell her that she deserved better and tell her that there's hope and tell her that,

You know,

In spite of the horrific things that she's witnessed as an innocent,

Amazing little child,

That there is hope.

And that's a tall order.

I mean,

Come on.

You're a little girl.

You are sent away in a taxi by your parents to live with an aunt.

You end up in foster care with a woman who abuses you,

Holds your brother's head underwater.

I mean,

That's terrifying,

Right?

This is really,

Really traumatic stuff.

And what happens?

You end up being a child who is suffering from now chronic emotional stress.

So we developed CPTSD.

We are living in survival.

We become hypervigilant.

We walk around on eggshells.

We are afraid to speak up.

We shut down.

We're not thriving.

And you know,

We develop these patterns of feeling invisible.

We develop these patterns of feeling like there's something wrong with us because,

You know,

When you're a child and there's chaos happening outside of you,

One of the things that makes you feel okay to some degree is,

Well,

Maybe I can fix it.

But you don't realize that you can't fix this.

You can't fix an alcoholic mom.

You can't fix an alcoholic dad.

You can't fix a narcissistic foster care mother.

You can't help your brother who is being abused by another adult.

You can't make people in your school help you.

And it's a terrifying experience when you are the child who is living this distressed reality and you're actually being wired for survival.

And that means energetically,

You're being wired for constriction.

Emotionally,

You're being wired for survival and you have learned that the world is a frightening scary place and that it's not safe to be you.

Unfortunately,

Because of the way,

Well,

It depends on how you look at it,

But the way the world operates is holographic.

What that means is that what you think matters,

What you think most of the time matters,

Like it or not.

What you think is going to affect the way that you feel.

The way that you feel is going to affect what chemicals get secreted by the glands in your body.

There's no such thing as separation.

When you come from this type of a hostile childhood,

You have been separated from the most amazing energy ever,

Which is love.

When you have been rejected by the mother that you love and that you needed,

Put in a taxi without any consideration for your experience,

And that is the way you recall it and that is the impression that matters because that is the impression that you have built your belief systems upon,

Which are now affecting you whether you realize it or not.

Carl Jung says,

Until you make that which is subconscious conscious,

It dictates your life and you think it's fate.

So you end up thinking,

Oh,

This is just the way it is.

Oh,

I guess I'm destined to attract narcissists.

Oh,

I guess I have to walk around eggshells the rest of my life.

Oh,

I guess I'm not enough.

Oh,

I guess this is just what's supposed to happen to me.

And the more we slip into this feeling of helplessness,

The more we solidify these patterns and programs that are operating at a vibrational level,

At an emotional level,

At a chemical level and a neurological level,

Because remember there is no such thing as separation.

And so what I think,

I believe,

But what I believe,

I think and I feel and my body responds to chemically and my brain wires neurologically.

And so thoughts that fire in my brain create patterns of neurological pathways and these pathways end up becoming an operating system.

And the more I think these thoughts,

The more ingrained these thoughts become.

Now am I aware when I'm 21 or 25 and I'm walking down the aisle and my body,

My internally,

My gut instinct is screaming,

No,

Turn around.

This is a bad idea.

Am I aware that I am ignoring my intuition and I am following through with the neurological grid or I am following through with some holographic pattern that I'm unconscious of?

Am I aware that I am stepping into the role of the child self that I am and seeking the validation of a partner or that I had that abandoned me when I'm a child?

Absolutely not.

Remember you are mostly subconscious or unconscious most of the time.

And that's why healing from anything,

Whether it's codependency or narcissism,

Requires self-awareness.

It requires an awakening to the personality self,

The ability to detach in a healthy way and learn,

Wow,

I am not my patterns.

I am not my programs.

I am not what happened to me.

I am not the abandonment of my mother.

I'm not responsible for my mother's alcoholism.

I'm not responsible for the actions of my foster care mother who is highly abusive to my brother.

I'm not responsible for how the universe operates,

But I have an opportunity here to continue to observe,

Become the observer of my personality self or my lower self and heal.

That's a really tall order to ask of someone who has been so traumatized in their past.

That's a really tall order to ask someone who has come from this type of background where they weren't treated decently.

And is there anything worse than treating an innocent child indecently?

I don't know.

I mean,

There are a lot of nasty things that happen in the world today.

But when I think about the innocent,

When I think about children that can't protect themselves,

When I think about animals that can't protect themselves,

I sort of get to a place where it's just like,

I don't know if there's anything worse.

And this idea that there are people who have such an indifference when it comes to children,

It's just mind boggling to think about.

And yet so many of us,

That was our experience.

And so here,

This amazing young woman is asking me for help,

Which in and of itself is a bit overwhelming for me because all I want to do is fix it really,

But I can't.

So what do I do in that situation?

I create a podcast,

I create a video.

I've actually written this person personally.

I do what I can to try to help bring awareness and help bring hope to her as well as individuals like her who have suffered similar experiences.

This young girl says,

I've tried to move on,

But she always ends up in the same situation.

And so that's not a coincidence,

And that's not something that happens just because it happens.

There's a reason so many of us who have suffered indifference as children.

There's a reason why so many of us who have had inconsistent parenting,

Inconsistent nurturing,

Those of us who have been parentified,

Those of us who have experienced narcissism in a parent who have suffered this tremendous abandonment trauma.

There is a reason why so many of us as adults stay on this path and end up hurt and abandoned and wounded and feeling like we're never going to be able to break through.

We're never going to be able to get the love that we seek.

We're never going to be able to figure it out.

The wounds inside of us feel so deep.

And then you add the layer of confusion,

And then you add the layer of what happens when you are a victim of narcissistic abuses,

Your thinking changes.

So you start to think everything's your fault.

You start to think this is just the way it is.

Your brain starts to rationalize the abuse of a partner.

Many of us struggle with Stockholm syndrome.

We make excuses for poor behavior.

I remember growing up in my home where my dad knew that my mother was highly verbally abusive and psychologically abusive,

And he taught me to rationalize it.

He would say,

Mommy works hard,

Or Mommy had a bad childhood,

Or she's doing the best that she can,

Or don't make her angry.

Don't ever say that again,

Whatever.

But my dad had taught me to rationalize,

Say,

Oh,

Well,

I guess it doesn't matter that she's verbally abusive.

I guess I have to rationalize it.

I guess I don't matter.

I guess my emotional experience and the pain that I'm having because of this disconnect between my mother and I,

I guess it doesn't matter.

What do I do if it doesn't matter?

I stuff it.

I dissociate.

I busy myself with worrying about my weight,

Or I line up my shoes,

Or I line up my pencils.

I develop OCD-type realities where that helps me feel less out of control,

Or I pick on my little sister,

Or I pick on other kids at school,

Or I retreat,

Or I stuff myself with food.

Or one of the things that I did was I used to count on my fingers.

I would memorize license plates.

So let's talk about some of the things or some of the points of hope that children who come from these types of desperate situations who are now adults and who find themselves in relationships with other people that are unhealthy.

They are toxic.

And like she's saying,

I just keep ending up with these toxic personalities,

And I don't know what to do.

Well,

Some of the things that we have to understand right off the bat is that there is tremendous emotional neglect here,

And that has to be addressed.

There is abandonment here.

There is CPTSD here,

This trauma that you could not escape.

I forgot the name of the therapist.

I always try to remember her name.

I don't remember her name,

But this term always rang true and stuck with me,

This idea that we are marinating in trauma.

So if you're growing up,

You have an alcoholic mother and father,

And you are sent away,

And you are put in foster care,

And you struggle with this,

And you feel alone,

And then you end up back with your mom who is highly narcissistic and abusive.

Where was your relief,

Dear one?

Where was it?

You didn't have any.

Life just didn't make sense to you.

Life was a whole ball of pain,

And it's important that you recognize that is not your fault.

You have to really spiritually,

Mentally,

And emotionally,

You have to let that penetrate your being.

This was not my fault.

When we're very little,

We think that everything's our fault.

If mommy went and got her car washed,

And she's upset,

And it rains,

Somehow it's our fault.

If we feel mommy's upset,

It's somehow our fault because we're egocentric when we're little.

So we don't have ego boundaries.

We don't understand us and them.

We feel connected with our parents,

And we think that we can control how they feel,

Or if they're upset,

It's our fault.

On the other side of that is that if they don't love me,

It's my fault,

Or if they sent me away,

It's my fault.

I would say to this young woman,

First and foremost,

Understand that being put in that cab on that day with your siblings was not your fault.

The terror that you felt was not your fault.

The inability to rescue your brother from this woman who did what she did was not your fault.

You had little tiny hands,

And you were up against big people in your life.

There's no way in the world that you could have done anything.

It's important that you understand and you realize you never should have been put in that situation in the first place.

People say,

Why do bad things happen?

To that,

All I can say is that in my own opinion,

If we detach and we look at the reality or the childhood of the mother in this situation,

And we look at her mother,

And we look at her mother,

And we keep going on throughout the generations,

My guess is we'd see a pattern of neglect and abuse and of unconsciousness,

Which eventually happens to fall upon our doorstep the moment we get conceived.

Now,

Is that our fault?

No.

Inside my 12-week class and inside the master class,

This kind of concept comes up a lot.

So many of us who are truth seekers,

We want to know why.

Why do bad things happen to innocent children?

Why do bad things happen on earth?

If there's a God,

If there's someone out there who can change everything,

Why?

Why?

Why?

These are really big questions for little tiny people to deal with and struggle with.

I know that I struggled with them as a little girl who grew up in a Catholic home and who was told day in and day out that Jesus died for me.

I really felt guilty that Jesus died for me.

I mean,

This is what I heard growing up in Catholic school almost every day.

I was a sinner and I felt guilty and I felt ashamed.

And it's important that we realize that the blueprint by which we are running our life gets created before the age of seven.

So maybe someone who understands Catholicism as an adult understands what that means,

Jesus Christ died for your sins,

Or understands what that's supposed to mean.

But when you're a little kid,

That's really heavy.

And when you're growing up in a religious home and there is a lot of abuse happening,

It can be very difficult to believe that that's not your fault and to believe that even God abandoned you.

And if God is abandoning you and not answering your prayers,

Certainly that's your fault.

And so as adults,

As we learn to look back on our childhood from the observer,

Not through the eyes of the inner child,

But through the eyes of the adult within us,

When we learn to detach and understand I'm not my experience,

The experience happened to me,

My physical body was forced into this situation that I was powerless to control and things happened to me and affected and shaped the way I feel and observe myself and my perceptions of self and others and even of the world.

When I understand these things happen to me,

But me at my core,

The aspect of me that is divine is untouchable and has never been touched by the outside world.

That is who I really am.

And I've got to kind of sometimes,

At least it felt this way for me,

I had to claw my way to get to the threshold of the light within.

I had to work through all of the patterns and all of the programs and all of the emotions and all of the reactivity and all of the default settings and all of the automatic ways my brain wanted to think and behave and learn about codependency and learn about not feeling good enough and learning about being afraid to rock the boat and learning about how I never learned how to set a boundary and thinking I had to people please and thinking everyone had to like me and thinking I had to get along with everybody and thinking that I absolutely had no right to say no.

What do codependents do?

Codependents lack boundaries.

They have low self-esteem.

They are afraid to rock the boat.

They fix.

They enable.

They people please.

They are in one way,

One way relationships.

They avoid criticism and avoid rejection,

Abandonment through people pleasing,

Right?

Which means what?

Which means that we stay in relationships that hurt us because there's a little child in us that doesn't want to feel the rejection of being put in that taxi cab and being sent away.

And so this is all below the veil.

This is not our fault.

This is the construct of consciousness and reality.

Reality is really a holographic experience,

Right?

So what I experienced as a child that gets suppressed and pushed down into my lower chakras,

Which are all about survival,

The primitive me,

The limbic brain is associated with the lower chakras.

And if I am forced,

Not my fault,

To live in survival and my brain has learned,

Yeah,

This is a pretty crappy place.

People suck.

The adults around me suck.

No one really cares about me.

This is terrible.

Look at this one.

Look what she did.

Look what she did.

Look what he said.

Oh my God.

I can't believe this is happening to me,

But it's happening to me.

Yeah,

This world sucks.

If that is my experience and I experience it over and over and over,

Then it is not my fault if I develop a negative viewpoint of my life or life in general.

It's not my fault if I grew up thinking that everything's a bunch of nonsense,

That nothing makes sense,

And even God is ridiculous.

It's a ridiculous concept because if there was a God,

He'd rescue me,

Right?

Why let children suffer?

So I get it.

These are very,

Very deep concepts for us.

Those of us who are looking to heal and those of us who are truth seekers,

How could this happen?

And when I dive deep,

When I go into those places where I think,

Well,

How could this happen?

Sometimes I get a little caught up in it too.

I think I want an answer that I can put in a box and wrap a little pink bow on it and say,

There you go,

Everybody.

This is why these bad things happen.

That just,

The further you go down the rabbit hole,

The more of a wormhole you find.

It's just never ending,

Especially when you start to understand the nature of the universe at the quantum level.

They say,

Have the faith of a mustard seed.

So the faith of a mustard seed to me is an analogy for an atom because an atom inside of you is mostly space,

Right?

So there's a reason I'm saying this because if I come from this type of an experience and I believe that I am mostly matter and I am not mostly space,

Then I believe in the concreteness of this experience.

And so I feel like I am made of concrete.

Everybody's made of concrete and we're all just bumping up against each other.

I don't know that the true nature that I am is fluid,

That I am more energy and that I can affect my energy.

That's why it's so important to gain objectivity and to gain distance when we are thinking about our childhood,

Right?

Which is what I try to do.

I try to create systems and processes that make sense to people on the healing path.

So when they're thinking about their pain,

They're able to plug into a formula that says okay,

Now I know how I can think about my pain without becoming the pain.

Now I know how to understand pain versus pleasure without going down the rabbit hole of this.

Now I know how to sit in my body and process these emotions from a higher state of awareness.

Now I know how to do this.

Now when you learn how to do this,

The energy comes from your lower chakras through your heart space,

Through your throat chakra,

Through your third eye chakra,

Through your crown chakra,

And you are permitted to allow this stagnant energy to leave your body,

Which changes the energy in your body.

So now you are no longer concrete,

You are now divine energy.

And you understand that in this space,

Regardless of what happened to you in your past,

You have the potential to change.

Really difficult for someone who comes from this really bad traumatic experience to wrap their mind around this idea that in spite of what happened to me,

I really can experience peace and abundance and even manifest an amazing relationship.

Yeah,

It's true.

You really can.

But somehow we've got to unplug you from the 3D concrete or icky ectoplasm of the past.

Somehow we have to breathe hope into your mind.

Somehow we have to help you become born again to a new mind.

Meaning born against the idea that you can transcend the old.

Born against this idea that with a little bit of effort,

Consistently over time,

You can change the way you think.

You can go from thinking completely negative,

Which is justifiable,

And having this story and having this history,

Which is valid,

It happened.

But you really can become someone who can say,

Yes,

This happened and I know it happened,

But I'm willing to transcend it and imagine something different for myself.

Now I just tied it up in a bow,

But I can assure you as someone who has done this work,

It ain't so easy,

Kid.

It takes effort.

It takes the effort of an Olympic athlete.

I'm not kidding.

When you come from a narcissistic home,

You have been dismissed.

I wrote a couple of things down.

What you experience is dismissiveness,

Gaslighting,

Rage.

You experience people who are unable to regulate their emotions.

And what happens when you're raised by a narcissistic parent?

They become very frustrated because they can't control everything or they're not getting the narcissistic supply that they want or they're stressed.

And when you're a narcissist,

You can't handle stress and you're not someone who doesn't take it out on other people.

So narcissists are high conflict personalities and mothers and fathers who are narcissistic oftentimes default to rage.

And these poor children suffer the consequences of this dysregulation.

I remember my mom with the vacuum and she would push the vacuum into our backs while we were watching TV at like seven or eight o'clock on a Saturday morning because back then we only had a few channels to watch on TV.

And on Saturday morning,

It was Guerrilla Megillah time.

It was whatever,

Whatever cartoon it was at the time.

And she was so irate that we were sitting still.

She couldn't handle it.

And she would push the vacuum into our butts and our backs until we felt so uncomfortable that we just went outside.

Get out of here.

She didn't want us around.

If she had an argument with my dad or if she was just feeling stressed and overwhelmed,

And it was all in her head.

She had these constructs that she had to please my father.

He could never get upset.

The house had to look a certain way.

She always had to look perfect.

The house had to look perfect.

We had to look perfect.

All of these maddening neurotic constructs that were just impossible.

And when she didn't hit these marks,

She lost it.

Now,

She never lost it in front of friends and family.

She just lost it in front of us.

And so she could not regulate her emotions.

And when you are that child,

You are panic struck when mommy is upset and you are feeling her push you away and moving further and further away,

You feel like you are falling into an abyss and what your mind scrambles to,

No,

I don't want to fall into this abyss.

And you come up with fawning and you come up with people pleasing and you freeze and you run away or you shut down or sometimes children fight back.

It's all a trauma response.

The issue that we have to understand is that within each of us is the opportunity to change it all,

To transmute it all if you can awaken from the paradigm.

So what does that mean?

You have to acknowledge that what happened happened and you have to stop having dissonance over it.

You have to come into brain coherence.

That's why in my classes,

The first four weeks of my 12 week class,

It's all about brain coherence.

Before we can even move into brain heart coherence,

It's brain brain coherence.

So one side of my brain has to validate the other side of my brain.

So in other words,

What I'm trying to say is that when we come from these homes,

Oftentimes we have so much dissonance,

Right?

We wish we didn't,

But we did.

We wish that we had a mother who loved us,

But we didn't.

We wish we didn't feel this abandonment,

But we do,

Right?

We wish that we didn't feel so low,

But we do.

We wish that things were different,

But they're not,

Right?

So it's all this back and forth.

And so I have found it completely,

Completely game changing when my brain,

When the right and the left hemisphere of my brain accept the truth.

And when I say accept the truth,

The first step is to accept everything,

To accept the abandonment,

To accept that mom was a narcissist,

To accept that you felt powerless,

To accept that you were invisible,

To accept that you were invalidated,

To accept that this happened because it did.

This was something that I was able to work through on my own through a complete commitment to honoring the process because I knew the end goal was letting this energy come up through my body and escaping,

Letting the energy move because it was stuck,

Right?

The Chinese art of moving energy,

Chi,

Is like moving it,

Getting it to move,

Accepting it,

Right?

Not letting it rot in your body.

This is what I think IBS comes from,

Infertility issues come from,

Right?

Issues with intimacy and sexuality.

It's all in the lower chakras,

The survival,

Pushing people away,

Pulling them in.

This cat and mouse game that we play with love,

Right?

So getting to a point where you can understand and accept the first part of your life happened and understanding the reality of the inner child.

And then what you want to do is step two is you really want to figure out how your environment shaped the way you think.

And this gets complicated.

This is where understanding codependency,

Understanding CPTSD,

Understanding the flight response,

The fight or flight response and trauma responses is really,

Really beneficial.

So rather than jump into another relationship,

I think this would be an opportunity to understand how your childhood affected you and to arm yourself with knowledge.

Most of us are living life with a bunch of holes in our ship and we don't even know that they're there.

And we're at a point,

I think,

That thank goodness for the internet and information and amazing people like Dr.

Ramani,

Richard Grannon,

Even Sam Baknin,

People who understand narcissistic abuse.

These are people who allow us to understand what's really wrong.

And if we study enough,

Then we can understand how we fit and we can understand why we are the way we are.

And suddenly we have brain coherence,

Right?

And then healing moves into a place of surrender,

Which will allow us to experience brain heart coherence.

And then when I start acting on my new desired reality,

Then I have brain heart action coherence or physical coherence.

So now I'm in alignment with what I truly desire for the future.

People ask me,

So how do you rationalize or how do you rest upon the idea or how do you make sense out of this idea that there is a God?

And I think,

Well,

If God is love and love is the potential and God knows that I am love,

Then in the 3D world,

It's my job to,

In spite of what happened,

Make sure that I return to love.

And that might be an oversimplification for some people,

But that's the long and the short of how I rationalize this idea that there could be a God.

It makes no sense to me that there isn't some type of infinite intelligence,

That there isn't some divine order to everything.

Now that doesn't mean,

Because I know some people say that we all pick our parents and stuff,

But maybe it's because I've dealt with so many trauma survivors over the years that I can't look into the eyes of trauma survivors and say,

This is your fault.

Or even though we're talking about people who believe this,

That we pick our parents and then we come here and life is a classroom.

And even though,

Let's say we're talking about people who are really into new age stuff,

Even though they aren't saying it's your fault,

They're saying,

Hold back and really come out of ego,

Come out of the right and the wrong.

And you'll see there were a lot of lessons to be learned.

I personally,

Lisa,

I don't feel comfortable telling people or suggesting to people that they chose this experience to learn something.

I just don't.

Even if it's the truth,

I just don't feel comfortable saying that to people.

So I never say it ever,

Ever.

Like I said,

I don't know if it's because I've heard so many terrible stories over the years that I could never say that to someone,

But whatever.

But what does make sense to me is that there is an order.

There is an order to the way things unfold in life.

So if you have a tree that is planted in shade,

Then it's not going to grow as well as a tree that is potted or seeded in tremendous soil,

Amazing soil,

That tree will grow up and become amazing.

There is a divine order to that.

And so if you take a child that's born to a family A where there's alcoholism and narcissism,

That organic being will not unfold as beautifully as child B in circumstance B.

That's not child A's fault.

But if we peel back,

We can see that what happens in the plant kingdom in regards to trees and sunshine and shade,

Vice versa,

That the same type of thing can happen with children.

That you are born to a certain set of circumstances that affect the quality of your life,

Which we have to,

If you peel back and if you really dive deep,

What does it really affect?

It affects the way you think.

It affects the way you feel.

It affects you on a quantum level.

Now what's true for that tree is true for you.

You pick up that tree and you change the tree's reality.

How do you do it?

You move it.

You have to physically move the tree to sunshine and to nurture it.

When it comes to you,

You have to shift your energy.

You have to move it.

What do you move?

Your mindset out of the past and into the future.

How?

You're surrendering in the moment to the past so that you have coherence.

You're not struggling with cognitive dissonance.

Mom was an alcoholic.

Mom was a narcissist.

My narcissistic stepmother did this.

This is the way I felt.

This is what happened.

These are my experiences and they happen to me.

That's me in the situation where I'm a tree and everything sucks.

But I'm an adult and I'm a powerful human being and I'm an extension of the infinite intelligence.

At my core,

What is untouchable is my divine light.

And it is my job to move.

It is my job to pick myself up and plant myself someplace else.

Do you know where that planting starts?

Here.

You have to change the way you see yourself.

You have to start with saying,

I am enough and this was not my fault.

None of it's my fault and everything that I feel is valid.

But I know that if I keep telling this story,

I'm going to stay rooted to this spot.

And that's not enough for me because I'm a divine creature at my core.

And unlike a tree,

I can take myself and I can move myself anywhere I damn well want.

That is my birthright.

And if I can't move out of this situation,

This physical situation now,

You know what?

That's okay because it starts now in my head right here and no one can touch me there.

I promise you that if you can,

In spite of your past,

Find a glimmer of hope,

If any of this made sense to you and you apply this idea that change happens in here,

Not out there.

If you think that by not doing this work,

That you can watch a YouTube video,

Listen to a podcast,

Read a book,

If you think that's enough to change,

I'm sorry,

Dear one,

To tell you that is not enough.

You must stop long enough to heal,

To look within,

To give yourself what you always deserved,

To understand on a root level what went wrong and understand deeper what went wrong was not your fault.

And yes,

You were a powerless child and that's not your fault.

And yes,

It sucked.

And yes,

It hurt.

And all of that is valid,

But you,

Dear one,

At your core are a divine human being.

And regardless of your alcoholic mother,

You can cut your tie to her,

Your psychic and emotional tie to her,

And you can fly as high as you want to go.

Yes,

You can,

If you can believe it.

So although we can't make other people's pain go away,

What we can do,

Those of us who have learned how to do this work,

We can inspire one another to do it.

And I'll tell you what,

Dear one,

I will not mention your name because I don't have your permission to mention your name,

But let's just call you El.

El,

I promise you and anyone like you that if you do this work,

And if you understand that at your core,

Even though you can't feel it,

And even though no one else honored it,

I promise you there is an amazing light within you.

It's the divine heart of infinite intelligence.

Your body has infinite intelligence,

But it needs your brain to be an operating order for you to be able to access the spiritual self and for you to be able to change.

That means you must stop long enough to listen and to look and to feel at the past and the now,

And then do what you can to imagine a different reality.

This is a healing process.

And I promise you that if you stay tethered to this idea that the potential to heal is within you in spite of the past,

And if you make a declaration to your inner child that you're going to heal the inner child and you are going to fly as high as you can in spite of your past,

You absolutely will.

I can't take away El's pain,

Right?

But if I did,

What would El learn?

El would think,

Oh wow,

Awesome Lisa A.

Romano.

I don't want the glory.

I want El to have the glory.

I want El to know,

I can do this.

I did did this.

I did do this.

I am enough.

The power was within me all the time.

You see,

If people rescue you,

You never learn to build that self-reliance.

You never learn to believe in yourself.

You never face the challenge,

Overcome the challenge,

And develop the confidence because you overcame the challenge.

El,

All I can do is inspire you to believe that the power to change your life is within you.

And I can't wait to the email that I received from you that tells me how far you've come by believing in yourself in spite of the past.

There is a divine order,

And part of that divine order is every single one of us turning from the outside 3D world and learning to turn within in spite of the past.

It's about learning how to forgive the past so that we can resonate with love,

So that we can resonate with abundance,

So that we can resonate with peace,

So that our bodies can heal,

And so that our minds can think about a brighter future for us in spite of the past.

Namaste,

Everybody.

I really hope that this has uplifted you and taught you to believe in yourself in a way that maybe wasn't possible before.

You absolutely were born enough,

Even if the people that were supposed to hold you sacred in the palm of their hands didn't.

You are still enough.

You were born enough,

And it's time that you turn from the outside world and begin to turn to the inner world and give the inner you all of the love that you always deserved and should have received your entire life.

Love is the answer.

And if you love yourself enough,

Guess what?

In time,

You will manifest and begin attracting people who can love you in a healthy way too.

What energy you have on the inside will manifest outside of you.

Remember,

It's always going to come down to love.

Namaste,

Everybody.

Be careful out there,

And don't forget to think.

Elle,

Thank you so much for your email,

And continue to believe in yourself in spite of the past.

God bless you.

Reviews

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Message in the meditation was great!😊🌸💖

Lovely!!