Episode Thirty-Seven: The Interview-Chetna Chakravarthy

Growing up in a building where everyone was different is Chetna's miracle-and taught her about what community, family and generosity of spirit should look like. In this longer episode hear how the sharing of meals and traditions created a magical world of love and inclusion.

Transcript

Well,

I also grew up in a building.

We were about 80 or 100 kids,

All different religions.

And every festival was celebrated in my building,

In my apartment building,

You know,

With some kind of function in the ground,

In the playground,

Right?

So everyone came down together.

And when it was Eid,

You'd have Biryani coming to your house from a neighbor that lived on two floors above you.

When it was Christmas,

You'd send out plum cake.

When it was Diwali,

Everybody would be down together bursting crackers.

Hey,

I'm Chetna.

I'm an alternative healing practitioner and a life coach.

And I've just been asked,

Who am I as a human being?

And I think my answer to that is I'm a problem solver.

I've been that since the age of 13 or 14 for most of my friends.

At that time,

We called it agony aunt.

But but now it's not it's not as much as my shoulder to cry on but rather but rather a couple of hard slaps and some truth bombs to get you back on back on track.

So yeah,

That's how I describe myself.

I think there are certain people out in the world who are really gifted with the,

You know,

The Catholics would call it a charism,

Which is like a gift that God has given you.

And so I think the charism of listening is very,

Very healing,

But also lacking in our world.

And so I think when people find someone who has that gift,

The gift of deep listening and then creating solution,

That person is a treasure.

They're a gift.

And because you're so rare,

No wonder everyone flocked to you.

I'm feeling like a precious diamond right now.

So thank you very much.

But yeah,

I should say this.

I think I learned this from my father when I think back in hindsight,

He was the one that everybody came to for a solution.

And it's something I saw at home,

I grew up with watching my dad,

Guide people,

Advise people solve issues,

Get up in the middle of the night and go to help somebody do something.

So it's one I got it from him.

And two,

I also got it from my mom who,

You know,

When I look back this,

My home was the home where all relatives would come and stay for months when they started off their careers.

So there was so many of our cousins who came and would live with us for a while and then go from here,

Right?

So it's just,

I just saw both of them doing things for people all the time.

And there was never a thing of we have less,

How will we do something for somebody else?

There was also a sense,

There was always a sense of there is enough,

We'll figure it all out,

Come along.

So that for me,

Even today,

When I talk to clients or when I talk to friends,

There's always a sense of,

If there's nobody,

I'm there,

We'll figure it out.

So don't worry,

You know,

At bare minimum,

There's me,

We'll figure it out.

I lost my dad in November.

And I was very close to him and I was living with him and I lost him in November.

And since November,

There's not a day that I have been alone.

Nobody has left me alone,

Not even for a second,

Even though I'm the person who says I'm doing fine,

Don't worry,

All is well.

And they're like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

We know you're fine,

But we want to come.

And nobody has left me alone.

So it's not that I do this and this is a life coaching thing,

Or this is a,

You know,

Healing,

Healers thing.

It's not a profession thing.

It's just human,

Invest in your relationships,

Because the returns are phenomenal.

That's the only statement I have today because I'm experiencing it.

I think it's really interesting because even if,

You know,

And you can cultivate that into your life as far as a brief exchange with a stranger as well.

I was sitting,

I was having my nails done at a salon last week.

And there was this quite elderly woman sitting next to me drying her nails.

And she had the most lurid green color on her nails.

And I thought,

Oh my gosh,

That is a fabulous choice.

And I could see her looking at them and kind of wondering,

And I just said,

I have to tell you that color is amazing.

She said,

Do you think so?

And I said,

Oh,

It's awesome for spring.

It's green,

It's beautiful.

And she said,

I just,

I just don't know.

And I said,

It's fabulous.

Yeah,

Totally rock that in the world.

And so we started talking and then she realized she had left her keys in her purse and couldn't get her keys out.

So she let me fish in her purse for her keys so she could actually go home.

But I thought,

You know,

That's just such a brief exchange with one person.

And who knows how that's going to affect their day.

That probably turned her day around because she was smiling for no reason for a lot longer that day than most other days.

It's something as simple as that.

And we don't realize how just saying something sweet to somebody next to you and genuine to somebody next to you can impact their day or their life.

What did your father do?

I'm so curious.

What was his vocation?

My father did a lot of things.

But his basic theory in life was that I need to give my family a certain life and a certain lifestyle and I'm responsible for that.

And I'll do whatever it takes to make the money and live that life.

And he changed many businesses,

Which is also something I took on because I changed many professions before I got to where I am today.

And which is why when a lot of people talk about running out of time,

And you know,

What if I'm in the wrong job?

And what if I'm in the wrong field?

And I just smile because I lived with somebody who did something new at the age of 45 and 50.

And,

You know,

Started something,

He started something new when he was in his late 40s,

Early 50s,

Who thinks of starting something absolutely new,

Which you've never tried at that time,

Okay.

And he was saying,

I've invested in land,

Okay,

Let's open a mechanized dairy farm.

Let's see what happens.

And he gets up and goes to Germany goes to Israel does his research,

Brings back all the equipment at a time when in India,

You know,

Mechanized dairy farming wasn't the thing and he did it and he it worked.

It worked for a while.

It didn't work for a while.

And then he said,

Okay,

It's not working.

Let's say let's move on to something else.

Let's go.

And I guess I'm making it sound very simple.

There were hardships that came in when it didn't work,

But it didn't,

It didn't dampen his spirit.

And I think he learned it from his dad,

Because his dad was like that.

My grandfather in one was he was a gambler,

He enjoyed gambling,

But also gambled in many different ways in his life.

I mean,

He eloped with my grandmother,

At a time when that was not considered okay at all in India.

And he was Hindu,

A Brahmin came from the lineage of priests,

And he married a Christian woman.

So you know,

It was it was something that just wasn't done.

And he did that.

And then he gambled and said,

I wanted to do a film and lost all his money.

And then he did something else.

And there were so many things that he did.

And I think my dad saw that and took that on.

And he saw his parents getting up and doing whatever it took to not just make ends meet,

But live a good life,

Their definition of a good life,

Right?

Not the world's definition of a good life.

So it wasn't that they were super rich,

But they were always abundant,

Because they thought like that.

And and that's what that's what I saw my dad do.

He was always abundant,

Which for me when I look back,

I'm like,

That's magic.

I just want to say for people who are not familiar with India's or,

You know,

Any caste system anywhere,

Brahmin,

Just so we have an idea of what he gave,

Did he have to,

He had to give that up,

I assume.

He came from a family that was a lineage,

We had a lineage of priests in our family from the Mysore Palace,

As in great grandfathers and the grandfathers,

Etc.

But he wasn't a priest.

In fact,

He was trying to get into the film line and make a movie,

Which is when he met my grandmother was trying to be an actress.

And and hold on,

Hold on,

If this is interesting,

Let me let me give you a reason to laugh and smile in this episode.

So my grandmother,

My grandmother's mother was Iraqi.

She was Iraqi Christian.

And my grandfather was a million Christian who went to Iraq to work with the push to push in Gulf Oil Company or something as a contractor,

Fell in love with Matilda marries her has seven kids,

The war breaks out,

Brings his kids and you know,

Wife back to India.

And when the war ends,

She wants to go back by then I think they had 10 kids.

So yeah,

They were 14 for she had she had 14 kids,

Right.

And my grandfather,

Great grandfather didn't want to go back.

So he just burnt all their passports and said nothing doing everyone stays here.

This is that's it.

And and Matilda had this huge block.

And one of the daughters,

Her eldest daughter,

Ruth,

At some point,

Elopes with my grandfather.

So so this this was the entire story.

And you know,

Strangely,

Ruth's children,

All five of them eloped.

When I look back,

I see a lot of family patterns that are recurring in so many different ways.

And I know that we carry our lineage forward in many,

Many,

Many different ways.

And it's good.

It's bad.

It works.

It doesn't work.

Right.

And similarly,

When I look at my dad,

He is so much like his mom and dad in so many things because both of them were so adventurous,

Like they got up and did so many things.

I mean,

My dad's name is Krishna,

Which is a Hindu God.

And he married a Syrian Christian keralite woman whose name was Mary,

And they ran away and married.

And the only one in my house is Krishna eloped with Mary.

I love that it sounds like I just love that you tossed in that little nugget that your grandfather wanted to make a film.

What kind of film?

That's pretty.

That's like that's like at the beginning or somewhat near the beginning of film,

I would assume.

And he didn't end up making it because his father-in-law took him to jail for eloping with his daughter.

So considering that my great grandfather bought the passports,

Et cetera,

My grandfather should have known he's kind of cracked,

Kind of extreme in that way.

So no,

The two of them didn't end up making a film.

My grandmother didn't become an actress in her heyday.

But now here's what I mean by things don't happen at an age that you want it to happen necessarily.

My grandmother became one of the most popular actress to play grandmother roles and older woman roles in the Tamil industry.

And she's worked with some of the most well-known directors and actors.

She's worked with Mani Ratnam.

She's worked with Ajit.

She's worked with every known actor and actress in the southern film industry,

You know,

In South India in the 80s and in the 80s and the 90s.

You know,

Her career started when she was possibly in her late 40s and 50s.

So for people who want to make it big in their 30s and 40s,

That may not be everybody's journey.

And things happen.

And there's a reason why that's not everybody's journey.

This thing that we all have about running out of time and finding our passion and finding a calling,

It's a journey.

It happens when it has to happen,

When you are ready for it,

When you have evolved into a version of yourself.

It doesn't happen because you're going to be out there throwing tantrums,

Feeling restless and giving yourself anxiety.

Did you grow up in a religious household?

Like,

What did that look like?

Not at all.

Not at all.

My mom was Syrian Christian,

My dad was Hindu,

And they both couldn't care.

So we celebrated,

We celebrated every festival.

I also grew up in a building.

We were about 80 or 100 kids,

All different religions.

And every festival was celebrated in my building,

In my apartment building,

You know,

With some kind of function in the ground,

In the playground,

Right?

So everyone came down together.

And when it was Eid,

You'd have Biryani coming to your house from a neighbor that lived on two floors above you.

When it was Christmas,

You'd send out plum cake.

When it was Diwali,

Everybody would be down together bursting crackers.

When it was Holi,

We lived by the beach and everybody would play together and we'd go to the sea to,

You know,

Swim and then,

You know,

Go home kind of a thing.

So every festival was celebrated together.

So,

And both my parents aren't big on rituals or religion as such.

My mom being Christian on her birthday would wake us up,

Get us dressed and we'd go to the Mahalakshmi temple and then we'd go to church and then we'd come home.

So growing up,

We didn't really have,

Religion wasn't even a conversation.

It wasn't even something where it said,

You have to learn to do this or you have to learn to do that,

Or this is a ritual and that is a ritual.

If there's anything that I know about rituals on festivals,

It's through friends and their families,

Not mine.

In mine,

It was a reason to bring out the bottle and enjoy.

You know,

What an incredible way to learn tolerance for other people's religions and to take away kind of the judgment and the fear and all of that stuff by just having this incredible building filled with every different religion and all the kids and it's so welcoming.

I still have memories of going to my Muslim friends' houses during Ramzan to break fast.

And you know,

They had fasted all day.

I hadn't,

I had clearly been stuffing my face,

But at 6.

30,

7 in the evening,

You know,

My friend would come running down and say,

Listen,

We're going to,

You know,

It's time for iftari,

Come up and you know,

We'd run up and her mum would have put out a plate for me already.

It was there.

So it wasn't like,

Oh,

You know,

Someone's come along,

I need to know it.

There was always a seat for me.

Similarly,

I had Parsi friends and on Parsi New Year,

You know,

They'd do lunch and we'd all be at their place.

Or I had another family friend in the same building,

They were catalytes and Onam,

Which is their harvest festival was a big thing.

And that aunt would cook a 26,

So it's known as the Onam Sadya and you eat it on a banana leaf and there are 26 items that will be placed on your leaf,

You know,

Right from a small pickle to the dessert and she would make all of it and we'd all sit,

You know,

All of us the kids would sit first,

Then the elders would sit because there was only that much place in the house.

But there was never a thing of there's less place or there's less food or there's less room or there's,

You know,

You don't understand my religion or you don't,

There was none of that.

It was so beautiful growing up to grow up like that,

Where you celebrated everything,

Every single thing was to be celebrated.

You know,

And if somebody scored well in their board exams,

There was sweets given out in the building.

If somebody was getting married,

Everyone was invited.

If somebody had a baby,

Everyone was invited.

You know,

There's a particular festival where women of a certain caste and religion,

They feed a specific dish to three or four unmarried girls.

And you know,

We'd all,

You know,

We'd wait for neighbors in the building to call the kids like we were,

And you had to,

You know,

You had to call kids who are below 13 who hadn't hit puberty.

And we learned about these rituals by being part of it in this manner,

Not by it being taught to us at home.

I don't think any of us,

80,

100 kids learned anything about religion at home.

We learned about it at each other's home,

Because we were celebrating it in each other's home.

And today we have memories of food,

And not about religion.

And we have memories of time spent together,

You know,

So if I bump into a childhood friend,

The first thing I say,

Oh,

I still love your mom,

That dish that she's to make,

And she's to call us up.

She used to be this thing,

And it should be,

You know,

We have those memories.

And that is something that is completely lost in today's world.

We don't do it anymore.

And it's and it's so sad that we don't do it anymore.

And we're investing in,

I won't say the wrong things,

But we're making imbalanced investments in life.

Well,

I think what's interesting about,

You know,

Your story of growing up in this building is not only was,

You know,

Your father cultivating this life of abundance,

But you lived amidst abundance.

So even if maybe everybody wasn't rich,

Maybe everybody wasn't even doing really well,

But everybody came together in this community,

In this kind of extended family,

And everyone took care of each other,

Fed each other,

Celebrated each other.

And I'll say this,

When I lost dad in November,

We got calls,

We got calls from the kids who grew up with us.

And because it was during COVID,

We didn't have a funeral.

During my mom's funeral,

There were people,

There were the aunts and uncles from that building who came to say bye to my mom.

And for my dad,

He had people who called us up,

You know,

The aunts and uncles who stayed in those buildings,

The kids who grew up with us,

So our friends who we had lost touch with.

This is such a lovely place to segue into,

I would love to hear any story or stories you have of miracles or magic.

Somebody asked me,

One of my clients asked me yesterday in a session,

What does it mean to,

You know,

Manifest like,

What does that feel like?

And you can,

Is there a tangible example you can give me of something that happened,

You know,

Where I can say,

Oh,

You manifested something,

Right.

And I and the reason why I choose this word is because it's such a trend word right now.

And everyone wants to manifest things right.

I remember I remember in 2018,

I was planning to travel,

I was planning a six week trip to LA to meet a friend of mine who I hadn't met for almost 15 years.

And her daughter was seven years old.

And you know,

I was super excited.

However,

I had a clause in my head that said,

I want to do this with the money that I have earned.

I don't want to take money from my family,

My brother can give it to me,

My father can give it to me,

My mom will pay my ticket,

I don't want it.

I want to do this with the money that I've earned.

How do I make it happen?

Now also,

Just for people listening in a little background,

2018 was four years into me becoming a life coach and an alternative healing practitioner and setting up my practice,

Which means I was still earning in a manner that was very month on month,

I was affording my lifestyle by what I was making in a month,

There weren't any savings for me to get up and say,

Oh,

Let me pay for a trip and just get up and go for six weeks,

Right.

And I remember sitting in the balcony and telling myself I was having coffee,

And telling myself that one second you make everyone else who comes to you achieve certain things in their life.

Why don't you put down exactly how much you need and we'll figure out where it has to come from.

Now,

This is something that I learned from my dad,

Okay,

My dad was somebody who would spend money before he had it.

And it somehow came.

And my grandmom was like this as well.

So this,

This comes from that side of the family,

Not my mom's side.

Okay,

My mom was somebody who'd save,

Save,

Save,

And then buy what she wanted to write.

And I'm like,

Okay,

Let me just put this down.

And I'll see how to make it happen.

Right.

And I put all all the expenses right from the tickets to the visa,

Etc.

Now here's the thing,

I was going to do a trip where I'd go from Bombay to Abu Dhabi,

Spend a week with a very close friend of mine who had moved there and been calling me for years,

I said,

Okay,

And I wanted to see his kid,

I was going to go to Dubai from there,

Spend a week and then fly out to LA.

This was the trip that I had planned.

Clearly anyone listening in knows that I,

It's complicated,

I complicated my life,

Instead of just doing a direct flight to something,

Because I wanted to do multiple things and meet multiple people.

Right?

I was very clear,

I do what it takes,

But this is how it's going to be.

And I remember sitting there and saying,

Okay,

How do I make this happen?

And I put the numbers down.

And my friend from Abu Dhabi calls me up,

Right then,

Okay.

And he says,

Listen,

You're doing a retreat,

And I want to send mom,

But you're gonna have to do her tickets.

And I will transfer the money for the retreat,

As well as the money for her tickets to you.

And I'm sitting there and I'm saying,

Okay,

Sure,

I'll do that.

Not a big deal.

And then he tells me,

By the way,

You were planning to come what are your dates?

And I said,

I don't know,

I'm trying to make it by this date,

If I can figure out the monies.

And he says,

One second,

I work for Etihad,

I get buddy tickets.

That means I can get you a good price.

Let me do your tickets where you come to Abu Dhabi,

Stay for a week and go to LA.

And we can figure it out in that manner.

So essentially,

My tickets,

Which was the largest cost happened without me shelling out an actual rupee.

So with not enough money in my account,

I still sealed that trip that morning.

It just happened.

And I don't know how it happened.

It wasn't that I'd had these big conversations,

Or I'd asked him for anything.

It was what we call a coincidence.

I don't believe in coincidences.

It happened because I set my mind to it.

And I decided that I would make it happen.

And so a door opened.

And you know,

The reason why I wanted to share this miracle because it's such a daily life miracle.

It's not somebody who's terminally ill being saved,

Or somebody who's drowning in debt and going to lose everything being saved.

No,

It's not about being saved.

It's something that can happen for you in your daily life.

If you just commit to your own desire.

We don't commit to our own desires,

Because we are waiting for a guarantee.

You have to get really clear on what it is you desire.

I think some people find that piece challenging.

I think it's really one of the things that is most beautiful to me just about your life story and your family story is,

You know,

For some people,

It's really,

Really difficult to even imagine a life of abundance where you can figure out your desires,

Because that's a really spacious place.

It's a place that's really,

For some people is almost impossible to inhabit.

But you really grew up in a family in a world where abundance was modeled for you on a daily basis in so many different ways.

It didn't come from a rich family,

Kirsten.

My grandparents on my on my dad's side,

They were jobless with a case on them,

Right?

My grandmother's career never took off,

My grandfather's career never took off.

And yet,

They lived abundantly.

My grandmother was the eldest and took she took care of all her siblings in so many different ways.

Right?

So So for me,

It's not,

You know,

When when we see abundance,

We also think about money and richness and material things.

And yes,

All of that is part of abundance.

It's not the all of abundance.

There were days when my dad's business may not have been doing well,

And we may not have had all the luxurious food that we may have had three months before that.

But there was never a day that there was no food on the table and not just for us,

But to feed 10 people.

My mom,

My mom used to literally cook like as if there's a military company to eat.

So you'd come home at two o'clock in the morning,

And you'd get a buffet.

It's like you're saying I didn't grow up seeing lack despite when I look back,

I know there was lack.

I know there were days when things were very hard.

But that's not how it felt.

Listening to your story about your family and your father and your grandparents and all the eloping and that there's just this legacy that it's kind of been legacy and sort of this story about possibility and your family,

Where it seems like everyone had had a sort of spirit where they were open to the adventure.

They were open to what might happen.

And those people,

I think,

Are so sacred because they're open to the soul of the world and what the soul of the world wants from you.

And so people either walk towards the soul of the world or they see it and they get scared and they run away.

And it seems like your entire family,

They've lived really closely to the soul of the world and what the soul of the world wants from them.

And that is an incredible legacy.

All the ups and downs and all the crazy choices.

The one thing that all of us kids learned is to live boldly.

We don't live fearlessly.

It's not that there is a lack of fear or there is no fear.

There is.

But we are very bold.

And we are very,

Very adventurous.

And by adventure,

We're not people who go and bungee jump or skydive.

But we are adventurous in the sense that we see opportunity in everything.

We see possibility in everything.

And there's this spirit that we have,

Which makes us get up and say,

OK,

We're screwed.

But what can we do?

We don't sit in the we are screwed beyond 30 seconds.

We're not able to because it's not how we grew up or what we saw.

We're not built that way.

And when you say the soul of the world,

That phrase is so beautiful.

I'm going to hang on to that because it's even with what I do today,

Even the life that I live today,

For me,

In everyone's life,

When someone asks me,

Do you think this is possible for me or do you think I can heal from this?

My only answer is yes.

Why not?

Thanks for listening to episode 37 of Bite Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us as long as we open our eyes to it.

And whether you choose to listen to our bite sized offerings for that five to 10 minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank my amazing guest today,

Chetna Chakravarthy,

For sharing her story with me,

As well as the creators of the music used.

Like Elle Files,

Ryan Holt's music,

Kevin MacLeod,

Sasha End,

80key20,

And Chilled Music.

For complete attribution,

Please go to the Bite Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other episodes,

Art,

Music,

And people I think whose stories will lighten and brighten your day.

Thanks for making it to episode 37,

And thanks for your continued support.

If you'd like to support us further,

We're always looking for reviews and ratings on Apple podcasts,

Spotify,

Wherever you find your podcasts.

Ratings and reviews go a long way to helping others find this podcast,

And thanks to those who've already done so.

Thank you for listening,

And here's my one request.

Be like Chetna,

Imagine,

Envision,

And then manifest,

And watch as your life changes.