Hello and welcome to this Insight Timer Talk.
I'm Linda Hall.
Do you struggle with receiving criticism about your work?
Do you always take negative feedback as a personal attack?
Or do you find it difficult to give others constructive criticism?
Giving and receiving feedback helps us to grow,
Improve and learn in pretty much every area of our lives.
It's all part of the natural exchange of communication that enables us to live together as a social species,
Understand each other's needs and develop personally as individuals.
The first thing to realise when it comes to receiving feedback is that it's only human to feel vulnerable.
It demonstrates that you care about the quality of your work.
People who are overconfident often hold unrealistic views of their abilities and can be blind to their own shortcomings.
Here are a few do's and don'ts to help you feel more comfortable with receiving and giving feedback.
Remember,
Like everything else,
The more you do it,
The easier it will become.
Firstly,
Don't take negative feedback personally.
Instead,
Try and see it as an opportunity for you to learn and grow in your work.
If a criticism feels especially emotionally charged for you,
Notice if it has triggered a deeper underlying issue,
Such as low self-esteem,
Lack of self-confidence or fear of failure.
Perhaps the person giving the criticism reminds you of someone you had a difficult relationship with in the past.
Or receiving criticism triggers the memory of being shamed by a teacher or some other authority figure when you were young.
When we feel exposed or vulnerable as adults,
It can bring out our wounded inner child,
The part of us that holds unresolved hurts from childhood that have not yet healed.
If this should happen,
The following mindfulness practice will help you regain equilibrium.
Notice your thoughts and feelings as just something that's happening in the moment,
Nothing more,
Nothing less,
Without judging yourself in any way.
Reassure yourself and self-soothe.
Breathe out the stress from your body and ground and centre yourself in the here and now.
Secondly,
Try not to react defensively,
Justified,
Flaked or ignore negative feedback or allow yourself to become overwhelmed by it.
Stay calm and grounded.
Give yourself time to gather your thoughts.
It can be really useful to ask for explicit clarification.
By playing back in your own words,
What you've understood are the key points of the feedback.
For example,
Just to be clear,
Are you saying?
Thirdly,
Don't always wait to be given feedback.
You'll be more in control if you ask for it yourself.
And when you do ask,
Be specific about what sort of feedback you're looking for.
Ask,
What did I get right?
And what did I get wrong?
Don't be afraid to step forward and ask for positive feedback.
If it's not offered spontaneously,
This doesn't necessarily mean that your work isn't valued or appreciated.
Sometimes people just forget to give appreciations or haven't learnt how to without being prompted.
Most of us tend to only remember the criticisms we receive from others,
No matter how small,
And forget the praise.
So when you do receive positive feedback about your work,
Make sure you pause to really take it in,
As this can act as a powerful confidence builder.
When you need to give negative feedback,
See it as an opportunity for positive change and reframe it as advice and guidance.
Be careful not to focus only on the negatives.
Aim to achieve a balance of appreciation,
What's good,
And constructive criticism,
What could or needs to be changed and how.
The Constructive Feedback Sandwich can be a useful method to follow.
It wraps negative feedback between praise and positive recommendations.
It is made up of three parts.
Step one,
The appreciation.
Step two,
The constructive criticism.
Step three,
Recommendations to support positive change.
Start by offering several genuine appreciations of the person and their work.
Be sincere in order to avoid the appreciations coming across as phony.
Then outline clearly what you think needs to be different or better.
Don't be vague.
Give specific examples and the reasons why things need to be changed.
Finish with several clear,
Realistic recommendations of how you'd like things to be done differently moving forward.
Ideally,
The sandwich effect should help to soften the blow of the negative feedback to allow the receiver to digest it more easily and provide a clear plan of action to address the issue concerned.
Always try to give your constructive criticism in a friendly manner and with good intention.
And it's best to assume that the person on the receiving end will have been doing their best.
Don't rush.
Take your time and stay calm and relaxed.
Take a few moments to compose yourself before giving negative feedback.
If you're already stressed about something unrelated to the issue in question,
Be careful not to carry that stress with you into the meeting and allow it to influence the proceedings.
So,
Beforehand,
If you can,
Step out for a breath of fresh air to clear your head and help you leave the stress behind you.
If that's not possible,
Take five,
Have a drink of water,
Focus on slowing and lengthening your breath,
And make sure to ground and centre yourself.
To recap,
Here are your top tips again for receiving and giving negative feedback.
When receiving negative feedback,
Don't take it personally.
Stay calm.
Don't react defensively.
Always ask for clarification.
Don't allow your emotions to get the better of you.
Be aware of personal triggers and manage them.
Do be proactive and ask for feedback yourself.
When giving constructive criticism,
Reframe negative feedback as advice and guidance.
Deliver the feedback in a well-intentioned,
Calm and friendly manner.
Be specific and offer clear,
Achievable recommendations.
Don't focus on the negatives alone.
Include some appreciation to balance the criticism.
And lastly,
Remember to leave other stress behind you before giving someone negative feedback.
I hope you've enjoyed this talk and found it helpful.
