This Is Why Narcissists Make No Sense

If you have ever dealt with a narcissist, you know that you can feel awesome one minute and then feel like the rug has been pulled beneath you the next. Lovebombing leads to devaluing comments, accusations, and accusations. Brain fog and cognitive dissonance can be destabilizing and lead to decades of living in reaction to a narcissist. This episode clears it all up so you can feel more empowered when dealing with a narcissist.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

Namaste everybody.

So in this session,

I'm going to attempt to help you understand why the way a narcissist thinks is illogical and nonsensical.

If you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse,

You are someone that understands what it is to deal with someone who has low empathy,

To deal with someone who exploits your emotions,

To deal with someone who believes that they are entitled to do things that other people don't have the right to do.

So rules don't apply to someone who has high narcissistic traits.

I think it's also important that we recognize that narcissism exists on a spectrum,

As does things like codependency.

So while it is,

I think,

Smart to assess whether or not even ourselves,

Whether or not we have high narcissistic traits as well as other people,

I think it's important that we recognize that narcissism does in fact exist on a spectrum and that narcissists by nature don't change.

So you could be someone who even yourself is dealing with some narcissistic traits,

But once you recognize it in yourself and you say,

Oh,

I don't want to have those traits,

I don't like those particular character flaws in myself,

I'd like to change them,

Then you are less narcissistic than someone who doesn't think there's anything wrong with them,

Which is a nonsensical reality.

And when we're dealing with people who have high narcissistic traits,

It can be very baffling and confusing,

Especially if we struggle with insecurities.

It's a very,

Very bad concoction to deal with someone who is operating under this flawed premise that they are better and superior than other people,

And the person or the partner that they have is struggling with some sense of insecurity.

Now in some situations,

You can come into a relationship with a narcissist feeling pretty good about yourself and not being aware of how they are exploiting you emotionally,

Especially if they're a covert narcissist.

It's very hard to notice that this is happening,

And oftentimes we notice when we've been in the relationships for five,

10,

15,

20,

Sometimes 30 years,

Because they're so good at masking what it is that they do.

They're good at masking the way that they dominate you.

They're good at masking the way that they exploit you.

In the end,

You end up with tremendous self-doubt.

You end up feeling like everything is your fault.

You end up feeling so beaten down and so exhausted by the extreme emotions of a narcissist,

By their guilting you,

By their blame shifting,

And sometimes they even move into the realm of physical,

Domestic violence.

And when this happens and you're dealing with a narcissist,

The narcissist will even blame you for why they physically abused you or why they physically abused even your children.

Everything will be your fault,

Which again is nonsensical.

And so when we're dealing with people who have narcissism,

We're keeping in mind that narcissism exists on a spectrum,

We know that the more commonly known form of narcissism is grandiose narcissism,

Where people are boastful,

Where they have a very high opinion of themselves,

And again,

They lack empathy,

They do exploit other people's emotions and they generally feel entitled.

But there's also covert narcissism or what is known as shy narcissism and what I've used to call the boy scout narcissist.

This is someone who appears to be altruistic on the surface,

Who appears to be helpful,

But inside the interpersonal dynamics,

You end up feeling over time that you don't really have a say.

They are using things like stonewalling,

So they just don't talk to you or they use passive aggressiveness.

They shut down and they withdraw on purpose as a way to dominate the flow of the relationship.

So they check out.

So if you have a conversation that you want to have,

They just refuse to have it.

And that's the way they're controlling the flow of the relationship.

And then we have the more extreme form of narcissism where the narcissist will actually,

They're malignant and they will absolutely be abusive,

Physically abusive,

Sexually abusive.

And so we're recognizing that narcissism is not a black and white issue,

But I wanted to get to an idea that I think can really help people free themselves of the power that some narcissists seem to have over the lives of other people.

Especially if you're someone who is struggling with codependency,

Which means that you are shame-based,

You feel like a shell of a person,

You may be even like a chameleon yourself.

What I mean by that is that you tend to become what you think other people want you to be,

To be loved and to be accepted.

Whereas someone who is a narcissist will take on a chameleon-like character to dominate and control you,

To snuff the life out of you and to completely dominate you emotionally,

Mentally,

Psychologically,

Physically,

And financially.

So both codependent can be chameleon-like,

To be loved and accepted and validated because of a lack of self.

And a narcissist can be chameleon-like because they feel superior to other people and they want you to believe that too.

And they do this to gain your trust so that they can pull you into their lair and dominate you from inside your own heart and inside your own mind.

So their chameleon-like behavior,

Their real agenda is,

How can I get this person to trust me,

To drop their guard so that their perception of me is altered from the inside out?

So it's like once a narcissist gets you to trust them,

They're inside your mind,

They're inside your heart.

You have this cognitive bias that they are this shy boy scout of a person and you trust them.

And they love puppies,

So they make you think in the beginning,

But really they can't stand puppies because puppies are needy and puppies are weak and they're annoying and they expect you to play with them.

A narcissist doesn't want to be bothered with that,

But that will be revealed over time.

I wanted to offer something to this community to help debunk the narcissist power over you and to help people understand that the basis for the way a narcissist think is illogical.

And sometimes when we breathe some logic and reason into a situation,

The spell is broken.

Wait a minute,

The way the narcissist is thinking about me is illogical?

The way the narcissist treats me is nonsensical?

It's irrational?

Huh,

That's a clarifying thought.

Let me spend a little bit of time thinking about that.

That gives you some space and some distance because when you're involved with a narcissist,

Especially if you struggle with codependency,

We are talking about enmeshment where there are no boundaries,

Where whatever the narcissist thinks,

You're tuned up for it and you're afraid of what they think and you're not having your own thoughts anymore.

If a narcissist is really,

Really clever,

Then they've convinced you that you can't trust your thoughts.

You can only trust their thoughts.

You can only trust what they think about you.

They make you afraid of what other people are going to think about you.

They tell you that other people think you're crazy,

That no one's going to believe you.

And so this creates tremendous cognitive dissonance and fear.

Narcissists often isolate their victims and so you don't even have a support system with you that you can turn to.

Or they poison the pool of people that you know through triangulation.

They're smearing your name before the relationship even falls out in preparation for when the relationship falls out.

And so they've already set the stage that they're the victim of you.

You are crazy.

You're imbalanced.

You're over emotional.

You're never happy.

And so they set the stage for triangulation long before the relationship ends and you decide to leave them.

And so I wanted to offer this to you and I really hope that it helps you recognize how nonsensical a narcissist is and where you're paralyzed.

So the premise of narcissism is to suggest that one person finds themselves more worthy or valuable than another human being.

Narcissists have three distinct characteristics which are the most obvious in most cases,

Which is low empathy,

Entitlement,

And exploitation.

So to have low empathy is to believe that someone else's experience is less valid than your own.

This is a flawed and nonsensical premise considering no human is more worthy or valid than another in terms of the importance of their personal experiences.

So narcissists are empathy impaired.

So this is someone who believes that what they're going through and what they're feeling is more valid than what you're feeling.

And if you just step back for a moment,

It makes no sense.

I remember going through this myself and there was just a moment in time where I was gaining a little bit of clarity,

Recognizing first that I was codependent,

Therefore I was not healthy,

Therefore I was also toxic in my thinking and in my behaving.

And I realized one day after being berated about how I was someone who was over emotional and I was being taunted,

Like,

Oh,

Your feelings,

It's always about your feelings.

And I looked at him one day and my ex-partner,

And I looked at him and I said,

Well,

What you're saying about me is coming from a feeling place,

So why are your feelings about me more valid than my feelings about you?

And he was stumped and even I was stumped.

I didn't know where to go with that information,

But I had a moment of clarity where I was beginning to understand that the person that I loved,

That I hoped would understand me,

Kept telling me that what I was thinking,

What I was feeling was irrelevant,

But from the same vein wanted me to think what he thought was more valid and more relevant.

And if you just take a giant step back,

That is nonsensical.

Narcissists also will assume that if someone's life is difficult,

It's because they deserve it.

Well,

They have all that trouble because they're weak minded,

You see.

And or they'll say,

Oh,

Well,

They keep making mistakes and that's why their life is such a mess.

Again,

It's this air superiority that other people have trouble because they're weak.

Now stick with me.

So I wrote something out.

I'm going to be reading from the PDF that I created because I don't want to screw it up.

So narcissists with low empathy may be those who believe that if people are struggling or suffering,

It is because they are worthless or they've made so many mistakes in life that they deserve to suffer.

This type of thinking suggests that the narcissist is incapable of making a mistake and therefore should not suffer.

So imagine the person who believes themselves to be superior while at the same time believes they should not suffer.

And if they do suffer,

They suffer because they are so superior and others are so inferior.

It must be the fault of someone because they are suffering.

The narcissist who is suffering then is caused by the inferiority of another.

So if a narcissist assumes and has low empathy for someone who's struggling and their mindset is,

Well,

They're struggling because they're weak.

They're struggling because they're stupid.

They're struggling because they're incapable.

So they're suggesting their low empathy is being justified by suggesting that someone's suffering because they're just not as worthy as they are.

So see,

They're weak.

Therefore,

I don't have to have empathy for them.

They're weak.

They bring on their own problems.

And so take it a step further.

It's nonsensical because when a narcissist then begins to suffer,

That thinking process has to come in,

In that,

Well,

If I'm suffering,

I should not be suffering because I'm not the weak one.

If I'm suffering,

I'm suffering because of something that someone said.

It's someone else's fault that I'm suffering.

And so if you think about it,

It's irrational because the point of view or the rules that they're using to speak about or to rationalize or to justify or explain someone else's suffering,

They can't apply it to their own life.

So if Tom down the street is suffering with alcoholism and a narcissist has no sympathy or empathy for Tom,

And he says,

Well,

Tom is the cause of his own reality and Tom does this and Tom does that and he's a loser and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

So there's this air of superiority,

This lack of empathy for the fact that Tom may have been raised by two alcoholics,

That Tom may have been even sexually abused as a child and is struggling.

And Tom married a narcissistic female who is abusing him now too,

And he doesn't have the life skills to get his life together.

And so now he turned to alcohol and things are getting worse,

Which is a very common scenario by the way.

But a narcissist will judge Tom rather than have empathy for Tom and will think of himself as superior to Tom.

And so now Tom is suffering,

It's his own fault.

And I don't have to feel sorry for Tom because it's his own fault,

Lack of empathy.

And so now when a narcissist finds himself suffering because he got a traffic ticket or because his wife left him,

It's not because of something that he did,

It's because of something the wife did.

It's because the wife didn't see his genius or the wife expected too much of him,

But it will be the fault of someone else.

It's nonsensical if you really pull it apart and look at it.

The fact that a narcissist has low empathy makes no sense because when a narcissist is suffering,

The narcissist wants all the empathy in the world.

So the rules don't apply,

The same rules don't apply.

So I think it's important that we recognize that.

So narcissists have a value system that is nonsensical.

It may be a value system based on how many mistakes a person makes or how attractive or unattractive they are,

Or their value system may be tied to how much money someone has or how many friends they have.

Narcissists used a flawed value system to rate others as good or bad,

Inferior or superior.

The point is the narcissist's base operating system is nonsensical in that their personalities operate from the position that they themselves are superior to others and therefore all others are inferior.

It's just nonsensical because narcissists aren't any better than anyone else.

So what we're looking at is the narcissist value system.

Think about the narcissist who is driving the red Porsche.

There's nothing wrong with people who drive red Porsche,

It's good for you.

But if you in your little mind of yours think you're better than the person who's driving around in the Toyota,

Then there's something wrong with the way that you're operating.

That is a nonsensical operating system and it is a narcissistic system and you're placing your value in materialism,

Which is nonsensical because what you have doesn't make you better than me and what I have doesn't make you better than.

.

.

What I have doesn't make me any better than you,

Excuse me.

It's irrelevant.

What is true for us all is that we all have innate value,

We are good at some things and we aren't good at other things.

And the problem comes in when we ourselves are so self-punishing and so un-compassionate or have such little compassion for the self that we're struggling with these insecurities and then these insecurities get exploited by people who are more narcissistic.

So another nonsensical personality trait is the sense of entitlement that narcissists have.

This sense of entitlement is rooted in the idea that someone has rights other people do not have.

Someone who behaves in an entitled way may be the person or the coworker at work who steals your lunch or the person who feels entitled to exploit the cashier at the grocery store for dropping a quarter on the floor or someone who feels entitled to run a red light and thinks everybody else should follow the green light.

A narcissist is someone who cuts the line,

Who makes excuses for what they're doing.

A narcissistic trait is someone who goes and buys clothing and then brings in a receipt,

Goes to the rack and picks up the same item,

Goes to the cashier and suggests that they actually are returning this item.

They're actually screwing over the department store.

But think about this narcissist owning their own store and a customer coming in and doing the same thing.

The narcissist would be enraged.

This is hypocrisy.

So rules don't apply to people who have high narcissistic traits,

Although they think that rules should apply to you.

So they should be allowed to cut the line,

But you're not allowed to cut in front of them.

That is nonsensical.

And I think it's important we just take a moment to think about how illogical narcissism is.

It is illogical to think that a narcissist should feel entitled to cut me on the line because of whatever reason they have in their head and they can choose any reason and justify any reason.

Their age,

They just had surgery.

It could be a lie or they're in a rush.

Well,

I'm not in a rush.

Your time is more valuable than my time.

So their base operating system is flawed and it's nonsensical.

So entitlement shows up when someone believes rules don't apply to them,

But they should apply to others.

Narcissists have no problem saying no to you,

But they expect you to say yes to them regardless of their request.

Narcissists have no problem embarrassing you or accusing you of something that you're not guilty of,

But they will go bonkers when you do the same to them.

Think of people who take advantage of clothing stores,

Who deliberately cheat the department stores,

But who would have an extreme reaction if the same was done to them in their business.

Entitlement is nonsensical in that narcissists don't think that rules apply to them,

But they should apply to others.

And so when you're dealing with a narcissist,

If you just take a giant step back and just look at the thought process,

Come out of it,

Go macro instead of micro,

Rather than react and get all flustered by being accused of doing something you didn't do,

Just take a moment and see if in what the narcissist is explaining,

See if it doesn't make sense.

It's nonsensical.

So the narcissist accuses you of coming home late on purpose and there was traffic.

And you turn around and in your mind,

You're thinking,

Wait a minute,

That this person just came home 20 minutes late yesterday and I had no reaction whatsoever.

This is nonsensical.

The fact that he or she is accusing me of something that isn't true,

It's nonsensical.

You're actually making up this whole story in your head.

It's nonsensical.

Why is that important?

Because if you can see it as nonsensical,

Then your logical brain doesn't even want to be bothered with that conversation.

It is freeing when you realize that you're talking to someone that's not making sense.

That's where cognitive dissonance comes from.

That's where mental confusion comes from.

That's where we get arrested emotionally.

We get so flustered by someone's raging and someone's accusations and someone projecting their sneaky behavior onto us.

Narcissists will accuse you of trying to hurt them.

They tend to be very paranoid.

They tend to be big conspiracy theorists,

Like you're out to get them kind of thing.

And you're not.

And you could,

If you're not careful,

End up being that chameleon and that person who's emotionally trying to twist themselves into a pretzel to convince this person that you have their best interest at heart.

And I say,

Don't play that game.

The healthiest relationships are built on trust and you're never going to be able to love a narcissist enough to get them to trust you.

You're just not.

And you will be chasing your tail the rest of your life.

Someone who is jealous,

Narcissists also tend to be jealous.

Someone who is jealous is insecure.

You're never going to be able to fill that hole inside a narcissist's heart.

And so be careful about trying to convince a narcissist that you aren't what they are saying you are,

Because it's nonsensical.

A narcissist will use entitlement to justify their accusations of you.

They're not entitled to accuse you of things that you're not guilty of.

So pay attention to this type of mindset the next time you're in a conversation that makes you feel a little bit wobbly.

Exploitation.

When we think about narcissists,

Exploitation comes to mind.

Narcissists use emotional weapons to gain control over others.

So they're very good in the emotional realm.

Emotional exploitation can be so covert,

You may not even be aware it's happening.

So some examples of emotional exploitation include raising their voice to exert dominance,

Speaking quickly and using threatening body language to throw you off,

Character assassinating others rather than sticking to the subject.

So rather than talking about what's happening in the moment,

We're labeling you as sneaky.

Well,

They're labeling you as sneaky.

They're labeling you as manipulative.

They're saying that you did this on purpose.

So there's character assassination.

You might be called a slut.

You might be called a liar.

You might be called selfish.

So there's this character assassination that's happening,

Which is exploitation.

Being dumb or stupid or acting as if they have no clue what you're talking about.

What?

I didn't do that.

Oh,

You said that?

Oh,

That's what you meant?

Oh,

I had no clue.

Very passive aggressive.

Forcing you to make choices between two options they offer.

This is called a forced choice and this blew my mind.

So Lisa,

You want to have dinner at this restaurant on Friday or Saturday.

Where's the choice in that for me?

You decided when we were going out and you decided what we're going to have for dinner.

So Lisa,

Do you want to give me $2,

500 or do you want to give me $5,

000?

Do you want to give it to me in small bills or big bills?

I don't want to give you $2,

500 or $5,

000 to bail you out of jail.

But now if I'm not really careful,

I won't realize that this person who is highly narcissistic has now just given me two choices to choose from and they're their choices.

Where is my choice in it?

I didn't bring this up.

I didn't want this to happen.

I didn't volunteer my time.

I didn't say this is what I signed up for,

But you're telling me that I have two choices to make and you made those choices for me.

So be careful when someone offers you a forced choice,

Physical violence,

Financial abuse,

Using your children against you,

Claiming that you're not going to be able to see them,

Saying that they're going to take them out of the country,

Telling your children or threatening you that they are going to tell their children about who you really are.

You're threatening to expose intimate pictures of you,

Private pictures that you've exchanged,

Lying about you,

Triangulation.

These are just a few of the ways a narcissist can exploit others in relationships.

However,

The key point is to consider how nonsensical this type of standpoint is.

For a narcissist to emotionally abuse you,

They must believe that they are better than you,

And this is a nonsensical point of opinion considering you cannot place value or worthiness on a human being.

So how can thinking about ideas like this help you shift how you see yourself and how you deal with someone with high narcissistic traits?

The problem many of us have is when we are not very good at something,

We can assume that we are unworthy and forget that we are worthy at our core and that not being good at something does not mean we are unworthy human beings.

If we are dealing with a narcissist who believes themselves superior and we struggle with feeling inferior,

This becomes the perfect scenario for the narcissistic abuse cycle to unfold.

You may not be a strong verbal communicator,

But maybe you're better at writing about what you're feeling.

You may not be a very good dancer,

But maybe you are an awesome poet.

You may not be very good at growing plants and keeping them alive,

But maybe you make awesome French toast.

You may not be very good at math,

But maybe history and social sciences or psychology excites you more.

The key is each of us must stop thinking of ourselves as worthless just because we're not good at everything we do or because we are not good at some of the things that we do.

We must stop comparing ourselves to others and start seeing ourselves as multifaceted creatures capable of incredible things and might not be so good at other things.

We must stop finding value in ourselves through convincing others we are good enough to be loved.

See,

If you're codependent and or if you're struggling with low self-worth,

Then you might be caught in this trap.

You might think below the veil of consciousness that your goal is to get this narcissist to approve of you.

Now you're stuck because now the narcissist,

You're coming into the relationship behind the eight ball saying,

I am secondary to you,

Almost saying emotionally,

Spiritually,

Da,

Da,

Da.

I am God.

I'm going to figure out how and what you need me to be and I'm going to be it and then you are going to love me and then I'm going to feel enough.

This is a very,

Very toxic relationship,

Very,

Very destructive subconscious program to operate in and many of us are operating in that faulty system,

Which is what I call faulty childhood programming and my tagline is it's not you,

It's your programming.

Meaning if you are operating under that illusion,

You need an awakening,

Dear one.

You must awaken because you cannot fix a hole in the wall you cannot see and if you are in life thinking I am not good enough and I need someone else to improve of me,

Trust in what I tell you,

The world is full of narcissists that are more than happy to exploit that base feeling or that base program inside of you and to make you feel less than and to force you and morph you into a source of narcissistic supply for as long as you can take it.

And so we must stop finding value in ourselves through convincing others we are good enough to be loved.

You are worthy just as you are.

We must stop believing that if we were good enough,

We'd be popular.

That simply isn't true.

Whether you live alone or whether you have lots of other people around you,

You're worthy at your core and you have intrinsic value.

You will be really good at some things and not so good at other things.

So some people you will resonate with and others you won't.

Your job is to figure out what you are good at and to accept what you are not good at.

Your job is to accept yourself as you are,

Wherever you are and to believe you are worthy just because you exist.

In this vein,

You will then know when you are dealing with someone like a narcissist who believes and acts as if they are superior to you,

Which is just plain nonsensical.

So don't buy into it,

Dear one.

The goal really is for us to,

I think,

Number one,

Deal with whatever has to be healed within the self.

If you've come from a narcissistic home and even a codependent home where parents have been enmeshed,

Where there was lots of fighting,

Lots of arguing,

Lots of using children as pawns,

Or the home was cold and it was rigid.

So whether it was loud and abusive or cold and stoic,

There is this idea that children grow up feeling oppressed.

And when children grow up feeling oppressed,

They're repressed and they end up depressed and that's not their fault.

Children from these types of homes that feel unsafe,

That force children into hiding,

That force children to pick sides between mommy and daddy.

This is a home that instills a child with a sense of hypervigilance.

They don't feel safe in their own skin.

And then these patterns unfold in their adult relationships.

And so if Tommy has not been seen by mommy and daddy because their relationship is so toxic and dad has been abusive and mom has abused dad back and forth and vice versa,

Tommy hasn't grown up in a home that felt safe enough for him to be nurtured at his core.

So Tommy doesn't know he has intrinsic value.

When Tommy was supposed to be exploring the world and feeling safe and parents are supposed to be consistently mirroring a healthy sense of love back to Tommy,

Mommy and daddy were too absorbed in their own drama,

Immature.

Immature two little children fighting in front of the kids.

And so now Tommy doesn't have all this proper nurturing.

So his neural wiring is wired for protection and defensiveness and fear rather than openness and connection and trust.

That's not Tommy's fault.

But what will happen is when Tommy starts to fail inside relationships or when Tommy starts to attract narcissistic females and that feels familiar,

Tommy will think there's something wrong with him.

And the narcissistic female will mirror that back to him like,

Yes,

You're inferior to me.

And the narcissistic female will assume that she's superior to him.

And the cycle continues.

So number one,

We really have to connect the dots to our childhood.

We have to do the inner child work.

We have to heal from codependency.

We have to figure out what is keeping us stuck.

We have to stop living below the veil of consciousness and live more above the veil of consciousness.

And that takes effort.

It takes work.

Assuming that's all being done,

Now you become more objective because now you're not so enmeshed.

You're not living below the veil and through the experiences of the inner child.

Now you're growing up mentally and emotionally and getting a feel for what went wrong.

Now you can be more objective about how people treat you.

So rather than moving into please love me,

Rather than moving into a chameleon-like behavior,

Rather than appearing needy,

Rather than begging for approval,

Being an approval junkie,

If they will,

Rather than all of that,

You are actually more objective about relationships.

And in that space,

You're able to be more rational,

Logical about how someone is speaking to you.

And when you discover that someone is using a nonsensical operating system,

What I mean by that,

When you're listening to someone who is suggesting that what they think and what they feel is more valid than what you think and what you feel,

You know that you're in a toxic pool.

And from that space,

You're able to say,

I don't want this.

I need a more fair,

More balanced,

More rational,

More reciprocal relationship,

Not judging you,

But this doesn't float my boat.

And I'm sorry,

Good luck,

Goodbye,

Adios.

And you move on until you find and you resonate with people who make you feel good about yourself,

Where you feel heard,

Where you don't feel character assassinated,

Where you're not dealing with people who have low empathy and who exploit you and feel entitled to treat you in a way that goes against how you want to treat someone else.

So I really hope that this session has been helpful.

I hope it's been beneficial and I hope that you feel more lighthearted and more hopeful about moving about your day.

Just remember,

Dear one,

No matter where you are,

No matter how much money you have in the bank,

No matter how many mistakes you've made,

No matter how well or how poorly you were loved in the past,

You are enough.

Regardless of anything in the world that has happened,

Right?

Remember,

This is a cause and effect universe.

What happened to us when we were children affects how we feel about the self and that manifests in a 3D world.

That's not your fault.

That's just the way the world has been designed.

But the great thing about being a human being is you have the ability to awaken.

You can make the rest of your life the best of your life.

We all come here asleep and we're all unconscious the first part of our life.

And then we go,

Hopefully,

Through this,

We go through an awakening process where the self becomes actualized or realized like,

Oh,

I'm a self.

I matter.

I don't have to put up with this.

This is amazing.

And we get on that train of self-actualization and self-acceptance and self-love and we manifest healthier relationships.

And this is the path to true enlightenment to the point where we recognize that we're even one with the universe.

We never had anything to prove.

We've come to really find the self and find the road back to the self.

And sometimes narcissists afford us such contrast.

There's so much pain in our life.

I know that that's what happened to me.

The contrast of the relationship was so not me that the pain of that relationship forced me to awaken and say enough is enough.

From that point on,

My life got worse,

I think.

But then it was like it got better and better and better and better and better.

But I had to go through that period of this sucks.

This really sucks.

But I can tell you from experience that it was worth it.

And I encourage you,

If you are here,

To keep moving forward and to love yourself every step of the way.

So many of us have been there.

So many of us have wondered,

How am I going to do this?

Just keep moving forward.

Find the support you need.

Get a therapist in your area.

Find a support group online.

I love CODA.

I love AA.

I love ACA.

I love all of the 12-step groups that you can go to for free and get the support you need on the healing journey and on the road back to the self.

Namaste,

Everybody.

Until next time,

Bye for now.

�

Reviews

Thank you so much, Lisa! You’ve played an instrumental role in my healing journey, which I’ve only just begun. Grateful to have found you on Insight Timer 💜

excellent. Thank you!

WOW! Right on about my puppy! Thanks for this...really needed it.

Every talk of yours I learn and grow. Thank you 🙏

This talk is empowering and packed with so much information and helpful actions we can take. It clarified a lot for me. Thank you. 🙏💖

So much to think about. You describe my family more and more with each podcast. Thank you!

Thank you. Resonates. Insightful. Must helpful today

Thank you for a very informative message. Namaste 🙏

The observations presented are life affirming, thank you so much

Best session ever 🤩 your words really connected the dots and made me reflect ❤️ Thank you Lisa ✨