Episode Thirty-Six: The Interview-Joy Clausen Soto

This TED talk speaker, former dolphin trainer and documentary filmmaker takes us on her miracle journey-surviving cancer and promises kept. And now that she's won First Prize for her book on her battle with cancer, she has plenty more to say.

Transcript

I got out of the hospital,

I turned on my phone,

And I found out that my grandpa had passed away.

And so I called my aunt,

I said,

I just found out I'm cancer-free.

And she's like,

That's great.

I said,

But when did he pass away?

And so I was trying to make this jive,

And it did,

Because after I had my scans,

Before I found out from the doctor,

But after I had the scans was when he had passed away.

And so then it was,

I was a complete mess the rest of the day,

Because that's all I could do was tell the story of how I found out I was cancer-free,

And my grandpa who was holding on until he knew that I was okay,

Passed away the same day.

I am a former dolphin trainer.

I'm a documentary filmmaker.

I'm a TEDx speaker.

I like speaking to groups of people about my experiences.

I'm a cancer survivor.

I'm a mom,

I'm a wife.

And I would say that I'm driven by the fact that I'm a cancer survivor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

And I would say that I'm driven by just this desire to give back while I'm here and to make my life mean something and to affect as many people as I can.

So that's really what drives me,

Is to make a big difference in people's lives.

And may I ask how you got into dolphin training because that is not a run-of-the-mill occupation.

Sure.

I got into dolphin training by,

When I was going to college,

That,

That I just wasn't cut out for it.

So I started looking at anything else that I could do.

And what I would really love to do was to work with animals.

I love animals.

I love the ocean and conservation.

And so then that kind of led to dolphin training at some point.

And so I started working with dolphins in Hawaii and eventually that led to going to SeaWorld and working there too.

The households that I grew up in were different because my parents were divorced when I was really young.

So my dad had different beliefs than my mom.

My mom and my stepdad is where I lived most of the time.

And we would go to Christian science churches,

Well,

A church,

A Christian science church,

And I just remember going there when I was little and I,

You know,

Have my own distinct personality,

Even when I'm that age.

And so I remember them not letting me go with my mom because I had to go into Sunday school,

Right?

That's what kids do.

They go to Sunday school,

But I was like,

I want to be with my mom.

How dare they separate me?

And for some reason that just didn't jive with me.

So I didn't really like that.

And then we eventually stopped going to that church.

And I also had a different influence because I had a best friend and her family would go to the Catholic church.

So every,

You know,

Sunday,

We would be same thing.

We would go into like the Sunday school and do activities and was actually fun.

And then,

Uh,

We would help out with the church because her mom was very involved with the church.

So I,

You know,

How those two influences.

And then my dad was more spiritual.

I mean,

We never went to church when I was little with my dad ever,

But I feel like my biggest influences have come from him because of things that he has said to me throughout my life.

I don't go to church now,

But so the things that my dad said to me that really influenced me when I was little was we had a bunch of relatives that passed away in a short period of time when I was really young,

My grandmother and then my great aunt,

My other great aunt.

And so there was a lot of loss in my family.

And so the way that my dad explained that loss to me was that people just need to be here for a certain amount of time in order to fulfill the,

You know,

Learn the lessons that they need to learn and to help teach other people lessons.

And that could be just a matter of minutes with a baby,

Or it could be an entire lifetime.

It just depends on that life and what that person needs to do to fulfill that.

So that has really guided me my entire life.

And that was something that was really tremendous that he has said.

And I feel like when I tell other people that it impacts them too,

Because,

You know,

Just this idea that we have these lessons,

Not only for us to learn,

But that we're going to help teach others is pretty powerful.

He said that he almost went to the church at one point,

Which I never knew about until towards the end of his life.

And then he wrote me an email that said that where he said he almost went to the church and followed that path.

But I know that he does believe that there's something else after this life.

And he gave me a book,

You know,

And he signed it and,

You know,

Wrote a little message to me with the book.

And I talked about like this person's experience and how she came back and what she saw.

And he's like,

This is what I believe.

And he gave that to me when I was 16.

So he's been preparing me for this journey of losing him because I lost him when I was 31.

So I had him for a good amount of time.

But he's been preparing me for this for a long time.

I even have emails maybe a year before he passed away where he was talking about how there's two different tracks and I'll be right there.

You won't be able to see me.

So it was really beautiful.

He's he's always prepared me spiritually for this next journey that I'd be on with him.

There's one thing that I talk about in my book,

And it's about my grandpa who used to be a Catholic priest,

Actually.

And he left the church in order to marry my grandmother.

And so he was in a home.

He was in his mid 90s.

And I remember just going to visit him and it was like he was just waiting to die.

You know,

It was watching the clock and it just seemed it just seemed like a sad ending.

And I was at this point,

I started to get sick and I found out that I was diagnosed with cancer.

And there was one point where my aunt gets the call from the nursing home saying he's about to die.

You need to come here.

We're getting someone to read him his last rites.

And so my aunt goes there and she says goodbye to him.

And she said,

Now,

You know what you need to do when you get to heaven.

You need to pray for joy because I was going through my battle with cancer.

And then the next day and she comes home and she tells me that.

And then the next day she gets a call from the home and they said,

We don't know what has happened.

We've never seen this before,

But he's back up and he's joking around with the nurses.

But he was about to die last night.

We don't know what happened.

My my aunt got off the phone and she said,

I bet you anything he's holding on until he knows that you're OK,

Which I thought,

Oh,

That's a nice sentiment.

But come on,

You know,

Is that really something?

You know,

That's that's not really going to happen.

So time goes by.

It's been a couple of months.

I've gone through,

I think,

Two or three rounds of chemotherapy at this point.

And it's on Valentine's Day.

And on Valentine's Day,

I go to get a scan of my body to see what's happening with the cancer.

And the whole time I'm saying I'm cancer free,

I'm cancer free,

I'm cancer free.

And I remember finding out that I was cancer free and that there's no evidence of cancer in my body,

Which was just a miracle.

And I got out of the hospital.

I turned on my phone and I found out that my grandpa had passed away.

And so I call my aunt.

I said,

I just found out I'm cancer free.

And she's like,

That's great.

I said,

But when did he pass away?

And so I was trying to,

You know,

Make this jive.

And it did because after I had my scans before I found out from the doctor,

But after I had the scans was when he had passed away.

And so then it was,

You know,

I was a complete mess the rest of the day because that's all I could do was tell the story of how I found out I was cancer free.

And my grandpa,

Who was holding on until he knew that I was OK,

Passed away the same day after he knew I was OK.

He was a grandfather that made jokes all the time,

And I remember when I was little,

He would get a paper bag out and pretend to throw a ball up into the paper bag and then I could hear it.

There's no I could see no ball.

There's no ball there.

But then I could hear it land in the bag.

And then it turns out he was snapping his fingers on the paper bag.

So,

I mean,

That's the kind of guy.

And then he let me drive him around in a golf cart,

Which I then I think crashed with him on it.

It was horrible.

But I mean,

He was just a good guy,

A loving person.

Everyone loved him.

He even,

I think,

Had a golf tournament named after him in Palm Springs at one point.

But,

Yeah,

He was a wonderful person.

And he was a great guy.

So there was this one day when I got a call from my friend and she her mother was going through cancer.

And I remember her telling me a few times that her mother wasn't doing as well,

But she had a plan to visit her in three weeks.

And I kept saying,

You should go and visit her sooner.

And she's like,

Well,

That's a plan.

And she wants me to stick to it.

I'm going to stick to it.

I think she was also scared to see her mom.

She didn't have hair.

You know,

It's just it's just scary.

And you don't know what to say.

And so I kept saying,

I think you should go.

And then one day I had a day off and she wasn't even working in the same area as I was at this point.

So we didn't see each other as much.

But I had my day off and then I had taken maybe two or three additional days just to kind of think about my life because I would do this and where I am,

What direction I'm going in.

And I get a call from her and she said,

I got a call from the hospital and my mom's not doing well.

I mean,

What should I do?

I'm like,

You should go up now.

She's like,

I don't know.

I don't I don't think I should.

And I said,

Well,

If you want to go,

I'll go with you.

And so she said,

OK,

Well,

Let me think about it.

I said,

OK,

I'm going to go home,

Pack my bag and I'll drive to your house.

And if you want to go,

We'll go.

If not,

Then we'll hang out together.

And so I drove to her house and she said,

OK,

Let's go.

And so we took her car and we drove from San Diego all the way up to San Francisco,

Which is,

I don't know,

Eight or nine hours.

It's a really long drive.

And we get there and we see her mom and her mom's so happy to see her.

And I remember like these tender moments they had together,

Like where my friend was rubbing lotion on her hands and just,

You know,

Like these loving mother daughter moments.

We have we got a picture of all three of us together.

And then her mom was super happy to see her.

And she said,

OK,

Well,

Now you guys just go out and have a good time in San Francisco and I'll see you tomorrow.

And so we went out and we had dinner and everything.

And the next morning she got a call from the hospital and her mom had passed away.

And so I just think that we come into each other's lives and we don't know what the purpose is,

But we affect each other in different ways.

And I feel like I was there during that moment to help bring her to her mom and to make sure that they had a moment together.

But I've had those moments where people are there for me and,

You know,

They didn't have to be,

But they kind of pop up into my life miraculously at the right time when I really need them the most.

I'd love to ask you about your book.

I mean,

How did you decide to write it?

You know,

What's the title?

What was the impetus for you writing your book?

The title of my book is Joy,

The story of a dolphin trainer,

Filmmaker and cancer survivor.

And the impetus to create this book was this was the story I wanted to hear and read and see on the screen when I was going through cancer.

And I didn't have that at the time.

This was back in 2001.

And my role model at that point was Lance Armstrong,

Which was really cool.

But for me,

I want to see a girl going through it.

I wanted to see a girl lose her hair.

And I there was a little bit of separation.

You know,

I can really relate to what he was going through all the way.

And so for me,

I felt like I need to tell my journey in order to help other people who are going through this and to give them hope,

Because I share,

You know,

My my boyfriend stopped talking to me the minute he found out I had cancer,

Which happens to a lot of people that they someone significant in their life will just drop out of their life when they find out.

So this is a very common thread that people have when they go through something major like this.

And just my journey back,

Because when you survive,

You know,

Everyone goes,

Oh,

Fantastic.

And they kind of just all go away.

I mean,

They're still there and they love you,

But it's a lot for them,

Too.

And so I'm still scared.

I'm still I'm going through PTSD,

But I don't know it.

And it took me a while to get back on my feet.

I did get back on my feet and I ended up meeting the man of my dreams.

And we have two kids after being told that I couldn't have kids.

And I just feel like this is an important story to share with people who are going through it so that they can have hope that they can get through it,

Too.

Can I ask you just as a side question,

Were you nervous when you did your TED talk?

Oh,

My gosh,

I was crying before going out because I was I so they have you go into what they call the black room and it was just like all blacked out and you get to go in there and you couldn't talk when you were in there,

Just a quiet room where you could be with your thoughts.

And so I was in there and practicing in my head and doing everything I needed to do to get ready for my TED talk.

And then it's my time.

You know,

It's like time sticking away and then I have to go up there and I don't know why.

But I start like tears are coming out of my eyes because I get so emotional thinking about what I'm going to talk about.

And so I suck it all up,

Go out there.

And I thought that the guy's introduction was going to make me tear up,

But it didn't.

Luckily,

I had no emotion when he introduced me and I went out there and and did it.

I was so proud of myself,

But I was shaking before going out there and they put this little microphone on you and make sure you're ready to put a pack in your back.

And I remember like the day before you practice.

And so the day before I practiced and I had a pack in my back and was like pulling my shirt and I saw a video of myself like,

Oh,

I hate the way I was like,

Oh,

I hate the way I was going on with this.

It's pulling my shirt in a weird way.

And so I had to make sure that it was a little bit better.

I don't know how much better it was,

But there is a lot going into it.

And then there's just like the letdown afterwards.

So I did it.

My speech the day before in practice was actually better.

And yeah,

So the speech that I gave was still good.

It was still a great speech.

But,

You know,

You're a perfectionist.

I know you're a perfectionist and I'm a perfectionist,

Too.

So if I make a mistake or,

You know,

Like at one point people were clapping and I had started to talk and then I stopped because I wanted to the talking to die down before I start talking again.

But like I should have just waited and not said anything.

You know,

I'm just so in the middle of me talking,

I'm beating myself up by these little things,

But it was amazing to give that speech.

Anything coming that you want anyone to know about that I can promote?

Right now,

It's just the book.

I'm just trying to get the book out.

And because I want it to get into more people's hands,

I think the more people that are able to read it and be inspired by it.

And that's the whole reason why I read it.

I just write it for my friends.

But I mean,

The cool thing is I'm getting messages from people I don't know telling me how much the book meant to them and then,

You know,

That they're crying and they're laughing.

And,

You know,

A lot of times people say they read it in just a few hours because they just can't put it down.

I have a friend from high school who I don't really speak to very often at all,

And she hadn't told anyone that she was going through a battle with cancer.

And so she just finished it.

And she read my book and she said,

Same thing.

I couldn't put it down.

And it gave me hope that my life can be not just as good as it was before,

But better than it was before.

So,

You know,

I think it's an important message.

I would love to get into other people's hands.

It's interesting because I think what I really appreciate about your TED talk and just having this conversation with you is that you have cancer has not defined your life instead of cancer defining your life.

It's become a learning experience and an opportunity.

Would you say that's correct?

Oh,

Yeah.

Well,

I think it's shaped my life.

I think cancer has shaped my life in a way where I am exposed to this other world of people who go through this.

And we all know that there's cancer.

We all know there's all these different things that happen in the world.

But I think it's not until you're actually touched by it that you then feel like,

OK,

I want my life to make a difference in the lives of other people who are going through this.

Because right now I'm through it.

I'm,

You know,

20 years in remission.

I'm considered to be cured from that type of cancer.

But there's other people who are just going into that journey right now.

So it's like,

You know,

All the cancer survivors out there are beacons of hope for people.

And it's just nice to for people to know that.

But I do really feel like when you see anyone that's passionate about something,

It's because they've been touched in some way.

And even though that may have been a very negative experience,

It basically creates some into a vessel where they can help other people going through that same thing.

This has been episode 36 of Bite Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us.

If only we open our eyes to it.

And whether you choose to listen to our bite sized offerings for that five to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank the resilient Joy Claussen Soto for sharing her story today,

As well as the creators of the music used.

Frank Schroeder,

Music L.

Files,

Edie Key Twenty,

Brian Holtz Music,

Alexander Nakarada,

Kevin McLeod and Raphael Crux.

For complete attribution,

Please go to the Bite Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other episodes,

Change makers,

Art and books I think will lift and inspire you.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Joy.

Figure out how you can be of service and then go for it.