So I lost my grandfather that same year.
He died in a freak motorcycling accident.
And my mom had to come home on emergency leave to bury him.
And it was an incredibly tough time because my mom had to go back.
So she came home on emergency leave.
I got to see her.
And then she had to go back to Afghanistan.
There are very few moments in my life where I recall completely breaking down.
And one was when I heard my grandfather died.
My knees buckled.
I like collapsed to the floor.
And when my mom left after his funeral.
I always really like to actually present with my name.
And that sounds silly because everybody presents with their name.
But for me as a trans man,
My name Adrian is my birth name.
And I'm very proud of my name and to not say that anybody else's journey or what they experience should define that or everybody's experience in transitioning is different.
And for many people,
A name change is absolutely necessary to feel a part of themselves.
But for me,
My name has been Adrian.
And I am a trans man born of Carrie Rubin.
She,
Yeah,
She is an incredible mother.
And I feel really gracious to have her.
It's ironic that my last name's Coffee as I am also a coffee professional and have been for about 10 years,
Which always kind of makes people giggle.
So I identify and present in the world as Adrian Coffee,
A trans man who just happens to be in the coffee.
I never really identified as a girl.
It never really was a thing that I actively pursued when I was younger.
Like at the age of seven-ish,
I got my first skateboard.
I started getting into comic books.
And my mom just kind of labeled me as a tomboy at that point in time.
I found myself being attracted to girls at a very young age,
Really wanting to be around them,
Wanting to interact with them way more,
But felt so much more comfortable in my skin,
Like hanging out with my cousins and stuff,
Which were all boys.
As I kind of grew up as a teenager,
Went through puberty and everything,
I definitely embraced around like 13 or 14 the side of femininity.
My chest was starting to develop.
I was starting to,
Quote unquote,
Become a woman.
Those were literally like some of the worst years of my life.
I hated puberty as a girl.
It never really sat well with me.
It always made me feel kind of like I don't ever want to say like the source or God or whatever made a mistake in the maintenance room.
But more so that I just always felt kind of squeamish and not really in my body and never really felt like cherishing of my body.
I always knew that I was a,
Quote unquote,
Top boy.
Always knew that I wanted to dress like a boy.
I wanted to like hang out with the boys.
But didn't know there was a name for it.
Didn't know that there was a potential for me to ever step into that space.
And so a lot of people have asked me more recently because I came out at 27.
This was last year.
I came out at 27.
And they're like,
Why are you coming out so late?
Like why did you always feel this way?
And the answer is like I don't know.
I didn't know that being trans was an option for me.
I didn't know that there was a name for it,
Gender dysphoria.
The feeling of like really not sitting well with my gender.
But for me,
I think I've known about it since I was about seven years old.
But it really,
Really hit me hard as a teenager.
Puberty sucks.
Now I'm going through puberty round two.
So it's great.
Luckily,
My prefrontal cortex has fully developed.
So I can handle it a little bit better.
I mentioned before my mom was deployed to Afghanistan.
It was my senior year.
So she missed my entire senior year.
She missed prom.
She missed my homecoming.
I came out as bisexual while she was gone and then later came out as gay.
This is in 2009.
So people,
I mean,
This is still where things are pretty heavy in that area of the world.
I mean,
There was just the potential that she could not come back.
The Navy really did my mom in and sent her overseas just two years before her retirement was supposed to kick in.
And she left behind three children.
And my stepfather,
He tried,
But he was not equipped to be raising children that were not his.
So I lost my grandfather that same year.
He died in a freak motorcycling accident.
And my mom had to come home on emergency leave to bury him.
And it was an incredibly tough time because my mom had to go back.
So she came home on emergency leave.
I got to see her.
And then she had to go back to Afghanistan.
There are very few moments in my life where I recall completely breaking down.
And one was when I heard my grandfather died.
My knees buckled.
I collapsed to the floor.
And when my mom left after his funeral.
Now thinking on it,
It's probably one of like if you were to capture it on film,
Probably one of the saddest experiences of my life.
So my graduation was coming up.
And I was like,
Oh,
My mom,
She came home on emergency leave.
So I was like,
There's no way in hell my mom's going to make my graduation.
So graduation comes up.
And I get home.
And it's like maybe like two or three days before graduation.
And I go into my parents' bedroom.
And my mom is sitting on the edge of the bed in uniform.
Like home to see me graduate.
I can't remember a time in my life where I felt that much relief and that much joy at the simplicity in that moment of like just getting to see my mother.
Whatever string she pulled,
Whatever she was able to do to get home to me,
To witness this big moment in my life,
And to be there for that was in itself I felt like magical.
This has been episode 26 of Bite-Sized Blessings,
The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us if only we open our eyes to it.
And whether you choose to listen to our Bite-sized offerings for that 5 to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,
We're grateful you're here.
I'd like to thank Adrian Coffey for sharing his story today,
As well as the creators of the music used.
Raphael Crux,
Lilo Sound,
Chilled Music,
Music L.
Files,
Winnie the Moog,
And Music Hald.
For complete attribution,
Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sizedblessings.
Com.
On the website,
You'll find links to other episodes,
As well as to change makers,
Playlists,
Books,
And music I think will lift and inspire you.
Thank you for listening,
And here's my one request.
Be like Adrian.
Figure out your authentic self,
And then bravely live that self in the world.
Personally,
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