Episode Twenty-Eight: The Byte - Nora Cazares

Her indigenous roots are her truth. In this byte hear how Nora has learned to come to peace with this part of herself and come to peace with her family legacy, both of which allow her access to worlds most cannot see.

Transcript

I had an experience when I was 17.

I was going through a heartbreak,

My first breakup,

But my mom,

She was really concerned about me and she had met this older couple,

Indigenous,

Mexican mixed indigenous couple that lived in Southern Colorado.

And she invited them to our house and they did a Olympia,

A cleansing.

I didn't take it seriously at all.

And I was just like,

You know,

They were hitting me.

I was just like,

This is not,

I don't have a demon or yeah,

Negative energy.

Yes.

But I,

This is a heartbreak mom.

It's a heartbreak.

I just like still remember.

It's like,

Wah,

Wah,

You know,

They're hitting me and they had their little bowl.

Also,

It was in the middle of the living room.

Like the lights were on.

There was like an audience.

I was just like,

What is happening?

No ambiance.

There was no ambiance.

No,

No,

No.

It was like one,

Two,

Three.

You're done.

It's all about the ambiance.

I grew up.

So I do consider myself culturally to be Catholic,

But I don't,

I don't practice.

I don't practice any,

I don't subscribe to any religion,

But I was baptized as a Catholic and my family,

They're all Catholic and it's a very specific Catholic.

It's Mexican Catholicism,

Which is intense.

I did my first communion when I was 12,

But I think around that age,

Probably when I was 13,

I was questioning a lot of things and I spoke to my mom about it.

And her reaction was you're a witch.

If you don't believe in God.

And I was just like,

That's not exactly what I'm talking about though.

I'm,

I just have questions.

And then she kind of separated herself from the church.

My dad never really went and I think he also had his own beliefs,

Which is a little bit like,

We're not very traditional in a sense.

I don't know much about my indigenous roots though,

Or what they practice.

I only feel it.

The stories that I hear are from my mom's dad's side.

So my mom's dad is full indigenous.

I believe from the Tarahumara people in Chihuahua,

But we don't know because the story goes that his mother,

She is from,

Was,

Sorry,

Was from Chihuahua.

And she identified as a Tarahumara woman.

She was 16 when my grandpa's father met her and my grandpa's father,

He was sent to Northern Mexico to fight in the Mexican revolution because he was caught spying on a girl in the state of Jalisco while she was like bathing in the river.

And so instead of spending time in prison during that time,

They were like,

We need warm bodies to fight the revolution.

And so he went and the story is that he escaped and the guys that were in the front lines,

They were like,

They're like,

Screw it,

We're going to go.

And so he spent some time,

I think it was the city of Torreon.

And so he met her and lied to her and said that he was from there.

And he's like,

Oh,

You want to get married?

Because people back then they were like,

You looked at my ankles,

We have to get married now.

And a month went by and she finally realized this guy is lying to me.

We're actually heading back South to the state of Jalisco.

And she never saw her family again when she was 16.

My mom says she was a very bitter,

Angry woman.

And I'm like,

Well,

Why not?

I feel like,

You know,

I,

I'm a very strong believer in generational pain,

Trauma being passed down.

They do speak about,

Like them having a dawn and like having a connection to healing and being midwives.

And then my father's mother who passed away over a decade ago,

She's the one who's half French and half indigenous.

They talk a lot about her knowing a lot of black magic.

I don't know,

Like she kind of dedicated her side,

Her,

Her life more towards like scary stuff,

But I don't,

I don't know how much of that is true.

And I saw a black and white portrait of her and I got to know her when I was probably around 10,

10 to 13.

And she was a wonderful woman,

Amazing cook.

She was strong.

She literally helped my grandpa build their home.

I went through sleep paralysis.

I think a lot of kids do,

But I definitely had sleep paralysis up until I was like 20,

21.

So when I was 19 and I was a freshman in college at CU Boulder,

I was staying in the dorm.

I shared the room with two girls,

But they were never there.

And this time my roommate Kara,

She was there and she was like,

Her bed was kind of a cross for mine so I could see her.

And I remember waking up and my body was paralyzed and I was sleeping on my stomach.

My head on the side,

I could see Kara and then I kind of like go back in into sleep because you know that you're under sleep paralysis.

And then all of a sudden I feel this like massive,

Massive pressure on me,

Weight on me.

And I opened my eyes again and there's this girl straddled on top of me.

I can't see her face cause I can't move,

But I can see her long black hair and she has a white nightgown and I can hear her breathing in my ear.

And I was looking at Kara,

I was like,

Oh shit,

My pants.

My heart just dropped.

And I was looking at her and I was looking at this thing and I'm like,

There's no way I'm hallucinating this because I can see Kara and I can see this.

So I closed my eyes back.

You know,

I closed them again,

Opened them,

She was still there.

And I used to do this because I'm,

You know,

Was raised Catholic.

I would count one,

Two,

Three,

And then I would say God's name and then it like disappear.

Did that and it worked.

She went away.

In that same dorm room a couple of months later,

I had a dream about my family and I woke up and I felt really like concerned for my youngest sister.

And I was like,

I hope she's okay.

So I called my mom the next day.

I'm like,

Hey,

Are you guys okay?

Like I had a dream.

And she's like,

Oh,

Nora,

We were in a car accident last night and everyone's fine.

But Yari,

Who is my youngest sister,

She was on the side where the car hit.

I felt that.

Gloria is very intuitive.

My little sisters,

Everyone,

I think my dad,

I think it runs the family.

Maybe I was just going to say it's like,

It's been handed down by the ancestors.

I don't think they had a very good,

Peaceful life.

I think there is a lot of generational trauma that's been passed down a lot of generational trauma,

But it also seems like they gave gifts too.

They have gifts in their DNA.

It's interesting.

I think about the DNA double helix,

Just in respect to one side of the helix being the trauma,

The generational trauma and the other side being the gifts of sensitivity,

Intuition,

Empathy,

And they're like wound together.

It's almost like you can't have one without the other.

If that doesn't sound too insensitive.

I mean,

It makes sense.

And I do believe that I have a lot of trauma from my childhood.

A lot happened.

A lot happened.

Just one thing that really traumatized me,

I was four and we lived in Tule Lake,

California,

And my mom didn't get along with these ladies in town who were related to my dad's brother's wife.

We were walking to my mom's friend's house one day and she decided not to cut through the alley because there were some dogs there and she's always had,

You know,

From her childhood trauma too.

She's been scared of dogs.

And so we went the other way and these ladies happened to live there and they were all there in the front yard and they started yelling things at her.

And then the next thing you know,

They're like literally beating her up.

She was like,

Nora run.

And so I ran and I ran to her friend's house and I told her and she came over and stopped the fight.

But I think that is an unresolved trauma that I've always had.

It was scary.

And I don't remember this happening,

But my mom,

Of course,

She does.

She says that I didn't sleep very well.

I don't know for how long,

But I would just like scream out while I was sleeping.

Yeah,

I was four.

That was such a shock,

Such a shock to me.

I wonder if your sleep paralysis is related to that incident.

Oh gosh,

That's,

I've never made that connection.

I'm only saying that because I'm sure as a four year old,

You felt paralyzed because you couldn't do anything.

It's just an interesting thing to think about.

I think this has been episode 28 of bite-sized blessings,

The podcast,

All about the magic and spirit that surrounds us.

If only we open our eyes to it and whether you choose to listen to our bite-sized offerings for that five to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank my guest today,

Nora Cazares for sharing her story as well as the creators of the music used.

Sasha End,

Chilled Music,

Alexander Nakarada,

Oscar H.

Caballero,

Kevin McLeod,

Raphael Crux,

And Music L.

Files.

For complete attribution,

Please see the bite-sized blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other books,

Music,

Change makers,

And playlists that'll be sure to brighten your day.

Thank you for listening and here's my one request.

Be like Nora and honor your ancestors with all their trauma and gifts and use both to imagine a better world into being.

See you next time.

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