How To Deal With Negative Emotions

In this episode, Life Coach Lisa A. Romano offers insights on how to deal with negative emotions. Learning to deal with negative emotions in a positive way, can help you push your spiritual, and emotional growth forward. Learn to speak your mind, especially when a toxic person pushes your boundaries.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

So today,

Let's talk about how to deal with negative emotions.

Let's face it,

We all have negative emotions and quite frankly,

The more aware you become on your life's path,

The less resistant you will become to negative emotion.

And there are a number of reasons why.

Negative emotions,

In my opinion now,

I feel are simply indicators.

They're telling me when I am moving in the wrong direction,

Or they're telling me that my thoughts are off,

My thoughts are not in alignment with what my inner being wants to experience.

For instance,

I go to an ice cream store and I ask for a chocolate shake and I get a shake that's full of lemon and lime mixed with milk and I suck on the straw and I experience what?

A sour taste,

A bitter taste,

It's awful.

And then what do I feel?

In the emotional body,

I feel negative emotion.

The negative emotion is simply telling me that this is not the shake I wanted.

I'm not happy with this shake.

Now,

How do I know,

Psychologically,

How do I know that this is not the shake I want?

By the way that I feel,

The negative emotions that I'm experiencing are a gift.

They're telling me,

No,

Wait,

No,

Lisa,

This is not what you want.

You wanted the delicious,

Frothy chocolate shake and instead you've got this concoction of lemon and lime and milk in a shake.

What is that?

Now,

What do I do in the 3D world?

I express myself.

So I set a boundary,

I walk back into the ice cream store and I say,

Dear one,

I ordered a chocolate shake and I got some concoction that tastes like crapola and I would like a new one please.

So I've set a boundary,

I've honored myself and then what happens?

I get what I want.

And see,

That's what negative emotions are all about but so many of us have a negative emotion and it's a lot more serious than that.

So that's just a silly example of how I look at negative emotions but let's take something a little bit more serious.

What if you are having a conversation with a best friend who you think has gone over the line?

This is someone who has just embarrassed you in front of your friends.

How do you feel?

You feel negative emotion.

Well,

If you were to take some time and to analyze these emotions and if I were to ask you to really pinpoint how you feel,

Don't just say negative emotion,

Give me more.

Are you angry?

Are you sad?

Do you feel betrayed?

Are you distrusting of this person?

Are you disappointed?

Do you live in fear now?

Are you afraid of what she's going to do next time?

So you would get really really clear about these emotions but at the end of the day they're negative emotion.

Now what if you viewed these negative emotions similarly to the way that I viewed the negative emotion in the example of the ice cream shop?

What if you felt what you felt and you accepted what you felt and you honored yourself and you set a boundary?

What if you then said,

Hey miss dear friend of mine,

When you said x y and z it was very upsetting and I prefer that you don't embarrass me in front of our friends.

Hopefully if this is a good friend she'll hear you,

She'll receive you,

Sort of like the girl that was at the ice cream shop.

She heard me but let's face it the young girl at the ice cream shop is hired to hear me,

She's hired to make her customers happy.

When we are in friendships the other person doesn't necessarily have to behave that way.

The other person depending on their level of consciousness and depending on how wounded their egos have been throughout their life can become very defensive but the same process works.

So if I say to my dear friend Susan,

Susan when you said this you embarrassed me and this is how I felt.

And we've been friends for a long time and because I love you I'm telling you that this is my boundary,

This is how I felt.

I would sit and I would wait just like I wanted the young girl to wait,

Well like I waited for the young girl to give me her response,

I would wait to see what my friend Susan would say.

Now hopefully Susan would say I hear you and I'm sorry and I didn't mean to make you feel that way and it will never happen again and I can offer her a level of forgiveness maybe not forget because now my eyes on you Susan I'm going to be watching you but I can let it go for now and then we go on with our relationship.

If it happens again I might not be so forgiving,

I might not even give Susan a second chance,

I might just say to myself wow this is now a pattern because I told her how I felt,

She did it again so maybe I need to go gray rock,

Maybe I need to shutty shutty,

Maybe I need to stop spending so much time with her and let her go out of love and light and if Susan ever asks me why then I'll tell her.

But for now this seems like a pattern,

I think it's time for me to ebb in the direction of what feels right and away from the porcupine.

This is literally the way I think in my head.

Now what if you say to Susan this is how I feel and Susan explodes.

Same process you want to hold on to yourself,

You want to pay very very close attention to how you feel and if you're experiencing more negative emotion it's contrast.

If we were talking about law of attraction language that's what we would say.

We would say this is offering you contrast and it's offering you contrast so that you can figure out what you don't want,

Why,

Simply so you can figure out what you do want.

So Susan's reaction could actually be seen as a gift because who wants a friend that bites your head off?

Who wants a narcissistic friend that makes fun of you all the time?

Who wants a narcissistic friend that one-ups you?

Who wants a narcissistic friend that can't see herself?

Who wants a narcissistic friend who makes fun of you to feel better about herself?

Nobody wants that type of friend.

But if you get lost in the quagmire of negative emotion you might not realize that how you feel is offering you vibrational contrast.

You might not know that on a spiritual level what you're being asked to do is to discern.

Each of us has the spirit of discernment and it's a gift and I believe it's a divine gift.

How do I know that someone is good for me except how I feel?

How do I know that I'm in a wrong relationship or a negative or toxic relationship except with about how I feel?

So how I feel about this toxic relationship is an indicator that I'm in the wrong relationship.

Now the more codependent you are sometimes the more of an empath you are the more forgiving you are.

You hang in there especially if someone says okay I get it I'm so sorry and you've made me aware of this issue and I'm going to try harder.

Codependence and empaths tend to be the types of people who hang in there.

Somebody gives us just a little bit little bit of an indication that they're willing to work with us and we're hook,

Line and sinker.

We're in and this is a problem because we're not paying attention to how what that person said and what that person did made us feel.

When you are experiencing negative emotion it's up to you to figure out why you feel that way.

It's up to you to honor how you feel and it's up to you to understand this idea of contrast.

You can truly benefit by these ideas if you understand that on a vibrational level or if we're talking about the law of attraction we are understanding that this is the law of vibration.

It doesn't feel good and yet you've come here to feel good.

You've come here to experience ease.

You've come here to experience contentment even if you're not experiencing joy right at least you can experience contentment which is a beautiful beautiful state of being is to be content and to be satisfied with life but you can't be content and you can't be satisfied if you're not honoring contrast.

My marriage my first marriage fell apart after 12 or 13 years because I was not paying attention to contrast.

I was throwing myself up against a wall.

I was trying to get this person to change.

I believed him every time he said I got it.

I understand yep I'm going to change this is it.

This means a lot to me.

I'm so glad that we had that we had this talk.

I believed him and you know what I wanted to believe him.

I didn't understand these ideas then and that's why my body began to fail.

That's why I got migraine headaches.

That's why I got upset stomach.

That's why I got asthma.

That's why I had hives all over my body.

That's why my hair was falling out.

That's why I blew out my thyroid because I wasn't paying attention to what these negative emotions were trying to tell me.

They were road signs.

They were indicators that I was in the wrong relationship.

That my thoughts were not really as healthy as they could be.

They were trying to tell me something and all I did was misread the signals.

So the next time that you're having negative emotions I really hope that you take a moment to stop and you think what is what is happening here?

What is the contrast about?

If I'm experiencing all this negative emotion with my narcissistic friend is this telling me what I do want?

Yes because when you have a narcissistic friend what happens within you again law of attraction language is this deep deep desire for something different and if you're not careful you'll miss that entirely.

You'll stay in that relationship with your friend.

You'll give her another pass and you won't understand that what you're feeling is really an opportunity for you to experience the opposite.

When I experience negative emotion these days I always ask myself what is this showing me?

It's showing me what I don't want and then you know what it does?

It helps me clarify what I did do want and did want.

You know manifesting my husband Anthony took a number of years to do.

However I relied on all of the negative experiences that I had in the past and I wrote about them in my journal and every time I remembered a negative thing well this person lied this person was drank excessively this person had a pretty violent past whatever it was this person was passive aggressive this person was very condescending I don't feel like I trust this person this person has no hygiene whatever it was that I personally disliked about these men I then said well what is the opposite of that well I would like a man who was financially responsible I would like a man whose word meant something I would like to feel respected I would like to feel like this man loves my children and he means it he's not full of baloney this is what I want so I use the negative emotions to my advantage to help me crystallize the type of relationship I did want it's so important that if you are experiencing negative emotions you understand that this is contrast and that you have a right to spiritually discern from what is happening in your experience you have a right to ask yourself does this person make me feel good or does this person tend to always bring me down and wouldn't it be nice if we can just discern and then be on our way in other words like wouldn't it be awesome if we could just feel what we felt feel what we felt and realize this person was prickly was a porcupine and I don't want to hang out with them wouldn't it be great if we gave ourselves permission to feel that way and move away from these types of prickly relationships I think that would be awesome I think most of us struggle because we're like oh my god what is this person going to say I'm gonna I'm not going out with her on Saturday night you know I've blown her off like three weekends in a row what is she thinking what is she feeling oh no what is she going to put on Instagram but wouldn't it be great if we could just move forward wouldn't it be great that we could just own our emotions to say this is what I think and this is how I feel and I don't owe anybody any explanation I'm not being unkind I'm not talking about this experience on Facebook I'm not causing a smear campaign I'm not trying to hurt this person I've literally just drank a milkshake I don't like and I don't want it anymore I really hope that this short session has been helpful I really hope that you know that you've come here to fly I really hope that you know that you've come to mold negative emotions you've come here to listen to them you've come here to overcome fear you've come you've have come here to overcome the challenge that happens in the human body when we are afraid in the moment you've come here to observe those emotions and then to make decisions that are in your best interest moving forward let people talk you can't control what other people say let people get annoyed if you set boundaries let them say whatever it is that they want to say just keep moving forward and I'm telling you the distance between you and them one day will be so far and so wide you won't even it won't even matter just keep flying dear one just keep flying namaste until next time bye for now

Reviews

Thanks

Absolutely excellent!

This was profound and gave me helpful insight in how I can use my negative emotions as contrast to understand what I want more of and less of.

As a codependent, I complicate this so much, but it’s pretty simple. Thank you for pointing out how important it is to detect how we feel negative emotions in relationship by not setting boundaries. We actually feel what is wrong and have a right to change this feeling by choosing to set limits, set boundaries. Thank you. My people pleasing robbed me of this.

So helpful. Trust how we feel. So simple yet we make it so complicated.
Thank you. ✌️💚

Great as usual!

Such great and important advice! For the last two years I have been setting boundaries a lot and it has definitely made me feel more free and happier!

Great talk! I am a believer in contrast. I’d love it if you could do more talks on contrast

Great talk and wisdom!