Episode Twenty-Eight: The Interview - Nora Cazares

Her indigenous roots are her truth. In this longer episode hear how Nora has learned to come to peace with this part of herself-and come to peace with her family legacy, both of which allow her access to worlds most cannot see.

Transcript

I had an experience when I was 17.

I was going through a heartbreak,

My first breakup,

But my mom,

She was really concerned about me and she had met this older couple,

Indigenous,

Mexican mixed indigenous couple that lived in Southern Colorado.

And she invited them to our house and they did a Olympia,

A cleansing.

I didn't take it seriously at all and I was just like,

You know,

They were hitting me.

I was just like,

This is not,

I don't have a demon or yeah,

Negative energy.

Yes.

But I,

This is a heartbreak,

Mom.

It's a heartbreak.

I just like still remember.

It's like,

Wah,

Hah,

Hah.

You know,

They were hitting me and they had their little bowl.

Also it was in the middle of the living room.

Like the lights were on.

There was like an audience.

I was just like,

What is happening?

No ambiance.

There was no ambiance.

No,

No,

No.

It was like one,

Two,

Three,

You're done.

It's all about the ambiance.

Hi,

My name is Nora Cazares.

I am an American of Mexican descent.

I am from the mountains of Colorado,

Born in Mexico,

But I grew up all of my life here.

First generation.

I would say that primarily I'm an artist.

I'm an entrepreneur,

But I am,

I'm an artist.

I'm very creative.

I have a lot of empathy.

So I do associate myself as an empath.

I'm very sensitive,

Very intuitive.

And I think that it also is a direct correlation to my indigenous roots.

I feel that.

I feel a connection to earth,

If that makes sense.

I also think of you as a storyteller.

Yes.

Yes.

I forgot to say that.

And I love whiskey.

I grew up.

So I do consider myself culturally to be Catholic,

But I don't,

I don't practice.

I don't practice any,

I don't subscribe to any religion,

But I was baptized as a Catholic and my family,

They're all Catholic.

And it's a very specific Catholic.

It's Mexican Catholicism,

Which is intense.

I did my first communion when I was 12,

But I think around that age,

Probably when I was 13,

I was questioning a lot of things.

And I spoke to my mom about it and her reaction was,

You're a witch if you don't believe in God.

And I was just like,

That's not exactly what I'm talking about though.

I just have questions.

And then she kind of separated herself from the church.

My dad never really went.

And I think he also had his own beliefs,

Which is a little bit like,

We're not very traditional in a sense.

I don't know much about my indigenous roots though,

Or what they practice.

I only feel it.

The stories that I hear are from my mom's dad's side.

So my mom's dad is full indigenous.

I believe from the Tarahumara people in Chihuahua,

But we don't know because the story goes that his mother,

She is from,

Was,

Sorry,

Was from Chihuahua and she identified as a Tarahumara woman.

And when I was 18,

When my grandpa's father met her and my grandpa's father,

He was sent to Northern Mexico to fight in the Mexican revolution because he was caught spying on a girl in the state of Jalisco while she was like bathing in the river.

And so instead of spending time in prison during that time,

They were like,

We need warm bodies to fight the revolution.

And so he went and the story is that he escaped and the guys that were in the front lines,

They were like,

They're like,

Screw it,

We're going to go.

And so he spent some time,

I think it was the city of Torreon.

And so he met her and lied to her and said that he was from there.

And he's like,

Oh,

You want to get married?

Because people back then they were like,

You looked at my ankles,

We have to get married now.

And then a month went by and she finally realized this guy is lying to me.

We're actually heading back South to the state of Jalisco.

And she never saw her family again when she was 16.

My mom says she was a very bitter,

Angry woman.

And I'm like,

Well,

Why not?

I feel like,

You know,

I'm a very strong believer in generational pain,

Trauma being passed down.

They do speak about,

Like them having a dawn and like having a connection to healing and being midwives.

And then my father's mother who passed away over a decade ago,

She's the one who's half French and half indigenous.

They talk a lot about her knowing a lot of black magic.

I don't know.

Like she kind of dedicated her side,

Her life more towards like scary stuff.

But I don't know how much of that is true.

And I saw a black and white portrait of her and I got to know her when I was probably around 10,

10 to 13.

And she was a wonderful woman,

Amazing cook.

She was strong.

She literally helped my grandpa build their home.

I went through sleep paralysis.

I think a lot of kids do,

But I definitely had sleep paralysis up until I was like 20,

21.

So when I was 19 and I was a freshman in college at CU Boulder,

I was staying in the dorm.

I shared the room with two girls,

But they were never there.

And this time my roommate,

Kara,

She was there and she was like,

Her bed was kind of a cross for mine so I could see her.

And I remember waking up and my body was paralyzed and I was sleeping on my stomach.

My head on the side,

I could see Kara.

And then I kind of like go back in into sleep because you know that you're under sleep paralysis.

And then all of a sudden I feel this like massive,

Massive pressure on me,

Weight on me.

And I opened my eyes again and there's this girl straddled on top of me.

I can't see her face cause I can't move,

But I can see her long black hair and she has a white nightgown and I can hear her breathing in my ear.

And I was looking at Kara,

I was like,

Oh shit,

My pants.

My heart just dropped.

And I was looking at her and I was looking at this thing and I'm like,

There's no way I'm hallucinating this because I can see Kara and I can see this.

So I closed my eyes back.

You know,

I closed them again,

Opened them,

She was still there.

And I used to do this because I'm,

You know,

Was raised Catholic,

I would count one,

Two,

Three,

And then I would say God's name and then it like disappear.

Did that and it worked.

She went away.

In that same dorm room a couple of months later,

I had a dream about my family and I woke up and I felt really like concerned for my youngest sister.

And I was like,

I hope she's okay.

So I called my mom the next day.

I'm like,

Hey,

Are you guys okay?

Like I had a dream.

And she's like,

Oh,

Nora,

We were in a car accident last night and everyone's fine.

But Yadi,

Who is my youngest sister,

She was on the side where the car hit.

I felt that.

And then just throughout the years being in certain rooms or being in homes,

I could definitely tell when,

When something was off and also when people are kind of off.

And this most recent experience,

I worked at this law firm here in Albuquerque in the Nob Hill kind of historic location.

And this building is a one story building,

But it's been upgraded.

So it's originally,

I think from the fifties.

And so I did like reception duties part-time and then back it was assistant duties,

Office assistant duties.

So I was like in both places.

And at the start of the pandemic,

I think that's when it kind of started happening.

We had to limit the space to five,

I don't know,

Six,

I don't know.

And so it was just a couple of us there.

The first time I noticed it,

It was a Friday.

And on Fridays I was alone for half of the day.

So it was starting like at lunchtime.

And then the rest of the day I was alone,

Except for a paralegal who was like way in the,

On the other side.

And I started hearing like rustling of papers in that corner in like the new edition,

The newest edition.

I'm like,

That's weird.

Is someone here?

And then on Monday,

I didn't really think anything of it,

But on Monday I was talking to one of the guys who works there.

Who's been there for like 20 plus years.

And I was like,

Hey David,

This is so strange.

Were you here on Friday?

And he doesn't work on Friday.

Sometimes he comes in and he's like,

No,

I wasn't like,

Okay,

I swear.

I heard someone back there like tearing papers or rustling papers.

He's like,

Oh no,

You know,

We hear a lot of noises,

But he didn't really go into it.

And then that week I just kept hearing like footsteps.

And I talked to my supervisor about it and she's like,

Yes,

We've heard things here.

Basically this guy who was an electrician when they were building the new edition,

He died of a heart attack and he died over there and they found him.

Like,

Oh great.

So that explains a lot,

I guess.

So then rewind to Thursday night and I was sleeping in my apartment and I had a nightmare where I was at work and this old lady,

She wasn't that old.

This older lady was just like coming up to me and she was angry.

Like she was just like,

She was angry.

And so then the following day,

Which was Friday,

Again,

I was by myself.

I was finishing up an email on the backside and I kept like,

You know,

When you can tell someone's like staring at you at one point I like turn and as I turn,

There's this like shadow that kind of just left.

I'm like,

Fuck this shit.

So I left,

I ran out.

So then on Monday I tell my supervisor like this happened.

It's really creepy.

I don't know.

And she starts to tell me stories about her experiences being in the building throughout the years.

Cause she's been there for like 20 plus years.

Then the following week,

It just gets worse and I'm there and I hear,

It's not even like,

They're not even hiding anything,

Whoever they are.

It's like,

You can hear the steps,

You can sense it.

It's like all around me.

I was not,

I was not okay.

I was calm.

I was reading a story on the computer in the reception area.

And then all of a sudden I hear just like out of nowhere,

Like a crumbling right behind me.

And I turned in these plants.

There's like a row of they're individual plants.

So they're not connected,

But the one book like right behind me just swayed and stopped like someone had just slapped it.

So I call the paralegal her name's like,

Okay,

She comes over.

I told her what happened.

I'm like,

I don't know what's going on.

I'm like getting on top of furniture.

I'm like,

What is happening?

The air is not on.

She's like,

Oh,

Maybe it was a rat.

I'm like,

Girl,

There's no rats in here.

What are you talking about?

And then I moved the plant and it did the same sound.

I don't know.

Um,

But it continued and I would come home just crying cause I was so frustrated.

I'm like,

I don't know how to explain this.

I called my parents.

Luckily they believe me cause I,

It is that like intuitive.

I think Mexicans have it,

You know,

In general,

Um,

Indigenous Mexican where you are,

You're very intuitive to that.

And they're like,

Oh my gosh,

Maybe,

You know,

They're trying to tell you something.

Like,

I don't know what they would be telling me.

Of course my mom,

Cause it's so common disbelief of,

Oh no,

These spirits are trying to tell you that there's money there.

They're trying to tell you that there's,

There's probably money buried in the plants.

Like mom,

No,

Come on.

Has anyone else in your family ever said they've had any experiences like this?

My brother.

Oh my gosh.

I could tell you.

He is like a hundred times more intuitive.

He has experienced.

Oh my gosh,

Six years older than me.

Only guy and growing up,

We weren't poor,

But we definitely,

We were,

Yeah,

We were kind of poor.

And so we lived in the crappiest,

The crappiest little places.

I will tell you when,

When my dad,

It's complicated.

So my mom married my dad.

My dad had been coming to the U S since he was 16,

I think.

And then they got married when mom was 19 and he's three years older than her and they moved to Oregon and mom was seven months pregnant.

She actually ended up crossing the border at seven months pregnant.

She had Claudia,

Who's the oldest in Oregon.

And then she had my brother,

Louise,

Two years later,

And then she missed her family.

And then they,

She ended up moving back to Mexico dad at the time he had gotten his residency under the Reagan administration.

Thank goodness.

And he was coming back and forth,

Spend six months here,

Six months over there.

And then mom ended up having Gloria and then myself in Mexico.

Finally she decided,

You know,

What am I doing here?

Ended up taking Claudia.

Well,

Louise ended up going to live with dad before mom took Claudia,

Who's the oldest Gloria and myself.

And we just,

We crossed the border.

Claudia crossed with my uncle.

She was a citizen and mom,

Gloria and I crossed with someone else.

And we just,

We met my dad on the other side.

It was somewhere in Arizona.

So it's a complicated story,

But anyways,

We ended up living in this tiny,

Tiny two bedroom little house that was actually a renovated Japanese internment camp housing in Tule Lake,

California,

Because that's where they had the biggest Japanese internment camp.

A lot of it is destroyed now.

And a lot of it is just like ranching,

But that little piece of shit,

Two bedroom apartment.

And he started seeing a lot of things because he,

My brother had to sleep in the living room.

He always had to sleep in the living room on the couch.

And then we moved to Malin,

Oregon,

Which is crossing the Oregon border.

We have a lot of family there.

It's 15 minutes away.

And we lived in this little trailer on easy street.

And he had to sleep in the living room and he saw a lot of things.

And then when we moved to Colorado before my parents actually decided to buy a house,

Things changed for the better.

He had a sleep paralysis episode in the living room where our great grandmother,

I don't know which one it was,

But she was,

She just appeared and was just like staring at him.

And then when he got married to this girl from Mexico,

My parents built a house down there and then he kind of took over the house and they started Blanca,

Who's my sister-in-law and him,

When they would stay down there,

They started hearing a lot of things in that house and they started seeing some man with like a hat outside the house.

And it turns out that that place was the site of an execution during,

After the Mexican revolution around that area.

And then now there's this man-made lake where they dump a lot of bodies there because the cartel has kind of taken over.

It's dangerous,

That area and that road,

They've used it a lot.

So of course there's like,

I don't know what type of energy going on there.

I refuse to stay in that house.

The last time I stayed there was for my brother's wedding,

Which was back in January,

2014.

Yeah,

That place,

That energy,

It's like New Mexico coming from Colorado and then coming into New Mexico,

The energy here is very old.

It's very dark and sad.

And then you go to Mexico and it's 10 times worse,

Especially at night.

At the night time,

The darkness is this like darkness that you can't even explain.

Gloria is very intuitive.

My little sisters,

Everyone,

I think my dad,

I think it runs the family maybe.

I was just going to say,

It's like,

It's been handed down by the ancestors.

I don't think they had a very good,

Peaceful life.

I think there is a lot of generational trauma that's been passed down.

A lot of generational trauma,

But it also seems like they gave gifts too.

They have gifts in their DNA.

It's interesting.

I think about the DNA double helix,

Just in respect to one side of the helix being the trauma,

The generational trauma,

And the other side being the gifts of sensitivity,

Intuition,

Empathy and they're like wound together.

It's almost like you can't have one without the other.

If that doesn't sound too insensitive.

I mean,

It makes sense.

And I do believe that I have a lot of trauma from my childhood.

A lot happened.

A lot happened,

Just one thing that really traumatized me.

I was four and we lived in Tule Lake,

California.

And my mom didn't get along with these ladies in town who were related to my dad's brother's wife.

We were walking to my mom's friend's house one day and she decided not to cut through the alley because there were some dogs there and she's always had,

From her childhood trauma too,

She's been scared of dogs.

And so we went the other way and these ladies happened to live there and they were all there in the front yard and they started yelling things at her.

And then the next thing you know,

They're literally beating her up.

She was like,

Nora,

Run.

And so I ran and I ran to her friend's house and I told her and she came over and stopped the fight.

But I think that is an unresolved trauma that I've always had.

It was scary.

And I don't remember this happening,

But my mom,

Of course,

She does.

She says that I didn't sleep very well.

I don't know for how long,

But I would just scream out while I was sleeping.

Yeah,

I was four.

That was such a shock,

Such a shock to me.

I wonder if your sleep paralysis is related to that incident.

Oh gosh,

I've never made that connection.

I'm only saying that because I'm sure as a four year old,

You felt paralyzed because you couldn't do anything.

It's just an interesting thing to think about,

I think.

This has been episode 28 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us.

If only we open our eyes to it.

And whether you choose to listen to our Bite-Sized offerings for that five to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank my guest today,

Nora Cazares,

For sharing her story as well as the creators of the music used.

Sasha End,

Chilled Music,

Alexander Nakarada,

Oscar H.

Caballero,

Kevin McLeod,

Raphael Crux,

And Music L.

Files.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other books,

Music,

Change makers,

And playlists that'll be sure to brighten your day.

Thank you for listening,

And here's my one request.

Be like Nora and honor your ancestors with all their trauma and gifts,

And use both to imagine a better world into being.