Developing Proactivity : 2 Perspectives

In this talk, I break down what proactivity actually is, how to develop it, and why it matters in both spiritual and personal growth. As you cultivate proactivity, you gain greater control over your life, expand your influence, and shift from feeling powerless to empowered. It also helps you become more mindful and build genuine inner strength.

Transcript

Hey this is Ish and in today's talk I'll be going over the importance of proactivity and why it's very important to master proactivity in your life.

So one thing I find really interesting is that in both personal growth and contemplative meditation traditions,

There is an overall pattern where you go from being very reactive both in your mind and your habits and also to the external world and how you respond to the world,

To then being more proactive and being centered from within.

So when you're very reactive you tend to be swayed by your emotions,

Your different mental states that you may be experiencing,

Circumstances in your life,

And in the self-help tradition we call this a fixed mindset where you feel that you are powerless or you're stuck and your viewpoints seem to be very rigid and you feel that you don't have much control over these things.

And when you become more proactive there is more of a space where you have more agency.

You learn to develop positive habits,

You learn to focus your mind,

You learn to discipline the mind to cut out things that don't help you,

And more importantly you learn how to choose how you respond to the world and different things going on rather than being influenced by the world around you and having no control.

So let's look at both sides from a personal growth point of view and a spiritual point of view.

So when we look at proactivity in personal growth,

This is talked about a lot.

I mean that's kind of the whole point of personal growth is to learn to take action and control back into your life.

And Stephen Covey wrote a very good book called,

This is a very well-known self-development book,

And one of the key habits,

The first habit of the seven habits,

Is proactivity.

And this is basically the foundation for the other habits to develop.

And here Covey says that when developing proactivity we want to focus on what we can control rather than what is outside our sphere of influence.

This is also something that a lot of the Stoics talk about as well.

So when we focus on what we can control,

We then expand our circle of influence or our circle of control.

So when we practice this and focus on what actions we can take and what is within our bubble,

Then this actually provides us clarity and provides us stability and gives us the confidence to take action.

And when things are going crazy and a lot of external situations are chaotic,

We still have the power and agency to choose how we respond.

So some questions to access our proactivity is to think about,

How can I respond?

What options can I take?

What can I do?

However small,

What action can I take in this moment?

So when we gain clarity on what actions we can take,

This increases our level of empowerment.

And then when we take action on those little steps that we can take,

This is how we develop confidence.

Now confidence is built and based on action taking.

And action taking and confidence is actually an antidote to anxiety.

So because the future is uncertain,

We can feel paralyzed.

But if we take action anyways,

This actually dispels this anxiety that we can feel because we focus on what we can control,

Like I mentioned earlier,

And we move forward despite the feelings of anxiety.

Now when we feel powerless,

This is the opposite of this quality where we feel that there are tons of things outside of our control and our circle of influence is actually very small and we can't really do anything.

So your bubble is so small that this creates inertia,

Stagnation,

And a learned helplessness.

You don't take any action because you're paralyzed.

But again,

Here the irony is that by simply taking action,

Being more proactive in this,

And taking action anyways,

Despite any fears that you have,

This expands your area of control,

Your circle of control,

Or your locus of control,

And your proactivity muscles,

So to speak,

Get worked on.

And proactivity is like a muscle.

So the more times that we use our muscles of proactivity,

The easier it'll become to become more proactive.

And over time,

It'll be easier to focus on what we can control,

What we can do,

And our sense of agency increases more and more.

So there is also a power of momentum,

Which I won't really talk about in this talk,

Where as we get used to taking more action,

Our brain actually opens up and we see more opportunity everywhere.

And as you capitalize on these opportunities,

This will then allow us to see additional opportunities,

Which you can then capitalize on.

And this feeds into a positive feedback loop,

Where more opportunities open up,

You take more action,

And your area of control and proactivity increase,

And the trajectory of your life can actually transform,

And you can experience a lot of success,

Confidence,

And optimism,

Just due to taking action,

Being more proactive,

And seeing opportunities and taking it,

Rather than being paralyzed and holding back.

When we look into the spiritual traditions or contemplative meditation traditions,

One thing that the aim of these traditions talk about is getting the body and mind under control.

And here,

Proactivity is still being used,

But it's being used in a different way.

So as opposed to channeling your proactivity to take action in the world,

And focusing on action,

And gaining outcomes in the world,

Instead,

We are taking this proactive force to get the mind,

Body under control,

And then directing our mind towards certain practices,

Whether it's calming the mind,

Gaining insight into the nature of reality,

Of how our mind works,

Learning about mindfulness,

How the world works around us.

So it's a different purpose.

But nonetheless,

This proactivity is strengthened.

Now,

When we don't have much proactivity,

We are swayed by our different emotions,

Things all around us,

And we're really pushed around,

Just like a leaf in the wind.

And one classic example that you can see is when you have an overactive mind,

You can't just tell it to stop reacting or to stop thinking.

It just doesn't work like that.

So this is why a certain practices to where you can gain control over various things.

So in the yoga system,

For example,

Yoga is comprised of eight limbs.

Oftentimes,

We know about the third limb of yoga,

Known as asana,

Which essentially just means posture or seat.

And when you go to yoga classes,

We do various poses to really still the body.

And the whole point of that is actually just to make the body calm enough.

So you can sit for hours of meditation.

Because if we go to sit for meditation,

And we're just worried about our aches in our back,

Or we want to move around all the time,

This doesn't really help us settle the mind.

So we learn to calm the body.

And then we do pranayama or the control of our breath and working on the energy body,

Which is a fourth limb yoga.

And when we do this,

We can learn to manage and settle our emotions down to get the mind very clear and not agitated.

And then from there,

We can focus on the fifth limb of yoga,

Which is pratyahara,

The withdrawal of our senses and bringing our attention away from the senses,

Our sense gates,

And closing that input off.

So then we can direct our attention inwards.

And then we can get into the next three limbs of yoga,

Known as samyana,

Which is comprised of dhyana and samadhi,

Which is then the meditation practices.

We focus our attention on one object.

Anytime our attention wanders,

We bring it back,

Which is dharana.

Then we eventually become absorbed within the object itself.

And this is known as dhyana.

And then there's a merging or union known as samadhi.

So this is obviously a very simplified view of this.

But here we have gained control over ourselves and through the various aspects of our body and our mind to then gain conscious control of how we choose to direct our attention and energy.

And in Buddhism,

There are tons of trainings aimed at being less pulled by the world and being centered from within.

And just to keep this talk very brief and concise,

That there are three general categories of trainings.

So the first is shila,

Morality.

So cleaning up your act and working ethics.

And then you have samadhi,

Which is the concentration aspects where you're looking to settle the mind,

To concentrate it and then direct it to then insight practices known as panya or wisdom.

And to sum it up,

A quote by the Buddha was to refrain from evil,

To cultivate good,

To purify one's heart,

That is the teachings of all Buddhas.

And when we take conscious control and choice of how we choose to behave,

How we concentrate our mind,

Where our attention goes,

How to direct our attention,

We create this positive feedback loop in our life.

Very similar to the personal growth aspect where we're learning to control our attention and,

You know,

Get rid of distractions to focus the mind.

These are very similar concepts of training your attention.

And the factors of mindfulness and discernment,

Which are the first two factors of awakening,

According to Buddhism,

Are really key here,

Because as our mindfulness increases,

We become more aware of how we are showing up in the world and where attention goes.

And as we learn to develop discernment,

We can clearly see the fruits of our actions,

What is good for us,

What is not good for us.

And here we take back control from a mind that may be restless,

That is operating off past conditioning or unconscious habits.

And we actually shed the light of awareness on these things.

And we learn to discipline the mind,

We learn to concentrate our attention to focus on things that will give us more positive and virtuous qualities in our lives.

And we learn to train the mind.

And the mind can be quite restless,

As you probably have realized,

When you sit for meditation,

And can be quite unruly.

And we learn practically on our cushion,

How to tame the mind and how we concentrate the mind.

So in Mahayana practices,

For example,

There is a famous teachings of the ox herding pictures.

So this is talked about in Zen a lot.

But in the ox herding pictures,

The ox represents the unruly mind that needs to be tamed.

And there's a boy in the story that is first trying to find the ox,

And then he gets on the ox and tries to tame it.

And there's a whole story behind it.

But it goes to show you this level of proactivity that you can learn to develop on this path,

Where the mind at first seems just really unruly,

Chaotic,

It drives you off center.

And over time,

You learn to tame the mind with practice.

And to give another example of how proactivity is also,

You know,

Emphasized is that there is a story of the Buddha,

Who was one day walking through a village,

And there was a very angry and rude man that came up to him and began insulting him.

And he just was disparaging.

And he was like,

You have no right to teach others.

You know,

You're stupid,

You're just a fake.

And the Buddha,

In response to these insults,

Remained unaffected.

He just wasn't upset.

He just smiled.

And the man kept insulting him,

And try to get a,

You know,

Reaction,

Try to provoke him.

But the Buddha just smiled,

And there is silence.

And the man just got really angry,

And he just stormed off.

Now the Buddha's disciples were,

You know,

A bit upset about this.

He said,

How could you let this guy talk to you like this?

Why didn't you reply to this rude man?

And the Buddha had just said,

If someone offers you a gift,

And you refuse to accept it,

To whom does this gift belong to?

And the disciple said,

Well,

Of course,

It belongs to the person who bought the gift itself.

And the Buddha smiled and just said,

Yep,

That's correct.

And what I really like about this story,

And what it really shows is the very high levels of proactivity and discernment that the Buddha had.

And it also shows you that the level of equanimity you can learn to develop on your meditation cushion as you continue to practice,

Because here the Buddha was so centered within,

And so mindful that he wasn't affected by the emotions of other people,

And you know,

The people insulting him,

Because he knew he had a choice in the matter,

And he can choose how he responds in the world.

And there's a very high level of proactivity there,

Because rather than being reactive,

He was proactive.

And this is something you can do as well,

As you learn to develop proactivity in your life.

Now I'll leave you with just a little personal story here.

The story actually happened pretty recently.

So it inspired me to make this talk,

But had stopped teaching public yoga classes just for the last year or two.

But somehow I found a great teaching moment.

So I started a new job as a manager in a customer service environment.

And obviously,

If you know anything about customer service,

There's tons of angry customers that'll come in that,

You know,

Yeah,

They yell at you,

And they're upset about something.

And one thing I had noticed is that a lot of my co-workers would get really heated when a customer would get angry,

You know,

With them.

They would get into back and forth with them,

And they'll get very reactive.

And one of them actually asked me,

How come you're so calm?

You know,

When the customer is mad at you,

You just smile,

And you're like,

Okay,

Whatever,

And you don't seem to get flustered.

And they would say,

Like,

I would personally flip out if that happened to me.

And I responded,

I remember saying,

I don't take it personally,

Because it's on them.

And,

You know,

It's their emotional state,

Or whatever going through that's their thought patterns,

Or maybe they'd be,

They're going through something in life.

So I have no control over how that person reacts.

I have control over myself,

And how I choose to respond,

And whether I let it affect me.

So I think that quote I said,

I really calls to this concept of productivity and choosing how you respond.

So I'll leave you with this.

What proactive action will you take today?

So start to think about again,

From both a personal growth standpoint,

And a meditative contemplative standpoint of what is in your air of control?

How can you choose to act and respond in the world?

Where will you put your attention?

What actions can you take?

So if you know that you may have something,

You know,

Later today,

That may get you reactive,

Let's just say a difficult conversation with someone or someone,

You know,

That may,

You know,

Trigger you,

Think about that situation,

And pause and think about how can you respond?

What will you do?

So what action can you take?

How can you choose to respond?

Where will you put your attention?

So these are a few things you can contemplate and actually take action on.

So a few examples could be maybe you can pause before responding,

You can consider how you may respond ahead of time.

Maybe you can even meditate before a difficult encounter.

So just by contemplating these things,

You've learned to now take your attention,

Which may have been given automatically to other people and,

You know,

Your emotions,

And you may have become very reactive,

To then taking control back and becoming more proactive.

And this proactivity is a power that you learn to develop and grows over time,

The more you practice it.

So hope this helped.

And let me know in the comments,

One proactive action you will take today.

Thank you.