Episode Twenty-Two: The Interview - Shawn Patrick Boyd

In this longer episode, we learn that Shawn's father was dying, or rather, not dying. Find out how Shawn discovered what was unresolved in his father's life, and how that message changed everything for both him and his father.

Transcript

The Ark of the Covenant fits so perfectly into the religious doctrine I was raised in.

And so it was like,

This is right up my alley,

This adventurer who's looking for these religious relics and the lost Ark being one of them.

And I remember after watching the movie,

I went to bed and I knew that this was just a movie so that they hadn't really found the lost Ark.

And so I thought,

That means it's still out there somewhere.

So I said,

I'm gonna write a letter to God.

And I wrote this letter and I put it on my bed stand.

And I said,

God,

If you will draw me a map of where the Ark is on the back of this paper,

I won't tell anyone where it is,

I will keep the secret.

It's taken me 47 years to get to this,

But I think I do like finally like understand what I'm about.

So I recently realized like what I am is a storyteller.

And what I mean by that is,

You know,

Some people think a storyteller is,

You know,

They stand up in front of a group and tell stories that is definitely one aspect.

And I actually have done that also funnily enough,

But really like storytelling sort of all forms.

I love to tell stories and sometimes that takes the form of acting.

So I've been an actor and,

You know,

Been in a few TV shows and movies and things like that.

And so that's one form of how I tell story.

But then I also have written a number of screenplays,

TV pilots and things like that.

So again,

You know,

Storytelling.

Most recently,

I've been working on a graphic novel,

I'm publishing part one of that on my Kickstarter on February 1st.

So,

You know,

Just another form of storytelling.

So I guess what I realized is like,

Whatever I do,

I just love story.

And I think that I love story because it sort of helps me to make sense of life.

And it also can really spark a lot of joy.

And I think that's probably why I'm a storyteller,

Why I love it so much is I want to spark joy in people.

So with this graphic novel that I've been writing,

It's called Winona Forever,

And it deals with four eighth graders in a small town in Minnesota.

And they're on the hunt for a supernatural relic.

So those are sort of like the,

You know,

If I were to give an elevator speech,

That's what that's about.

But on a more personal level,

What I did is I was borrowing elements from my own past because I was an eighth grader in Winona,

Minnesota.

And I was,

I didn't fit in.

I was,

You know,

One of the nerds,

I was bullied.

I was teased,

I was just the smart kid that,

You know,

Like I made fun of it,

All this,

And I was very lonely and really sad.

And that year,

As I look back on it over time,

Something I like really carry with me,

Like a heavy bag,

Almost like something like there's a bitterness about it,

There's a sadness about it,

There's an anger.

There's something that I don't want to in some ways like deal with.

It's like,

Yeah,

That's put that on the shelf.

Oh,

That was a horrible year.

We were glad I'm not an eighth grader anymore,

Right?

But in working on this story,

I had to really go into that and really use those elements and put them in the characters,

Put my experiences in the characters,

Show how they deal with being lonely and being,

You know,

What I,

They're called the outcasts in the book.

They've kind of embraced this as an identity that people think that they're geeks.

So it's been really interesting because in telling the story and having to deal with it,

I feel like I've really,

It's almost like I've healed the wound in a pretty big way.

So I think there's some sort of magic,

You know,

In creativity,

Because I do think it has a real tremendous power to heal.

I grew up in a Catholic household and it was a really,

You know,

That there's a spectrum of what that means,

Right?

Cause some people are,

You know,

Catholic and they go to church on Christmas and that's that's that.

And that's cool too.

I almost in some ways wish that was more of it,

But my parents were very,

I don't know,

Deep Catholic.

I don't know what I would call it.

So my dad was a Christian brother,

Which was within the Catholic church.

It's not,

I think they still exist.

He was a Christian brother before my parents got married.

In my way of understanding,

It's sort of like a step below a priest.

It's,

You can't say mass,

You know,

Those kinds of things,

But you're almost like,

It's almost like the equivalent of a nun within the church,

Just a male version.

And I think this all to say that religion Catholicism were really important to him so much so that,

You know,

He nearly devoted his life to it.

His sisters were nuns,

His brother was a priest.

So we grew up going to Catholic school,

Going to church every week.

So it was a really important thing in our lives.

And you know,

At that age,

Probably up until I'd say like ninth or 10th grade,

I was also really involved and,

You know,

Deeply like spiritual used through the Catholic lens.

So praying,

Going to confession,

Doing all of the rituals that Catholics do.

But what started,

What sort of started to happen for me was this is,

You know,

Like for some people,

They could eat cheese all day and it doesn't bother them.

Like,

Right,

Like I could eat so much cheese,

Like I'm from the Midwest,

So maybe it's just,

You know,

In my genes,

I could just eat like cheese and cheese.

It wouldn't bother me.

I think that sometimes religion or spiritual approaches can be like that too.

What works for one person is the total wrong thing for another.

It's just so against their constitution.

And looking back,

I think Catholicism was the wrong thing for my constitution.

It made me more anxious.

It made me feel more and more guilty.

It made me feel more and more imperfect,

More and more,

You know,

Sinful,

You know,

To use the term from the church.

More and more unworthy.

And,

You know,

I was probably already coming from a place of feeling unworthy.

So to grow up in then an ecosystem where,

You know,

A lot of the prayers are like,

I'm not worthy to receive you,

But only say the word and I shall be healed.

That just piled and piled and piled that on top of me until I felt so low and so terrible and pretty neurotic.

Like I remember,

This is pretty funny story,

I think looking back is that I remember if I thought a girl in my class was pretty,

That was a sin and that I was going to hell because I was told that if you looked at a woman and thought she was,

You know,

Like you had lustful thoughts about her,

You were going to hell.

That was as good as having slept with her.

And I took that to heart.

Other kids were probably like,

That's ridiculous and didn't,

They just,

Whatever.

But I took that to heart.

And so I would go through almost every day and there was almost some point every day where I was like,

I am going to hell for this thing that I've done,

Which is looking back is ridiculous.

And it was minor,

Like I borrowed a pencil and forgot to give it back.

And so in my mind now I had stolen this pencil.

So it created great anxiety,

Neuroses and more unworthiness.

And so I would go to confession every single day after school,

I would tell my parents that I was going to the library and I would go to the library also and have my dad pick me up there.

But really the reason I was staying was so that I could go to confession after school in order to feel like I,

Yeah,

Like I could absolve myself of these horrible things that I thought that I was doing.

I think because it made me so miserable,

Something inside me just rejected it and pushed it away.

And I eventually was like,

I know this doesn't work for me.

Anything that makes me feel that horrific about who I am,

When I'm a good person,

This isn't,

This something's off here.

I'll tell one quick story because I thought of this earlier that I wanted to share this with you was because I think this is a beautiful aspect of what religions can do.

Religions can teach you about magic,

You know,

And the magic of existence in life.

So I saw the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark when who knows how young I was,

Eight,

10,

Probably too young to be watching the movie,

But I was captivated.

And the idea of the Ark of the Covenant,

You know,

Fits so perfectly into the religious doctrine I was raised in.

And so like,

It was like,

This is right up my alley,

This adventure who's looking for these religious relics and the lost Ark being one of them.

I remember after watching the movie,

I went to bed and I knew that this was just a movie so that they hadn't really found the lost Ark.

And so I thought,

That means it's still out there somewhere.

So I said,

I'm gonna write a letter to God.

And I wrote this letter and I put it on my bed stand.

And I said,

You know,

God,

If you will draw me a map of where the Ark is on the back of this paper,

I won't tell anyone where it is,

I will keep the secret,

But I just,

You know,

Want to know where it is and where it exists.

And I believed in it so wholeheartedly that God would reveal the location of the Ark,

That I,

The next morning,

Got up and,

You know,

Looked and obviously he had not shown me the path to the lost Ark,

But I so believed in the magic of that,

That I had no doubt that in the morning I would have a map.

But I also think it's like innate in children to want to believe in that magic and embody that magic and bring it into their lives.

That idea of what is real and what is not real with the air quotes is,

They haven't learned that yet.

They haven't like absorbed that idea yet.

No,

No,

And no,

You know,

None of my idealism had been dashed you know,

I thought there was no reason why I wouldn't get a map from God for,

You know,

To the location of the lost Ark.

I just thought there was no reason why I wouldn't.

For me these days,

What kind of guides me is,

I kind of have this sense of what the next step is or what the next thing is.

Like I can't,

You know,

I think there are some people that have the gift of foresight and they can really see into the future and have insights about what's needed,

What's coming and that kind of thing.

And for me,

I just know,

I have this sense in sort of like my solar plexus and,

You know,

People will say like a gut feeling,

But that's,

And that's definitely where I feel it.

If I have a few directions to choose from,

I have a sense of,

Oh,

This is actually the direction to go.

I don't get visions of what it is necessarily.

It really is like a feeling of certainty and whether,

You know,

You'd consider that like communication with,

You know,

The universe,

The great spirit,

Whatever,

Or if it's like intuition or if that is a conversation,

Right?

Intuition is a conversation with the everything,

The allness.

So sort of one example I have is,

So gosh,

My dad,

He died seven years ago now and he had a number of like heart problems and things like from birth.

So he was already sort of starting beyond the behind the eight ball.

So for him to have lived to almost be 70 was incredible.

But anyway,

Towards the end of his life,

He had kidney,

Was having kidney failure also.

So he was on dialysis.

He was going to dialysis multiple times a week.

And then they said,

Oh,

You're gonna actually have to go even more.

So he was gonna have to spend like four days a week in dialysis.

And he just said,

You know what?

This,

I can't,

Like my life is attached to a machine.

I,

This isn't life.

I've had a great life.

I'm ready to go.

And so he said,

I'm done with the dialysis.

Normally people that stop dialysis die within a month.

Like,

I don't know what it is.

It's like,

I think a month is actually a stretch.

They don't live very long.

So my dad stopped dialysis in July.

We spent Christmas with him in December.

He was still alive in December.

The doctors couldn't figure out what the heck is going on.

How are you still alive?

They figured out that he,

By the way,

Only had one kidney.

He was born with one kidney.

They never knew all his life that he only had one kidney until it started to fail.

And he had to go on dialysis.

They said,

Oh,

You know,

You only have one kidney.

And he said,

No,

I don't know that.

So here's a man that should have been dead within a month.

Even if he had two kidneys,

He's got one and he's still living five months later.

He was kind of in misery and he was sort of at a loss.

Like,

Why am I still alive?

It was sort of,

The Bible sort of reminds me of that moment like when Jesus says,

I think,

My God,

My God,

Why have you forsaken me?

That was the feeling I got from my dad.

It's like,

Why have you forsaken me?

I'm supposed to be dead.

I'm suffering.

I'm still alive.

It makes no sense.

And so one day I was laying in bed and I was just thinking about my dad and the situation and going,

How is he still alive?

And I had this very calm,

So it wasn't like a big feeling and like a booming voice or anything.

It was a very calm,

Sort of still,

Certain voice kind of coming in my gut.

And it was,

He needs to heal things with his brother.

I thought,

Oh,

That's really interesting.

And I knew exactly what was meant by that.

And so I called my dad the next day and I said,

You know,

Dad,

I know that you and your brother,

Jim,

Like,

It's not like you're on bad terms,

But the sense I have is that you just kind of need to like,

Come together and say,

Things are okay.

We,

All the things that are in our past,

We don't need to dredge them up.

We don't need to talk about them.

We just really need to like acknowledge we're okay.

That stuff doesn't matter.

And my dad was just,

I said,

I got this feeling.

I got this sense.

I got,

You know,

Almost like a message.

And he really kind of took it in.

And I wasn't sure if he was gonna do anything about it because it did seem a little,

You know,

Maybe to his way of thinking of things like maybe odd and strange,

But I could hear him taking it in and sure enough,

He called his brother.

His brother was really glad to hear from him.

He didn't know that he was dying.

And his brother came and visited one afternoon.

And that's,

I don't even think they spoke about the past.

I don't think they needed to say anything.

It was really just that feeling that I had was,

You just need to come together and acknowledge like your bond and your love and see like,

Right?

Like,

Oh,

We're okay.

And within,

I think it was two weeks after that,

My dad died because I think,

And he got to see his brother a few times,

But I think what happened is,

I got that sense,

Whatever that voice was,

Just kind of said like,

That's why he's still here is because he hasn't healed that.

And as soon as that happens,

He'll be able to let go.

That's what happened.

And it feels,

You know,

Kind of,

It feels very emotional even now to feel like,

Oh,

Wow,

I feel lucky that I was open enough or listening enough or whatever to receive that message,

You know,

Because I guess,

You know,

Somebody needed to receive the message.

So I guess I was just the open conduit at that moment.

It was beautiful.

And,

You know,

Like I said,

It felt kind of like an honor to,

You know,

Receive the message to sort of be the bearer of that.

And that's sort of how intuition or communication,

You know,

With the universe seems to work for me.

It's really small and subtle.

And,

You know,

I only know sort of the next step of what's right.

And not always,

Of course,

But that's all I can generally see is like,

Well,

I do know this is the right thing to do next.

And the word I was gonna use and the word that I've used in my life for a while is right path.

And so,

And I think right path,

Just those two words that the notion of those two words,

The idea of those two words is in many,

Many cultures.

So as far as,

You know,

Discerning,

Intuiting,

You said you take three different options in your life,

But you can intuitively know what the right path is.

And I think everybody has that ability.

You just have to become in relationship with it.

You have to sink down into the knowing of it,

If that makes any sense.

It does.

Yeah,

It requires you to kind of get a little quieter.

And I think that,

You know,

Sometimes we're not comfortable with that,

Especially now,

We're not comfortable with the quiet.

And I think that's why sometimes like,

You know,

This with my dad,

I received it sort of like in the still of night,

You know,

Laying there in bed,

That's when I got the sense,

Okay.

And I find in the mornings too,

You know,

Before the day has gotten noisy and there's traffic or,

You know,

Whatever it is in the world,

As the energy rises,

Things are a little bit clearer,

You know,

Which is probably why too,

Right?

When you go to bed and you could be feeling something really awful and so stirred up and maybe sometimes want to solve it.

And like,

When you're,

When you're wise enough,

You go,

It's not going to get solved tonight.

Let me put this down for tonight.

In the morning,

I will see things differently or more clearly.

And I don't know.

It's my experience that sure enough in the morning,

Sometimes it's like,

Oh,

It's very obvious.

This is not a big,

This is,

I know exactly what to do.

And I don't know.

I don't,

It's just like,

Maybe there is something about the quiet that we need in order to hear those,

Those messages.

I think what I really admire and I think what I really admire I think what I really admire and I think what I really admire and I think what I really admire and what really captures me about your story is that you and what really captures me about your story is that you brought healing to two people and that is so powerful.

And one of the things I'm thinking about your life and all the stories you've told and the work you've done is over and over,

You talk about healing and you bring healing to people,

Whether it's through words or whether it's through,

You know,

Your graphic novel and the own healing you brought yourself,

Whether it's through your screenplays,

The stories you tell,

Bringing healing to other people.

It's such a theme in your life.

You're right.

And I don't think I would have seen it that way up until like 2011.

And what happened in 2011 is I moved to Los Angeles to continue,

You know,

This path of being a storyteller and was pursuing acting very seriously and,

You know,

Screenwriting and all of these things.

And,

But along the way,

I was going through like a really challenging breakup on again,

Off again with this woman.

And I had just moved across the country and left behind my whole life in Minnesota and my family.

So there was a lot of loneliness.

So I was a little bit,

I was just a lot lost and really not on a great place health wise mentally.

And a friend of mine recommended this,

A guy named David Elliott,

Who the healing is his entire thing.

He has a book called Healing and it's all about like killing all of these aspects of yourself,

Like,

You know,

The wounding you have from,

You know,

Whatever it is abuse or your childhood or your lack of self-love or whatever it all is.

And his real prescription is through creativity.

He believes that creativity is a shortcut to healing.

So I called him and,

You know,

Talking with him and just trying to understand how,

You know,

He might work with me and we just got to talking.

And he said,

Oh,

Where do you live?

And I said,

Oh,

I live in Eagle Rock.

And he's like,

Oh,

Well,

That's where I live.

It turns out we lived a half a mile from each other.

And over time I started to like,

You know,

Take care of his house,

How sit for him when he was gone,

Cause he would travel for workshops and stuff like this.

And so I always thought that was kind of remarkable too,

Is that in a city that massive and sprawling,

The person that I really needed to help put me back on a path lived less than a half mile.

I could walk to his house.

But then there's just these other things that are just so clear and that message was so clear.

I think it helped me to calibrate my own attunement,

You know,

So that it was like,

Oh,

When a message comes in that way,

That is coming from,

You know,

Spirit or the beyond.

I got real sense of what the quality of that felt like for me so that when it happens again,

I know what that feels like.

I was just thinking about how you and Kathleen are such a really powerful,

Interesting couple,

Because,

You know,

She brings healing through her music and the song she writes and just her amazing blatant talent of creation.

And so she's,

You know,

She's telling stories through her songs,

Through her music and,

You know,

When she performs,

Cause I certainly never seen her perform in person,

But you know,

When she puts videos up and stuff,

It's very powerful to witness that and how it's like affecting people and how it is in the room that she's inhabiting and that you bring healing through stories,

Through screenplays,

Through everything that you're doing.

And so it's kind of like,

You guys are like this uber couple as the Nazis would say,

An uber couple.

It's always good to bring the Nazis into a conversation about spirituality.

Well,

I think they also wanted the Ark of the Covenant and maybe if they would have written a note to God and put it beside their bed and asked for the map.

That's all,

That was what was missing.

Maybe that's why I didn't get it.

It wasn't for,

The message wasn't for me.

This has been episode 22 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us,

If only we open our eyes to it.

I'd like to thank Mr.

Sean Boyd,

The fabulous creator of the graphic novel,

Winona Forever,

For being my guest today,

As well as the creators of the music used.

Lilo Sound,

Sasha End,

Luis Mayorga,

Oscar H.

Caballero,

Alexander Nakarada,

Brian Holt's music,

Chilled Music,

And Music L.

Files.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to books,

Music,

And maybe the graphic novel,

Winona Forever,

You never know.

Everything on the website is guaranteed to lift your spirits and inspire you and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening and here's my one request.

Be like Sean,

Find healing in your creativity and then bring that creativity to the world.

Be projectionist at Bl JOHN STEWART