How Childhood Trauma Rewires Your Brain

Have you ever wondered how childhood emotional trauma shapes your brain and identity? In this episode, Lisa A. Romano explains how, through neuroscience and psychology, a false self is innocently created in response to pain, emotional neglect, and unsafe environments. When the developing brain is exposed to chronic stress, the personality self forms around survival coding - not authenticity.

Growing up in homes marked by emotional neglect, narcissistic dynamics, or trauma causes the brain to adapt in extraordinary ways. Neural networks become wired to avoid pain at all costs. Over time, this survival brain wiring creates a false identity, built to please, perform, and protect - not to live freely.

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Namaste,

Dear ones.

So today,

I want to talk about something that's super,

Super dear and near to my heart,

And that is breaking through the veil.

And I wanted to create a session around helping people understand why so many of us feel stuck and what the consequences of trauma are on a neurological as well as a psychological and spiritual level.

Neurologically,

What happens to us when we experience trauma is if life isn't hard enough,

Being born unconscious and believing that we are our identity,

What happens with our neurology is that we are wired to protect the self or protect the body,

Protect the being.

So for instance,

If I associate great pain with being authentic,

Then my brain wires for safety in that it will associate great pain with being in touch with my emotions.

And if you can't be in touch with your emotions,

You can't get in touch with your authentic self.

And if you can't trust your divine guidance system,

Then you can't break through the illusion of self because we are not who we have been conditioned to think we are.

We are not our name.

We are not our gender.

We are not the color of our skin.

We are not the money in the bank account or the lack of.

We are not whether or not we're homeless or whether or not we actually have a job and an apartment or a home to go home to.

We are not our memories.

That's just data.

We are not our relationship history.

Again,

That's just data.

It's all an illusion.

We're all operating from the illusion of self.

And so if you can't get to your authentic feelings,

Then you're not going to be able to break through the illusion of self.

And yes,

Until you have really gone that deep and you have faced the shadow of self,

The identity that you think you are,

And you come face to face with that beingness or that identity that is actually not you,

Then you actually fall short of a true transformation.

And we don't talk about that enough in spiritual communities or metaphysical communities or even in mental health communities.

We don't talk about it enough.

I think part of it is that how many people have actually gone that deep into shattering the mirror of self,

The false self,

Shattering the mirror.

How many therapists,

Psychiatrists,

And psychologists have actually done this deep dive themselves?

And if you're lucky,

You have found one that really understands that healing takes us into the shadow,

Into the illusion of the false self.

And that's really hard work.

That is not for the faint of heart,

Because to do that,

You have to steady your awareness,

Which means that you have to have a steady,

Stabilized sense of the observer within you.

You have to have a stabilized sense of stillness and space that you're able to observe the false self and say,

That's not me.

That's not me.

You go into such an abyss when you say,

That's not me,

And that's not me,

Where you just go down a checklist like,

Nope,

Not my emotions,

Nope,

I'm not my feelings,

Nope,

I'm not my beliefs,

Nope,

I'm not the thoughts in my head,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

I'm not the name my mother gave me,

Nope,

I'm not my last name,

Nope,

Not my first name.

You end up facing this true reality that you are not any of these things that you have been taught to believe that you are.

That creates a conundrum,

Because the ego's like,

No,

No,

Say it ain't so,

Lisa,

I need an identity to cling to.

If you do this work and you understand the process,

When you get to that point,

You break through a veil.

What's interesting at that point is you have an opportunity to remember who and what you truly are.

But again,

In terms of neurology,

You are wired to stay stuck.

Your brain associates unsafety and being unsafe and a lot of pain with telling the truth or feeling your emotions.

That's why so many of us feel stuck.

So dear,

When you're not broken,

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

It's neurology.

And also understand that neurology mimics your psychology and vice versa.

So who you think you are is also neurologically mapped in the brain.

When you start to step out of your,

Let's say,

If you start to observe yourself as a being that has a brain that is neurologically wired,

Has a default mode network,

It's all designed for safety.

And you consider this idea that anything that my brain considers unfamiliar,

It considers unsafe.

So love can feel unfamiliar and therefore it feels unsafe.

So then we associate safety with isolation,

But yet we're tribal.

And to really thrive,

We have to move our nervous system into a state of feeling safe amongst a tribe.

And that can be done very slowly over time,

As long as the person who is on this journey understands the process.

And certainly having a map that lets you break through one veil and then another veil and another veil to get to the point where you're like,

Wow,

None of that was me.

Nope.

It was just your programming.

It's pretty fascinating and pretty amazing for those who endeavor on this journey.

But again,

It is not easy.

And I think a lot of people will struggle the most with their ego,

Because their ego is going to associate so much pain with letting go,

Because it associates so much pleasure in holding onto what it believes.

It needs.

I thought at one point that I needed to fawn after approval,

That everything was my fault,

That what felt safe was disowning myself,

Abandoning myself,

And worrying about everybody else but myself.

That actually made me feel safe,

But it also nearly took my life because I had so many ongoing health issues that were all inflammatory based,

Therefore cortisol based.

I was not in a state of thriving.

Your body cannot be in a state of survival and in a state of thriving at the same time.

It has to choose.

Your false self and your higher self,

Your higher self is not going to argue with your false self.

You have to choose.

Am I operating from the lower vibrational frequency of who I am,

The lower self,

The fear-based self,

Or am I going to choose to operate from higher self?

There are steps that you can do to do that,

And it would be impossible to explain them all in a short session,

A short 20-minute session,

But I wanted people to understand that if you're stuck,

That's not your fault.

Don't think that you're weak.

You are literally stuck neurologically because your brain is associating safety with something that is keeping you stuck,

And that's what it's designed to do.

That's why outside of consciousness or a higher state of conscious awareness or without activating metacognition,

There really is no way to truly break through completely and get to the other side where you can experience safety and abundance and really not give a rat's behind about who validates you and who likes you and who doesn't like you because you start to understand once you shatter that mirror of self,

And you know,

I was never that person who needed validation.

That was the story,

And once you shatter that,

You are no longer attached to what other people think about you.

The mirror has been shattered,

In other words,

So if they don't like you,

You realize,

Actually,

I'm enough,

And the person that I really am doesn't care whether or not people like me or not.

I'm so focused on my gifts and what I have been called to bring forth with my physical experience in this physical time-space reality,

And I give people permission to live out their paradigm,

And everybody perceives everybody else through a lens that has been distorted based on their experiences primarily from childhood that have just been reinforced neurologically through confirmation bias,

Through the reticular activating system,

And you get to a point where you're climbing up and out of the subconscious mind.

You get to the top of the mountain,

And you're like,

Wow,

All of that was for nothing.

I never had to worry about what people thought about me.

Nope,

Not really,

But when you're below the veil,

You do,

But you have to go through this series of breaking through a series of veils in order to experience a sense of understanding or enlightenment,

And I do think it takes radical self-inquiry where you are absolutely committed to checking in with everything that you believe,

And like,

Is that true?

As well as,

That's not who I am.

Just constantly,

I had a checklist,

Like nope,

Not my thoughts,

Nope,

Not my emotions,

Nope,

I'm not that reaction,

Nope,

I'm not that fear,

Nope,

That's not my fear,

Nope,

My mother programmed me for that fear,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

Nope,

Like constantly,

Constantly,

Constantly,

And eventually,

I was able to clear so much gunk neurologically,

And what happened was psychologically,

My identity began to shift,

So there was this first shift,

And that's not who I am,

So this identity of,

Lisa,

You are this pathetic person who quit college,

And you can't take care of yourself,

And you're so shame-based,

And you're not good enough,

And you're not lovable,

And you're broken,

And you should be ashamed of yourself,

And all of this stuff,

And I realized that wasn't who I was,

Like,

The way that my mother mothered me in such a withholding way,

And critical way,

Had corrupted my identity of self,

And so that was one of my,

The first breakthroughs for me,

Was like,

Wait,

It's not me,

It's my programming,

I'm enough,

Like,

It's what she did to me,

That's why I'm walking around with this cap in my head that says,

Dunce,

No good,

Like,

It's not even real,

But I didn't have a map for what was real,

I didn't have a map for what are the next steps,

And that's what I ended up,

I've been able to create over almost 30 years of recovery and healing and transformation work,

Which is just incredible,

And it just keeps getting better and better,

But you have to go through this series of breaking through different veils,

And certainly that's,

I would say,

The first one,

And that's probably one of the toughest,

I had profound nightmares during that time,

And I think it was,

I was on the precipice of breaking through and realizing that I wasn't this person that I had,

That I had given so much of my life to that I thought I was,

I was like an actor in a play,

And that was terrifying,

Because,

Well,

Who am I,

And then to get to a point where I'm like,

Well,

I'm an extension of everything,

And I'm enough,

And I'm as important as anybody else on this planet,

And I'm as worthy as anybody else,

We all come from the same place,

We all come in the same way,

Go out the same way,

So I really don't believe in a value system,

And then I found the quantum laws,

And I was just like,

Wow,

Like,

When I think better,

And my mind is more organized,

And I'm more accountable for how I show up,

My life tends to get better,

So now I understand,

Oh,

The humble inherit the kingdom of heaven,

So it's not humble towards other people,

Though you can learn to be,

But it's really humble towards this idea that you're not your full self,

This idea that you have to be so humble that you know that you need to check what your perceptions are,

You have to check in with your beliefs,

And you have to realize,

Like,

Your opinions aren't facts,

And feelings aren't facts,

And I was able to find solace in that,

And I wasn't reactive anymore,

And that was just absolutely amazing,

So you can see how activating higher consciousness,

Understanding your neurology,

Unlocking your neurology,

Unlocking your nervous system,

Learning to regulate the nervous system,

Downregulate the reactivity coming from the limbic center,

Bringing the prefrontal lobe online,

Activating the mid-center of your brain,

The part of your brain that flexes and expands when you do the hard stuff,

Things that you don't want to do,

You're actually reprogramming your mind.

I think that lots of us can do this work,

But I think many of us fall short of the true transformation,

Which is when you face that point,

When you look into the abyss,

And you say,

That's not who I am,

And you literally shatter your ego identification,

Like,

Any ego identification marker at all,

And I can tell you,

That's when I was emotionally set free.

That's when nothing my ex-husband said to me bothered me anymore.

That's when nothing that my mother could have said,

Nothing that any family member could have judged me about,

Nothing could touch me anymore,

Because I had faced that shadow.

I had looked into the void of what exists beyond ego identity,

And I was,

I lived to tell the tale,

And from that point on,

It has been full-on transformational work,

Working on decoding and recoding and ebbing in the direction of what feels abundant,

What feels better,

Just ebbing,

Ebbing,

Ebbing,

Taking total responsibility for what I consume as a person on YouTube,

Or a person on listening to a podcast,

Or a person watching Netflix,

Like,

Or on Facebook,

What am I consuming,

Realizing that even social media can be weaponized.

In other words,

If you're not careful about the algorithm in your mind,

And how you human beings are so easily programmed through repetition,

Which reels and alike are very dangerous to someone who doesn't understand the consequences of consuming that type of information,

Because you're being rapidly,

Rapidly,

Rapidly downloaded,

And nothing is passive.

It's going into your mind,

And below the veil of consciousness,

Your brain can't tell the difference between real or imagined,

And based on the data that you take in,

You'd start to develop a confirmation bias,

And the algorithm that you're paying attention to is just scanning you,

And paying attention to how much time you spend on a page,

Or what you like,

Or what you share,

Or what you,

What you respond to,

What you engage with,

And this big machine that is paying attention to your,

Your behavior online,

It is creating an algorithm,

And it's a predictive mechanism,

Just like your brain,

So it's predicting what you're going to want to watch next,

Not because anybody cares about you,

But because they figure out who you are,

And they send you information that they can use to their advantage to sell media,

So there's,

At the end of the day,

There's money involved with getting you to engage with content that they can throw ads on,

And if you're not aware of that,

Then you can become programmed pretty quickly,

And those of us who are,

Don't have a strong support system,

We are more susceptible to being programmed online than someone who does not have a strong support system,

And this idea,

This,

This identity that we have,

That we are naturally,

We were born with this need to protect,

And to save the self,

That can be exploited by people that don't have the best,

Our best interest at heart,

And have their own agenda,

And I think it's really important to understand how the brain works,

How easily it is that we get programmed as children who are susceptible and vulnerable,

Who feel so alone as children,

And we're in toxic families,

And then we go out into the world,

And we're susceptible to the predators of the world,

And that's just statistically proven,

That when you grow up with trauma,

You are much,

Much more likely to experience trauma in your adult life,

And I can talk about this forever,

Because your brain doesn't have a code for healthy,

Your brain doesn't have a map for what it is to be loved,

And so what you do,

Honestly,

Is that you just push away what is actually healthy,

Because it is unfamiliar,

And anything that the brain associates with the unfamiliar,

It blocks thinking that it's actually keeping you safe,

Like it's a lot to understand this in the beginning,

But if you go down this rabbit hole,

You come out the other side,

And you end up becoming the conscious master of your ship,

No one can control you anymore,

You no longer fear abandonment,

You give people permission to dislike you,

Yeah,

Have a good time,

Dislike me,

It's all right,

Yeah,

I'm not,

I'm not,

Okay,

No problem,

Oh,

That's what you think about me,

Okay,

You're attached to your opinion,

Right,

Opinions are not facts,

They're not facts,

Opinions are based on someone else's data in their brain,

So sure,

People can think I'm the worst person in the world,

Based on what they're consuming,

And based on their confirmation bias towards me,

Based on their reticular activating system,

Based on the limited data they know about me,

They don't know me as a person,

We don't spend holidays together,

You know,

Like based on the information that's in the brain,

They don't like me,

Okay,

So I give them permission,

Just because someone has that opinion,

It doesn't make it true,

And I'm okay with that,

And that's where the emotional freedom piece comes in,

So understand that if you feel stuck,

That's not your fault,

That's your brain neurologically wired,

It's trying to keep you safe,

Based on the data that has been downloaded into the subconscious mind,

And what you've experienced over your lifetime,

And also what you're continuing to wire in your mind,

And your brain,

Actually at a subconscious level,

Through your inner self-talk,

And what you're consuming on social media,

The conversations that you have,

Do you get outside your comfort zone,

Or do you stay inside your comfort zone,

If that comfort zone isolates you,

Then your brain thinks it's doing the right thing for you,

But unfortunately,

On the other side of that,

The world is very scary to you,

And your nervous system responds to that,

And what fires together,

Wires together,

And so this idea that we can push past that,

I feel is so exciting,

The neuroscience is there,

The quantum science is there,

The research in the very nature of reality is there,

And its association to consciousness,

So we don't have consciousness,

We are consciousness,

We are extensions of consciousness,

The person that you're listening to,

I'm not my body,

I'm transmitting a message through this vehicle,

This physical apparatus,

You're listening to me,

And your brain,

With your ears,

Maybe you're watching me,

Or you're,

Whatever it is,

Whether you're watching me,

Or listening to me,

Or both,

You have to understand that these are frequencies,

This is data,

This is information,

Sound waves,

Light waves,

Your brain is interpreting,

And pulling together inside your magnificent brain,

And weaving a story,

And creating images in your mind,

And I just hope that what you hear me say,

Because I just consider myself a teacher,

I hope that what you hear me saying,

Inspires you to look within,

And inspires you to understand there are many levels,

And many veils that we have to pass through,

That isn't just one,

But for the way shower,

The truth teller,

And the light way,

Or the person that is blazing the trail for other people,

If you do not give up,

You will get to the other side,

And you will feel so psychologically strong,

So emotionally strong,

So spiritually strong,

I mean it's just absolutely incredible to feel like you have a stainless steel spine,

You have to understand you have to die to the old,

And you have to live in the new,

And you can't rise in the new,

Unless you die to the old,

And you're dying to the old identity,

So I hope that this makes sense,

And thank you so much everybody,

You are loved,

And thank you so much for supporting me throughout the years,

Because of you I have the confidence to bring this information to you in the many ways that I do,

Make it a great day everybody,

Bye for now.

Reviews

Thank you, Lisa for helping the masses awaken to their real self.