Overcome Shyness And Become Socially Confident!

In this talk, I go over why shyness is disempowering, the difference between being introverted and shy, and how to break out of being shy and socially awkward. I go over the action steps you can take today to become more socially confident.

Transcript

Hey,

This is Ish,

And in today's talk,

I'll be going over how to go from being shy to being confident.

So let's start off by going over what being shy is.

So being shy is actually a very disempowering state.

This is where you feel trapped within your body,

And you have a lot of mental barriers which keep you from expressing your natural personality out there.

And usually when someone describes someone as shy,

It's done in a condescending manner.

They normally say,

Oh,

That person is shy,

They can't express themselves,

Or she can just speak up.

And this is not a very powerful place to be,

Because you are trapped within yourself.

And being shy is very different from being introverted,

Because you can be introverted and also very confident.

So when you're introverted,

You gain energy from reflective activities,

Such as say reading a book,

Or meditating,

Or taking a walk in nature.

However,

You can still be quiet and keep to yourself,

But not be shy,

Because you can still express yourself when needed.

And other people know that.

So typically,

When you're shy,

It's when your energy is stuck within yourself.

And you may be quiet,

But you can't also express yourself when needed.

So if you're in social situations,

You may be fearful,

You may be overthinking things,

You may be nervous or afraid to talk to other people.

And I tend to notice this phenomenon,

Especially now with the younger generation of kids who grew up with social media,

And they're stuck on their smartphones.

So they'll stay inside all day,

And you know,

Be on TikTok,

Or they play video games,

Or watch anime and just,

You know,

Stay at home all day.

And when it comes down to making friends or meeting potential partners,

They feel very stuck and nervous.

So they feel very shy,

And they can't just go up and talk to people.

So we want to think about how we can go from this very reactive state in which we're afraid of the world and we're hiding to a more proactive stance,

In which we feel comfortable just talking to everyone and feeling confident.

Now we can all go through phases in which we're very shy,

We're drawn introverted.

And I think some of the things that cause this is simply just being in isolation a lot.

And also being in environments in which you don't know whether there's going to be social threat towards you.

So your brain is very smart in that aspect,

In which it actually clamps down your natural personality in situations in which you don't know where you stand.

And this evolves from our caveman days,

In which we lived in hunter gatherer tribes,

Where if you went to a certain group,

And people didn't know who you are,

You're an outsider,

And you try to act all confident,

And you know,

Loud and expressive,

You didn't know whether someone's just gonna,

You know,

Beat you up or,

You know,

Kill you.

So your brain actually starts to clamp down on these aspects of your personality,

In which you're just expressive,

And you can talk to anyone.

And it keeps you a bit more safe.

Because the idea behind this is that if you can just be quiet in withdrawn,

Maybe you'll just survive another day.

Now,

This is very helpful,

But think about it.

And in today's time,

There's a lot of different situations in which it doesn't help you,

Because there's a lot of opportunities you could be missing out on.

It could also keep you trapped from living the life that you want.

So how do we go from this place of being trapped to being a bit more confident and out there.

So the first thing you want to do is be comfortable with the risk,

Because that is the number one thing that you're afraid of,

When you're in this very shy state,

You're afraid of everything,

Afraid of ordering,

You know,

Coffee,

Afraid of speaking up,

Or doing a presentation or talking to someone new.

So you want to show and prove to your brain that it is okay to socialize and talk to others.

So you can start off very small,

Because if you try to set a very high goal of,

You know,

Asking someone out that you're very afraid of talking to then it may be a little hard.

But you can start off very small with just saying hi to someone,

As you go down the street.

So you can just say,

Hey,

Nice shoes,

Or hey,

I like your jacket.

Or if you're even afraid to do that,

Then when you're say,

Ordering a coffee,

You can simply just make a five minute conversation with your barista,

Because you know,

They're paid to talk to you and make coffee,

Right?

So you can talk to them.

And when you're able to do this,

It shows your brain and proves to your brain that,

Okay,

I can actually talk a little bit,

And I'm not getting beat up.

So you can look around your environment,

And no one's going to tell you to shut up or not talk or express yourself.

And this has amazing implications,

Because once you're able to show and prove to your brain that you can talk to others,

And nothing bad's going to happen,

You start to unlock more parts of your personality in which you can be more expressive,

And just be yourself and be comfortable with being yourself.

So more confidence starts to increase.

Now,

If you start to increase the level of risk you can take on,

So maybe now you say hi to a person down the street,

And you know,

You don't get beat up by doing that.

And you prove to your brain,

It's okay to do that.

Now you start to be a bit more expressive.

Now,

Maybe next time,

When you're at your work meeting,

You speak up when otherwise you would have been scared,

And you actually express your opinion.

And guess what,

No one is disapproving of you,

And no one is yelling at you or telling you to stop talking.

And you're able to just express yourself how you feel.

Well,

Now you gain even more confidence.

And now your brain says,

Okay,

Let me give this human being more confidence to express themselves.

So if you babystep this process of speaking up in certain situations,

And proving to your brain,

It's okay to do so,

Then you start to become a bit more confident.

And this starts to expand and snowball over time.

And you start to gain a bit more freedom in your social expressions.

So now you can go from a place of being very shy,

Withdrawn and stuck in yourselves to being very confident and free and expressive.

Now,

This doesn't mean you turn into this huge extrovert.

But rather,

You have the power to express and speak your mind.

And this is actually very freeing for a lot of people.

Because you'll find that when they start to do these little exercises of speaking up when they just feel a little bit nervous or a little bit afraid to,

And nothing bad happens to them,

And they feel positive,

They start to notice all these mental barriers they once had start to disappear.

And they start to enjoy life a little bit more,

Because they have all this freedom in place,

They're not trapped by their own mind.

And this can be very liberating for a lot of people,

Because they realize the amount of true power that they actually have,

That they've kept trapped and hidden for so long.

And this is something that really speaks to me and touches me.

Because if you look back in a lot of my videos,

You can clearly see different examples in which I felt very withdrawn and scared and my voice very timid.

And it's a really,

It's a learning lesson for me to put this into action and to actually practice this because there were many situations in my life where I just felt like I was on the losing end of a lot of things.

I felt very trapped in my mind,

I couldn't talk to others,

And I felt very afraid.

And it was through proving to my brain that it's okay to do so,

That my personality and my natural way of being start to expand and expand and expand,

Where more freedom start to set in,

And I could just be my natural self.

And it's just a wonderful feeling to have.

And I hope that you can actually try this out for yourself.

And notice this freedom that you can experience on your own.

So let me know in the comments,

What actions you'll be taking today to really test and push your comfort zone socially.

And really congratulate yourself when you do these things.

And notice how your life truly changes.

Thank you