Interview: Boots Knighton ~ The Miracle & Meaning In Loss

Her tales include a harrowing account of what it took to get her to notice what her heart was trying to tell her (and honestly? listening to her story made me wince!) but also how the loss of her best friend after being murdered in Nicaragua has shifted everything that Boots believes about the Universe.

Transcript

Hello all my lovelies and you're gonna have to bear with me this week because I'm getting over a cold on top of everything else that the universe has thrown at me in the last few weeks.

I got sick but I'm luckier than most people.

I know a lot of people going through a lot of things these days so I can absolutely deal with a cold.

I just sound a little bit like a frog and I hope that you all can deal with that.

My guest this week has several astonishing stories to tell,

Boots Knighton.

And yes we absolutely get into why she is named Boots but also she tells a story of her open heart surgery and at such a young age it was kind of astonishing.

And when you hear the story I think your jaws are gonna drop because she really is an elite athlete.

She's a skier,

She's a mountain biker,

I think she runs,

She does backcountry skiing.

She's kind of this excellent over-the-top athlete that most of us can only dream of.

Yet her heart was trying to tell her for so very long that something was wrong.

Now the story of her heart is part of a larger tale.

Boots also talks about getting a severe head injury at one point then also shares a story that I really want you to take care of your own hearts when you hear it and it's about the murder of her dear friend in Nicaragua.

Boots is larger than life.

Did I mention that already?

She's been an educator since the late 1990s in every kind of facet of education including high school science,

Middle school mathematics,

Elementary reading,

And college-level ecology.

She's been a ski instructor at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort and prior to that was one of the first female lift operators at Jackson in 1998.

And I have to tell you that Boots and I got along like a house on fire.

Yes,

Another human being I've met recently that I've absolutely fallen in love with.

She has quite a few stories to tell in this episode and all of them kind of beautifully dovetail into a really powerful takeaway at the end of the episode.

So now,

Here's my episode with Boots Knighton.

You know,

My friend's death that I just shared about,

That could have gone in two different directions for me.

And it's interesting,

Like I said,

That was in 2014.

And four years prior,

I had decided to stop drinking,

Both my husband and I.

And so we had already been sober for four years.

And I,

I thought I was like on the path to like enlightenment because I had quit drinking.

And then Karen is murdered in Nicaragua.

And I find that I have no ability to move on with my life.

How would you introduce yourself?

I'm a terrible liar.

And I'm horrible at small talk.

So I'm gonna be the first person to ask you what lights up your day and you know,

What gets you out of bed in the morning instead of what do you do?

You know,

How many kids do you have?

You like all like the old,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I like all like the old,

Old like school frame of how you like,

Take in a person and like frame them in your brain.

You know,

I'm I've really like,

Gotten very intentional about how I talk people to people.

And I was actually at a party this past weekend,

And I met a guy.

And he comes in crutching.

And like,

Once I got past his name,

I was like,

Why are you on a crutch?

You know,

And he was just like,

You know,

And but I was like,

No,

Really,

Like,

You know,

I could tell he was so sad and in pain.

And,

And I just went right to like the thing,

Right.

And it was so awkward for everyone,

But I don't know how to be any other way.

I feel like sometimes just getting over those awkward conversations that might need to happen kind of clears the way for more authentic conversation.

Yeah,

I just,

You know,

I,

I've been through too much in my life now to just settle for small talk.

It really is uninteresting to me.

And I have absolutely no problem staying at home and missing out on events because I rather stay at home by myself or with my husband,

Then go to a really loud event where people can't really connect.

It just,

It just is so uninspiring to me.

And we did talk just briefly before I started recording.

But now you said that you are on the board of a library.

Are you a bibliophile?

Do you love books?

It looks like yes.

Yeah,

Yes.

And I actually a few years ago when I needed to take a break from teaching.

I worked in the library over in Jackson,

Wyoming.

I live right on the border of Wyoming and Idaho and I I just took a really simple job.

I was really burned out and kind of in a really uncomfortable phase of my life.

And I just chose to be a page which is basically what you know,

Pun intended.

But like I just would go put books on the shelves,

Reshelve them,

Deselect books,

Weed,

That's the same thing.

But you know,

Like we would do shelf reading just to make sure books were in the proper order.

And I would come home,

Like my husband would get ready for like after my library shifts,

Because I would come home with piles of books.

And it was one of my most favorite jobs I've ever had.

Because I got exposed,

I had to go into every section of the library,

I got to know the Dewey Decimal System so well.

And I got exposed to so many new authors I hadn't heard of,

And so many different types of genre that I would not have necessarily picked up because I am definitely more of a nonfiction girl than fiction.

And so it was just such an eye opening experience for me.

And I felt like I was so lucky that I had a moment in time where I could do that as a job,

But it didn't even feel like a job.

So that's how I like started off in the library world.

And so when this opportunity to serve our public library system here in Teton County,

Idaho,

I took it.

And I'm ever so curious,

And I'll get back to that library story after I ask you this question.

But how did you get your name?

I am named so it's my legal middle name.

And I am named after the most wonderful woman.

She was nicknamed Boots after her grandfather,

Who was nicknamed Boots,

Because he always slept in his favorite pair of boots as a kid.

And so it's actually my given like legal middle name on my license,

Passport,

The whole,

The whole shebang.

But you know,

Two generations back,

I am nicknamed after footwear,

Or named after footwear,

Not nickname.

I love that.

Um,

My library story is,

I got banned from the library in eighth grade.

I was in junior high,

They,

I remember getting called out of chemistry class.

And I thought,

Oh,

I'm in trouble.

I'm going to the guidance counselor's office.

I was just a voracious reader of books,

I couldn't get enough.

It was it was a little intense.

I and I fully admit I was hiding in the library.

But they had an intervention with my parents.

And I remember walking into the counselor's office.

And the counselor said we're very,

This is decades ago,

By the way,

They would never do this now.

We're very worried about her we're concerned she spends too much time in the library.

And the upshot was at the end,

I was banned from the library,

And I couldn't go there anymore.

And I always tell everybody that next day when I had to go to recess during lunch,

Because I would eat lunch and go to the library and read was the most terrifying day of my entire life.

I didn't really have any friends,

I didn't know anyone.

After that,

You know,

When I graduated from eighth grade,

I tell everybody it has a happy ending.

When I graduated from eighth grade,

I was nominated class bookworm,

Of course.

And high school,

I was nominated class clown.

So I discovered a part of myself that I didn't even know existed.

This funny part,

But I do.

I mean,

Whenever I go to a new town,

When I was in Jackson,

About a year and a half ago,

I look out,

I get,

Where's the bookstore,

Like immediately,

I'm so first thing,

I don't care about the restaurants.

I don't care about the coffee shops.

I'm just like,

Where is the bookstore?

Get out of my way,

Everybody.

And I'm very snobby,

Too.

I'm like,

Oh,

This bookstore,

It's okay.

You know,

I could,

It could be cuter.

I'm kind of a snob a little bit like,

Valley books.

Yes.

Mm hmm.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I'm like a fan of bookstores with hidden nooks,

And weird rooms or bookstores that secretly gone forever.

And you think,

When is this thing going to end like a labyrinth?

Because you never know what you're going to find there.

And then used bookstores.

Oh,

My goodness.

So good.

The best.

I was just in Duluth last week,

And they had this used bookstore.

And they had this big brown bag.

And if you could fill it up with sale books for five bucks.

So I did it.

You know,

I don't even know if I'm gonna like the books.

But I took forever to pick enough books to fill up that bag.

How many books do you think you read in a year?

Oh,

My gosh,

Not as many as I should.

When I was in seventh grade,

I read 94,

I think.

And then in eighth grade,

I read like 120.

But now I'm nowhere near that.

I'm maybe,

I don't know,

25 3035.

It just depends on what kind of a tear I'm on.

What about you?

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it.

Now.

I just I have,

It's been interesting,

Like,

Prior,

I had heart surgery in 2021.

And prior to that,

For many years,

I just did not have the bandwidth to read,

But I didn't understand why.

And then once I had open heart surgery,

All of a sudden I could read.

Yeah,

It was it was crazy.

And I have spoken to a bunch of heart patients who have reported the same phenomenon.

And so I,

I and I'm one of those the types of books I choose.

So now I'm like,

Now I've been able to read with more ease.

But I'm one of those who I choose like juicy nonfiction.

And it seems to when I say juicy,

I mean,

Like,

Braiding sweetgrass,

One of my most favorite books of all time.

And right now I'm reading the book of joy.

And I will read one page at a time.

And then I need to think about it for a few days.

So it kind of drags on longer than it needs to.

And I'm writing a book.

And so it's like,

You know,

This,

The girl can only this girl can only take in but so many words.

I totally get that.

Now,

That is actually fascinating.

I've never heard of this.

Open heart surgery,

You're saying that when people recover on the other end,

They have an easier time of reading books or just now I don't know if that's true for everyone.

And I don't remember.

You know,

I host a podcast and open heart surgery.

And I,

I don't ask every single patient I have on.

Although I should I should start like doing an actual scientific poll,

You know.

But I,

I've had a few patients who have said to me that like,

All of a sudden,

They could think again.

I mean,

Because you like for me,

My heart wasn't getting enough oxygen.

So of course,

It was affecting my brain.

I just didn't realize it until after the surgery.

And then all of a sudden,

I was like,

Up 20 IQ points.

It's so crazy,

Like,

Such a crazy experience.

So yeah,

I just I think the beauty of a book is it,

It just opens your soul up to different ways of thinking.

And it's such a such a unique way of interacting with knowledge.

And that it's like an old friend,

I know where that book that I'm reading right now is it's and I can pick it up when I have the bandwidth to take in,

You know,

New information or a new way of seeing the world.

Absolutely.

That's really fascinating.

I was just thinking of,

You know,

I know nothing about open heart surgery,

But I always sense or feel like the center of the self is in the heart,

Like who we are,

How we interact with the world,

How we receive the world,

How we understand our place,

Our sense of self is in the heart.

And so when you have,

I mean,

It's interesting,

Those words,

Right,

Open heart surgery,

It's like it opens your heart up to new experience,

Or maybe new possibility or new ways of being.

And while I'm sure open heart,

I mean,

Open heart surgery is nothing to sneeze at,

It's probably terrifying and alarming.

And I would be so scared if I had to go through it.

But it's interesting on the other side,

That people change or shift their way of being in the world.

It's very powerful.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

The only way that I was prepared for that was,

I remember my surgeon and his physician assistant both like,

Sat down with me the day before I'd already checked into the hospital.

And they were like,

This is,

This is going to be intense.

And you may have something called a cardiac depression afterwards.

But that's all that they they said.

And what I was not prepared for was the complete and total realignment of my soul.

And I was not prepared for the inexplicable piece that I'd never had before.

You know,

The surgeon actually had to handle my heart and he had to cut into my heart muscle.

And that and the heart was shifted around a little bit because he had to like get to the back of the heart and my heart was stopped for an hour and a half.

And so all of that just it,

It really is interesting how it shifts the soul.

And a very intuitive,

Dear friend of mine came to take care of me just to kind of give my husband a break that first week once we were home,

And she still talks about how I like my soul had,

She said,

I just was like the soulless human being walking around the house.

It was obvious I had just been through such an epic experience and that my soul had not fully integrated back into my body.

I was just super disassociated.

But I mean,

I that since I've since reintegrated,

And I've processed the trauma and done all the work.

But that's one of the reasons why I started my podcast was because I felt so underprepared for the spiritual,

Soulful aspects of surgery and mental.

I mean,

Even though they said you're you might get a little sad.

That that was just the tip of the iceberg.

It's very interesting.

Are you familiar with any sort of ideas from oriental medicine,

Acupuncture?

Oh,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Oh,

Yeah,

I did a whole episode on it.

And I go to acupuncture every week.

I just think it is.

I mean,

I learned some things that are absolutely fascinating to me.

One that the heart will the pericardium is called the emperor's guard.

And so it guards.

Yeah.

And so it is around the heart,

It guards the heart,

Who's the emperor.

And an acupuncturist was explaining to me once that when we have terrifying events,

Or traumatic events happen to us from childhood,

Or when we're an adult,

Or whenever,

You know,

When it happens,

That stories imprinted on our blood,

The blood that's coursing through our body.

And so the,

You know,

The blood goes through,

Right,

Your lungs,

Your heart,

Like everything.

And the pericardium job,

In essence,

Is to kind of filter in the lungs as well,

The kidneys filter and store some of those stories,

Some of those traumas to keep them from reaching the heart.

And because the heart can only take so much,

As far as holding all of that stuff.

And that's why you have the pericardium,

That's why you have all these other organs.

But I had,

I'm going to tell you something totally crazy.

So I was in Portland,

And I'd never had an anxiety attack before in my life.

All of a sudden,

I was sitting on the couch,

And I felt this feeling in my heart that was so intense and crazy,

I thought I was starting to have a heart attack,

It was,

It was so terrifying.

And then I just had this intense feeling of black tar oozing out of,

I could feel it viscerally from my heart.

And I could feel it go into my chest wall.

And then I could feel it slowly going up to my shoulders.

And then it went very slowly down my arms.

And it was so palpable that I totally I looked at my fingertips expecting that I'd see this come out.

And,

And then I had my first full blown anxiety attack,

Which I had never had that before.

So I had no reference.

My neighbor thought I was having a heart attack took me to the doctor.

They did all these things.

They're like,

No,

No,

You're having an anxiety attack.

And I thought what,

But upon like learning a lot of stuff later and doing a lot of study,

I realized that it was that day that my heart said,

Okay,

Done.

I can't hold anymore.

I am done.

And I'm just gonna,

This is it.

Purge,

Get rid of it,

It's gonna come out.

And you're gonna have to figure out how to process it and deal with it because I can't anymore.

And it was a real call to arms for me,

Which sounds really violent.

But,

You know,

After a few years of unpacking it and trying to figure out what exactly had happened to me,

That,

You know,

Our heart is kind of our best friend.

And you can have a relationship with it and talk to it and become friends with it.

And gosh,

It works so hard for each of us holding our traumas,

Holding our stories,

Holding the ideas of who we are and our place in the world.

But at some point,

The heart is like,

Okay,

I no more heavy lifting,

I'm done.

You know,

You have to,

You have to get rid of some of this stuff,

Therapy,

Therapy,

Yoga,

Whatever it's gonna take crying for days.

Get it out.

But that it was such a powerful experience and really changed my life because it was then that I understood that,

You know,

My heart has its own intelligence,

Just like my gut does.

But the hearts in there and it's trying its hardest and it's,

It's,

But it is our best friend.

And it gives me incredible advice.

It's helped with my intuition.

It is literally my best friend.

And I'm sure maybe you feel the same way.

Maybe you don't.

I feel like I'm going to play that on loop for myself.

Because I really needed to hear that today.

It's right on time.

Which maybe I'll tell you when we're not recording,

Because I'm not quite ready to release to the world.

But I kind of chills right now.

Yeah,

So.

So I'm an experiential learner.

And I,

I really,

It took a while for me to really fully listen to what my heart was trying to tell me.

And very,

Very fast backstory.

I hit my head in 2018 in a ski accident.

And I,

It was a really long,

Awful recovery.

I had to relearn how to ski and relearn how to just move in the in the world.

Like it,

It just really turned my world upside down.

And I share that because for the next two years,

As I started to experience more breathlessness,

As I was passing out,

We were blaming my brain injury.

And my poor brain got blamed for more than it deserved.

And so I share that because then by 2020,

You know,

COVID hits.

And now I'm like starting to vomit when I try to go on mountain bike rides.

And I was like,

What is going on?

And then finally,

And I was starting to have some weird chest stuff.

But I was like,

That doesn't make any sense.

At the time I was 42.

I was in the best shape of my life coming back from the brain injury.

I just been nominated for a National Ski Award.

I'd like really like I had to relearn how to ski and then I like way outperformed in this ski performance test.

It was really an amazing thing.

And so and I'm a trained wilderness first responder.

So that's important to know,

Too.

Because as I am on a walk one evening with my husband,

And then the next day,

We're out on a mountain bike ride,

I have the crushing pain in the chest,

Down my left arm,

I'm nauseous,

I'm sweating,

I'm feeling like I'm stabbed in the between the shoulder blades,

It was like every symptom of a heart attack.

And I would I wouldn't listen.

And then finally,

My husband drug me to the hospital.

By then it was too late.

They couldn't find anything.

But they're like,

Something is happening.

And even though my heart was saying stop.

And I you know,

Jason was my husband was saying stop.

I still went and climbed Idaho's tallest peak.

I continued to push myself and but only I only then started to listen once they got me into a cardiologist and he found all these congenital defects.

But it's just amazing how loud my heart heart had to get in order for me to listen to it.

And I it's it's been like I've had to go through like,

Quite a bit of therapy with my therapist just processing how hard that was for me to listen to my own body's cues.

Yeah,

I've told people before that I kind of consider my heart to be the strange little alien that lives in my chest.

And I'm like,

Hey,

Babe,

How's it going today?

How are things in there?

Like,

How are you?

Because it has way more wisdom and understanding comprehension of this world than I ever could.

And that story is astonishing.

First of all,

You are a physical specimen,

Because I couldn't do any of that.

That's astonishing.

And then second of all,

Like,

If I get a pain in my foot or my toe or my leg,

I'm like,

I'm gonna die.

I don't,

You know,

Go climb anything.

I climb into bed.

So that's just an astonishing story.

I'm curious,

You know,

My second question always is did you grow up in a religious household?

But have you always also always lived in Idaho or right in between Idaho?

Or like,

What did that look like for you as a kid?

I grew up in the south.

I grew up in eastern North Carolina.

And I grew up in the Episcopalian Church.

And then when my parents divorced when I was 12,

I really latched on to like the youth group there and church for my refuge.

But I,

I kind of fell away from the church later in high school,

And especially in college,

But kind of came back to the church in my 20s.

And I moved,

I moved to Jackson,

Wyoming right after college.

Permanently in 2001.

I also lived there in the 90s,

When I took a semester off from college.

And then,

You know,

It's all over the news.

Jackson is like,

Now the most expensive place to live.

And so,

You know,

We had to move over to Idaho in order to like,

Own more than a closet.

So we made the move just over Teton Pass to Victor,

Idaho in 2008.

But I have a really interesting breakup story with religion.

Would you like to hear it?

Two thumbs up.

Okay.

So in 2014,

I was still very much part of the Presbyterian Church in Jackson,

In my 20s and early 30s.

And I joined the Presbyterian Church because of the community back then.

And so in 2014,

My very best friend was on a mission trip for the church to build a school in Nicaragua.

And she disappeared.

And four days later,

They found her body.

And she had been murdered for her camera.

And it took about a year.

But in that year of processing her murder,

And just I had no coping skills,

I had no ability to like,

Get through my day.

I found an incredible therapist,

Which now I've been working with for 10 years.

And we just celebrated 10 years together last week.

It's been an amazing ride with her.

But anyway,

What a,

What a,

An event like that will do,

If you allow it,

Is turn your life completely upside down,

To the point where you have,

I had for me,

I had to like,

Examine every little minute part of my life and determine if I wanted to keep it or not,

If it had a place in my life anymore or not.

And then put it in the places that it belonged,

If I wanted to keep it.

And I,

I had always kind of questioned religion,

But it,

I really started to question it when I moved over into Idaho,

And saw the impact of a particular religion here in the state of Idaho.

And so I got to thinking through it all,

And I decided that staying in or subscribing to a religion just did not fit with me any longer.

And so about the,

On the anniversary of her death,

I actually sat down with my friend who is the pastor of the Presbyterian Church in Jackson,

And he was like my conduit.

And I was like,

I'm,

I'm breaking up.

We,

This is a breakup discussion.

And yeah,

It was a major deal.

And I haven't looked back.

And so now I,

Now I just believe that there is a power greater than myself.

I have really released the need to describe it or compartmentalize it or frame it in any way.

I am completely at peace with not knowing what the actual answer is.

I just know that I'm not in charge.

I don't have to be in charge.

And I just do the next right thing for my life and being a good person.

I love that.

I kind of want you to put me in your pocket and take me around with you all the time.

I'd love that.

Thank you so much for that comment about your journey through religion.

Because it is,

It can be really fraught for some people.

It can be very painful for some people.

I want to say,

I'm so sorry about your friend.

I can't even imagine getting news like that.

And when you're not expecting it,

Or when you have an assumption that she'll be safe and that nothing's going to happen.

And I'm,

And for such a,

You know,

Horrifying reason for her camera,

You know,

I would just be like,

Take my camera,

Let me walk away.

But the world doesn't operate the way I wish and hope it would.

But so I'm really so terribly sorry about that.

And I,

You were in a spot that a lot of other people are in,

Which is,

They don't belong to a quote unquote religion or a church now.

They're comfortable and content saying,

I'm aware that there's an energy I wear,

There's spirit or however you want to describe it.

And that I can have connection with it on my own.

And that's such a beautiful thing.

And it gives you so much freedom,

Because you can then determine what that relationship looks like.

Yeah,

We have way more free will than religion would like us to think,

You know,

And,

And I,

It was interesting,

I felt like I needed permission to break up with religion.

And I had,

Which was like a big red flag to me,

Once I kind of like open my eyes,

I'm like,

Wait a minute,

I feel like I need permission.

And then I went through all these like stages of,

Of like grief.

And shoulda woulda coulda.

And it took a while for me not to even have a reaction to my family that are all very religious,

Except for my dad.

And I definitely felt a sea change with my friends,

Some of my friends that were in the church.

It was,

It was a really big deal.

And I can say without a doubt in any cells of my body,

That it was the right decision for me.

And that I'm actually way better of a person now,

Than when I wasn't when I was religious when I was subscribing to the religion.

Wow.

That's really a powerful statement.

I was such an asshole.

I could judge you and bless your heart and pray for your forgiveness.

And,

You know,

Like,

And now,

Now I'm like,

I don't care what you do.

And I'm going to be nice to you anyway,

Because I just am going to assume that you're doing the best you can.

And I don't need to bless your heart,

Because that's a passive aggressive Southern saying.

Totally.

I mean,

However,

I have discovered that now I don't know what's going on with me,

If it's because I'm getting older,

Or what is happening.

I now will read an article that really affects me powerfully,

That touches my heart.

And I'll be so impressed with the human being that's doing the good works in the world.

I'll say,

Interiorly,

I'll say,

Bless the man.

And it just feels really good to say it.

I think I've watched some really funny TikToks about all the different ways in meanings of bless your heart.

And there's like a way to say bless their heart,

But also be judging them at the same time,

Which I think is fascinating and amazing.

It's really quite a versatile saying.

Well,

Just like the word y'all,

Right?

We Southerners,

I guess,

Are pretty efficient with our vocabulary.

But yeah,

I mean,

The way I was raised with using that phrase,

It was not for good purposes,

Right?

But I will sometimes think of it now,

And it's always the intention behind it,

Right?

So if I'm blessing a heart now,

Which I think because I have an aversion to it,

I don't say that often,

But I will,

It's because I really mean it.

Usually like a heart surgery patient.

The final question that I ask is,

You know,

I would love to hear a story or stories,

Something magical or miraculous that happened in your life,

Something that you feel like changed your life,

Or you could have witnessed it.

It could have happened to you.

It doesn't,

It could be one,

It could be several,

Whatever you feel comfortable sharing.

Gosh,

There's so many.

You know,

My friend's death that I just shared about,

That could have gone in two different directions for me.

And it's interesting,

Like I said,

That was in 2014.

And four years prior,

I had decided to stop drinking,

Both my husband and I.

And so we'd already been sober for four years.

And I thought I was like on the path to like enlightenment because I had quit drinking.

And then Karen is murdered in Nicaragua.

And I find that I have no ability to move on with my life.

So I walk into my therapist's office at the beginning of May of 2014,

Thinking that's the worst of my problems.

And that is what started 10 years of reparenting myself and showing up in the world in a completely different way.

Now you would think how on earth would I say my best friend's murder would be considered a magical point in my life.

Okay,

I'd give anything for that to not have happened to her.

I would give anything to still have her here.

However,

I didn't have that choice.

And so I did have a choice on what I was going to do with it,

And how I was going to live my life after that moment.

What transpired surpasses any understanding.

You hear about watershed moments.

There's the watershed of a riparian zone where there's like marshes or a river or whatever.

But there's a watershed moment when your life changes so dramatically.

And that was my watershed moment.

And how it is now working out for me in this present moment is I mentioned showing up in the world.

Well,

I did so much healing in the last 10 years,

I'm facing some really hard truths about myself head on.

Because I figured if Karen's dead,

And she had to die the way she did,

The one thing I owe her is trying to do my best at living.

And so I,

I've given it my all the last 10 years of trying to show up the best I can in every moment of my life.

Of course,

There are days,

Especially when I'm PMSing that,

You know,

I'm not my best self.

But I,

I am now fully showing up in the world the way I am meant to,

I am helping heart patients,

I am helping them tell their stories,

I'm advocating in the health care industry.

And I would not have been able to do any of this.

And I know I would not have successfully made it through my heart surgery journey,

Without having had that watershed moment in 2014.

So magic can be in these simple like these life events,

That if you're open to the if you're open to possibility,

And if you let go of needing to control,

It is truly amazing how the the universe that's what I call it,

The universe can take over and say,

Just wait till we show you what we all the cool things we have to offer you.

I do want to say you had me at riparian zone because I did not expect to hear those words today.

And I'm a I'm a collector of words.

I used to have a book I think it's in storage now where every once in a while,

If I heard a word that I thought was absolutely delicious,

I would run to the book and write it down.

And I'm like,

Oh,

That's so cool.

And I would run to the book and write it down.

But I think those two you have riparian and then you have zone,

But they're ultimately more delicious when they're paired together.

I do have to say that.

Now I've just gone off on a little word tangent,

Everyone.

So sorry.

But you just drop that.

And then you kind of continue with your story.

And I thought,

What?

What did you just say?

I love words,

Too.

Yeah,

Especially ecological ones.

But yeah.

Yes.

And I do think your story is that story particularly is so powerful.

Just having had this conversation,

Because,

You know,

This happens,

This devastating thing happens to your friend.

And then you have this accident skiing,

Where you hit your head.

And then after that,

And then after that,

You have rehab,

You know,

Learning how to ski learning how to do so many other things.

And,

You know,

Going through all of this,

Right,

There's this thread,

Is what I'm hearing you say,

That there's this thread that you're going to show up and be your best self through all of this,

Despite great obstacles,

Kind of like this touchstone,

Where you can remind yourself.

And I didn't even tell you that I broke my leg five and a half months ago.

What?

Yep,

Skiing.

Broke my tibia and fibula.

And of course,

It was in the backcountry.

So I had to be rescued by helicopter and have emergency surgery.

And then I developed complications and had a heart attack.

And then they had to lifelike me to another hospital,

But I haven't given up.

Because here's the thing.

Sure,

It was horrible.

It's it's by far the most pain I've ever had in my life.

Like it made my heart surgery feel like a paper cut down my chest,

Like seriously,

Give me heart surgery before ever breaking my leg again.

But I,

Because I have overcome what I've overcome so far,

But like,

Right after I so I hit a rock,

And then I felt both bones breaking.

What was crazy is it didn't hurt at first,

Like they didn't hurt as they were breaking.

And so,

You know,

I called search and rescue,

I'm by myself,

I've climbed this mountain by myself,

Which I normally do,

Like,

That's not out of the norm for me.

And I so I call search and rescue,

Thank God I had cell service.

And before they got to me before anyone got to me to help me,

I already knew that my me breaking my leg was for my highest good,

And that it would be for me instead of to me.

And,

You know,

That's just a that's something I've learned to truly embody and trust is that whatever is happening each and every day is happening for me,

Not to me.

I do have to just tell everyone that backcountry skiing is totally a badass pursuit,

And you have to be in insane shape to even attempt it.

Now,

I'm just going to let you know,

So we know where we stand that my ex and I used to go to Sun Valley over the holidays,

And I only went to Dollar Mountain.

Okay.

And I was very happy on Dollar Mountain.

And I wore a little sock monkey hat,

Going up and down Dollar Mountain.

And I got some dirty looks from some of the affluent people,

But then the four year olds who were skiing backwards past me love that sock monkey hat.

And it was really cute because there were all these 18 year olds from Argentina working the lifts.

And they thought I was hilarious because I just kept going up and down.

And so one of them stopped me,

You know,

After I'm getting on the lift for like,

The 25th time,

Because I'm a terrible skier.

Okay,

I am not good.

But I,

You know,

It's fun.

And I love being by myself.

It makes me happy.

And then I'm surrounded by children.

So how fun is that?

And,

You know,

It's makes me the whole thing makes me happy.

So he said,

What are you doing?

And I said,

Oh,

I'm,

I'm skiing.

And he goes,

Yeah,

But you go up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.

And I was like,

Isn't that I mean,

Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

I mean,

I but then I biffed it really hard.

Didn't break anything,

But really wrenched a few tendons.

And so that trip,

I was like,

I have to take some time off because my knee was like,

It was terrible.

But yeah,

So backcountry skiing.

I mean,

I never made it over to Baldy.

Backcountry skiing is like a whole other level of craziness,

Where you literally climb a mountain in your skis,

Or if you want in your snowshoes with your skis on your back or whatever,

And then you ski down that mountain.

So thank God you brought your phone.

It sounds like you were totally prepared.

And thank God everything worked out.

Yeah,

Completely different direction.

Absolutely.

And it gave you this perspective,

This really profound perspective,

Which,

For me is just like gratitude,

Humility,

And knowing that you're going to be okay,

That everything's going to be okay.

Yeah,

Because it is.

I mean,

It and I'll never forget when they rolled me into the Jackson ER that afternoon.

The ER doc who happened to be a former high school student of mine.

Not awkward or weird at all.

And I was like,

Not having my best moment.

He's like,

Mrs.

Knighton,

You know,

I'm really glad that you broke your leg and you didn't tear any like your ACL or any other tendons.

And I'm like,

What are you talking about?

Because I was in like so much pain,

Right?

And they had to give me ketamine in order to get the ski boot off.

And boy,

I don't know how people do that fun for fun.

But anyway,

I look back on it now.

And I know now nobody's talking about because like,

I'm doing great.

I'm riding my mountain bike.

I'm going hiking.

You know,

I'm like way ahead of schedule for healing.

Like I'm blowing like the healing timeline out of the water,

According to my surgeon.

But and ACLs take like over a year to heal.

And it's just broken bones.

Like,

Yeah,

Sure.

It's a catastrophic injury.

But it's not life threatening.

And bones heal.

And it was so interesting.

It was like this like whole study in human psychology for the following next few weeks.

It's like people would come see me and we have the best community of friends here.

And,

And people would stop by.

And,

You know,

Everyone knows I've been through heart surgery,

And I hit my head.

And so everyone was like grieving for me.

But I'm like,

They're just bones.

I mean,

Sure,

It's an inconvenience,

And it hurts.

But like,

It's just bones.

And I still feel that way.

People just like,

Put too much emphasis on all these different events that happen for us,

Not to us,

Right.

And it's like,

It really does nothing for the nervous system,

If you're going to make up all these stories and make them bigger than what they are.

It's always good to listen.

I mean,

I think you already,

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your heart and what it's sharing with you and its wisdom.

And it sounds like that if we all kind of cultivated a sweeter relationship with our hearts,

We'd be able to engage with this world and its trials and tribulations a little more easily.

Yeah,

I can promise you what you think is important probably isn't.

And I can also promise you that there are likely things in your life,

And I'm talking about you as in the your audience,

Right?

I'm not necessarily speaking to you.

But like,

I know for me,

Prior to my heart surgery,

I wasn't necessarily focusing on the right things.

And now I am and I'm in full alignment with what my soul wants me to be doing in this moment.

And I can tell you that is the ultimate freedom.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode and my conversation with Boots.

I need to thank her for being so open and sharing all of her stories.

Honestly,

I never know what to expect when a guest comes on the show.

And Boots really,

Her stories reminded me yet again,

That this world is so very mysterious and so very magical.

So thank you to Boots for coming on the show and trusting me with her stories.

Please do remember,

Dear listeners,

To rate and review the podcast.

Those ratings and reviews,

They help other people find us.

As well,

Click that button and subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Boots.

Never give up.

No matter what life throws at you,

What challenges life throws at you,

What challenges you have to overcome,

Always remember that life and the universe have your back,

That what is happening to you or around you is for your highest good,

And that someday,

Someday,

It will make way more sense than it does now.

And I think that means that be like Boots.

Have ultimate faith in the universe.

Have faith that it's all going to work out,

That the universe has your back,

And that in the end,

There is a rhyme and a reason for every single thing in your life.