Episode Seventy-One: The Byte - Chaplain Kirt Hodges

In this shorter episode, Chaplain Kirt talks about that liminal space right before death and how the most sacred and miraculous moments are happening in your hospital all the time. He's at the sides of those who survive and those who don't, and each journey with each patient is precious.

Transcript

Welcome to episode 71 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

In this episode,

I get to interview a good friend,

Chaplain Kurt Hodges,

Who describes himself as a father and husband,

Mountain sports athlete and educator,

And who encounters the sacred through adventure as well as stillness.

Kurt and I got to have a profound discussion about his work at a hospital in Kentucky.

In Kurt's job,

He attends to those who are possibly having their very worst day.

Whether it's the patient who's in the hospital or the family members and friends who have come to visit,

Kurt is there for all of them.

Kurt has found a way to bring the sacred into every interaction he has.

I hope you find the special stories that he shared with me as touching and important as I do.

Those of you who have been listening to the podcast for a while know that I'm intrigued and enchanted by that liminal space before death.

In this interview,

Kurt shares some of his experiences around that liminal space.

And now,

Episode 71 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I just did what felt right and what felt right was to basically coach her through the experience of active dying.

Like,

Told her what a good job she was doing at different times while she was agonally breathing.

Like,

This is hard and you're doing great.

I hummed and sang to her,

Trying to just find comforting things that didn't necessarily have any specific religious overtones in any particular direction.

Because again,

I don't know her theology,

Her traditions.

And I described the setting sun and described the scene happening outside the window to her as she died.

And so,

The machines were withdrawn as the sun was just beginning to truly move into that colorful part of the sunset.

And just when it became dark was when her last breath happened and her last heartbeat.

Early,

Early in my chaplain education,

I was supporting a patient and family.

My patient had,

Was again a young person,

Young adult,

Young man who had been in a terrible car crash.

And at no point did I ever get to know my patient in that case in cognitive and rational way in this life,

Right?

We never talked because by the time I,

The reason I met him was because he was very,

Very sick.

There were,

I don't remember,

Maybe two weeks let's say of time from the time of his accident until the time that he actually died.

And I was very closely supporting his spouse and family through that time.

And there was a day,

I mentioned this was young,

Early in my time as a chaplain I was still in education.

I was an intern actually at the time.

And so,

I had education days where I was in classes.

I had this and that going on.

I wasn't just working at bedside.

I finished a day of classroom stuff and was like,

You know what,

I'm going to go around on some of the patients that I'm following long term today.

I didn't have a plan to do that,

But I just on a whim was like,

I don't have anywhere I need to be this afternoon.

I'm going to go ahead and do some round day.

I went to his room and that was the day he died.

And if you had asked me the day before that,

Do you,

What are your beliefs around a dying person waiting for someone before they got,

Before they let go and before they die?

I might have given you a really long answer,

Probably would have given you a long answer,

Let's be honest.

And talk about all the different thoughts and influences on where I might find on that.

And in that moment,

All of that rationalizing fell away.

Because in that moment,

I had developed a close care relationship,

Professional relationship with his spouse.

And it was just his spouse and me with him at the moment that he took his last breath and the last exhale that his body ever took.

He,

His head turned and his eyes rolled open and he looked right into my eyes in his last breath.

Did I cognitively believe that he waited for me to be there with his spouse?

And the moment that he let go?

I don't know,

But it's what I experienced.

It's what I experienced happened.

I was on the pager for the hospital.

So whatever was happening that was critical,

If they called the chaplain,

I was the one that was going to pick up.

It was in one of those moments,

I got a call about an older woman who,

Again,

This was a terminal extubation.

She was totally alone.

And all I got from the situation,

I had no history with her.

She was not responsive.

When I met her that day,

Just got told like,

Hey,

And I could see that the staff was distressed too,

Because they're like,

We can't do anything more to keep her alive.

The best thing we can do is compassionately extubate.

We expect that she'll die pretty quickly.

She has one living relative and that person is in a different state.

They're not able to be here.

So she's going to die alone.

Will you come?

And I was like,

Well,

Of course,

I'll be right there.

And it was my experience of her death was so beautiful.

I got called up to her bedside shortly before sunset on a sunny day in a room that had windows facing to the west that was up kind of high in the building.

And I got there and the TV was on and the room just felt very sterile and clinical.

And I knew nothing about this woman and her spirituality.

And so I said,

Well,

I'm going to make this as comfortable as I can.

And so when I was there,

The machines were already taken away.

It was just her there.

And I went and I turned off the TV and I opened the blinds and I got to where we could just see out the window.

And I just did what felt right.

And what felt right was to basically coach her through the experience of active dying.

Like,

Told her what a good job she was doing at different times while she was agonizing,

Breathing like this is hard and you're doing great.

I hummed and sang to her trying to just find comforting things that didn't necessarily have any specific religious overtones in any particular direction.

Because again,

I don't know her theology,

Her traditions.

And I described the setting sun and described the scene happening outside the window to her as she died.

And so the machines were withdrawn as the sun was just beginning to truly move into that colorful part of the sunset.

And just when it became dark was when her last breath happened and her last heartbeat.

And I just stuck with her and held her hand throughout that process,

Singing,

Describing the sunset,

And just being a connection point between life and death.

Standing,

Literally standing in the gap in the bridge and saying,

Here's the beauty of life as you go through the beauty of death.

I hope it's a beautiful death.

My experience of her death was beautiful.

I hope hers was too.

So thank you for listening to episode 71 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I wish you could have seen me make this episode this week.

In between my throat being sore from all the smoke that's in the air from the wildfires,

While I was trying to record this,

There are two giant flies in the room.

After a while spent jumping around and trying to catch them,

I finally gave up.

So I'm considering those flies as guest speakers.

So if you hear them,

That's what's going on.

I need to thank my guest,

My very good friend,

Chaplain Kurt Hodges,

For sharing all of his precious stories with me.

I also need to thank the creators of the music used,

Sasha End and Music L-Files.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to change makers,

Artists,

Music.

Also a link to the clip from that film,

American Beauty,

As well as other items discussed in this podcast.

You can find all of that on the treasures page of the website.

All that groovy stuff is sure to lighten and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening,

And here's my one request.

Be like Kurt.

But you don't have to be a chaplain.

Every single day,

You're surrounded by people who are in need of something,

Whether it's a compliment,

A listening ear,

A cup of coffee,

Or help carrying their groceries to their car.

Be of service.

Find the sacred in the mundane,

In the adventure,

In the stillness.

So be like Kurt.

Be groovy.

Reviews

Wonderful as a chaplain in training and after CPE I had experiences like he shared so beautiful many bows