Truths A Narcissist Will Hide From You

Narcissists tend to gravitate toward those who are highly agreeable, and who are also highly empathic. These two qualities can make it difficult to recognize when one is being manipulated by someone with high narcissistic traits. In this episode, you will learn about secret truths a narcissist will hope you never figure out. If you understood the mind of a narcissist, you would be able to see right through them, and that is not what they want. They want you to think you're crazy and that you cannot trust your perception of reality.

Transcript

Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A Romano.

I am a life coach,

Best-selling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

So I wanted to do a session to help people really hone in on some of the traits and some of the things that you could think about when you are in a relationship with someone.

I was just recently asked,

Like,

Lisa,

Why is the field of narcissism so intriguing all of a sudden?

I don't think it's all of a sudden.

I think that we're finally getting language for what's been happening in our relationships.

We're finally understanding that codependency is a thing,

That emotional abuse is a thing,

That narcissism is really a thing.

In the past,

Our relationships could have been like falling apart,

But we didn't have any words or any labels to help us understand,

Well,

What was really going on?

So if you married someone who consistently cheated on you,

You called this person a cheater.

But you might not have recognized the other signs of narcissism in addition to infidelity,

Like gaslighting or projection or entitlement or a lack of empathy.

You might have married somebody who you just could not get from point A to point B with,

Someone who was passive aggressive.

You might have been trying to figure out why is my marriage failing or why is my relationship so difficult?

You may have recognized this trait of passive aggressiveness,

But you might not have put the pieces of the puzzle together to where you were able to recognize narcissism.

So I think what's happening in my humble opinion is that we're becoming smarter,

We're becoming more self-aware.

And I do think that as we become more aware ourselves,

More awakened ourselves,

As we have a desire to live above the veil of consciousness,

Recognizing that human beings are run by the default mode network in the brain through patterns and programs that were created before the age of seven.

Like whatever you experienced before the age of seven,

If you came from a loving home and you were taught that you were worthy just because you weren't raised with conditional love,

Thinking that you had to do something to gain love,

Then you might have an intact sense of self.

And so you might not struggle as much as maybe someone else who grew up feeling detached from the self or who grew up feeling not good enough because of emotional neglect or who suffered abandonment trauma.

And if you're somebody who has suffered from CPTSD,

Childhood emotional neglect and abandonment,

If your parents were narcissists,

Then you may have grown up feeling like you were not good enough.

You might not have a whole lot of self-confidence and relationships are going to be problematic when you don't have a self because if you don't have a self,

Then you don't know how to protect yourself.

You don't have a border.

You don't have a boundary.

You don't know how to say,

Hey,

Knock it off,

Mr.

Narcissist,

That hurts.

Or knock it off,

Mrs.

Narcissist,

That hurts.

You don't do it because you don't have a self and without a self,

You can't have boundaries.

You can't exert boundaries,

Which means that unfortunately when we're talking about patterns and programs,

People who don't feel enough,

People who lack self love become exploited by people who are more grandiose in their perception of self.

It is literally like a hand in a glove.

I think it's important that as we get smarter and as we become more self-aware and as we turn to the internet,

As we turn to podcasts,

As we turn to people who have come through the codependent marriage or the narcissistic marriage,

People who have survived these relationships and we try to gain insight into how we can also make it through and what we can learn.

I think it's very valuable for us to get knowledgeable about the signs of narcissism,

Not only to help us heal from a relationship that was abusive or toxic,

But to also help us weave together an internal narrative that allows us to be more aware of what to look for in future relationships because we know that narcissism is absolutely on the rise.

Social media is a place that is a breeding ground for narcissism and social media doesn't look like it's going anywhere.

And I think that it is very smart for people to begin to look at their own patterns of behavior,

Question their own intentions,

Question their own beliefs,

Take up the responsibility of healing within so that you can not only evolve as a human being and as a spiritual being,

As an integrated human being,

But also avoid pothole relationships in the future and manifest relationships that really have the ability to bear fruit.

And if you think about a fruit tree,

You want a fruit tree to bear fruit,

To bear healthy fruit.

And so that's where I think about relationships.

That's how I see relationships.

If you're in a healthy relationship,

Then that relationship should bear healthy fruit.

You should feel peaceful.

You should feel nurtured.

You should feel protected.

If you're in a relationship that's unhealthy,

Unfortunately the fruit will be bitter.

The fruit will be sour.

The fruit will make you sick.

You'll feel confused.

You'll feel dizzy.

You'll feel sick to your stomach.

You'll feel nauseous.

You won't feel good in your body.

You'll feel like you have food poisoning.

When you live with a narcissist,

When you love a narcissist,

That's what it feels like.

It's like emotional food poisoning.

And here's the rub though.

If you grew up in a very chaotic,

Very dramatic,

Very unpredictable home,

Then this type of chaos is your norm.

And so walking around with emotional food poisoning,

Sadly,

Is what you're used to.

And being in a healthy relationship that is sweet,

That is beautiful,

That makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside is not your norm.

And so vibrationally,

It'll be a mismatch.

And that's why I think a lot of people self-sabotage.

Because if you come from a chaotic home that is unpredictable and you manifest a friendship,

Let's say,

Or a relationship with somebody who is pretty even keeled or fair,

It won't feel in alignment with you.

And it'll feel off and you'll self-sabotage it,

Unfortunately.

And what will feel more comfortable for you is a relationship that is more chaotic.

I've coached many people who say they want a peaceful relationship,

Although they've had a very chaotic childhood,

Unpredictable childhood.

And undoubtedly,

We'll coach and a situation will be remembered in which my client recalls pushing away someone that he or she felt was very even keeled.

And eventually they realized that I wasn't ready for that relationship.

And you can self-sabotage the relationship that you actually want.

And that's why I think that self-discovery work is so important.

And healing is so important so that we can line up with what we say we want and hold on to ourselves and our bodies and recognize when we're with somebody who feels like poison fruit or we're with somebody who feels like sweet fruit.

There's a huge difference.

And we've got to make sure that we are lining up with what we say we want.

And so getting clear about some truths that a narcissist will hide from you.

And I think it's fair to say that there are narcissists who know that they're narcissists and don't care.

And then there are people who don't know that they're narcissistic.

That really have no clue how they are coming off.

And what's really mind bending is that they think they're right.

So someone could enter into a relationship thinking that they're highly emotional,

Emotionally intelligent and then be completely inconsiderate and lack empathy for the way they speak to someone.

It's really mind bending when you're speaking to someone who has told you that they think that they're emotionally intelligent,

That they think that they're kind,

And they think that they have empathy.

The first sign of trouble,

They're projecting,

They're accusatory,

They're vindictive,

They lie.

And you might be standing there thinking,

Wait a minute,

This person just spent like six weeks telling me that they're empathic,

That they're kind and that they're doing all this type of spiritual work.

And yet here he or she is like discarding me and like treating me with complete indifference,

Like completely disrespecting me,

Accusing me of things that they're actually guilty of.

It's really mind bending.

And if that's you,

What will happen is you'll start to feel sick in your being and that's what you need to pay attention to.

Now again,

The rub is if you come from a home where you were taught that your feelings were irrelevant,

Like mom's feelings trumped your feelings or dad's feelings trumped your feelings.

If the children in the home were taught that their feelings were irrelevant,

When you get that nauseous feeling in your stomach,

When you get kicked in the stomach by your spirit and he or she is like,

Pay attention,

Pay attention,

This doesn't feel right,

You will misdiagnose that sign.

You will feel confused.

And if the narcissist has done a really good job at trauma bonding you,

Then you will assume responsibility for why the narcissist is discarding you,

Why the narcissist is being disrespectful.

Your mind will try to rationalize why they are being so harmful and toxic.

You'll assume responsibility for it.

And that's quite frankly what the narcissist wants.

Remember,

The narcissist thinks that they're better than you.

They really do.

And so let's talk about some of the truths,

The 20 truths,

And there are a lot of them,

But I'm hoping that this session makes things just a little bit clearer for somebody who is wondering if they are dating a narcissist or if they're married to a narcissist or if their friend is a narcissist.

This might help make things a little bit clearer.

So I have a right to lie to you at any time,

And especially if I feel you're going to try to hold me responsible or accountable.

So this is a truth that a narcissist will hide from you.

The truth is that a narcissist feels entitled to lie to you.

And if you begin to confront or challenge a narcissist,

A narcissist is going to dig their heels in deeper.

The narcissist is not going to tell you this,

But if you've met or married a narcissist or been in a relationship with a narcissist,

What you may have noticed is that when it was obvious the narcissist overreacted,

When the narcissist lied or manipulated a situation,

And you dare confront the narcissist just to even have a conversation about it,

What you'll notice is that there's no accountability.

They will either get angry and lie or just lie and remain calm.

But what you'll notice is that they feel entitled to lie.

And maybe you won't notice that right away,

But upon reflection,

When you begin to put the pieces of this crazy making puzzle together,

You'll notice like,

Wow,

He did that or she did that,

Where rather than say,

I'm sorry,

And I see my part in it,

He or she just dug her heels in deeper.

And so a narcissist is not going to tell you they feel entitled to lie to you,

And especially when you try to hold them accountable.

The next thing that they hide from you is,

I'm not that interested in you,

And I'm only interested in keeping you interested in me.

A narcissist is not going to tell you.

They're going to keep this truth from you,

That they're really not all that interested in you.

They are superior to you in their head.

You are a minion.

You are going to be kept around for entertainment purposes only until something better comes along.

And the more interested you are in them,

The better.

But the truth is,

A narcissist is not all that interested in you.

They don't have the ability to be interested in you,

Because when it comes to a narcissist,

They're operating from a position of grandiosity,

Where they are better than you.

And so no,

They're not going to be all that interested in you.

They will pretend to be interested in you.

But in time,

You will notice that they begin to marginalize you and devalue you and ultimately discard you.

The next thing,

You are disposable,

Dear one.

Yes,

You are disposable.

Narcissist is going to hide that truth from you.

They may even be hiding that truth from themselves.

They will have a string of unhealthy,

Unhappy relationships,

And it will never be their fault.

It will always be the fault of the person that they're with,

Even though they are the common denominator.

And even though people are saying the same things about them,

That they treat them with indifference,

That they are aloof,

That they are condescending,

That they are disrespectful,

That they act entitled,

That they're rude,

That they're a bully.

They want to dominate.

They want to control.

They're pushy.

They'll hear these things over and over and over,

But it will always be the fault of someone else.

And this is because in their head,

You're disposable.

When a narcissist enters a relationship,

They're not entering it from the point of empathy and wanting to really bond with you,

Spend time with you,

Get to know who you are on a heart level so that the relationship can grow.

They're not interested,

Dear one,

And they're going to hide this truth from you.

And you will know this by the way that you feel,

By the emptiness that you feel,

By the confusion,

By the lack of connection,

By the fear that you feel,

The fear that you feel when you consider confronting the narcissist for treating you like you're disposable.

You will feel the fear from wanting to discuss anything with this person who is training you to be afraid to question them,

Who is training you to be afraid of expecting to be treated with respect because the truth is,

Dear one,

They think you are disposable and they really feel that way.

And so this is a truth that a narcissist will hide from you.

Another truth is,

I mean nothing I say.

So really mind bending that a narcissist feels entitled to say whatever they want,

Whenever they want it,

To change what they say at the drop of a hat,

To have zero accountability for what they're saying and how it makes you feel,

How it makes your children feel,

Lying to their friends about where they're going to be and when they're going to be there.

And so they mean nothing that they say.

And you show up in a relationship wanting to connect to this person and you mean what you say.

You really want to get to know them.

It's coming from your gut,

From your root chakra,

Right?

Your heart space.

I want to get to know you.

I mean it.

I really want to get to know you.

And a narcissist,

Those words might come out of a narcissist's mouth,

But they don't mean it.

And in time,

You will notice the other signs of narcissism.

You'll notice the traits,

The negative personality traits in this person.

You'll notice that they are highly disagreeable,

That they are unforgiving,

That they are rude,

That they are arrogant.

In time,

You're going to see the other negative personality traits begin to surface.

But a truth is that they don't mean anything that they say.

Reviews

Another excellent talk. 🙏Thank you

I’ve always enjoyed Lisa’s perspective on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I can’t tell you how helpful your talks have been these past few weeks! It is giving me the courage and the strength to set boundaries and begin my journey of letting go. And recognizing that letting go is a daily choice, especially when we love a family member , however their narcissistic personality is detrimental to my own health and well-being. You are getting me through a very difficult holiday season. Many thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for such an amazing & informative talk 👄

So True

This is so very accurate it's sad. I'm sharing this. Thank you