Spiritual Principles Help You End Narcissistic Relationship

Ending a relationship can be completely overwhelming. Trauma bonding all but guarantees we stay locked inside toxic relationship dynamics. Relying on SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES can help you transcend and ascend a mind-bending relationship with a narcissist. Life Coach Lisa A. Romano breaks it down in this episode.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

Today we're going to be talking about some spiritual principles that can help you ascend and transcend a narcissistic relationship.

So when we're talking about spiritual principles,

We're talking about ideas that really serve all of us,

Regardless of what religious practice we ascribe to,

Regardless of what faith we believe in,

What God we praise,

Or what have you,

Whatever higher power you pray to,

Whatever higher power you believe in,

Whatever your version of the higher power is.

When I say spiritual practices,

I'm talking about human practices.

I'm talking about practices that help you grow as a human being,

Help me grow as a human being,

Ideas that help me expand and grow rather than stay stuck as an ego in a 3D body,

In a pain body,

As Eckhart Till would say.

So I'm talking about ideas and principles that help the human mind ascend and transcend programming that help us all escape the 3D matrix.

Why?

So that we can step into the field of potential,

Which I believe exists between neurons in the brain.

So right there in the synapse,

In the space where it seems like nothing is happening,

That's where your true potential lies.

And I want to talk today about why so many of us are unable to reach our potential when we are in toxic relationships with people who are stuck in the 3D,

Who are unaware they are unaware,

And who refuse to awaken,

Who think that everybody else is wrong and they are always right.

That's a real problematic personality to deal with day in and day out.

So we're talking about one key spiritual idea I want you to understand is that you've come to expand and to grow.

And so what happens in one space happens in all space.

So if you think about an apple seed,

There's great tremendous potential inside that apple seed.

There's the potential for one apple seed to become an orchard of apples to feed thousands and thousands of people,

Right?

To produce various different types of products just for one apple seed.

But the apple seed needs to be planted into a field of potential.

And then it has to be given everything it needs to what?

To expand and to grow.

And that's what we've come to do.

We've come to expand and to grow and to reach our potential.

We are organic human beings,

Very similar to plants.

And what do plants do?

Plants naturally lean towards the sun.

And what do plants do?

Plants can actually generate their own food from the sun.

So we really can generate our own energy,

If you will.

And there are some people who believe that there are some super super human beings that can even generate their own food.

Pretty amazing,

But there are some people that actually believe that that's possible.

People that don't even have to eat.

Okay,

Whatever.

But for the rest of us who have to wake up and eat and drink water and take care of ourselves and how understanding these spiritual ideas or spiritual practices can actually help us transcend a narcissistic relationship.

So number one,

You've come to expand and to grow.

The universe that you and I have been born into that we call 3D reality,

We are bathing in a field of potential.

We are bathing in the matrix.

Science has proven to us that we only see about 4%,

4 to 6% of what's really happening in the field.

That means that 94% of what's happening around us,

Our human eye doesn't even pick up.

We're not aware of it.

So how below the veil are we all really?

How unaware are we of the potential?

How unaware are we of what we don't see?

Pretty incredible.

And so if you think of this,

Another spiritual idea or practice is that understanding energy,

That you at your core are energy.

So you've come to grow and you are energetic in nature.

That if we sliced you up into its tiniest particle,

You would be a band of light,

Which is pretty amazing.

And if you take anything in this universe,

The same thing would happen.

You would find a band of light at its core.

We all come from the same place.

So whoever and whatever created you created me.

Whoever and whatever is the cause of a volcanic explosion is the same source responsible for a sunset or a sunrise.

And so we all come from the same source,

If you will.

And understanding that at its core,

Some people will argue with that and they'll find it difficult to imagine that the same source that could create the light can create the dark or perhaps the intention was always love.

And as people separate from love and move further away from their true source,

They get darker and darker and darker.

And so they lose the light that is within them naturally.

And their soul's journey then would be to return back to the self or return back to the light.

We're dealing with people who are narcissistic,

Whether it's NPD or people with high narcissistic traits.

What we realize,

What we can realize is that these are people who are stuck in the 3D.

It's like they are stuck in the ectoplasm or the quagmire of their past experiences,

Their pain body,

And they are unconscious.

They're unconscious to what?

They're unconscious to the automatic default settings of the brain,

How people respond to trauma.

They're unaware that their childhood experiences have programmed to think a certain way,

To create certain thought patterns,

To create certain belief patterns.

They're unaware as to this idea that their personality is really their dead self or their ego self.

And their personality is the culmination of their past reality.

Their personality will reflect their memories and their experiences and their programs or the data that went in.

But that's not the end of the story because we are so much more than our personalities.

We are so much more than our trauma.

We are so much more than our experiences and our memories.

And if you are lucky,

Then that is something that resonates with you and you want to learn more about that.

You want to learn how you can escape this 3D paradigm that has me recreating my past.

How can I escape it?

The problem is that if you are involved with someone who is highly narcissistic,

You get involved with a trauma bond.

And the trauma bond is like glue.

It keeps you stuck and paralyzed in the 3D experience.

When you are in a trauma bonded situation with a narcissist,

You are given an experience these periods of intermittent calm,

Maybe intermittent euphoria,

Intermittent pleasure,

Intermittent validation where everything's pretty awesome.

But before long,

There you go.

You're being accused of something you're not guilty of.

You are being blamed for something you didn't do.

You experience betrayal.

You experience a smear campaign.

You begin to become aware of triangulation.

Now this intermittent pleasurable experience has now been overshadowed by this devastating experience that takes you into the wee hours of the morning trying to discuss,

Trying to help this person that you think is more narcissistic to understand how their actions or inactions affected you,

Hurt your family,

Hurt your relationship,

And even hurting themselves.

But they're not getting it.

Sometimes you'll have someone with high narcissistic traits pacify you.

Yeah,

Okay.

I hear you.

Okay.

I get it.

And you know what?

In a day or two,

You're back to the same thing.

You're stuck.

You're stuck in the ectoplasm of the 3D,

Recreating the past.

So it's Groundhog's Day.

When you're with a narcissist,

It's just Groundhog's Day.

And what ends up happening is you're losing your source energy.

You keep giving to a situation that is really like giving to a black hole.

It's a negative feedback loop.

Now the narcissist by nature is not self-reflective.

They're aware that they have a self,

But there is very little self-knowledge.

There's really very little desire to look within and to change.

Very little desire to look within and become vulnerable and to access that vulnerability and say,

Wow,

There might be something off with the way that I speak to people.

There might be something off with the way that I treat people.

This idea of getting along with other people for the sake of expansion.

No,

It doesn't exist.

Narcissists are out for themselves.

They might act like they're not,

But if you spend enough time with a narcissist,

You will inevitably decide and realize this narcissist isn't really thinking about anybody else,

But how they can use people to do what they want to do.

I'm just a means to an end.

They don't really care about me as a person.

They've exploited me.

They've talked poorly about me.

They're using me.

They're using me for money.

They're using me for a place to live.

They're using me because I know people,

People of influence.

They're putting me down when they're around other people to make themselves feel better.

They're cheating on me.

They're lying.

They're using my name to buy property,

Whatever it is,

Whatever your unique experience is.

But if you spend enough time around a narcissist,

What you will realize is that you and everyone they know,

Including their children,

Have been exploited to make their lives better.

And the minute you are of no use and no value to someone with high narcissistic traits,

That's when they reveal themselves.

That's when you are discarded.

That's when you are devalued.

That's when in their head you go from being important to absolutely insignificant,

And now you are a threat.

So they have to distance themselves from you mentally,

Emotionally,

And physically,

Psychologically.

They have to tell you that you're the wrong one.

They have to spat out all these ideas about how terrible you are,

And they have to tell everybody else the same thing.

If they can no longer control you,

They control or they try to control how other people see you.

So they are vindictive.

They don't let go.

And it's about really destroying you on the way out,

The best that they can,

Because that helps keep their full sense of self intact.

You were the bad one.

They were the good one,

Right?

Because they're not looking within.

Now this idea that we've come to expand,

We've come to grow,

This idea that we're all light at our core,

This idea that trauma keeps us away from our light.

If you're suffering from CPTSD,

You have triggers,

Right?

If you grew up feeling like you weren't good enough,

You have this idea in your head.

You have these beliefs,

I'm not good enough.

It's hard for you to accept love.

It's hard for you to give yourself love,

Right?

So think about this apple.

How does this apple seed become an orchard,

Right,

With many,

Many thousands and thousands of apples just from this one seed,

If it didn't accept love,

If it didn't think it was worthy of the sun and of water and of the nutrients in the soil?

What a lot of us do who come from trauma backgrounds is we recoil when it comes to offering ourselves love.

We give ourselves the opposite.

We tell ourselves that we're no good.

We repeat these patterns in our head.

We don't know.

It's all part of the 3D ectoplasm or the quagmire of the 3D reality.

The illusion that Eckhart Tolle talks about.

We don't know that.

So we stay stuck.

And what do we attract?

We attract people who mirror back this you're not good enough stuff and we stay stuck.

You throw in a trauma bond.

Now it's almost impossible to escape.

What helped me along my life's path is to recognize that spiritual practices and spiritual truths matter.

When I recognize that I'm not loving myself,

I am basically going against the tide of love and spiritual evolution.

To spiritually evolve,

I need to love myself.

To spiritually evolve,

I need to know that I'm worthy.

Right?

To spiritually evolve,

I need boundaries.

In order for me to become all of my potential to have the same potential to tap into the same potential as that apple seed,

I need to plant myself in good soil.

I need to water that soil.

I need to make sure that I am protective of that soil.

I get enough sunshine.

I do what I have to do to protect the potential within me so that I can grow and I can expand very much like any flower that you plant in any garden or any tree that's planted anywhere you've come to grow.

When we are dealing with someone who is narcissistic,

We have to understand that they are not planted in good soil.

They're not going to grow.

They're not going to seek the light.

They're not going to generate their own energy,

Which is why I always say that a narcissist is far more codependent or reliant upon someone in the field than a codependent is.

So a codependent by definition has a poor sense of self and then seeks other people in the 3D to take care of,

To rescue,

And to fix in order to garner a sense of self,

A positive sense of self.

And unfortunately,

Codependents end up in relationships with people who do not take responsibility for themselves lots of the times.

They end up feeling really invisible in the relationship and eventually codependents become very frustrated because they,

Below the veil of consciousness,

Thought that if I took care of someone,

If I put someone else's needs before my own,

I would garner a sense of self and certainly I would not feel alone and abandoned anymore,

But that's not what happens.

You end up feeling more alone when you decide unconsciously that you are the rescuer,

That you are the caretaker,

That you are the people pleaser,

You are the person that calms everybody down when they're upset,

And below the veil of consciousness,

You really think that that's your role.

As long as you stay below the veil of consciousness,

You're stuck in the quagmire of the 3D with other people who are stuck in the quagmire of the 3D.

So if you just think about a couple of spiritual principles,

This idea that you've come to expand and to grow,

That's a whole purpose.

This idea that there's a light within you and you've got to learn to let it shine.

This idea that you have potential seeded within you,

But you have to nurture that potential.

So it's not unlike a plant or a seed that has been planted in terrible soil.

That seed cannot grow and reach its full potential because of the environment that it's sitting in.

So think about a child that is born to circumstance A,

Where there are very little opportunities for this child to expand.

The potential is still seeded within that child,

But what happens?

So many of us who are born to unfortunate circumstances,

Who have all of this potential,

Believe that we are in this environment and everything that we're experiencing,

All the lack that we're experiencing,

It must be our fault.

And then below the veil of consciousness,

We end up taking these feelings and we develop belief systems and now we have memories and now our body has recorded the way it feels.

And we take this body that's been distorted by the past and we take it into the now and we experience it in the future.

And every day we fail to realize that very often times we don't step into our potential because we are trauma bonded with people who are living below the veil of consciousness,

Who are highly narcissistic,

Who are not interested in the spiritual journey.

And I mean it in an authentic way because there are plenty of people that say they are on the spiritual path that might confuse you,

Who say they're on the spiritual path to mirror where you are to gain your trust.

And that's so confusing.

And it's so sad when you are someone who trusted someone who said they were a spiritual teacher or a guru or someone who was just on the path to enlightenment,

Who was really interested in this work and you discover that they're more narcissistic.

You discover that they can be punishing.

You discover that they have this tremendous ego and that they're accusing you of saying things on purpose to hurt them and you're trying to one up them and you're not.

It's really all in their head.

It's how they perceive you.

And so it can be very confusing when this happens.

So we have to understand that when we're trying to escape from a narcissistic relationship,

Sometimes peeling ourselves back and observing this from a more spiritual outlook,

This idea that you've come to grow,

This idea that you've come to expand,

This idea that the past has created this body and these memories within you and below the veil of consciousness,

You take all of that into your now experience.

And if you were a codependent child who found who acquiesced,

Who acquiesced,

Excuse me,

Who subjugated his or her needs for the sake of a rageful mom or an alcoholic dad,

You are taking that into the now and you are not living out your true potential.

You have the right to leave that in the past,

To crack open that shell like a lobster does,

To crawl out of that lobster shell and to even eat that shell to help you become a better and greater version of yourself.

It helped me and I really hope it helps some of you.

When I think about people who are stuck inside narcissism,

To me,

They're stuck in the ectoplasm of the 3D.

They can't see themselves.

They don't want to see themselves.

They're fixated externally.

How can I control?

Who can I exploit?

Who can I blame?

Who can I manipulate?

It's a terrible,

Terrible,

Terrible way to live because there's no real growth in that type of a personality,

Which is why people who love narcissists end up in therapy because they're so drained.

They're so exhausted.

They think they're going crazy because the narcissist is so convinced that they're right in this 3D ectoplasm matrix and everybody else is just an extension of his or her reality and you live to serve them.

Like I said,

You throw in some codependency,

You throw in some trauma bonding,

You throw in some self-doubt,

And you've got a recipe for a matrix of disaster and you raise children in that dynamic and it goes on and it goes on and it goes on.

That's the holographic nature of the universe.

However,

We have all come to live above the veil of consciousness,

To escape the 3D paradigm and to really move into higher dimensions.

If we can accept what is and if we can,

Which is what I did,

Adopt some spiritual ideas.

Now it doesn't matter what faith you practice,

But if you understand that your spirit has come here to evolve,

But you need your intellect to do that,

You need consciousness to expand to do that.

You cannot do this work.

I'll say it the way Albert Einstein said it.

You can't solve a problem with the same level of intelligence that created the problem.

So you can't solve a problem from the same level of self-awareness that you had when you started the problem.

You can't solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that you had when you began this problem.

Many of us are childlike in the way that we relate to other people and we don't even know it.

I think because we're 56 years old and we have PhDs and we're neuroscientists and we're doctors and lawyers and homemakers and career people that this should not be happening to us.

But I can tell you from experience as professional in this business,

I have coached plenty of psychologists,

Psychiatrists,

Neuroscientists,

Actors,

Celebrities,

Lawyers,

You name it,

Who are struggling in this reality.

Because they're trying to solve a problem from the same level of intelligence that they had when the problem began.

So to spiritually evolve,

We have to finally put to rest this idea that we don't need to expand our consciousness.

Yes,

We do.

We don't need to work on our level of intellect.

Yes,

We do.

We don't need to work on our level of cognition.

Yeah,

You do.

You have to become highly cognitive.

You have to learn to be logical.

You need to learn to be reasonable.

Emotions are great,

But they should not be running your ship.

You have to learn to master your emotions.

You have to learn to respond to people,

Not just react to people.

All of that takes time.

And these are all spiritual ideas,

Learning to control the self,

Coming back to the self,

Grounding the self,

Meditating,

Detaching.

These are all spiritual ideas.

Learning to love yourself as you love others,

But you love others as you love yourself.

That means you have to come back to the self.

When you're in a relationship with a narcissist,

There's enmeshment.

Where is yourself?

The narcissist doesn't want you to have a self.

The narcissist wants to enmesh.

The narcissist wants to control you.

You're not allowed to have a self.

You're not allowed to have different ideas.

You're not allowed to push back.

You're not allowed to have a different perception.

You're not allowed to like that person.

It threatens them.

So there's enmeshment.

And this idea that you have come to detach and to separate from others for the sake of merging with the self is an idea that might help some of you who are struggling inside the matrix or the ectoplasm of narcissistic relationships.

Learn how to detach enough and use these ideas to help you stay tethered to the self as you develop the ability to set yourself free.

So understand that you've come to grow.

Understand narcissists are not going to grow.

Understand that you've come to expand.

Narcissists are not going to expand.

Understand that there's a field of potential within you.

Narcissists are not interested in the field of potential within them.

You have come to connect to the light that you are.

Narcissists are not interested in the light that is within.

I think because psychologically they're so far removed from their core that they have gone dark and they need the energy of other people,

Which is why they so often times draw in people who are agreeable,

Draw in people who tend to be caretakers,

Draw in people who are evolved spiritually because they cannot generate their own light,

Their own energy.

And so I hope these ideas,

These ideas that have helped me expand and grow and let go with love and light,

When I walk away,

I do it while I'm saying namaste because I don't want to judge anybody.

Somebody who is stuck in the field doesn't know that they're stuck in a field.

And somebody who is unaware doesn't know that they're unaware.

And so I believe that you can judge someone based on their level of awareness at any given moment.

And so if someone's highly unaware that they're unaware,

I want to be careful about judging them,

Right?

Because I'm the one,

I'm the blessed one for having the awakening.

I'm the blessed one for being able to detach.

I'm the blessed one from being able to know there's a 3D,

Know that this is an ectoplasm of Goock and Meyer,

Know that I can raise my consciousness,

Know that I can escape,

Know that I can control my own ego,

Know that I can control my emotions,

Know that I can police my own mind,

Know that I can catch a non-codependent thought versus a codependent thought,

Know that I can,

I know when I'm being loving and I'm not being loving,

I have the ability to self-correct,

Know that I have the ability to be self-analytical,

To look within.

These are all gifts,

These are blessings.

And so in that space,

I don't have to judge anybody.

I just have to keep growing and keep evolving and keep looking for the light within.

That's my job.

And so I hope that these ideas have helped you.

And the next time you find yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to be able to grow,

Ask yourself how long you want to stay in a relationship with someone or engaging with someone who would prefer that you not grow,

Who would prefer that you stunt your growth for the sake of their reality.

Someone who is stuck in the 3D needs people who are also stuck in the 3D.

That's the only way a narcissistic relationship can survive.

Reviews

I cannot thank you enough for the meditations and talks on codependency. I am almost 72 years old and finally realize what was going on in my life as a child-codependency. I have much work to do on myself but I am finally feeling hopeful. Namaste 🙏

Thank you so much ❤️‍🩹

Awesome - thanks

H

I am grateful to have found you, grateful that I am ready to listen to your wisdom. The way you explain relate narcissism codependency evolution and consciousness blows my mind!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼💗✨

I don’t mean to sound over the top but in this moment, this was perfect. It is exactly what I needed. I sought it out and it was revealed to me. Thank you so much.

So well put. Yes I must remember I am here to grow.

Very interesting!!! Thank you.

Walk away Namaste!!! Love it. ❤️

Thank you 💙

Enlightening, succinct, honest and so very true. Thank you Lisa for sharing the clarity!

Such an eye opener! Grateful for your words and insight ✌🏼💕