Joy Comes From The Same Inner Space As Pain

Have you ever wondered why some people are able to move beyond painful, traumatic circumstances and why others tend to get stuck? Have you ever wondered how some people can achieve joy, serenity, harmony, balance, and contentment despite painful past experiences, while others tend not to achieve such inner states? If so, you're not alone.

In this episode of Breakdown to Breakthrough by Life Coach Lisa A. Romano, you will be blown away by the insights shared. Learn about transforming pain into passion and joy with a profound shift in perspective. In this episode, Lisa shares personal stories regarding breakthrough moments in awareness that allowed her to recognize that from the same well of her deepest pain, sprung forth her greatest joys!

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false selves.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

I wanted to create a session for all those people out there that are awakening,

That perhaps are realizing they come from a home of childhood trauma.

And by childhood trauma,

I mean emotional neglect as well.

Remember that we can be abused through two streams.

We can be abused overtly,

Where something physical is happening,

Something even verbally is happening.

That's abuse by commission.

But what is little known about,

Although thank goodness for the internet and people are getting so much smarter and they're sharing this information and therapists are becoming more trauma-informed,

We have the ACE study.

It's wonderful what's happening in the emotional recovery realm.

We can also be abused by omission.

This is when a child is denied nurturing,

Consistent maternal warmth,

Appreciation,

Understanding,

And forgiving,

All of which are very necessary for a child to feel safe.

Without a child feeling safe,

Their brain does not develop well.

It develops for protection.

It becomes hypervigilant.

The world becomes an unsafe place.

When the world becomes an unsafe place,

The natural essence and energy of that child goes underground.

It's so incredible to me that what happens in one space happens in all space.

Right after my mom passed,

It was like I received this download.

And I know that sounds insane to some people,

But it's my truth.

Sitting at my desk and out of nowhere,

This thought plops into my head,

Lisa,

What happens in one space happens in all space.

And every time I think about it,

I realize that that is so true because the world is made up of nothing of energy.

We get caught up in our ego.

My name is Lisa.

I'm five foot six.

I have green eyes.

My hair is turning gray.

We get caught up in all the wrinkles and I'm a physical thing.

We get caught up in,

Oh,

I have to do the laundry today.

I have to answer emails today.

Have to go grocery shopping today.

I have to pay the bills today.

I have to do this.

I have to babysit my granddaughter today.

All these things that are so egocentric,

They're ego-based,

They're physical.

So easy to forget that what I truly am is in essence,

I'm a being,

Human being.

So I'm part physical,

But I am primarily energy.

Every atom in my being is 99.

9% space.

Why is that important?

Because your emotions are no different than a volcano.

Imagine the energy and the rumbling of a volcano.

There's a mounting period where something's happening below ground,

Pressure's building,

Pressure's building.

Nature doesn't come along and stick a cork in it.

Nah,

Volcano.

You're not feeling that today.

Nature says,

Whatever you feel,

You feel.

You need to feel,

Go feel.

Imagine the energy of the volcano as your feelings.

Now there's a caveat to this.

There's nothing wrong with any feeling,

But there are consequences to acting on those feelings.

So if you're angry and frustrated,

You don't take it out on your kids.

You do not take it out on your kids.

You do not take it out on your spouse.

There are some spouses that put up with it.

My husband happens to be one that will not.

I happen to be a spouse that will not.

I know too much,

And I am ashamed to admit it,

But it's true.

Transparency is the only thing that heals us.

I know that as a young,

Immature,

Stuck,

Below-the-veil mom who suffered with codependency,

People-pleasing,

And low self-worth.

In fact,

I didn't have a self who thought,

I'm going to do everything for my kids,

Make them happy,

Give them everything I didn't have.

And certainly,

All they're going to do is reflect back this idea that I'm a good mom.

That's irrational.

It's wrong.

And I remember being in my mid-20s,

Late 20s,

And being really frustrated by the demands of motherhood.

And certainly,

There were days I was tired and frustrated and confused and overwhelmed and yelled at my kids when I should not have.

That will never happen again,

Because the pain of that allows me to keep my own emotions in check.

In nature,

Emotions flow.

In nature,

Energy flows.

What happens in human beings is because at the psychological level,

We are taught not to feel,

Not to think,

And not to express.

We are so afraid of what everyone else thinks.

It brings me back to why I'm so excited about this session.

I'm so excited about this session because I woke up today wanting to appreciate life.

I have these beautiful plants in my front room,

And every morning between 3 and 4,

I wake up and I just sit with these beautiful plants.

And when I think about the essence that makes these beautiful lilies blossom,

Sometimes I am overwhelmed.

There's nothing that I have to do.

The soil,

Just a little bit of soil in this pot,

A little bit of sun,

A little bit of water,

What?

That beauty is in the seed of that plant.

As long as I keep this soil healthy,

These plants blossom.

We are the same.

If you are struggling right now,

You probably grew up in the wrong soil,

Or you're not tending to the soil of your mind.

The good news is you can change that.

You can fix that.

I want to inspire you today.

After I was having this incredible moment of appreciation,

And I kissed my own hands,

As silly as that sounds,

But you know why I did that?

I kissed my hands because these hands allowed me to raise my babies.

They allowed me to change their diapers.

They allowed me to rock them to sleep.

They allowed me to dry their tears.

They allowed me to hug them,

To carry their book bags when they were little.

These hands cooked their meals.

These hands took care of me.

These hands took care of them.

They allowed me to tend to the people that I love.

They allowed me to write the books that I write.

They allowed me to write the emails that I write.

They allowed me to do so much of who and what I am,

And I've never appreciated my hands.

As I look at them,

I think,

Oh,

They're getting all crinkly and creepy,

Just like my mom's hands as I get older,

Right?

I'm about to be 60.

And today,

In the moment of appreciation,

Everything changed.

I didn't see wrinkly old hands.

I saw gifts.

I saw warmth.

I saw love,

And I felt nothing but appreciation.

That brought me,

That energy brought me to journaling.

So I go up into my office,

And I think rather than meditate,

I think I'm going to journal.

So I journal,

And what comes through me is more appreciation,

Another golden nugget that I never really saw before.

And I was writing about what it felt like to be around people,

Like-minded people,

A community of people that are on the same wavelength,

That are 100% accountable for what they think and how they feel,

And have such a burning,

Aching desire to get it right before they croak,

Who want to make a difference in their lives,

Who want to overcome the trauma they did not create.

It's like being in the presence of nobility.

It's hard to explain.

Anybody could have walked past my path,

Anyone that I used to idolize,

Like Miss Oprah Winfrey,

Anybody.

And I would not have had the same sense of reverence and appreciation and respect.

No way.

These people that do this work every day,

Moms and dads who really want to know how they can change,

How they can break the generational trauma cycle.

Just amazing.

And as I kept journaling,

What came out was,

Wow,

From the same well that as a child was suppressed within me.

I grew up during the Little House on the Prairie days,

And I was called Negative Nelly,

One of the main characters was Nelly,

A little blonde girl,

And she was kind of mean,

And she was kind of a bully.

And my parents,

Especially my mom,

Would call me Negative Nelly.

Then my brothers and sisters would call me Negative Nelly once in a while,

Right?

But they're picking up on my mom's energy.

But that stuck.

And then it taught me at the subconscious level to fear my emotions.

It must be bad to express your emotions or unhappiness.

There's a lot to be unhappy about in a home that doesn't allow you to talk about your feelings,

A home that is wrought with narcissism and codependency and passive aggressiveness,

A home that is wrought with emotional suppression,

Where only the big people are allowed to have big feelings.

You're not allowed.

You're all limbic.

You're all emotional.

You are completely egocentric as a child,

But you're not allowed to be who you are.

Go back to the volcano analogy.

Keep doing that to a child.

Keep plugging them up.

Where is that energy going?

If you kept plugging up a volcano,

Where would it go?

It would explode underground.

It would distort you from the inside out.

It's a good thing that nature allows for this expression of energy.

We're not talking about the destruction that happens on land and what happens to poor people who are caught up in a volcano.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about nature's way of allowing energy to flow,

Energy that gets collected.

Imagine if someone was able to come along and say,

No,

No rain today,

No thunderstorms today.

That's what we do to children,

And that's what we do to ourselves.

So I kept journaling,

And I said to myself,

Wow,

I love being around these people.

The same well that I pull everything that I share in podcast videos and coaching programs,

Coaching sessions,

Everything that I share comes from this well that my mother,

My father,

And especially my ex tried to suppress.

The same well from which I was trying to be authentic.

I was trying to say,

I think this is what's going on,

Or I feel this,

Or maybe we can talk about that.

That same well of authenticity,

The desire to be seen,

The desire to express.

When you're expressing a negative emotion,

You're expressing longitude,

Latitude.

That's where you are right here,

Right now,

But like a ship in an ocean,

You're not going to be there forever,

But it feels like you will be.

That's Amy the amygdala and Harry the hippocampus,

But you have a prefrontal lobe.

You have a neocortex,

And those are the areas of your brain where you can imagine a new outcome,

And the hardest part of this journey for me has been stepping away and letting go of those who wanted to put a cork in it.

The hardest part was choosing the self.

The hardest part was facing all those fears like,

Oh damn,

I really am by myself.

Oh damn,

I can't rely on my ex for financial support.

Oh damn,

One job isn't enough.

I need two.

Oh wow,

I might need three for a little while,

And making no excuses,

And looking around and saying,

This is either going to work or it's not going to work.

I'm very grateful that I had a couple of friends in my life that would have never let me fall,

And I know that.

I know that there are a lot of people that aren't as lucky,

I would say,

And don't have those people in their life,

And all I can say to those people is,

You still can't give up.

You still can't give up.

You always have to look for the exit door.

Beyond our conditioned beliefs about self,

We're not good enough,

We can't do it,

We need this person.

Everything that you need is truly within you,

But you can't grasp it within your conditioned reactive reflexive responses.

Human potential is infinite,

But you have to grasp that concept,

And every day,

Every day,

A little bit more every day,

You have to ebb in that direction.

You can start by simply telling your truth,

Even if it's to a voice recorder,

Or a journal,

Or a trusted friend,

Or a Facebook group,

Although I would be careful,

I would be careful when you put things out on the internet,

But simply telling your truth,

Not expecting anybody to fix it,

Not even expecting to do something about how you feel,

But getting in the habit of,

Wow,

This is really how I feel,

This is really how I feel,

Because that is the same well of authenticity that will allow you to build a life in the future of total authenticity.

Where I am coming from to you right now is the same well of pain that my family tried to suppress,

And they did,

My mom and dad have passed on,

But it's true.

The highest version of my father will tell you,

Yes,

I wanted soldiers for children,

Not individual autonomous beings that had emotions.

I didn't know how to handle them,

So I shut them down.

It was selfish,

But I didn't know any better.

My mom,

I believe,

If her highest self could come back,

She would say,

I get it now,

I get it now.

I focused on things that were unimportant,

I focused on things I could control,

Bleaching the walls,

Feeding my husband,

Smiling on cue.

I really didn't see my kids.

I really didn't even know how to feel what my kids felt.

I was annoyed by their feelings.

I was annoyed.

The one person that mattered to me most in the world was my husband.

I neglected my children.

Even though they were fed,

They were clean,

The house was in order,

I neglected my children.

I really believed my parents,

Their highest self would come back and say,

Yeah,

That's what's going on.

And from that place of feeling so wrought with shame and self-disgust,

That place of complete authenticity,

I really feel this bad,

Is the same well from which I draw from and I say,

I feel amazing.

Not because I have money,

Not because I look a certain way,

Not because of anything exterior.

It's irrelevant.

I feel the way I feel because for the,

Not for the first time,

For many years now,

I have been living my life authentically without fear of abandonment and rejection.

I feel like I've done enough mental work,

Emotional work,

Where I operate from an organized foundational mind.

The shadows have been eradicated.

I'm anchored to myself.

People are free to come,

They're free to go.

They are free to disagree.

They are free to agree.

They are free to hang out with me or not hang out with me.

All of it.

I finally know what it feels like to be a human being,

Unattached to what's happening outside of me.

And the only way that could have happened was by coming out of denial first,

Going through the fire of burning off all of those faulty childhood negative subconscious programs,

Learning bit by bit how to be objective about my thinking and choose a higher thought,

Learning new systems and processes by which to manage my emotions.

I became autonomous.

I individuated.

I was able to leave my tribe.

That was a lonely,

Lonely time,

Especially with three little kids and being stalked.

That was a lonely,

Scary time,

But I did it.

I knew that to get to the other side,

I had to rely on myself.

And that's why I'm so grateful for the roadmaps that I've created,

Because they work.

For the one who is committed to coming up and out of the illusion that we are not enough,

There are systems and processes that work.

I am proof,

And the thousands of people who trust me with their journey are proof.

It's not easy.

It's not a silver bullet.

Reprogramming your subconscious mind takes time.

It takes repetition.

It takes devotion.

It takes commitment.

But I am proof that if you stay on this path,

Your life must change when you change how you see and perceive yourself and how you operate each and every day.

I so hope that you start your day in prayer,

In meditation,

In aligning your energy and your thoughts and your intentions with the life that you desire,

Dear one.

That is the most effective form that you can take on of spending your time.

It will absolutely change your life.

And I just want to say thank you so much.

Thank you so,

So,

So,

So much for sharing your time with me today,

Because time is all we have.

Time is ticking away,

But time is life.

Life is ticking away.

So thank you for sharing part of your life with me today.

Namaste.

Until next time.

Reviews

thanks Lisa 🦄🌞🌈🌹🤍🐞🦄🌞🌈🌹🤍🐞🦄🌞

🩵🌟💫✨🩵

I thoroughly enjoyed this talk, hearing some of your past experiences, and your take on this subject matter. I appreciate you.

The best.

Thank you.

I’m feeling the love ❤️ from you today.
Namaste 🙏