The Perpetual Seeker-When You Feel Like Something Is Missing

Are you someone who feels like there is something missing in your life? Do you do all you can to look outside of you for what it is you seek? Have you tried looking perfect? Have you tried to be good enough, kind enough, and agreeable enough to no avail? In this episode, Lisa will share with you the insights you need to embrace the painful yet empowering as you enter a spiritual awakening process.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

So today we are going to be addressing the concept of feeling like a perpetual seeker.

Feeling like a perpetual seeker comes to us,

The sense comes to us when we feel like something is missing in our life.

When you feel like something is missing,

Your sense of self is often tied to others' approval.

You seek to figure out what it is others expect from you.

Below the veil of consciousness,

You seek relief.

Relief from what?

Shame,

Guilt,

And the ache of abandonment.

In the 3D world,

You develop unrealistic expectations.

You feel lost within yourself,

Within this world.

In an attempt to right yourself,

You falsely believe the mark you must hit is outside of you.

Your rational mind processes your sense of feeling lost and then does what a logical system was designed to do.

It looks for answers and or clues to solve the problem.

The mind does not know the seeker is what sought.

The mind operates by way of emotions,

Receiving impulses from the emotional field.

Emotions are not always rational or logical,

But this is the key.

They are always where a seeker must begin their self-awakening journey,

No matter the agony of the emotion.

Agony,

Dear one,

This too shall pass.

As you seek,

Unaware that you're unaware,

You do what you can to reach others' expectations,

No matter how unrealistic.

You also hold yourself to impeccable standards,

And if you fail your expectations or you realize that you have failed someone else's expectations of you,

No matter how unrealistic,

No matter how unfair,

No matter how narcissistic,

You punish yourself with guilt and with shame.

The natural egoic response is to push away pain,

Is to push away the painful emotions.

It's to create a buffer between consciousness and these painful emotions.

So you may decide to be kinder,

More aware,

More vigilant when it comes to others' needs.

You've learned what this person needs,

Wants,

And expects from you.

You have suffered the burden of their disapproval,

And the logical mind will assume the answer is to be kinder,

To be more agreeable,

Maybe more codependent,

To abandon yourself,

And to please this other person.

You may become defensive and push others away as a survival response,

Thinking it's just too painful to try to attach in spite of the ache to attach.

You may neurotically seek to fix yourself and believe there's something wrong with you.

And again,

Based on these feelings,

The logical mind sets its course,

Looking outside of the self for answers for how to resolve this ache,

This feeling of feeling lost.

Emotional overwhelm is a consequence,

But you are stuck below the veil of consciousness,

Unaware you are unaware,

Unaware of this mental process that has been set off by feelings,

By emotions of feeling lost.

Every attempt to be yourself,

To speak your truth,

Feels blocked.

Your survival brain is locked.

It's locked in a program it believes will solve your problem.

It thinks the answer to feeling lost is outside of you,

So it keeps looking to the 3D world rather than inside of you.

What do you do?

You try to be perfect.

You try to figure out what people need.

You try to be useful.

You think that if you can be useful enough,

Others will approve of you.

You will be able to dock your ship.

You think that this other person is the answer to resolve your feelings of feeling lost.

You set goals,

Sometimes super high goals,

And you reach them.

And once you reach them,

You still feel unfulfilled,

Not starving yourself,

Not being beautiful enough,

Not being rich enough is enough to make you feel fulfilled.

In fact,

Once you attain these goals,

You feel worse.

You feel empty.

Not having needs is not enough.

Eventually,

Anxiety and depression are signs that you've exhausted all possible external fixes.

Your implosion is the precipice of your spiritual awakening.

In these moments,

With complete overwhelm,

Sometimes panic,

Your mind is learning that what it thought would help it not feel lost is to no avail.

You feel like your world is imploding.

You feel like the walls are closing in on you,

And in a sense,

They are.

But it's not a bad thing,

Although it is one of the most excruciating experiences to have to endure as a psychological,

Emotional,

Vibrational,

Chemical human being.

Your implosion is actually this precipice of the spiritual awakening process.

You are dropping ego defense mechanisms.

Nothing has worked.

In this space,

You are actually finding the self.

You're learning that there is no rescue boat coming.

There isn't enough people pleasing,

Validation seeking.

There isn't enough perfection.

There aren't enough goals to fill the feeling of feeling lost.

Logic and reason,

At this point,

Must give into the spiritual path.

This is a difficult process when one begins this journey.

You are basically asking ego to dissolve.

You're asking ego to give up.

You're asking ego to let go of all of the processes it has relied on to get you to whatever point in time you are at in this moment in time.

If you have been dealing with codependent relationships,

One-way relationships,

Thinking that all you have to do is say yes.

All you have to do is figure out what this man or what this woman needs and fulfill it.

If they need money,

You give them money.

If they need emotional intimacy,

You give them your body.

You give them your home.

You give them a place to stay.

And one day,

You realize that nothing that you could do for another human being was ever enough to help you not feel lost.

If you are at a difficult spot in your life,

I want you to think about what is really happening when the mind is exhausted and nothing that it has relied on,

No information,

No data,

No rationalizations from the ego have ever helped you feel enough satisfied and content.

It is time to ask yourself if what you have been seeking has been external because the only way to stop feeling lost is to look within.

It is not easy to accept that you are enough when you don't feel good enough,

When you have not experienced a healthy attachment to those that you love,

When you have invalidated the self and attracted people who have invalidated you,

When you have developed an inner critic that is so harsh and so punishing.

It is like asking your ego to say,

Just let go.

None of it worked.

You're asking the ego to let go of its raft,

Of its lifeboat.

It doesn't know where to go.

That is a feeling of great anxiety and great panic.

I've been there.

I have fallen backwards into a dark abyss,

A bottomless pit.

I remember these experiences very clearly.

It felt as if I had been pushed off or dropped into a deep valley,

Free-falling backwards.

As I reached to the external world for a twig or a branch or a rock to hold onto,

There was nothing.

In my opinion,

I believe that is akin to the wound of abandonment,

To that ache within our soul,

To this feeling of not feeling connected as a child.

Then what children do is they seek approval.

They tone themselves down.

They become really nice,

Really agreeable,

And on some level hope that in doing so,

This person,

This thing from the outside world will fill up this hole within them.

Then we grow up.

Relationships are difficult.

Careers are difficult.

Family life is difficult.

Our bodies are failing.

We're exhausted.

We self-medicate.

We drink too much.

We abandon the self.

We betray the self,

And we know it.

On some level,

We know it,

But we don't know how to stop.

I think part of that reason is because we don't understand.

We're supposed to embrace the pain.

We're not supposed to mask the pain.

We're supposed to learn to sit with these feelings,

To allow our bodies to experience these sensations without freaking out,

Without ego rising up and saying,

We can do this.

We can reject people.

We can lie.

We can pretend.

We'll just try to be prettier.

We'll try to be richer.

We'll try to be gentler.

We don't have to set boundaries.

We can be what other people want us to be.

Come on.

Let's try to be what other people want us to be.

I was at that place.

I was exhausted.

I tried to be the perfect daughter.

I tried to be the perfect wife.

I tried to be the perfect mother,

Only to realize that none of those things worked.

As I fell into that abyss,

I realized there was no rescue boat coming.

The moment that I accepted the abyss within me and I began to do my inner child work,

I began to look within.

I began to understand codependency.

I began to understand my inner ghost.

I began to understand that I needed me.

I needed to stop neurotic people pleasing,

Enabling and betraying the self.

I needed to find the courage to say no and to allow people to reject me and to stop seeking their validation.

It is my prayer that you learn to understand that you are enough and that as hippy dippy as it sounds,

The seeker is that which is sought.

Namaste.

Reviews

Very good

I have listened to a few of your talks and don’t think I have ever found anything that has so deeply resonated about this process. Your words are straightforward coupled with the honest navigation forward and through this beautiful metamorphosis. Thank you so very much.♥️♥️♥️

Another great one!

Wow, I love all your talks but this talk opened my mind to things I’ve been doing subconsciously and you brought these things into the light. Into my conscious awareness. Thanks 🙏 I will want to listen several more time as these are life changing ideas 🖤🤍🖤

Of all the sacred essential content you provide for survivors of narcissistic abuse to help us get our heads straight, this one feels different LR. I can hear it in your voice. When you talk about addictions to numb the pain of our failed attempts to fix our lives. The earnest exhausting search for answers outside of ourselves. Wondering if you would be willing to make several versions/approaches to this same topic for understanding’s sake. I’ve listened several times but some of this is really hard and personal, I think you know that too. namaste🤍☮️

Thank you! Very helpful 🌸🙏🏻

A great talk, one of the most important ones to understand the work to turn within. I’ve been there too. One breath and one step at a time a new life manifests itself as a response to the healing from the inside 🙏🦋

Tough to listen to, but necessary to hear

That was powerful. Thank you

Healing and enlightening