Episode Sixty-Eight: The Interview - Ralph Martinez

Ralph struggled with drug addiction and homelessness for years. In this episode, he tells how one night, after a deliberate overdose, an unexpected angel saved his life. And then? Ralph dedicated his life to saving others.'

Transcript

Welcome to episode 68 of Bite-Sized Blessings. In this episode, I get to interview Ralph Martinez. And it's really appropriate that I'm releasing it in spring, The season of renewal, Revival, And resilience. Because Ralph is all those things. The Santa Fe, New Mexican newspaper wrote an article about Ralph, And it was titled, It's Never Too Late. And that's so very true about Ralph's story. From great trial and tribulation, Ralph has fashioned a new life. And in this new life, He's changing the lives of others. I'm so very excited about this episode because the work that he's doing is so profound, And affects so many people so deeply, Truly Ralph is the miracle himself. So I'm just going to stop talking about it, And introduce the episode, So you can hear what I'm talking about. So now, Episode 68 of Bite-Sized Blessings. The first time I overdosed, I did it intentionally. I was depressed, Very, Very depressed. It was in late 2006, So it was, I had already got kicked out of my home. That's when I lost my home. I lost my home in very early 2006. And then in mid 2006, Or closer to mid 2006, I decided to go to rehab because I really, I was trying to figure it out. Then I got back and then I backslid, Right? And then when I backslid, Man, It just really felt like I had lost all hope. I remember being at this place next to the river, And it was a place that not too many people ever really ever go to. And I remember I was crying, I was sitting underneath a tree, And I was crying, And I was crying, And I was crying, Thinking about where I was at and what to do, You know? I decided to OD. And I shot up some heroin, A lot more than what I was used to, So I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. My name is Ralph Martinez, And I was born and raised here in the beautiful Espanola Valley. I was raised by a single mother. I have a brother who's a year and seven months older than I am. And my dad left when I was two years old. He moved to Florida. And so he left my mom to raise us. And so my mom was 18 at the time. We were brought up in the low-income, In the low-income here in Espanola, A neighborhood called Pajarito, Calle de Pajarito. And my mom worked hard. She worked really, Really hard, A lot of times two jobs, To be able to get us into a more comfortable lifestyle, I guess you can say. And so we know the value. She taught us the value of hard work. And she taught us about morals and values. And I come from a big family. My mom is actually the youngest of 14 children. And so from there, It just branches off into all kinds of cousins and whatnot, Right? And so I come from a really strong family. My family actually settled, My great-grandma and grandpa settled in middle San Pedro. And so we've been in the middle San Pedro area for over 125 years. And so there's that. I graduated from Espanola Valley High in 1996. 1996. When I graduated, I settled down with my high school sweetheart and we started a family. At the time, My high school sweetheart already had two kids. She was a year older than me. And so she had a two and a three-year-old. And so I kind of stepped into their life and took on the role of being their father. Yeah, So we settled down. We got ourselves a place up north in Velarde, New Mexico. It was a nice little four-bedroom house and a little over an acre of land. And it was right next to the Rio Grande. And it was beautiful, Gorgeous up there. And we used to like, Me and my son used to like to go down to the river and go fish on the weekends. But yeah, So we lived there for quite some time. In 2001, I became addicted to drugs. And I was probably even addicted before that. I just hadn't realized. I started to experiment with drugs and alcohol when I was in high school. And then in 2001, It just grew from there. Over the years, It grew. In 2001, I woke up one morning and I just knew. I knew I was addicted. You just know it. You feel the transition, Right? Your body, Your mind, They think different, They act different, They feel different. That's where I was at in 2001. I woke up one morning and I just realized that I was addicted. So being addicted to drugs is a really hard lifestyle, Especially trying to raise a family at the same time, Right? It got to a point where I couldn't hold a job. And my ex was having to carry the burden of the weight of life on her shoulders. And she tried for many years to work with me in my problem, Even though I would do things that weren't normally me. I was making life really hard for my family. In 2006, I got to a point where she just couldn't take it anymore. And she actually asked me to leave. And even before that, About a year, A year and a half before that, My immediate family, My mom and my brother, My aunts and my uncles, They saw the transition. We would talk about it from time to time. And my mom would tell me, Like, Ralph, You're messing up. You know, You're messing up and you're going to lose her and you're going to lose your family. And if that happens, Don't think that you're going to come to my house and do the things that you're doing to her. And so in 2006, When it got to the point where my ex said, That's it, I can't take no more, She asked me to leave. I remember the night that that happened. I remember looking at her in her eyes and I saw a totally different person. At that time I left, I remember leaving thinking, You know, I wonder what took her so long. That's what I left thinking because I knew the pain that I was causing in the household. She wanted to grow in the things of life and I was doing quite the opposite. And I was pulling her and my whole family down with me, You know. So I became homeless in 2006. I lived underneath a bridge in town for the first year of my homelessness. It was a very rough year. That type of living situation really helped to fuel my addiction. The depression setting and there's a lot of emotions that come with a lifestyle like that, Especially when you get to that point. And, You know, I was very surprised during that time that my ex was, She was open. So her and I had a child of our own in 2003. So in two, Three years before I became homeless, We had a child of our own. So that put us at three kids. So when she asked me to leave, We, You know, We had our three kids. And I would think about my kids all the time. You know, I grew up without a father. And I remember growing up, I would always think how I never wanted to be that kind of father. Living, Finding myself under the bridge in an addictive state of mind. I often thought about how did I become worse than the person I never wanted to become. And then so I would go, I would, I would, I would think about my kids often. I would always call. I always stayed connected somehow to my kids and my ex always made it easy for me to do that. She never made it hard, Even though I put her through a whole lot of stuff to get her to the point to, You know, Call it quits. But she never held that against me. There was times where I'd go to a payphone. There was a local burger stand not too far from the bridge that I was living under. I would go over there. There was a payphone, You know, At the time there was no cell phones. So I would go and I would call her and I would ask her, I would call her. I'd be emotional. I'd be crying. She'd ask me what I was doing until I would tell her I had no idea what I was doing. I'd miss the kids. I'm thinking about the kids a lot. I really miss them. I would ask her, Can I, Can I see them? She'd ask me where I was at and I would tell her and she would tell me, You know, I'll get the kids ready and I'll take them to go see you. We can be there in 45 minutes. You know, You'd better be there. She would tell me and I would say, I'll be here. I'll be here. And she would. She'd take the kids. Then she'd let me visit with them. And so I kept in contact like that. She allowed that to happen. Right. So I lived homeless for a period of six years from 2006 to 2012. And in between those those years, I went to rehab in a few different places. I always wanted to quit. I just I didn't know how. There was a lot of trial and error that I had to encounter to get back on my feet. Right. But I went to rehab in in San Diego. I went to rehab in South Florida. I went to rehab twice in Farmington. I went to rehab in Hernandez. And my last rehab was at OY Recovery in Velarde. Yeah, In 2012, I was blessed to be able to put my feet back on the ground and reestablish my life. In 2012, When I was able to put my feet back on the ground, There was a lot of acceptances that I had to come to in my life to be able to to build that foundation for recovery. One of the acceptances that I had to come to was that I was different than everybody else. And and that was fine because we're all different. And that's what makes each one of us unique as a person. Right. And I say that because I think back into even my early years in elementary, Junior high, High school, How I would I feel like I always tried to I always tried to fit in. I tried to fit in. I tried to blend in. And you began to do things or act certain ways that might not necessarily be you wholeheartedly and truly. And so I think that along those years in life, I kind of lost to who I truly was inside and then learning a lot through my addiction and went through my addiction phase and my homeless period and learning a lot about who I was in here. As a person, I remember one year it was 2010 and I was living behind the Walmart here in my community in the Bosque area. It's near the river. I had this makeshift tent. Wasn't even a real tent. There was these two bushes that were next to each other. And I had all the blankets draped across the top to act kind of as a rooftop. And then I had some old blankets shoved in between that acted as a as a resting spot. And that's where I stayed for a long time. And I remember this one night I was laying in my resting spot. And when you live homeless, You you there's a lot of luxuries that you don't have. Right. I mean, There would be months that would pass before I showered. There would be months that would pass before I brushed my teeth. There was there was times I didn't change my clothes, My underwear, My socks for months at a time. And you just don't have those luxuries and not having those luxuries. It makes you feel a certain way. It really, Really does. And I remember this one night I was I was laying in my resting spot and I remember I was hungry. And I remember thinking the sun is coming down and I need to find something to eat. So I got up, I walked down this little path that would pop out in the back of the Walmart. And then I walked up the side of Walmart and I got to the front and the whole time I was thinking, Where am I going to do? Where am I going to go? You know, How am I going to do this? I was trying to figure it out in my mind. When I got to the front, I circled around the building. I was headed towards the front doors of Walmart and I saw a classmate of mine walk out. It was a classmate of mine. It was his wife and their two kids. And when I seen him, I froze and I looked down and I would always wear a hoodie. I'd wear a hoodie a lot of times because I was embarrassed. I come from a small community. A lot of people know who I am. A lot of people know who my family is. And I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed of the way I was living in. So I would wear a hoodie and I had a hoodie on that night. And I remember when I saw him walk out, It was him, His wife and their two kids. And I froze and I kind of pulled the hoodie. I looked down and I pulled the hoodie real tight around my face. And I watched him. I watched him as he as they made their way to their car. They were pushing a basket full of groceries and they got to their car. I'll never forget they were driving a white Camry. It looked pretty brand new in my eyes. And I'm watching him as he's putting the groceries inside of his car, Inside the trunk of the car. His wife was putting the kids in the backseat and buckling them in. And I'm watching all that and I'm saying, Wow, Look at him. It looks like he has pretty good life. You know, He's a pretty wife. They have two kids. They look healthy. They're all of them are dressed real nice. Their car looked brand new from where I was at. And I thought they're probably getting ready to go home to make dinner. That's you know, What else do people do at that time of night coming out of Wal-Mart with the basket full of groceries? I'm watching him and I'm looking at him. And then I remember turning back and I looked at the path that I just walked from. And I thought about my little makeshift tent. And then I looked back at him and I and then I remember I looked at myself. I looked at myself from from the ground up. I looked at my hands back and forth. And I looked back at him and I thought, How am I ever going to catch up to that in life? How am I ever going to catch up to that in life? Me and him graduated at the same time. And his decisions led him there. And my decisions led me where I just came from. How am I ever going to catch up to that? And I felt like at that moment, I felt like I was so far behind the race of life. In 2006, The first rehab that I went to was actually a Christian based rehab, Faith based rehab. And it was the Victory Outreach in San Diego, California. I mean, When I went to that rehab, We were super plugged in. I stayed out there for a period of three months. And I really built a strong relationship with God and with my faith. Strongest relationship that I that I had ever had up until that point. I stayed there for three months. I came home and I plugged into to a local Christian church here in Española was the lighthouse into my own New Mexico. Pastor Caesar was the pastor at the time. And I really connected with him and his and his way of teaching. So I plugged in with them and I would go to church three times a week, Mondays, Fridays and Sundays. And I did that for about a month, Maybe a month and a half at the time when I had to got back from that rehab. That was the first rehab I went to. So my mom was really supportive. Right. And so when I got back from that rehab, She allowed me to move back into her home and she would lend me her car to go to church. And she saw that I was that I was doing good, That I was staying plugged in. And then it was a Friday afternoon. I had asked my mom if I could borrow her car to go to church. And she told me, Yeah, For me just to come right home right after. And I said, Yeah, Of course. So I remember leaving her house and I remember it was a Friday afternoon, Like I said, It was a summer day. And the sun was just starting to go down. And that summer vibe kicked in. I had the windows rolled down. I like I started thinking like, Wow, I feel really good right now. And I remember feeling like it's been four months, Almost five months that I've used or drink or anything. And at that time, Five months was like, Whoa, Like all lifetime. Right. Five months. Wow. It's been five months. And I remember thinking, Man, I feel like I'm strong enough now, Mentally and physically, To maybe go out and have a couple of drinks and not fall back into that, All that other stuff. And I convinced myself from the time I left my mom's house, The time I got to town, I convinced myself that I was strong enough and I was capable to do that now, Now that I have been sober for five months. And so I remember I stopped at the local All Subs. I bought a 22-ounce of Corona. I remember I popped the top right there in the parking lot and I took a big drink. So I left the All Subs and I drove down and here where I live, People cruise from one end of town to the other. And by the time I got to the other end of town, I was, I had already drank probably about three quarters of this 22-ounceer. And I and I and I was feeling a whole different way. And I started thinking, Man, Maybe now I can do a line or two and not fall back because I'm strong enough to do that now. I ended up getting kicked back out, Getting kicked out back on the streets about the very next day. As a matter of fact, I kept my mom's car overnight. I went on a mission and so I fell off track. I backslid. And ended up back in the streets. So the winter of 2007 was was treacherous here in northern New Mexico. They deemed northern New Mexico a state of emergency that year. It was so cold. PNM lines were busting so much snow, Record dropping snow. It was freezing and I was homeless that winter. And I remember feeling like I barely made it out of that winter alive. So in 2008, When winter was when winter was approaching, I remember thinking in my mind, There's no way I can survive another winter like that, Homeless again, Like there's no way. So in 2008, I heard about a pastor from Victory Outreach that moved into the Hernandez area, Which isn't too far from Española. And he was looking at starting a church. OK, Maybe they have a men's home. Maybe I could go talk to this pastor and maybe they'll let me into the men's home for the winter, Because if not, I don't know what it's going to be like. So I made my way to his house. He had just he was a week fresh into the area. It was him and his wife and his two kids. I went knocking at his door. I hitchhiked all the way to Hernandez. I showed up at his front door, Knocking at his door. He opened up the door and I introduced myself. I said, I'm looking for Pastor Raul. He says, I'm Pastor Raul. I said, Hi, My name is Ralph Martinez. And I was wondering if you have a men's home. And he said, A men's home. Why do you need a men's home? And so I proceeded to tell him my story. Right. I was homeless. I was addicted to him. I was looking to get clean, Trying to figure things out. I told him about the winter before and how I barely made it out or felt like I barely made it out. And so we had this long talk, Me and Pastor Raul. And at the end of the conversation, He told me, You know what, Ralph? He said, I'm me and Sister Alejandra and our two kids. We just moved here just just a little over a week ago, He said. And we don't we don't even have the church ready, You know, So we're not thinking of a men's home right now, He said. But they have a men's home in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And if you want to go to the men's home in Albuquerque, I will personally drive you there. He said, As a matter of fact, If you want to go right now, I'll take you. And I looked at him and I said, Well, I'm not ready to go right now, But maybe tomorrow. Right. And so he like he kind of laughed and and I knew what he was thinking. He's thinking, You know, This guy, He's full of it. And so I told him, I don't have anything. I don't have no clothes, No nothing. I said I do have some stuff around town because I had a whole bunch of different spots around town, Depending on where I was at that night. I had a little spot where I knew that was closed. So I had like a pair of pants here, A couple of shirts over there, Some socks over there at that other place. And so I told him I need to go gather up the little bit of things I do have, Because that's all I have. And he said, OK, Here's the deal. He said, If you're here at lunchtime, Ready to go, I will put I will personally take you and drop you off in Albuquerque. And I said, It sounds like a deal. We shook hands and it took off. Well, I spent that night gathering all my things from all my little spots that I had around town. The next day, I showed up at his house at 10 till 12, Knocking on his door. And he looked really surprised when I when he answered the door and saw me standing there. He looked really surprised. He invited me in and he introduced me to his wife and called his kids from the back, Estevan and Isaiah. And they were in elementary, Both of whom were real young. And then he he said he sat me down in the living room and his sister, Alejandra, Was there. He said, Ralph, Here's the deal. He said, Here's the deal. He said yesterday, Me and Sister Alejandra were sitting down talking. Sister Alejandra told me, Pastor, You need to open up the men's home. And I told Sister Alejandra, We can't because we don't even have the church open. And she told me, Well, If we can open up the men's home, Maybe we can find some guys to help us open up the church. And so we started going back and forth on what we should do first. Open up the church and then the men's home or open up the men's home and then the church. And I was I was pushing to open up the church first. And Sister Alejandra is saying, No, We need to do the men's home. So we're in discussion about that when you knock on the door. And so when I answered the door and you told me you're looking for the men's home, It blew my mind. He said, I'm not going to lie. It blew my mind. He said, I didn't mention nothing yesterday. But after you left, Sister Alejandra sat there with a smile on her face and said, I told you. I've been a community activist in my community for the past five years. I've been able to work with teams and through these teams that we've been we've been able to bring in over two point eight million dollars in the past four years for services and supplies for many different needs when it comes to seniors and it comes to youth. When it comes to education, A team and I put together the first ever homeless shelter here in Española. We worked on that. We started that in twenty nineteen November twenty nineteen. And since then, It's been a short but two and a half years in twenty nineteen. We got granted two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for operational funds through capital outlay to be able to operate the shelter in twenty twenty. We reapplied for that same two hundred and fifty thousand. But we asked for recurring funding so we don't have to apply every year. We got granted that two hundred and fifty thousand recurring funding for that that December in twenty twenty. We applied for some covid relief funds in the amount of three hundred and fifty thousand dollars to purchase an old motel next to where the shelters at to to utilize as transitional housing. And we got granted that. And so we have this transitional housing as well, Which I'm very blessed to see that we've seen an eighty five percent success rate come out of there. It's been phenomenal, Mind blowing. And we just got granted one point eight nine million dollars, One point eight six million dollars to purchase the property and building where the shelters at. So we're getting to make we're actually getting ready to make that purchase by the end of this coming week. And it's a big milestone for us, Really big milestone, Just being able to take what I've learned in life and give back in a way that is so fruitful that that it causes a positive momentum here in my community. You know, By this time, By twenty nineteen, I had already built up a network of I already built up a network, A really good network of different leaders throughout my community and throughout the state, As a matter of fact. And so I put together this text message and I just I told the story of what happened to me about getting to Wal-Mart, Getting down, Filling the cold weather, Getting my jacket, Where it took me back to some of the couple of things of what I had to do during that time to survive. And then I talked about what it was making me think of at the current moment and the resources and or lack of resources when it comes to individuals who are struggling in this manner. And I put this big old text message together. I included twenty eight different individuals. There was city leaders, There was county leaders, There was state leaders, There was faith based organizational leaders, There was nonprofit leaders, Everyone that I can think of. And I finished the text message about one fifteen in the morning and I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking to my head saying, Or do I wait until the morning I'm sitting there and I'm going back and forth with it in my mind. I'm like, OK, You know what, I'll just wait till the morning because it's 115 and then the more I tossed and turned and thought about it, I finally said, You know what, Forget it, Man. I'm hitting. I had to get it off my chest. I had to get it off my mind and off my chest. I hit send. I said, You know, Forget it. There it is. They'll have it in their inbox when they wake up in the morning. There it is. I can now go to sleep. Right. And so I did my part. I hit send. Less than five minutes later, I got a reply from an individual by the name of Roger Montoya. Roger Montoya is a current New Mexico representative district 40. He wasn't at the time. And so he responded and he said, Hey, Ralph, I would really love to talk to you about this. Can we meet up in the morning? So I replied and I said, Sure thing. Good night. I'll talk to you in the morning. And then so I fell asleep the next morning. I got a text message around six o'clock in the morning from an individual by the name of Christopher Madrid. Christopher Madrid at the time was the economic development director for Rio Arriba County, And he text me and said, Hey, Ralph, I would really love to talk to you a little bit more in depth. And so we made a plan to all meet up. We met up for lunch that day. Me, Roger and Chris. And we just started talking about ideas from there. We as three started visiting other homeless shelters in our area. We went up to Taos. We visited with the men's shelter. We went up to Santa Fe. We visited with St. Elizabeth's and their shelter. Pete's place. You know, I had been to shelters before, But I mean, I've been with shelter, But I didn't know what it took to open or much less even run a shelter from from an operation standpoint. Right. And so we just started putting the pieces of the puzzle together one day at a time. And and it just grew momentum into what it is now. I would truly say that me sitting here talking to you at this very moment is a miracle. Just given the lifestyle that I led and where I was at in life, The way I was choosing to to to live at the time. Like I said, I I OD'd on two different occasions during that time. I remember the first time that I overdosed, The first time I overdosed, I did it intentionally. I was I was I was depressed, Very, Very depressed. It was in late 2006. So it was I had already got kicked out of my home. That's when I lost my home. I lost my home in very early 2006. And then in mid 2006 or closer to mid 2006, I decided to go to rehab because I really was trying to figure out. Then I got back and then I backslid. Right. And then when I backslid, Man, It just really felt like like I had lost all hope. I remember being at this place next to next to the river and it was a place that not too many people ever really ever go to. And I remember I was crying. I was sitting underneath a tree and I was crying and I was crying and I was crying, Thinking about where I was at and what to do. You know, I decided to I decided to go to O. D. And I shot up some heroin a lot more than what I was used to. So I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. So I did that. And the next thing I know, I'm waking up in the back of an ambulance and there's a lady leaning over me. I see a bright light and I'm thinking my ears were ringing real loud. And I remember thinking, Where in the world am I? And she's like trying to talk to me, But I couldn't make out a word she was saying. I'm like looking at her like, What are you saying? And I'm like putting things in my mind together. I'm like, I think I'm in the back of an ambulance and I think that they just resuscitated me from from O. D. And then I went back out and then I woke up the second time I was in the hospital. That same EMT was still in my room and we talked. She said that she was glad that I made it. And I asked her what happened. And she told me that they got a call. They found me at the river underneath the tree. I asked her who called. And she said there was a gentleman that had found me. And I remember being so puzzled because I distinctively went to a place where people hardly, Hardly, Hardly ever go to to do that. I went there just for that. And so she told me the gentleman's name. And when she told me the gentleman's name, I knew who he was. I knew who he was. And he wasn't that he wasn't he wasn't a user, You know, And sort of kind of struck me by surprise. What was he doing there? You know, A lot of users would go and hide out over there because it was a place where nobody went. They can go do their thing in peace. So some time passed and I was finally able to see this this gentleman, This guy. And so I approached him and I asked him. He told me that he had given somebody a ride over there a few days before. And he realized that his phone was missing. He said, I couldn't find my phone. I'd been looking for my phone for a couple of days. And then I decided, Well, Maybe I dropped it over there. And so he went to that place to go see if he can find his phone. And he found me underneath the tree. And he said when he found me, I was unresponsive, That I was really purple, Purple, And that he tried to revive me. Couldn't. And so he called 911 and they were able to bring me back. That to me, I always like, Even when I think about it, I kind of smile and I shake my head because I feel like I look up and I say, OK, OK, God, I understand. I understand. I understand. So that's a wrap on Episode 68. Thanks for listening to Bite Sized Blessings. I'm so very grateful that you take the time. It's a labor of love. And while it is a lot of work, It's so worth it when I have the finished product. I'd like to take this chance for my listeners to ask a favor. If you have the time, It'd be so wonderful if you could leave a rating or write a review for the podcast. It helps others find us. And with that note, I'd like to also thank my guest, Ralph Martinez, For being so vulnerable and so open about his journey in life. I need to also thank the musicians whose work we used in this episode. Sasha End, Alexander Nakarada, Horst Hofmann, Music L-Files, And Edie P20. For complete attribution, Please go to the Bite Sized Blessings website at bite sized blessings dot com. On the website, You can find links to books, Artists, Change makers and music playlists. I think will lighten and brighten your day. Thank you for listening. And here's my one request. Be like Ralph. We all make mistakes, Some bigger than others. Either we can sit down and let those mistakes define us and do nothing about it. Or we can look at the mistakes we've made and use them to learn and build bigger and better lives for not only ourselves, But our community all around us. .