Four Unhealthy Relationship Confessions You Need To Admit

In this episode, Lisa A. Romano explains 4 unhealthy relationship confessions that can destroy a relationship, especially if you are unaware you suffer from them. Are you codependent and don't even know it? Do you subconsciously seek approval and then fawn after others when you feel them pulling away? If so, you won't want to miss this episode.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

So today we'll be talking about codependent confessions.

A huge part of our emotional growth and emotional maturity is recognizing when we're doing something wrong and taking accountability for it,

Understanding perhaps why we were doing that thing wrong,

That thing that we did that we once were unaware we were doing,

Why we actually did it,

Offering ourselves compassion and forgiveness,

And then learning from it,

Deciding that we're never going to do that thing that we used to do again.

For me,

When I came upon the book Codependent No More and I saw myself in the pages of Melody Beatty's book,

My life was forever changed.

It was as if someone handed me a script that allowed me to see all of the things that I was doing wrong,

All of what I would eventually peg as my stinking thinking,

And as bewildered as I was because I could not understand how it could be that my thinking could be so off and I not know it.

And I think that is because the mind is built to be more subconscious and reactive,

And the ego is built to agree with the mind.

And so between the ego and between the nature of our mind being more subconscious than conscious,

Many of us don't really even have a chance.

We are born in a sleep state.

We remain in a theta brainwave state,

Which is a programmable state,

Which means that your parents or whoever raised you up until you were about seven years old,

They were your hypnotists.

So if you were raised around dysfunctional people,

If you were raised by narcissistic parents,

If you were raised by codependent parents,

If you were raised by emotionally immature parents or your parents were alcoholics,

You have to take into consideration this idea that you were programmed by these people.

They were your programmers.

All is not lost because we have the potential to awaken and come up and out of our programmed mind.

We have the potential to retrain our brain.

We have the potential through the gift of metacognition to observe the way that we think.

We can observe our stinking thinking.

And that day when I happened upon Codependent No More and I began to read it at my dining room table and I slammed the book shut because I was practically terrified that there I was jumping out off this book,

Off of the pages to this book.

I was seeing myself and what I saw I didn't like.

I also recognized that there was great potential if I kept reading the book to learn something new about myself and maybe even live a new life.

So I wanted to offer you some ideas about a codependent's confession,

My confession.

And why would I do something like this?

I do it because being able to see yourself in someone else's life can be very cathartic because I didn't know that I was codependent.

I was unaware that I was unaware.

And when I began to awaken and realize this is the thing,

I'm seeking validation and I seek validation for a very specific reason and it's not even my fault.

However,

However,

Because the universe basically maintains order through patterns,

I was doomed to repeat the patterns of the past unless I awakened.

And so unlike an apple tree,

If an apple falls from a tree,

It has no other choice.

It rots and the seeds of that apple will produce another apple tree.

An apple tree or an apple seed can't hope to ever be a banana.

However,

I can be born to adult children of alcoholics,

Codependent and narcissistic parents.

I can develop codependency.

I could beg for approval as a woman.

I could beg for validation from the men that I fell in love with.

I could believe that I was unworthy one day and in a particular amount of time,

It all depends on how much time I spend retraining my brain.

In a certain amount of time,

I can develop and become someone who had self-confidence,

Who has clarity,

Who has autonomy and who no longer seeks validation.

So the benefit of a session like this is to hopefully inspire you to look more deeply within,

To ask yourself,

Who am I?

Why do I do what I do?

Amazingly enough,

And you probably know this and when I say it,

It'll click,

The logical brain needs to understand everything.

The human brain is designed to ask the question,

Why?

Why do I do this?

Why does he do this?

Why does she talk like this?

Why does my mother ignore me?

Why am I codependent?

Why do I seek approval?

Why can't I leave this toxic relationship?

Why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself?

And the amazing answer is that there is a reason you do what you do.

But one of my other taglines is you cannot fix a hole in the wall that you cannot see.

So if you don't know what you're doing wrong,

You can't fix what you're doing wrong.

How do you love or have esteem for a self that you don't know you have?

And how do you love a self that you have been conditioned to believe is unworthy?

My parents,

Unfortunately,

Did not do a very good job at convincing me,

My brother,

Or my sister that the essence that we are,

The being that we were on the inside was good and good enough.

And so no,

I did not feel good enough,

Which led to codependency.

So here are my codependent confessions.

If I feel you pulling away on a subconscious level,

My fear of abandonment will become triggered and I will fawn after your approval seeking to find some way to become useful to you to ease my anxieties,

Hoping that you will draw me in rather than push me away.

So my fear of abandonment will be triggered when you push me away.

I won't know that I'm being triggered.

I won't know that it's tied to abandonment,

But I will want to pull you in even further when you push me away.

My second confession,

If you do not allow me to fawn,

My mind will panic.

I may ruminate for days on end,

Haunted by guilt and shame,

Feeling responsible for why you did not need me.

Codependents feel responsible when other people don't love them,

When other people don't react favorably to them,

When other people ignore them.

We feel ashamed.

We feel like it's our job and our goal to make you need us or to make you love us.

And we really do find a sense of self in how well we're able to prove that we are worthy to keep around.

And when someone denies us that ability to feel worthy towards them,

Our sense of self plummets.

And all the shame that we've been hiding deep within our bellies rises to the surface and our behavior changes.

We ruminate.

We end up not being able to eat or sleep and we can become very needy and very self-destructive when we are unable to figure out how to attach someone and become what they need us to be.

The third confession,

I will not be able to eat,

Think or sleep until I have found a way to get you to speak to me.

Until you allow me to take care of you,

I will feel unworthy.

Below the veil of consciousness,

It is my shame-based inner child that is begging for your approval.

When we're codependent,

We don't know that we're driven by shame.

We don't know that we're running from shame.

We have no clue.

All we know is that we are being pushed to seek approval,

To gain validation,

And we're unable to achieve it.

We feel worthless.

The next codependent confession,

Your needs are everything to me.

I do not have a sense of worth unless others find value in me.

As a child,

I learned that it was unsafe to express emotion.

My brain has been wired to focus on others and ignore my inner world.

You represent the parent who pushed me away whom I could never please enough in order to feel loved.

If any of these confessions rang true with you,

Please know that it's not your fault.

Every codependent person,

Every person who struggles with boundaries,

Every person who enables another person's poor choices,

Every person who feels like it's their responsibility to fix other people's problems,

Every other person out there who ends up taking care of other people at the expense of themselves,

Every person out there who doesn't know how to get out of a toxic relationship and who freaks out when other people don't need them and who don't have a healthy sense of self unless someone else is needing them,

There's a reason you are this way.

And I want you to know that there is a way out.

So I'd like to offer you my affirmation just for today.

Today I choose to live above the veil of consciousness.

I know there is a wounded inner child within me who needs to feel enough.

But today I know that seeking your validation will always keep her trapped.

And so just for today,

I will focus on validating myself.

I am willing to catch myself when I put my sense of self in the hands of others.

And when I do,

I will remember that I am enough.

Dear one,

If you're codependent,

That's not your fault.

Codependency is tied to emotional abandonment,

Emotional neglect.

You're in a survival mode,

But you don't know it.

And if you don't awaken,

You will stay in that survival mode and you will not live an empowered life when you can.

But in order to do that,

You have to understand the hole in the wall.

You have to understand there's no rescue boat coming,

But you're going to need tools to fix it.

And I hope that this session has helped you identify the hole in the wall that only you can fix.

Namaste everybody,

Until next time.

And if your subconscious mind doesn't yet believe that you are enough,

Know that you can retrain your brain so well that it has no other choice but to listen to you,

The true captain of your ship,

Once you figure out how to retrain your brain for good.

Namaste everybody,

Until next time.

Reviews

Amazing 👍

Codependent no more

What an eye opener thank you

Wow powerful and educational, a great learning, thank you Lisa A, namaste 🙏

Excellent

Such a lovely talk, kind and understanding thank you

Take the 12 week Breakthrough course Lisa offers. Your life and meditation experience will be forever thankful. Your ME will love you!

Love this thank you for the awakening I really do appreciate this knowledge to me is so very valuable! Life changing information as long as I love my self I will never need validation from partners or people pleasing expecting others to do the same in return. Higher vibrations and clarity and peace come from within your very own value in yourself! XOXO Sending love and light vibrations because you are AMAZING 🤩🤩🤩

Thank you Lisa, that was both painful and enlightening to listen to. I recognize that I've been trying to recover myself from codependency. Currently in a 9 month Healing Trauma Program and this is another key to my healing. Thank you! 🙏🏻

Wonderful!

Thank you Lisa 🙏

thank goodness for Melody Beattie’s book, codependent no more. it and your talks are changing my life ❤️‍🩹

Thanks Lisa. Makes perfect sense.

I truly appreciated the confessions. My hope is there will be a subsequent talk on how to overcome them.