Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.
My name is Lisa a Romano.
I am a life coach best-selling author YouTube vlogger Meditation teacher and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.
I am a believer in the power of an organized mind My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness Rather than living a reactive life May your heart feel blessed your mind feel expanded and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to breakthrough podcast Today we're going to talk about something that's very very near and dear to my heart and that is loneliness and why it is so many of us adult children of alcoholics and adult children from dysfunctional homes in our adult lives feel so lonely and What we can do to combat that loneliness first Let's talk about why we feel so lonely being that seems to come up and that theme is that so many of us feel?
Like we're fake in our everyday day-to-day life,
And so that means that we're in relationships But we don't feel like we're showing up as ourselves We don't feel like we're being our true self that we're showing other people who we really really are In my opinion that this is a cause-and-effect universe,
So that's the effect So what helps to heal us is figuring out what caused that feeling what caused us to feel so?
Invalid what caused us to feel so fake by the time you're three mommy and daddy were supposed to mirror back to you a sense of self a Positive sense of self.
Why is that so important unless mommy and daddy who are outside of your experience of self?
Say to you you are good You are worthy what you think is important I want to know what you think because I value what you think You see when we don't have those experiences.
We don't have a connection To our inner self we don't seek validation Within self we don't know how to close our external eyes and turn on in turn our internal eyes on to What we think and what we feel and what we want So our eyes are always open and we're like dears and headlights Searching for a sense of validation Now that puts us into position number two dear one How what where when why we are in position number two in our marital relationships?
We put ourselves in position number two with our dentists.
We put ourselves in position number two with our children We put ourselves in position number two in all relationships in work relationships you name it why?
Because We are constantly seeking that validation outside of self because our eyes are externally fixated Because mama mommy and daddy never taught us to close our eyes to the outside world and to make Important what we think about self to turn our internal eyes on to self and so here.
We are we are lonely We aren't being truthful why because We don't a we don't have that connection to self and be we're seeking your validation in seeking your validation I have to step away and out of alignment with what I want because I need to pay attention to what I think you want And I have to monitor your feelings why?
Because I was taught that your feelings are more important than my feeling how well when you were labeled like I was By mother and father to be to consider yourself selfish that you're cold that you're no good No one will ever love you,
And you'll never have any friends,
So okay our parents made mistakes They didn't understand that they had this great capacity to help heal us,
And it was their job to do that Okay,
Getting back to loneliness,
And why we're we feel lonely We feel lonely because we have not been taught to look within we have been taught worry what mommy thinks so how does that happen?
Well when you are you live in a dysfunctional home oftentimes.
There's a lot of emotional wounding We live in states of survival Why because we need to deflect the next attack when we live in states of survival?
We are spending a lot of time in an imagined place What if mommy gets drunk what if mommy yells at me?
What if mommy is angry with me over my grade what if daddy comes home drunk?
What if daddy doesn't come home?
What if mommy gets mad at me for x y & z what if she takes my TV out of my room again?
What if she turns my cell phone off,
But we're constantly living in states of anxiety when we're little what we want to do is Identify why we feel lonely because parents taught us to worry about them not worry about us We have no connection to higher self,
And we also have all these labels.
We're not worthy.
We're itself We're selfish,
But buff up up so one of the strategies I'd like you to play with is this I want you to write down on a bunch of pieces of paper little pieces of Paper all the labels that people have given you so if mom made you feel selfish write that down if mom made you feel Unworthy write that down if mom made you feel invisible write that down if mom Criticized the way you looked write that down if mom made you feel ugly write that down if write all these things down,
Okay?
Then what you do is you take a clear shoe box,
Okay?
You know or a little plastic Tupperware that you could see through you put all those little scraps of paper in the box Shut the box seal it put it on the ground beneath you that signifies.
That's below you that signifies That's that's beneath you and also what you can do you can also play with putting it behind you Just take it and slide the box back with your foot and say to yourself this this stuff is behind me what I did on My journey is I put all these labels into a box And then what I did is I placed them on the floor and I understood they were beneath me and then I that I had risen above it and then what I did is I pushed them across the across the floor with my foot and Pushed it up against a wall and that wall Represented every single person in my life that ever tried to stop me from ascending that wall Represented every person that tried to block me with their negative energy And I just pushed the labels up against that wall And I said I do not accept these labels,
And I am sending these labels back back to where they come from so goodbye Goodbye,
Then what I did was I started writing new labels labels that said I am content.
I am loving I follow my bliss I came here to fly.
I came here to be a light body.
I am a light body.
I am happy I am kind I am gracious.
I am content.
I am I am an instrument of peace.
I seek peace I am enough,
And I would write all those labels down and then when I got was a really pretty lace sachet I put the labels in there,
And then I had this great baseball cap I still wear it every day and What I did was I put the sachet inside the baseball cap put my hair up in the ponytail and put the cap on top Of my head what that signified for me was how I was Willing to see myself in a new light and so I would drive I would go for my walks my job take my dog out for a walk clean the house vacuum do my mundane things While all these new energy thoughts were being absorbed into my brain into my subconscious mind And I didn't stop doing things like that until I really believed it until I understood that I could detach from these labels and put Them out there in that box,
And I could also attract new labels and put them in my own subconscious mind Remember the brain works like this when you take something out you must replace it That's why people people will stop drinking and then they start eating or people will stop eating and then they start drinking So what we have to do is actively seek Releasing and then putting in when you connect to higher self you begin to understand You were never alone your parents may have taught you that you were alone that you weren't enough But that wasn't the truth Another issue that I want to address is how we as a society have been taught that people who talk to themselves are crazy I don't think so anytime.
I've said to myself.
What should I do?
What should I do?
What should I do and I allowed the answer to come to me and I acted on that higher guidance?
I chose the right thing and my life began to work out when I didn't talk to myself I felt self-alienated to become self-actualized which is a key to emotional intelligence and also maturity When I began to ask myself,
What do I want?
What do I need?
What do I think?
What do I feel and I allowed that that inspiration to come I began to connect to higher self?
And that's when I no longer felt so lonely.
I am now I never experienced loneliness anymore I mean,
I'm alone and I never experienced loneliness.
I am so integrated with my mind with my body and my spirit Yes,
I am a physical thing.
I have hair that's matter.
I have eyeballs that's matter But I that's not what's talking to you right now.
What's talking to you is the entity that I am That is vibrational the entity that I am is using these vocal cords and using air to pass through my larynx so that I could produce words and sounds Really there are sound waves that you are able to hear that resonate in your that your your middle ear can pick up and can Translate and then your brain processes the wave what's speaking to you is not my hair or my lips or my mouth That's that's BS.
This is a costume.
I'm leaving it here when I transcend like when I transcend completely is staying here and What will go is that the the natural very organic very ethereal spiritual vibrational nature that I am and that's what's speaking to you and I'm speaking to you from a higher place a higher realm because I have connected to higher self These are the ideas that come and it's through this physical apparatus because this is a time-space reality cold earth and in order for me To help you I have to learn how to master the physical
